tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post2560393939161333412..comments2023-12-25T11:56:28.042-07:00Comments on In The Real World Venus vs. Mars: He Said, She Said: Snooping through your partners email, is it okay?Shelle-BlokThoughtshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05118555873275829720noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-46395500060096747472010-01-27T04:13:06.692-07:002010-01-27T04:13:06.692-07:00"you shouldn't have looked through my pho..."you shouldn't have looked through my phone", my response was..."Well you shouldn't have cheated on me".ATV WEB SOLUTIONhttp://atv-web-solutions.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-72758246545459691572010-01-23T21:49:43.403-07:002010-01-23T21:49:43.403-07:00i am very much like sage. I trust openly until you...i am very much like sage. I trust openly until you give me something to distrust you with and then instead of getting mad and steaming off or pouting. I just throw you out like yesterday's trash. Rarely rarely are you given a second chance. but, I am a very trustworthy person. I wouldn't snoop into his male nor would I want him to do the same. Before you snoop or are tempted to snoop you get a bad feeling and I close the door on the bad feeling and don't do it. If there is something I want to read or see. I just ask the hubz about it, or if he minds if I look at it. It is a non issue. I agree about one being secure with themselves but I also think that trust should be a mutual and earned thing between 2 people.tiki_ladyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06514668932799794084noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-3674699168539089332010-01-22T14:43:50.752-07:002010-01-22T14:43:50.752-07:00Heck, I care what people think of me to an extent....Heck, I care what people think of me to an extent. I don't want people to get the wrong impression of me. I do and act in a way that I hope is classy and maybe even more of an example to some. So of course I do care to an extent what people think.<br /><br />But I think DGB hit it right on the head and what most people seem to be saying... if you are snooping at all, as DGB stated, "they aren't secure in their relationship". Which is the key.<br /><br />If you suspect at all that your spouse is cheating than it can only be downhill from there. The fact that you could even contemplate that your spouse would cheat means that trust has already been weakened and that someone in the relationship is insecure... when someone cheats they are insecure I would say. Which could and would rub off to the other partner (which we call a gut feeling) and in turn make them insecure. Awful cycle.<br /><br />Trust is strong, until it is tested, and then it becomes as fragile as a butterfly's wing.<br /><br />Great insights everyone!Shelle-BlokThoughtshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05118555873275829720noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-19553341858524377822010-01-22T13:18:44.203-07:002010-01-22T13:18:44.203-07:00You do both make really good points. If there was...You do both make really good points. If there was really a relationship where one person truly suspected the other of cheating, I can see why that person would snoop. In the end, if that person is in fact cheating, the ends seem to justify the means. Both parties have broken the trust. HOWEVER, there are a lot of nervous, insecure people in relationships out there who may be snooping not because they have a strong suspicion or proof, but because they aren't secure in their relationship for X,Y or Z. This is where I wholeheartedly agree with Sage.<br /><br />I have the utmost trust in my relationship with WonderWife™ and I believe that she does of me. I am loyal as a bloodhound and while she doesn't go through my stuff, I have nothing that I'm hiding. But if she were snooping around, it would be a HUGE betrayal of trust.DGBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01302995272029761401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-27724371188551629002010-01-22T09:44:58.140-07:002010-01-22T09:44:58.140-07:00I am just gonna comment so I can get my name back ...I am just gonna comment so I can get my name back on the "good commentor" board.... well, and I forgot to follow comments ;)Just Juleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09842126422147340390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-14723261672534805472010-01-22T09:43:10.791-07:002010-01-22T09:43:10.791-07:00I get both sides of this argument.
I gave up ca...I get both sides of this argument. <br /><br />I gave up caring what people think of me a long time ago. I have been much happier. What I mean by this is that I no longer try to be a person I believe others want me to be. Instead I am me, take it or leave it.<br /><br />Does that mean that I walk downtown with my *ss hanging out on the arm of another guy? nooooo. However, that is not who I am either.<br /><br />My husband is a teacher - his/our reputation is everything in the town. While I take that into account with my/our actions (very little p.d.a. etc.... I do not let it effect who I am in my core. I am not out to impress people with falsehoods.... you know?<br /><br />So, in conclusion what people think of me does matter. But, they better like me for who I am. I won't act out of sorts because reputation does matters. But, I as a person know better.<br /><br />So, in effect you are both right in your own arguments. However, this argument has gotten away from trust and snooping. Get back on track before I spank you both....and you like it ;)Just Juleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09842126422147340390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-52690393937828686272010-01-22T06:56:25.760-07:002010-01-22T06:56:25.760-07:00Sage, let me ask you this- you're self employe...Sage, let me ask you this- you're self employed, right? Do you give a damn about what the people who pay you for goods or services think of you? Maybe not Sage the person, but Sage the businessman. I suspect that you do care if they get a good deal with you or not, because you'd want their business again. So I'm skeptical of your statement about not giving a damn.<br /> <br />Where you see conflict in my statements and horrid internal conflct, I see distinctions based on context.<br /> <br />Do I care what my co-workers and supervisors think of me? Do they see me as a dedicated professional who can be counted on the get the tough jobs done and who rises to the challenge? You're damn right I do. Do I care that my kids look up to me, respect me, and see me as a positive role model? Of course!<br /> <br />Sage, you know what I do for a living and the uniform I wear. When I'm traveling to and from work each day, maybe stopping in a store to pick up something on the way home or getting my kid from after-school care, do I care what the random person thinks of me? Yes, because I have a professional obligation to project a positive image to the people I randomly encounter, due to the uniform I wear. While it would be nice if everyone felt that they had that obligation (for the most part), some of us have to. And don't take that the wrong way, I take great pride in the uniform I wear and take pride in fulfilling the personal obligations that come with serving our country.<br /> <br />But in other contexts, I don't care. If the random person in the blogosphere thinks negatively of me in some way, oh well. Even at home, as a parent my kids don't always have to like me. Parenting isn't about being nice to them, at least not all the time.Hubmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12080481657336478578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-28294137412215982542010-01-22T05:35:58.108-07:002010-01-22T05:35:58.108-07:00As a last word, if you reasonably suspect your spo...As a last word, if you reasonably suspect your spouse of cheating, sometimes you need to know.<br /><br />If only for that "information on the way out" or also to protect your health. Not everyone who cheats might be practicing safe sex.Another Suburban Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16120153702254735445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-62331658986736786222010-01-22T05:34:25.108-07:002010-01-22T05:34:25.108-07:00I also care about what people think of me. I care...I also care about what people think of me. I care about what my boss thinks of me, and my co-workers as I would like to have their professional respect.<br /><br />I also care about what my family thinks of me as their opinions matter to me and goodness knows I have opinions about them.<br /><br />And my friends, see family. <br /><br />And since you go through such trouble to spare your wife's feelings, obviously you care very very much about what she thinks.Another Suburban Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16120153702254735445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-22048070914604520112010-01-22T05:25:17.137-07:002010-01-22T05:25:17.137-07:00Thats the way she tells it bro. She'll tell i...Thats the way she tells it bro. She'll tell it to whoever will listen. I don't see it that way obviously, but she does. I have tried to understand her take over and over but I can't. She cares what others think<br /><br />I can't imagine living even one minute giving a damn what someone else thought of me. That would be a tough tough place to be in. That would mean someone would have to consciously think of what others think of them then work to change that due to some arbitrary others opinion. I don't know if I could do that if I tried, the internal conflict must be horrid. Everyone has to have their own meter on how they self judge I guess I am tickled mine doesn't depend on what others think of me.<br /><br />You are spot on about someone else looking down on you, stay with that theme and you'll be better off for sure. Never let em look down on you, for any reason, that would be caring about what others think of you. <br /><br />Seems to be a bunch of conflict in your take, on one hand you state you care and on the other you don't. It also seems easier to choose a side than to sit the fence. I don't look down on chumps, people who care about what others think or fence sitters though and nobody else should either. And nobody should care if others look down on them for being any of the three or anything else.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-7989048134425109832010-01-22T04:55:09.127-07:002010-01-22T04:55:09.127-07:00So let me get this straight- you hide all of your ...So let me get this straight- you hide all of your blogging activity from your wife because is real-life you're such an irresistible babe-magnet that she gets jealous and it would be just as bad if she found out about all the women you know online? So you're just looking out for her? Aren't you just the kind-hearted soul, hiding things from your wife for her own good.<br /><br />Trusting someone and being a chump are two different things. When I referred to being the chump, I'm thinking of the guy whose wife is having an affair, he has no goddamn clue, but half the neighborhood knows she's banging the guy down the street while he's out working one of his 3 jobs. THAT guy is a chump and it has absolutely nothing to do with how he feels about himself.<br /><br />And yes, I do care about what others think about me. If someone else looks down on me for feeling that way, the hell with them....Hubmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12080481657336478578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-8061640585223540092010-01-21T22:22:09.285-07:002010-01-21T22:22:09.285-07:00JJ: good girl @ put it down. Smart play. I could...JJ: good girl @ put it down. Smart play. I could be wrong but if he was cheating I think you'd know it, sense it.<br /><br />Jam: I posted your pic!!!! heheheheAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-7682893063290681642010-01-21T22:18:19.610-07:002010-01-21T22:18:19.610-07:00Brooks: we see that differently! I wish shed keep...Brooks: we see that differently! I wish shed keep all that babble to herself!<br /><br />Anon: there ya go, sounds like a good reason not to tell him!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-78774471348538627812010-01-21T22:12:12.051-07:002010-01-21T22:12:12.051-07:00When I pushed send a thought hit me.
Why would ca...When I pushed send a thought hit me.<br /><br />Why would care about looking like a chump? I could care less if someone thought me a chump. Or for that matter whatever someone thought about me. I'm a grown ass man I don't need folks to confirm me or my thoughts and I don't allow them to affect me by their thoughts about me. Others don't control how I feel about me, so hell with em.<br /><br />Very telling though, that statement is.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-72578906994669902842010-01-21T21:59:25.720-07:002010-01-21T21:59:25.720-07:00Anj: Good point @ the PI!
Hubman: The reason I hi...Anj: Good point @ the PI!<br /><br />Hubman: The reason I hide it is because she is worried and concerned that I would cheat, even though I haven't. She has been around me for 20+ years and she knows the reaction I get when women are around. Not something I try to get its just what seems to happen. She fears I'd trade her in, why she thinks that I have no clue but she does. THAT is exactly the fear and lack of self confidence I was talking about. I don't suffer from either. It drives her insane tho, no need to make that worse. I never said anyone should trust me, I said I trust everyone until they prove I can't!<br /><br />Trusting NEVER makes anyone a chump, ever.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-53368478447226128642010-01-21T21:42:01.395-07:002010-01-21T21:42:01.395-07:00ASM: I see the getting answers thing for sure, I t...ASM: I see the getting answers thing for sure, I think though if the relationship has deteriorated that far your decision should already be made.<br /><br />Denise: see I'd go the reverse way, I'd NEVER want to know what the ex is doing provided it wasn't detrimental to the kids/hubs/you. The only outcome when you involve yourself in the minutia of the Ex drama is make you feel bad/mad/sad etc, so why put yourself through that? Why add additional strain o your relationship with your hubs? (additional to what is normal between man and wife)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-69487769255584054112010-01-21T21:36:05.654-07:002010-01-21T21:36:05.654-07:00SS: I re-agree with yoU!
Shelle: Curiosity kille...SS: I re-agree with yoU!<br /><br />Shelle: Curiosity killed the cat, and the snooper, be damn sure before asking/snooping that your REALLY wanna know.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-66663761196686193592010-01-21T21:32:47.008-07:002010-01-21T21:32:47.008-07:00ASm: I can see that side for sure but hat would ju...ASm: I can see that side for sure but hat would just be for proof on the way out.<br /><br />Singed: great motto and that is different than snooping for sure!<br />LOL @ huge boobs!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-12599556725363414832010-01-21T18:47:05.045-07:002010-01-21T18:47:05.045-07:00we dont have each others passwords. that's his...we dont have each others passwords. that's his private stuff. i dont need to know what's there. if he wants to share with me fine or not. we've been together 35yrs. i told him a long time ago. if he was playing with another woman. to bring her home we'd all have fun. i'm with sage on this one. veronica made a good point about if a person was cheating they'd have a separate email account and not do it on the home computer. my husband thinks blogs; social networks; chatrooms etc. etc. etc. are a waste of time. i enjoy reading blogs. but i would not write a blog or post pics. once out there no control over stuff.jamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17774116592815286894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-68910757055560869812010-01-21T18:13:19.146-07:002010-01-21T18:13:19.146-07:00Ohhhh, and if I suspected he were cheating on me? ...Ohhhh, and if I suspected he were cheating on me? That was another question.... I would be a little more creative then looking at sources he can cover himself on. I would follow him, track his activities - this would be more telling.<br /><br />Also, my hubby does know I blog. However, I can see where keeping it private would be an option. Not all people are as understand about social networks. Plus, some just don't understand that social connection thing through the internet. Some are more private and don't feel like having their business out there and feel like it will be in these sources (I know this was hubby's fear/deal)<br /><br />He is coming around slowly and even comments on my blog now :)Just Juleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09842126422147340390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-81243097085752498872010-01-21T18:09:43.375-07:002010-01-21T18:09:43.375-07:00I believe in privacy 110%. I have never gone thro...I believe in privacy 110%. I have never gone through my hubbies phone- ever. I have picked it up 1, yes 1 time in consideration of doing this but set it down faster then if it were fire hot. What was I doing, why would I consider it. I have his work email password and our home email is the open.<br /><br />He does not have the password for my email nor does he want it. <br /><br />My other thought on this is same as Anjeny... if he is stupid enough not to cover up his tracks on his phone and computer then he wants to get caught and will eventually anyway. <br /><br />My hubby is gone most of the day working, if he wanted to cheat he could. I would drive myself batty worrying about it. So, what do I do? I trust. yep - that is it..... ohhhh, and I make sure what he has at home is better then what he could find out there ;)Just Juleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09842126422147340390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-48718542163306764222010-01-21T16:43:25.434-07:002010-01-21T16:43:25.434-07:00My husband doesn't know about my blog. Not th...My husband doesn't know about my blog. Not that I have anything to be ashamed of on it.<br /><br />He knows I read blogs, and if it has ever occured to him that I blog, too, he's never said. He thinks social networking like myspace, fb, twitter, blogs are silly and doesn't understand why some people enjoy connecting with others, reading about others, or journaling through blogs. He's a very private person and doesn't appreciate the internet at all, lol.<br /><br />I keep up connections w/ friends and family that's moved w/myspace, which he knows about and has seen my page. I don't use fb or twitter. I choose to keep my blog to myself, though, as I would a diary. What I write is a variety of stuff, nothing extremely personal or racy, so nothing that would shock him. But I do think he wouldn't like that I discuss our kids and family stuff, however mundane it may be, even though I am practically anonymous. I'd also be embarrassed to have him read what I sometimes consider my inner thoughts. Would he think I am ridiculous? Bitchy? Mean? Dumb? I guess I am insecure about what I write, but it's mine and I don't want ANYONE that I know to read it. Even if I were to ever be a published author I'd use a pen name. It'd be too "baring" to have people read what I write and know my name.<br /><br />Besides, I couldn't vent about him if he knew ;-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-30423336602866049782010-01-21T16:07:41.158-07:002010-01-21T16:07:41.158-07:00Well Veronica, if I suspected that you were cheati...Well Veronica, if I suspected that you were cheating on me, damn right I'd go through your e-mail. I'd also check the browser history and anything else I could think of. I might even install software to register all of the keystrokes made on the computer.<br /><br />Why? because if I suspected you were cheating, I'd want to be damn sure that I was right before I confronted you with it. I'd rather snoop and be wrong than not snoop and be the chump whose wife is screwing around behind his back.<br /><br />Open question for everyone here- anyone blogging without their spouses knowledge? If so, why do you hide it? I wonder where this falls in the whole trust thing Sage talks about.Hubmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12080481657336478578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-16568208606097907102010-01-21T11:19:34.876-07:002010-01-21T11:19:34.876-07:00Since this topic is about the spouse, I'm gonn...Since this topic is about the spouse, I'm gonna have to agree with Sage on this one. I think a person should be secure enough in themselves that they shouldn't try snooping around in their spouse's emails just because they suspect their spouse is cheating.<br /><br />Veronica, you brought up a good point..."I think that checking the email would be kind of a dead end, because your partner would be smart enough to have an email account and password that you do not know and would not check it on the computer that you share. The same thing with an Ashley Madison type account. If your spouse is really cheating, would they do it in plain sight like that?" My answer to that is that most definitely not, a cheating spouse would be clever enough not to leave evidence laying around like that.<br /><br />If I suspect my spouse is cheating, I wouldn't waste my time snooping through his email, he's a computer whiz, I know he'd cover his track on the computer...no, I'd just send a PI after him and have him pay for it...yep, a bit more dramatic that way, but at least that way, I'm getting a definite or productive result.Anjenyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11746822979694584318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251212850644469714.post-26805660138906731852010-01-21T08:35:33.693-07:002010-01-21T08:35:33.693-07:00Wow. I guess that I am lucky in the fact that my ...Wow. I guess that I am lucky in the fact that my husband and I both know each others passwords, etc and neither of us has anything to hide. We are way to busy to worry about stuff like that. If I was every suspicious of anything I would check all the possible 'outlets' to get info to back it up and then confront him. He is my husband and we are not supposed to keep anything from each other, right?Brookshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04123382441949490891noreply@blogger.com