Tuesday, August 31, 2010

He Said She Said: Children and Media

Two of our contributors are asked to take opposing stances on an issue and present a case for their viewpoint. Comment and tell us who you agree with or what you believe or think! The topics are suppose to elicit a response and start a conversation in comments. Enjoy!

TOPIC: Children and Media

Shelle Edit Disclaimer ;) -- The opinions expressed here are the views of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the Real World Venus vs. Mars site.

She Said:

I'm kind of strict when it come to my kids and their exposure to movies and television. When my oldest daughter was about three years old, my ex and I cut the cable and sold our t.v. We went hard core. No more television for us. Neither one of us owns a tv now that we're apart.

Of course, my girls still got to watch DVDs (of our choosing) on the computer, but we were very strict and limited it to no more than an hour a day.  Now that they're 5 and 7, I will show them tv episdoes of things like Spongebob and other age-appropriate programs. We will often have "movie night" when it's our Friday night together. |I will admit that they do love going to their grandmother's house to visit. She has a sattelite dish and I loosen up my "tv regulations" a fair bit. After all - it's a special thing they only get to do a few times a year. But honestly? I don't like it so much.

Something I don't compromise on, though, is when it comes to the age-appropriateness of the shows they watch. When I was a kid, my mom allowed me to watch whatever she was watching. I remember being glued to the tv, watching soap operas long before I ever attended school. Sure these programs are on in the middle of the day, but still, they're certainly not appropriate for children. I grew up play-acting some very adult situations - and I blame the evil, evil soaps. I also remember being exposed to some horrific things on the evening news, as well. Things that no child really needs to know about.

I think that there are age recommendations for movies and tv shows for a reason. There's no point in exposing children to images and themes that are over their heads, even if there's nothing "harmful" about them. There wasn't anything particularly harmful about me watching Another World when I was 4 years old...except that it gave me a totally warped view of men, relationships, the roles of women...the list goes on.

I remember once watching a movie with my parents when I young...under 10, I'm sure...about children being molested and murdered. Um...yeah. I'm pretty sure that my parents didn't realize what the movie was about when we started watching it (it was one of those early 80s made-for-tv movies). I continued to have the occasional nightmare about that movie until I was well into adulthood. Thanks, Mom.

Children are impressionable. The things they watch get lodged into their little subconscious brains and who knows exactly how they are processed. I don't want my girls seeing women using their sexuality as weapons, or violent images on the evening news. I'm a big believer in simply allowing kids to be kids, and part of my role as their parent is to protect them from things that might not be quite ready for yet. Am I sheltering them? Possibly. But no child was ever psychologically damaged from the movies and tv programs that they didn't get to watch.

He Said:

I'm very protective of my kids and what they watch. Of course, I'm also a "dude"...and there may be some things that I may find appropriate to my kids that others will not.

My son turns four this week. He normally watches cartoons like Up (or pretty much ANYTHING by Pixar), Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (I find there are increasingly more non-Pixar movies out there that are really good), or even something like Star Wars: Clone Wars as I believe they are acceptable movies for a toddler his age. And the great thing about these movies are that not only are they entertaining for the child to watch, but there may be parts that make them question the parent (Why is somebody sad? Are those robots the bad guys? What is going on?) and it’s fun to have conversation stimulated BY your child.

Now, he's also watching a lot of non-cartoon movies recently. I try to be a lot more careful with these but he’s watching everything from Star Wars to G-Force. Now I know that there can be some scary scenes… but my feeling was that he was young enough to not quite understand what was going on. Rather, he was just spellbound by the lights and sounds and aliens and talking gerbils. He’s at the point now where I think I can explain certain things to him if he feels the need to question (there were a LOT of questions in Shark Boy & Lava Girl, but he just loves that movie to death).

My daughter is 11 going on 21. On a recent visit (she lives with her mom in another province), she wanted me to get her A Nightmare on Elm Street to watch. I told her that there was no way in hell that I was going to let her watch that. She told me that her mom doesn’t care what she watches. I tried telling her that I DO. I’m sure she’ll watch it now that she’s back home, and I may look like the “meaner” (her word) for not letting her watch it with me, but as a parent I feel it’s my responsibility to make that decision and control what my children watch.

I hate people complaining about the appropriateness of movies and television. I hate people that blame the media for kids watching things that are inappropriate for them. There are enough resources out there (like this one) where other parents can weigh-in and then you, as the parent, can make the decision for yourself.

Parents NEED to take responsibility for what their children watch. Period.

So what do you guys think? How influential are movies with kids? How much should a parent restrict their kids? Does the relationships in movies affect how kids perceive what relationships should be like?


Monday, August 30, 2010

Meet MEEKO! Do you have questions for him?

NOTE: Real World was down this week because of some minor technical difficulties. But luckily blogger makes it easy for those of us who are kinda drama to get things back up and running. Sorry, hope you all had a good weekend!

Shelle Note: First of all, Meeko is so awesome.  I found out about him through a kind of online game show we both did earlier this year.  He was one tough competitor and basically I rode his coattails, then like the competitive person I am, I snaked him at the end.  Obviously he is a forgiving guy.  I'm so happy to have him here and have him introduce himself in only a way that he can.  

Greetings!  :)

I am a 28 year old gay male.  In September, my boyfriend, fiance, partner, husband (not legally), best friend (although I won't tell
him that), love of my life (are you getting the picture here? LoL) will have been together for five years!  It hasn't been an easy five years.  There have been tears, their have been smiles, their have been good times and bad, losses and new beginnings, but we've stuck together through thick and thin.  I wouldn't trade it in for anything in the world.

We're like any regular couple you may know, with one exception: We're both men.  We have plans, hopes, goals, and dreams for our future.  We want to have a family.  We want to grow old together.  We want to love each other.  We want to be happy.  But enough about that for now . . .

I don't like when my friends introduce me as, "This is
Meeko . . . He's gay."  I mean, I don't go around saying, "This is [insert name here] . . . He/She is straight."  Where am I going with this?  You see, being gay is only one part of who I am as a person.  There is so much more to me than my sexual preference.  I'm a son, brother, uncle, friend.  I love to cook, read, write, blog, work on my crafts, spend time with my pets.

I guess my main goal/purpose as a contributor here is to be a liaison, of sorts.  I know sometimes people have impressions or ideas of a group of people as a whole . . . And I would like to help dispel the ideas/prejudices/stereotypes that come with being gay.

Is there anything you have ever wanted to ask a gay person?

Have you ever had a question you wanted an answer to, but were too shy to ask?

Here's your chance.  :)

Friday, August 27, 2010

Meet The Blogger: Shelle

Meet The Blogger

Name: Shelle Blok

Age: 31

Kids #, age & sex: Two Kids.  DCar who is male and 8 yrs old, and PeePs who is female and 5 years old.

Marital status: Married for 10 years.

1. How many years in your current relationship: 12 years.

2. Have you ever been divorced?: No

***If so how many times?:

What do you do for work: I work for an airline as a Aircraft Routing Specialist and I do photography on the side, but I don't count that because I WUV it. :)

Education: Let's see... I finished High School.  Went to two years at the community college where I live, and then Graduated at Brigham Young University with my Bachelor's in Marriage, Family, and Human Development.  With a Minor in kissing boys. ;)

Blogs you contribute to: Well this one. Obviously.  And my very own personal blog over at BlokThoughtsnmore.

Religion: LDS, or Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or Mormon as others not of the religion generally refer to it as.

Political affiliation: Well if I must choose, then I lean to Republican.  But I go with the candidate that is closest to what I believe, and could actually win, and vote that way... because I don't want to waste my vote.

Basic philosophical leanings (liberal, conservative, confused): I'd say conservative.

What is your motto in life?: It changes with my mood.  Like sometimes it's "Get out of my way or I'll throat punch you!" or "Life is like a box of chocolates... ".  Ya know.  Changes with my mood.  But I'd say one of my most favorite quotes is this, "Don't give up what you want most, for what you think you want now."--because it applies to so many facets of life.

Who has had the most influence in your life?: I'd say my Mom.  Seriously.  She's threaded in some way into everything of my life.  I'm told I even look like her when she was young.  She's my best friend and one of my greatest confidante's.  But then again... my sisters have influenced so much and my brother's have played their part... and I wouldn't have some of my best characteristic traits if it wasn't for my father... nor my legs.  So I'd have to make that wider and say my family???

Why did you start Blogging? To put something up for family to see and friends on what we were doing.  We had just recently made a big move and left a lot of friends and loved ones.  So we wanted a place they could come to, to catch up.

But then I had some co-workers tell me I talked to much... I didn't like that at all, and I wrote about it... and some random people started commenting on it.  And the validation was addicting.  And like a train wreck I continue to write my thoughts down.

*What is the most favorite post you have written on any blog you contribute to?: I'm my worst critic every about anything I write. But I started to write a series of short stories that were all connected to make a whole story.  I only published two... though the story has continued.  My need to keep changing them stopped me from continuing to publish them... but I like them because it is imperfect and yet, that is me and it's authentic? What I Imagine Heaven Would Be... or I did THIS one which is a play on a meme I did, because I kinda don't like MeMe's and this particular person put my name down for one just to spite me, so I made it interesting (Which means I was totally sarcastic).

I decided to do the last two questions Via Vlog to switch it up a bit:  I do a sexy trick with my mouth so don't miss it... :)

I mention Ken (sorry Ken I don't remember your blog! oops. But I know you love facebook!) and PapaK in the blog (HERE is the post I was talking about)... it's only fair that I link up! :)

Hope you all have a good weekend!!!



Thursday, August 26, 2010

IS there a ONE and ONLY?


Image taken from HERE
I am a 59 year old woman, married ------three times.

It was never my intention to be married three times. I was always a believer in Happy Ever After. I was an optomistic Pollyanna. Marriage turned out to be a journey for me. I have come full circle.

At present, I am married to my First Love. The one I met 41 years ago, lost my virginity to. I was 17 and he was almost 21. He wanted to marry me, proposed when I was 18, but because of religious differences my parents strongly objected. STRONGLY. I was not particularily the rebellious type, couldn't fight that battle, so we ended up seperating.

I went away to school, found someone who I thought "fit the bill" of what my parents wanted for me and I tried to convince myself that it was right. We were engaged 2 months after having met and married 2 months after that. I really didn't even KNOW the guy. On our wedding day, just before those vulnerable moments before saying "I Do", I was sick inside. I knew I was not in love.

I was in love with WANTING to BE in love again.

During the first 4 years of our marriage, I contacted my First Love (who for the rest of this post I will refer to as F.L.). He wanted me back, but I still wasn't ready for THAT challenge. I already had a child, was still trying to hang on to the possibility of Happy Ever After. I was afraid. So, we said goodbye....again.

I stayed married to #1 for 22 years and had 5 children who I wouldn't trade for the world. It wasn't that he was particularily a bad husband. I just could not for the life of me, find a way to Fall In Love with him. I prayed: "Please Lord, help me fall in love with my husband."

I knew as the children got older that I was becoming more miserable. I did not want to be alone with him. Felt empty. To wind things up a little here, I asked for a divorce. It was painful. It was ugly. It was a collapse of my Happy Ever After.

I had met someone else. I felt connected. I felt again that rush of being in love. I really wanted him. This man was 15 years younger then me. (there are pressures to being married to someone that much younger,.....another post perhaps)

We dated for two years before getting married. He had never been married before and it was only about a year into the marriage he had reservations if it would work, and considered leaving me. He was a little overwhelmed by my Big Family. But we made it through 13 years together. I was happy.

Then out of the blue, from nowhere, my F.L. found me, contacted me. He was able to do that because after my first divorce, I kept my maiden name. I remember thinking, What is going on here. After all this time, Is it possible NOW we are actually able to be together, or is this just some sick joke God is playing on me. Now I know God doesn't play sick jokes on people folks, but that is kinda what I was thinking. It was that traumatic.

All those feelings, loss and wanting of 41 years ago came flooding back. When he first emailed me, my body went literally numb. The next few months were hell. I still loved #2, but was consumed with the possibility that I could be back with F.L.

I went to see a therapist. I needed a clear head.

Now I have to tell you that F.L.'s journey had been much the same as mine. He married a girl older then him......she already had children. They had none together. It ended badly. He had several other relationships over the years and swore he'd never marry again. He said he was never able to find what he and I had all those years ago. He tried, but couldn't find it.

I ended up telling #2 about all of this. He told me to go and meet F.L. and see how we felt about each other. He didn't want to live in someone elses shadow and have me think over the years "I wonder, what if, I should have".

He quoted to me that old saying "If you love someone set them free, if they come back to you, it was meant to be."

But I didn't....come back. A year ago June I flew up to Canada to meet F.L. We both still felt strongly towards each other. We cried. We felt like maybe NOW, fate was in our corner. We could be together.

I went home and told #2 my decision. We cried.

So here I am, in the last stages of my life, back with the man where it all began. A destiny fulfilled??

It has not been easy. There is still pain. In fact, I will always love #2, but there was something so deep within me I was compelled to make that hard decision.

So here is my question for you. IS THERE A ONE AND ONLY?

I saw on a tv show awhile ago where they were talking about re-connections, first loves, that sort of thing. They referred to it as a type of Imprinting having taken place.

It raises the question, do we have a soul mate? F.L. told me he felt within himself he could only love once, and that love had been me. He was never able to really duplicate it.

If God or some Mythical Marriage Magi were to give me another chance.....another opportunity for a choice. You may pick either #1, #2 or #3......you get one more chance.

I would pick #3......F.L. I am still going through stages of emotionally releasing myself from #2.

I believe there are different depths of love.

Is everything perfect. No. But we are blissfully in love. I think I did have a ONE AND ONLY.

What do you think? Do you believe there is just a one and only for everyone? Tell us your opinion.


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

We look forward to the summer as a couple.

Shelle Edit: I have known MaeRae for just a short while, but what I love about her writing is you can tell that her family works.  I mean her relationship with her husband and her boys, it all just works.  I love reading about her time with them, for me it is intriguing.  I feel like I'm sitting on a couch listening to her tell me a story when I read her blog and I like that. Here is part of her profile, which backs up what I am saying, "I am a spoiled, but not rotten, mother of three boys and wife to the greatest guy ever."  She has posts to back that sentence up! :)  Go check out her blog after you read what she has to say here. Thank MaeRae... I love how open you are with the topic!

What's one thing you and your spouse look forward to in the summer? Do you have something that you guys just do to get time together that you can't do in the winter or other seasons?

I am not the usual woman that you read about or know.  I was raised in a large family of boys and am not afraid of those things that most woman are.  In fact, I do things that most women would NEVER.  One of those things is spend the summer in the woods with no hot water, internet or cable.  I have husband and three boys and am not afraid to kill spiders or take a fish off the hook.  The other thing that I am not afraid of telling people is that I like sex and don’t get enough of it.  Have you ever heard a woman complain about this?

Backing up a few years, my husband had been diagnosed with possible testicular cancer.  They only way to determine if it is definitely cancer is to remove the testicle and biopsy the mass. Thank the Lord above that it was not and he is healthy.  However, it was a mass of testosterone producing cells producing more testosterone cells.  My husband had a libido that was even with mine.  We would have sex at least twice a week.

Since the removal of the testicle three years ago, his drive has become very limited.  I am lucky to be able to get him twice a month now.  I have been told it is not so much drive but fatigue.  I guess this one of the side effects but it still affects the everyday aspects of life when you cannot stay up past 7 pm.

Back to now, summer has a different effect on my husband.  Maybe it is the fresh air, maybe it is extra adrenaline or maybe it is NATURE in general.  My husband has more energy.  My husband is up later at night and wanting to do some much more than any other time of the year.

During the summer months we steal away time.  With three boys in a 450 square foot cabin it is hard to find alone time, but in the summer we make it a point to.  It may be a trip out on the pond in the canoe and a quick trip to the shore where there is no foot traffic.  It may be stealing a swim late at night with no clothes on. It may be an early morning rise because the birds are right outside the window waking and telling us it is time.

During the summer, my husband and I are in much closer quarters and this is something that we enjoy ever year.  Me, I am much more relaxed, I think it is the increase in sex.  He, it is a feeling alive and back to the way he was before.  Whatever the reason, we look forward to the summer.  We look forward to the together time again.

Is there a season that you and your spouse feel you connect closer in?  Being open, is sex a contributing factor to that feeling of closeness?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

He Said She Said: Gay Marriage

Two of our contributors are asked to take opposing stances on an issue and present a case for their viewpoint. Comment and tell us who you agree with or what you believe or think! The topics are suppose to elicit a response and start a conversation in comments. Enjoy!

TOPIC: Gay Marriage

Shelle Edit Disclaimer ;) -- The opinions expressed here are the views of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the Real World Venus vs. Mars site.

He Said...

Well once again we have a He Said She Said with Gucci and me. This time it is gay marriage. Now again I will put my basic political and life philosophy out there for all to read. I believe that if it doesn't cost me (personally or as a tax payer) money, it doesn't harm children and it doesn't take away rights then I don't much care what people do. So my stance is clear; this includes gay marriage.

Now if it will cost me money, if my taxes increase, my insurance premiums increase (Like the IDIOT democrats haven't already screwed that pooch) then I am definitely against it. Now don't get me wrong I am not marching in the street for it (or against it). I am not so simple minded that I would vote for politicians that champion it (or are against it) to the detriment of the whole nation either, which many simpletons do. Someone who would do that is a total drain on society at large and pretty much a sorry excuse for a human being, in my net gain voter opinion. It is basically a non issue to me. Also let me say if straight marriage costs me money I am against it too!

So here is my stance. I don't give a dang if a man marries a woman, a man, a goat, a football, seven women, a dwarf, someone outside his race, his religion, a midget, a crack head, a democrat or a space alien, or any combination of those. If it doesn't cost me money, hurt kids, or take away rights then go get 'em.

Note****** the outcome is EXACTLY the same if you are forced between marrying the goat and the d....... oh never mind, everyone knows that already.

Sage <--N always SFW

She Said...

It's pretty clear that this is a highly divisive topic, but it is my hope that we can discuss it without descending into accusations of "hate" and "ignorance" which are ridiculous and do nothing to advance the discussion.

Like Sage, it doesn't matter to me one way or another who someone loves, sleeps with, or marries as long as all parties are consenting adults.  It's not a financial issue, it's not a moral issue, and it's not a lifestyle issue.  It's an issue of whether "rights" are being denied a special interest group, in this case gays and lesbians.

The short answer is, no.  Rights are not being denied gays and lesbians.  Gays and lesbians have the exact same rights as every other American.  The "right" to marry (and whether marriage is a right at all is certainly debatable, but not the focus of today's discussion) is one that is legally restricted for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation.  Every American has the ability to marry an adult of the opposite sex as long as that person is a consenting non family member.  The "right" to marry is already equal for everyone.  We run into trouble when we start creating rights for certain factions of society, and the issue of gay marriage is absolutely a "created right".

Still, it's not the issue of gay marriage itself that bothers me.  I'll say again, I'm not against the idea of gay marriage.  I'm not for it either; I'm actually neutral when it comes to the issue itself.  I see it as an issue of states rights.  Put it to a popular vote in individual states and let the people have their say.  Of course, the problem we run into when the people are allowed a voice is that when the minority in power doesn't like the voice of the majority it wants to rule, the minority then gets fancy in the courts and forces the majority to swallow a very bitter pill.  We saw this in California recently when Prop 8 was overturned by an activist court.  The people of California overwhelmingly voted in favor of legally defining traditional marriage but unfortunately, liberals are only interested in the will of the people when it coincides with their agenda.  Which is rare.  So then we have this unfortunate practice of legislating from the bench and circumventing the democratic process. 

Leave it to the states; let the people speak.  And when they do, regardless of which way the vote swings, government must be allowed to work the way it was designed - for the people and by the people - because when minority opinion is forced upon the majority by activist judges  in blatant defiance of the will of the people, well, we are on a very slippery slope indeed.

Gucci Mama

Monday, August 23, 2010

What my parents taught me...

Shelle Edit:  Glamazon has an incredible talent.  She has 4 kids, the last 3 are all within 2 and 1/2 years of each other... which brings for great blogging material and incredibly witty and sarcastic posts. You have to go read her!  Well after you read this post. :)

Once, long ago, I was an 18-year-old who knew it all. I remember sitting outside on the front porch with my parents one summer evening and telling them, "My marriage will be nothing like yours." The words weren't spoken out of anger, it was simply a fact. I had fallen for the fairy tale stories hook, line, and sinker. My parents never held hands. They weren't affectionate. When I asked my mom how she knew my dad was the one, she answered, "I'm not sure I ever did. I just made a decision and it worked out for us." What? No moment of certainty gazing into each other's eyes? No fireworks? In my mind marriage was a journey with a best friend, someone you couldn't get enough of, basically fifty years of one endless perfect date.

The husband and I will celebrate our eighth wedding anniversary this December, and I am much older and wiser about the subject of marriage. Although I adore my hubby most days, we both have days where we don't like each other much. It's hard to hold hands when they are full of babies, and that endless perfect date has turned into sleepless nights, diapers, and trying to build toward a common goal. My parents were right-marriage is a lot of day-to-day work, practicality, and basically just getting through it. There are magical moments that make it all worth it, but they can be few and far between.

My parents relationship taught me lessons I never thought I would need: how to work hard, stay together, and just do your best. It might sound harsh, but sometimes reality is a well-needed lesson.

When the kids are in bed, we watch TV together and hold hands. I'm still a bit of a romantic, but now, twelve years later, I would tell my parents, "I'd be pretty lucky if my marriage turns out like yours."

Is there anything in your parents relationship that you learned... good or bad?

Friday, August 20, 2010

Men and the Media... are they treated fairly?

ManOfTheHouse and I have discussed this one a lot.  When we were dating I had a little sign on my wall that said “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” – this offended him.  I got a little tiny bike and put it in my fish tank.

The media can make fun of men… for being fat, stupid, man-whores, or whatever…   just watch any episode of your favorite sitcom and see for yourself.  The media doesn’t seem to be able to get away with the same kind of teasing of women.   It doesn’t go over well with NOW or the suffragettes or something. 
My problem?  I laugh hysterically when Raymond does something stupid and Debra gives him crap about it.  It’s funny…  you know what?  ManOfTheHouse laughs too… and then we have to question WHY we’re laughing, whether or not I think all men are stupid (of course not… those writers are BRILLIANT!) or dorky like they are portrayed.  We've discussed it ad infinitum...  I am not a man-hater just because I laugh am I?
Let's review some evidence shall we?
 c'mon, I only managed to sit through 3 minutes of this show and I wanted to shoot him...  the wife - not winning any awards for her brains but in comparison - give the woman the nobel peace prize!
 okay - so the men practically wore their feet to the bone and even invented a flying machine once... but the women always snickered behind their backs about how they'd gotten what they wanted...  hmmm... maybe this was just the pre-cursor to the "using sex as a tool" post?
 Couldn't stand each other, couldn't seem to let go of each other...  holy CRAP man, you're a psychiatrist, lay down on that couch and figure out that she's poison for you! 
 okay - so she was a little dumb...  but who always ended up looking stupid?  who always ended up apologizing to a girl who lived in a bottle? 
 never mind... bad example...  Ricky ended up looking like a saint usually... but MAN was he played like a fiddle (or like a bongo drum?) by that redhead...
oh... don't get me started - it was just annoying...  at least they both came off looking dumb usually...
ugh.  just ugh.
okay - neither of these couples makes any sense to me... but I laugh myself silly EVERY time I see the episode where the suitcase stays on the stairs for weeks...  or the one where he buys the wrong hose and the wrong napkins (Debra's just a little picky you say?) and ends up burning down the kitchen.  Yep, he'll always look worse than her.
Homer is the epitome of an oaf...  and Marge seems like a smart lady... well, aside from her choice of spouse and hairstyles...
Okay - they're both educated, intelligent people right???  So how is it that Cliff always ends up being the one manipulated by his wife and children... he ends up looking like an idiot despite his ability to get through medical school.
 maybe not an official "couple" - but still, who looked stupid?  every. single. day.  Why?  Because the audience (98.967% female) ate it up!  (and yes, I did just make up that statistic.

While trolling the internet for images I noticed that a few of them were accompanied by articles about how these men "married up" - apparently that is a good thing for men... what's the term for that if it's a woman "marrying up"...  yeah - gold diggers

In the end - yes it bugs me... and yes, I wish there was a little more fairness in the world... but only if that fairness were sprinkled with drop dead hilarity.

Will I write a letter to my congressman or the head of CBS/NBC and ABC?Probably not… I just don’t think it’s that huge a deal… Will I defend men staunchly? You bet – I happen to think men are pretty awesome… I married one after all!

Do men and women see things differently - ummm... well, I think the very existence (and popularity) of this blog proves that!  Luckily ManOfTheHouse and I can enjoy a funny television show together without coming to blows... because chick flicks are out (neither of us find them all that compelling) and  I can’t bring myself to watch 007 movies – I saw one, once… and just couldn’t stomach the fact that the woman was an object of sexual desire and not much else...  I AM a woman however, I hear these have a lot more appeal is you’re sporting the right combination of chromosomes… Can you even imagine for a second if a movie were made and the guy was some brainless idiot that just got carted along for the slow screen shots of their pecs bouncing up and down as they ran after their female companion who was saving their sorry behind every step of the way?    Yeah… wouldn’t sell in an action movie!  I guess guys get their genre (action... and maybe the news) and women get the rest of media to poke fun at them.

So, whaddya think?  Does the media slam on men more than necessary?  More than it slams on women?

and... do you laugh anyway?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Better Left Unsaid

Arguing is my full-time job. We call it our "craft" and hone our abilities to a finely sharpened sword. I can chest thump and posture as well as any male attorney - and often have to do it louder and harder to overcome my long hair, breasts and lack of male genitalia.

It's a challenge to turn that side of my personality off. Harder still is that hubby is also a litigator. And when two people who get paid to argue turn those skills on each other, watch out!

My horoscope yesterday said that I need to work on finding a sensor between what I think and what I say. Well...no kidding! There's no greater place I need to fight for that sensor button than in my relationship.

With little things, it's no problem. Like when I gave our son a cupcake for breakfast yesterday morning as a reward for his using the potty. Before I knew it, my finger was at my lips, "Shhh...this will be our little secret, honey. Daddy doesn't need to know you ate frosting for breakfast."

For a long time, I also didn't tell hubby about my blog. I wasn't hiding it from him, per se. It never came up in conversation and I liked having my own little slice of cyberspace where I could write ANYTHING I wanted. I didn't want to have to censor myself because family could be lurking out there reading my stuff, giving me free reign to bitch about hubby or my in-laws if the mood struck.

Larger things are tougher to keep in. I'm not talking the "honey, I went out and dropped a grand on things we don't need while we're supposed to be saving for a house" stuff. Or "whoops! I bounced the mortgage payment this month."

I'm also not talking about little white lies. When I was pregnant and big as a house, I'm glad he said I was beautiful. He could have told me (accurately) that I looked rather...bovine. I return the favor by not pointing out that his tie clashes with his shirt and he shouldn't be wearing his brown shoes with the black pants on a day he took extra care with his appearance.

I mean things like "I hate your mother."

Those words never should have escaped my lips. Come to think of it, neither should "If you think that woman is going to be alone with our son ever again, it'll be over my dead body."

The gory details which led up to those statements don't really matter and I make no apologies for feeling that way. I still maintain that I was right and she was dead wrong. Despite that, I could have handled the situation better and didn't need to make a public spectacle of things.

But the part I feel badly about is that he didn't have to know. As pissed off as I was, hubby could have remained blissfully ignorant - or willfully blind. He didn't have to be made to feel like he had to choose between his wife and mother.

I probably deserved it when he told me if I couldn't get over his mom being in our son's life it was over. Did he mean it? I don't really want to find out. I kind of wish he kept THAT one to himself.

Should there be open communication in a marriage? Absolutely! Should you tell your spouse every little thing? I say HELL NO!

Think about it. Do you really want to know all the dark thoughts lurking in the recesses of your partner's head?

I sure don't. What I don't know, can't hurt me...

Jaime  --Has also posted for us HERE

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I believe Sex can be used as a tool

Shelle Edited:  First of all... I still need more pictures of you guys and your awesome relationships!!!  If you don't know what I'm talking about click HERE.

Secondly, Chris is no stranger here... he wrote about his bout with depression right HERE.  But I still wanted to put in this edit, because he did a VLOG the other day, and well, he did some interpretive dance, and I think everyone should see it.  It's a 5 star must see.  Just make sure you don't have any liquids in your mouth before hand... Just sayin.

I was aimlessly perusing the blogosphere a few short weeks ago, trying to drum up something to write about. Since I’m not dedicated to any one particular subject, I scrolled through my list of blogs ranging on subjects from fatherhood to baseball to Kim Kardashian to movies to the highly addictive hobby of scab collecting. I came across this blog, the only one I visit regarding relationships, and was struck with excitement as Shelle was looking for contributing writers on a number of different subjects.

Since I look for as many legitimate opportunities I can to talk about sex and boobs (particularly my wife’s), I zeroed in on this subject.

By no means am I a “relationship expert” but I am a typical man full of testosterone and ready to drop everything (meaning my pants) at any moment, in any situation if it means I might be getting lucky.

So… without further adieu…

While I wish I was writing this about how, “I believe sex can be used as a tool to get what I want out of a relationship”, I’m going to be writing from the perspective of how it “can be used as a tool to get what she wants out of a relationship!”

I say this because I (and most men) cannot use sex to my advantage... that is, unless you’re Ryan Reynolds (lucky six-pack bastard). It just doesn’t work:

Me: Hey babe, can you pick me up a Red Bull on your way home from the grocery store?

My Wife: Well… I’m in a real big hurry and I don’t think I’m going to have time. I’m sorry.

Me: Okay… well… what if I let you touch my butt for a good five seconds?

My Wife: Uh… what?

Now let’s see what happens with the role reversed:

My Wife: Honey, I know we’re in the middle of a giant electrical thunderstorm but will you fix the lighting rod on top of the roof?

Me: Are you crazy? No! I could get electrocuted!

My Wife: If you go do it right now… I’ll have my naughty cop outfit on for you when you get in!

Me: Where’s my rain jacket?

Perhaps I’m wrong, but I’d be hard-pressed to think that most relationships have the “horny-male, not-as-horny-female” dynamic. From the time a guy turns thirteen, sex runs through his brain about every millisecond!

So… if you’re a woman, here’s an idea: exploit our weakness.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with using what you have to get what you want.

Now… I’m not promoting the idea of turning a relationship into a barter system 24/7 but I am saying if you want MORE of the little things done around the house (i.e. dishes, laundry, fixing the squeaky door) then they WILL get done by feeding a man’s sexual appetite.

I don’t know that I’m the only one that’s particularly privy to this information… all women are pretty familiar that a man’s brain pretty much revolves around sex all the time (and when I say “sex” I don’t just mean “the act of it”… but everything pertaining to it as well). But not many of you realize the shamelessness of using it to your advantage! Us men will shamelessly “cash that check” whenever given the opportunity!

So, if you can think of something creative… I think he’ll hang his clean laundry or take out the trash just a little bit faster than he did last week.

Papa K.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I have breast cancer...

Shelle Edit: "This is a blog by a woman in her 50's who is finally on the crooked path to find who she truly is. Married at 19 and divorced at 53. I am going to unearth the artist, the cynic, the free spirit that has been long buried. Or die trying. I've left Bethlehem and I feel free... I've left the girl I was supposed to be and some day I'll be born. ~Paula Cole"--This is how she describes herself on her profile... this was my first time to her blog... it's warned as NSFW (Not Safe For Work) but I guess I didn't scroll down enough to understand why she has that warning. What I know of Nitebyrd is she is incredibly compassionate and kind.  She also is passionate about things and how can I not love someone that has this quote at the end of every email, "I want to live my life in such a way that when my feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh! Shit! She's awake!"

I have breast cancer.

My daughter said those words and my heart stopped.

My hope was that 2006 would be better than the previous year. During that year, my husband (now, ex-husband) left a job almost 20 years to start his own business. The business was pouring money out and dribbling money in. I was watching my retirement, my future, circle the drain. It had been a very difficult year. The decision my husband made was against my wishes. There was really no discussion because that’s how things always were. My unhappiness in the marriage increased in direct proportions to how quickly our (his?) money was disappearing. I prayed, begged, threatened, pleaded with “The Powers That Be” to make this New Year be better. They didn't listen.

My daughter said, “I have breast cancer.” In July of 2006, she was 28 years old. She had been married for a little over two years. Neither she nor her husband were working, they were “helping” at my husband’s business. One good thing was she had health insurance through that business. My daughter and son-in-law were living off money they’d made from a sale of their house and a small settlement they’d received from a lawsuit. My daughter and her husband were together 24/7 in a failing business with dwindling funds and now a life threatening illness. Their relationship was in trouble. To add to the drama of all this, I had decided in January of 2006 to cash in my small 401K and take a trip to Australia. I needed something to look forward to and wanted to use MY money for something that was going to give me a lifetime of good memories, not throw it into the money eating hole of my husband’s business. Selfish? Maybe, but it was something I needed to do for myself after 32 years of being a wife, mother, homemaker, office worker and person in charge of everything. My departure date was August 6, the same day my daughter was scheduled for surgery.

Once my heart started beating again, both her father and I broke down. We were totally useless for about 45 minutes weeping and swearing at God and nature in her kitchen. Once we’d pulled ourselves together, my daughter told us she would be having a lumpectomy with some lymph nodes removed to be on the safe side. Her tumor was fairly large but had been encapsulated in an antibody (pus) filled sac. Her MRI and PET scans showed a very clearly defined tumor. Her surgeon was very confident that her cancer had not spread and that the lumpectomy would get it all. Yes, this was heartening but I was still terrified for her. (There is no history of breast or prostate cancer on either side of the family. Apparently 85% of all breast cancers have no family history.) My daughter asked me not to go on my trip to Australia. I had to say no, that I still was going. I was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do.

While I knew that my relationship with her father was beyond repair, I also knew that for my own well-being, I had to go. The stress of the last 15 months had taken their toll on me – mentally and physically. If I did not get some relief, I wouldn’t be good for anyone in the future. My daughter, my son, my son-in-law and yes, even my ex-husband would need the strength I'd show for years after her surgery. I spoke to my daughter, explaining why it was necessary for me to go. I would only be gone three weeks. She understood immediately. This was a great relief to me and surprisingly, her!

My daughter was facing the scariest thing in her life and she was going to do it without the “mommy” buffer. In the family, I was the one that made the decisions, meted out the punishment,kissed the boo-boos, fixed the unfixable, made the phone calls, paid the bills, dealt with the “dirty” decisions, etc. I could always “fix it” But she knew I couldn’t fix this. She realized that there wasn’t much I could do for her other than hold her hand and maybe cook and clean for her after the surgery. She also told me that since she was going to have chemotherapy and radiation, that she’d need me for that. My daughter was only 28 going through a horrible ordeal yet she had the insight and understanding to know why her mother needed to go half-way around the world for a bit. She made me very proud.

My daughter understood, no one else did. Let me tell you that I took a rash of shit from EVERYONE and anyone. However, I would not be dissuaded. At 6:00 AM on August 6, 2006 I, along with her husband, her father, her brother, her mother and father-in-law and her cousin, kissed her and hugged her as she went into surgery. We then all waited until the surgeon came to tell us that her lymph nodes were clear and the tumor had been removed. She was in recovery, goofy from drugs but damn happy for someone just out of surgery, as we kissed good-bye and I left for the airport.

Over the three weeks I was gone, I spoke to my daughter every other day. She was marveling at how her husband was helping her so much. He was changing her drains and keeping her clean. He was doing some cooking. He asked his mother to come and stay with them for a week, which she did. He went through a very difficult patch after I'd come home but the whole experience matured both he and my daughter. My daughter and her husband started planning for the future now that it seemed much more important to do so. She loved hearing about how amazing Australia was. I was home before I knew it.

Although, my leaving for a “vacation” at this very delicate time is still a sore point with my ex-husband and some others, it has never been with my daughter. She has never once said it was wrong for me to leave. I went with her to her chemo appointments, cried with her when she lost her hair, laughed when we went to buy her wigs and have walked in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure every year since her diagnosis. Those three weeks she spent with her husband allowed him to see her at her most vulnerable and I believe they both learned so much about each other that it was a good thing for me not to be there. My daughter has said that in a round-about way. So while it was selfish of me, it was necessary. Her diagnosis also made me realize that life is precious, it need to be enjoyed as do the people you love. I think that by her seeing that I was not just a mother but also a person, she gained valuable insight to herself and to her relationship with her husband. She enjoys her life much more now and so do I.

She has made me promise to stay around when she gets pregnant, though, and I definitely will.


P.S. She has also posted HERE.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Your Pictures!!!

I'm thinking it's time to do something new with the header for this site?

What do you all think?

I want some pics of real people, you know... you guys.  Ones that comment and interact here on the blog.

THE REAL WORLD... emphasis on REAL.


Send in some pictures.  Of you and your spouse, you and your kids, you and your parents, any pictures that related to... well, a relationship of some kind.

Could be a Relationship with a Significant Other.

A MIL and DIL relationship!

Or an old engagement picture you wish was never taken and your little sister didn't have access to, to post for people to see!

Then I'm going to make a fun header... at least I think will try, or I will get some genius to.

send them to blokthoughts@gmail.com SUBJECT: PICS FOR HEADER



Question for you to answer: If your significant other could change one thing about you... what would it be and why?

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Vote to help Cure JM!

Our friend Kevin emailed us and asked us to help out.  I absolutely love this guy, even if he has never written for me over here!  But for him... I'll do whatever I need to to help out!  Here's the email he sent: (I had to edit out the F word--because it's like fingernails on a chalkboard for me... but the emotion behind it is real.  It is the only edit I made... I swear!)

I gave away 400 business cards about Cure JM trying to win a $250,000 Pepsi Refresh grant to people at BlogHer in NYC  this past weekend.

Our application has jumped No. 6 to No. 4 in the days since.

If you would indulge me a moment, I'd like to quote the theme song to Team America: World Police:

"F, yeah!"

Now, more than ever, we need your votes, Tweets, Facebook messages, blog posts -- whatever it takes to help get Cure JM to No. 2 by Sept. 1 and win that $250,000 grant for disease research.

In addition to just the money, our all-volunteer nonprofit would also receive from Pepsi a free year of consultation with a nonprofit specialist who will help us with future fundraising, grant writing and other projects to make Cure JM a more efficient and effective organization.

I've known two kids, one less than 2 years old, who have died from complications of juvenile myositis in the 8 years my daughter has been fighting this rare autoimmune disease that attacks the major muscles, joints and blood vessels. That's not many, but it is enough.

As a disease that only 3 in a million kids a year are diagnosed with, we receive very little attention or money to research JM's cause and cure. $250,000 would be half of the $500,000 we have raised in the past year all through volunteer fundraising, and all that money would go straight to research projects and the doctors who perform them.

If my words aren't convincing enough, take a look at these videos (the first one I did, the second is by people who know what they are doing):

Cure JM Pepsi Refresh entry video (3 min): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHZHUGowx-E
Cure JM fundraising video (5 min): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ovp4y3JHhb4

So, please -- help.


Vote every day up to 3 TIMES (once per method) for Cure JM during the month of August!
(1) Send Text Vote to Pepsi (
73774)  Type: 100850 to vote  *Standard text messaging rate apply.
(2) Use the Facebook app:
(3) Vote directly from the Pepsi site at http://pep.si/bzLWyc.


People can sign for daily e-mail reminders about voting at www.curejm.org. If we win the Pepsi Refresh grant, people who signed up for the reminder service will be in a drawing for an iPad, which one of our member has generously agreed to donate.

Optional for non-believers.

Thanks for listening and helping. I don't like bothering you about this stuff, but I believe in the power of the Internet and the friends I've made on it. 

Always Home and Uncool: www.blogonkevin.blogspot.com

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Family Dynamics is 100% different during the summer

Just as the summer is beginning to wind down and we are so used to having our children around all day long . . . I have to say I think I may find it hard for my children to return to school.(snort and snicker do I hear)

However, I feel it is my responsibility (and perverse pleasure) to enlighten you. Staying home all the time is much more difficult than working. How the children being home for the summer changes the family dynamics in my house is rather filled with hilarity (in my opinion).

The house or family dynamics is 100% different during the summer. Like it or not, being home all day long with your children is a tough job. Guess what, you are around your children, all day long(I thought I needed to say that again)! You won't get lunch breaks or an opportunity to run errands. You can run errands, but your children are with you. If your kids are anything like mine, running errands is like taking them to the dentist. They are hopped up on adrenaline and always whining for something or other. Another thing, you will be around your children all day long (a point worth repeating, again). I find myself lucky if I get to use the toilet by myself!

Each day is jam packed with activities such as golf lessons and horse riding lessons and ballet and gymnastics and baseball and cheer leading and summer tutoring (and yes, I absolutely torture my children and make them have enrichment tutoring in the summer). In between all this shuffling time I need to find time to actually have fun with my children. You know, like take them swimming or to the park or bike riding. All these activities I thoroughly enjoy!(do you hear my sarcasm) Do you have any idea how difficult and exhausting it is to watch three children at a local swimming pool. I nearly had five strokes this summer, all at the local swimming pool because I lost sight of my son or daughter for, you know, like two minutes!

But I guess worrying about my children drowning is much better than worrying about mundane tasks such as deadlines and appointments and meetings. That is good because I don't think I have the mental capacity to actually worry about such mundane tasks anymore. I really need to put forth some effort to use my brain in other ways than to snort at Sponge Bob in the morning. I'd really love the opportunity to use my brain on an adult level again . . . sometime soon.

Oh, and since there is not a babysitter in the equation, because I am the babysitter. My children are magically(say this in a singing voice) little angels . . . every single second of the day. Because you know since I am around 100 percent of the time, I can redirect their behavior at a moments notice . . . and let me tell you, it so works! I get to enjoy their wonderful personalities all day long!(did I say that already?)

I have yet to make peace with the level of filth that has accumulated in my home this summer. Sand in the corners, sand in my rugs, ice cream wrappers stuffed in the sofa, freeze pop wrapping under the ottoman, flip flops fricking everywhere! I mean, seriously, can I clean my house once and have it remain clean for like say, an hour??

When summer first began I was so excited for a fabulous summer, I planned days at the museums, outings to the zoo, days spent at local fairs, evenings at baseball games, we even planted a garden! Then I decided I was a bit tired from all the running around with the children. Reality set in, I needed to pace myself. Summer wasn't even half over and I had already run a marathon!

We had craft days, and rainy days and movie days and the "I'm so bored today" days. I was bored (Shh, don't tell my kids). Boredom was particularly heavy for me because I was basically a single parent this summer as husband was off to various locations across the globe every other week. The days stretched into weeks and the weeks into months and I was left to fill a (seamlessly) endless void for my children. Some days I would pass a mirror and catch a glimpse of myself and realize that I had not showered yet and was still in my pajamas . . . and it would be two o'clock (and my children would still be in theirs).

Being at home all summer long with my children is not easy . . . my house is a wreck (literally, it is a wreck), I have laundry in piles in my basement, my dog is (sadly) neglected, I have bags under my eyes bigger than my favorite LV, the diamond in my engagement ring fell out, my kids have eaten more frozen pizza than I care to tell anyone and my husband has made our living room his permanent packing place.

I am ready for my kids to start school so I can clean up my house and get things (mainly me) back in order. I don't feel guilty for wanting my children to go back to school because my house changed so much over the summer. But I am ready for what is ahead! I'm painting walls I tell you!

I am going to look at what is important to me, and hold on to the fun times of this summer break, for I know I will miss these days when my children are older. I did enjoy each day, but realize that it is a roller-coaster of change, just as the days were of altered nap times(only a few short years ago).

I get used to one thing, and it changes. Hmmmm....maybe change is good, for it is the "cycle of life"!

Tiara's and Tantrums

Other posts by Tiara's and Tantrums are HERE and HERE.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Your spouse is cheating... with a twist!?

Shelle Edit:  I was going to go on my regular rampage about our Guest Blogger today.  I've seen her around, I know her to be intelligent, and I've been on her blog, reading some time consuming material, but she explains herself better on her profile, "My life has been dramatically changing with life altering events on a consistant annoying basis. I have become full of love, hate, and resentment. Come understand ME, through laughter, tears and the opportunity for friendship" --I highly suggest you read her personal blog. You'll understand why. Thanks ChocoDrop for taking a Giant Leap and writing about this over here, exposing a very varied audience to an almost taboo subject.

Sexually things have changed rather quickly and you two have fought and talked and talked about your dwindling sexual relationship. Suggestions of counseling, a third party (3somes) or an open marriage were all shot down because he "LOVES" me and he doesn't want anyone else. In the back of your mind you wonder is he cheating? Then the bombshell happens after a year you find the unexpected but expected...... You find out he is no doubt looking to stray from your marriage. Your spouse is cheating with a twist.

He is looking/involved with a MAN. Yes a man!!!! Seeing the words and pictures (in black and white) sent back and forth and the things the two MEN were talking about doing was very eye opening. I have to admit that there was a sense of relief knowing it wasn't me!!! Knowing he didn't want me because I was a female and I had the wrong equipment, made it easier. In a blink of an eye all the talks and fighting are now very vivid in my mind with ALL the lies he told.

It's one thing to find out your spouse is cheating, but is it different when the same sex is involved?? How do you handle it? Would you react to it the same way? Before you had to worry about competing with women everywhere but its a whole other can of worms when you are now competing with men.

So my questions are is he sleeping with his buddies?? How many are real buddies and how many are "buddies"?? When he and the guys get together are they shacking up in a motel together instead of at the bar or the golf course?? I mean seriously are we talking a brokeback mountain thing???? Is he being safe? Has he exposed me to things beyond my control. Yep...FEAR is here. All tests NEGATIVE!

The ultimate in a marriage has been betrayed. I didn't marry to be the wife he could hide behind for his escapades!!!!! I didn't marry to be in a sexless marriage, I am to young for that crap!!!! I didn't get the opportunity to make a decision in this!!!

The LIES.....the LIES.....wow!

You can't hurt me with the truth you can only hurt me with a LIE.


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Outside World Doesn't Really Affect Me...

Shelle Edit:  I spent a little time on Heather's blog trying to get to know her.  The one thing I gathered is that she is smart.  She is smart about how she write, which is well, and she is smart about what she writes.  You'll see as you read this post... but then go and visit her blog, see if you think the same as me!

There aren't many outside influences that affect my life. I don't get into crazy political debates nor do I talk much about what is going on in the world these days. I don't pay any mind to global warming debates, and I don't read up on my favorite celebrity and what he or she happens to have been seen doing. I don't notice much from the outside world, as the outside world doesn't notice much about my world. I live in a small town in southwest Oklahoma. We buy our meat from the local butcher who gets his meat from the local cattle rancher. Our milk comes from a local dairy that grazes their cattle on local land. I know the Mayor and the Police Chief, and they both know me. We have a local vegetable garden where we can go pick up fruits and veggies and we sometimes venture on out to the big city, population 100,000, to get us some clothes. Like I said, the outside world doesn't really affect me.

At least it didn't used to. Until very recently the outside world had very limited affects on our small community. Of course, our produce has been a big part of our revenue, but we weren't really hurting. Some 50 percent of our families worked on farms, and the rest of us went into the city to work. We picked up jobs as bankers, contractors, nurses, and teachers. We have a couple doctors and some lawyers, and we have a few people who do this and that. The point is, we went to the city, made our money and brought it back into our community. Then the recession finally hit us. It didn't hit us slowly. We didn't have time to adjust or get ready. It came out of nowhere. Suddenly, I had to worry about losing a job I never thought to worry about. My boyfriend went into panic mode and wouldn't spend any money on anything. We didn't go into the city unless we HAD to. He got a local job and started carpooling to work. If his carpool buddy was sick or out of town, he walked to work.

I started getting frustrated. I just wanted to go out to dinner. Take me to McDonalds for Christ's sake! Anywhere, just get me out of the house. So he did. He put me on the back of a fourwheeler and shuttled my unhappy rear end out to the big pond down the road, set out a blanket and pulled out some PBnJ sandwiches. He poured wine into a plastic cup and told me he loved me more now than he ever had and that he was sorry he was being this way. I didn't care anymore. The world stopped affecting me again at that very moment. The economy mattered no more. I realised in that very moment that I do not need dinner at Red Lobster or nice pretty clothes. I only needed him, and he only needed me.

We go out more now, no more pond picnics, but I will never forget what this experience taught me. I found my silver lining and I'll be holding on to him for the rest of my life.


Monday, August 9, 2010

What Would You Rather Episode 10

What Would You Rather The idea is to choose ONE answer. This is just a game so yes the questions are a bit out there and unrealistic. The hard part is in the choosing. So play along and tell us... what would YOU rather and then explain maybe WHY you chose that answer?
Image taken from HERE

1. Would you rather have a lot of friends or a really close BFF?

2. Would you rather love only one person your whole life until they die at a young age and then never love anyone else or not love anyone ever?

3. Would you rather be with someone all your life that loved you but you didn't love them or you can never have the one person you love and you never get over them?

Thursday, August 5, 2010

VLOG: We are playing a GAME-answer the question you could be the winner!!!

I have no idea why the quality is so bad on this vlog. But here you go. Thought I'd change it up a bit for you guys.

I wanted to play a game. Since we don't make any money on this blog (as of yet, I'd hope to start paying my writers) I can't really offer you a gift card or anything like that.

But what I CAN offer is even cooler anyway!

The first person to guess the right answer to the question I pose on the video is going to be highlighted on THIS blog-Real World Venus vs. Mars!!! (cue crowd cheering wildly now). I also would like to podcast with them as well as highlight them and their other blog or blogs.

It's multiple choice...so guess away!

The question has to deal with what we have been talking about this week--cheating.

Okay so this should go quick. First person with the correct response wins! (Also, no-I am not eating anything, my cheeks just look full all.the.time.)



P.S. I will be traveling.  I'm going to visit It Is Just Jules in her hometown.  YAY!  I'll respond in between flights! Thanks guys.

P.S.S. Don't be a fuddy duddy you know you want to be highlighted!  We will make it fun!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

There is more to me than just being a Mom of two kids.

Shelle Edit: Andrea isn't really new to the blog.  In fact, if it wasn't for Andrea kicking me in the butt to start this blog, I never would have done it.  It would have stayed on the floor of my great-ideas-but-to-lazy-to-bring-it-about pile that I leave haphazardly around my bedroom floor. Andrea got busy almost a year after we started the blog.  I've missed her terribly and am so glad that she wrote to me and told me she wanted to write this piece.  Go visit her personal blog after you read here how she re-invented herself! :)

When I saw the topic about reinventing yourself was up for grabs at Real World, I knew I wanted to write about it. For the past eight years I’ve been a stay at home mom. For the most part I’ve enjoyed that role. But as my kids, 4 and 8 years old, have gone off to school, I find myself wondering what to do with my days. I have been writing for the past couple of years (fiction and pieces for magazines) but I don’t really have a ‘career’.

About a month ago, after nearly a year of debate, I applied to Northern Kentucky University.

Yes, I’m going back to college. It both terrifies me and thrills me. When everything is finished and done, I’ll have a shiny new degree. Then I’ll get to put on heels and skirts and go to work every day (with any luck!)

I wanted this not only for myself, but to show my kids how important it is to have goals. Just because eight years ago I turned off my career and went to work as a mom, it doesn’t mean that’s all I am. I hate being called ‘just a mom’. I would venture to guess plenty of other moms (and at home dads) do as well.

There is a lot more to me than just being a mom of two kids. Making this decision, to in essence reinvent myself, took a lot of courage. It’s easy to get used to being in the same role day after day. But for me I started to feel like the proverbial (and literal) walls were caving in on me. I wanted to have something most people do; the gratification of a meaningful career.

The impact on my family was only one of the things I had to think about before I applied to school. Thankfully, the classes will be via online delivery, making it at least a bit easier. I won’t have to shuffle babysitters and kids around. It will take a lot of dedication on my part to make sure I sit down every day and do the work. Every. Day.

In the end the result will be a happier Mom and a Working Mom. And everyone benefits when mom is happy.

What goals do you have for yourself that haven’t been realized? Isn’t it time to find out how to make them happen?

Blogging Mama-Andrea

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

He Said She Said: Should your Significant Other know?

Two of our contributors are asked to take opposing stances on an issue and present a case for their viewpoint. Comment and tell us who you agree with or what you believe or think! The topics are suppose to elicit a response and start a conversation in comments. Enjoy!

TOPIC: What my significant other doesn't know, won't hurt them.  You agree with this or not? Should your significant other know?

Shelle Edit: I have needed to add this to the He Said She Said before this week, but have always forgotten for one reason or another. This blog is for ANYONE that would like to blog about their relationship(s) no matter how closed or open they would like to be. This week the He Said She Said topic was on "what they don't know won't hurt them". So I feel like I need to preface this one with a Disclaimer ;) -- The opinions expressed here are the views of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the Real World Venus vs. Mars owners.

She Said: Heels N Stockings

I've been with my husband for 21 years and for most part, I have been faithful, but the intimacy in our relationship is gone despite my vast attempts to entice and encourage him. I've asked him to go to the marriage counseling and he won't. I've dressed up in lingerie to help put him in the mood and I was laughed at for the effort.

We haven't had sex for over a year now and before then, the frequency of sex was sparse and mostly one-sided; he was done and off me before I could get anything out of it. I got so tired and sick of the hurt that came from constantly having to ask for him to touch or kiss me. I gave him an ultimatum - that either he paid intimate and emotional attention to me or the marriage was over. He chose not to take me seriously.

A few years ago I had an affair. It wasn't something I had planned...but it was amazing because someone actually wanted me. I'd forgotten what that felt like. Since then, I've enjoyed other affairs.

I do not seek a new partner. I do not wish to introduce a new person to my children because their lives are at such a key stage of growing up. But I came to realization some years ago - I had lost myself. When I am with my lover, I am me. They hold me, they see me, they listen to me. It keeps me smiling and make me have a feeling of self worth. I feel whole again.

Yes, I could leave him and divorce him...but the fact is I can't afford to. I am the major earner in the house, he lost his job some time ago and has a low paying job while he is looking for something better. Separation would bring financial pain and would effect the children.

I don't tell him as I don't want the status quo for the children to change. It won't hurt the kids if he doesn't know. So, I lie to him.

He Said: Nolens Volens

My wife and I have been together almost 12 years now; married for 10 years next month. We learned from each other that it is important to each other that we make the choices together. We made a promise that we would tell each other everything. I don't mean EVERYTHING. Sure, I tell her little white lies and I am sure she has done the same to me.

What we have not done is violate that promise. When I find a woman that I would like to get to "know better", I let my wife know about her. Why do we play with others when we are deeply committed to each other? My wife dropped a bombshell on me about 11 years ago when she confessed to me that she was bi-curious (now openly bisexual). When my wife finds a woman that she would love to have in her bed, she tells me about her. We do not have an open marriage because that infers we have our "play time" with others...on our own. No, we play with others...together.

We have had sexual relations with other people since we got married and we are still faithful to each other - by that, I mean we have never had any sexual relation with another person without each other's knowledge and consent. We agreed that we would get divorced if either one of us cheated.

I am not making excuses for HnS, but I certainly understand why she does what she does. Would I do the same thing if I ever find myself in the same situation like HnS did? I can't say "No" without any doubt in my mind, but I think that I would tell my wife.

Do you feel that sometimes what your significant other doesn't KNOW doesn't HURT them? Or does sometimes knowing still hurt them?  Should the significant other know or not?