In The Real World Venus vs. Mars

Sage On Inlaws and Child Rearing

2010-01-04T06:00:00.001-07:00

Well Well Well first let me say that my inlaws like me pretty fair. I am partners with her father in a business and her mother always liked me. We started courting in high school and her mom was for it even though all the other chick's moms were against it, that could have a lot to do with me being similar to her dad in personality, temperament and such. Anyway on with the child rearing.

In our relationship insurance, child rearing and money are the only few things we have fought about. I have a simple take on child rearing. Make rules, enforce them, reward the good, punish the bad. Thats it. Until the inlaws are around! We have argued plenty of times about how her parents allow my kids to act. (Both my parents died young so they didn't get to properly mess up my kids much!)

It seems that the same people who had an 11:00 curfew and a long assed list of rules for their daughter have absofrigginlutely no rules for their grandkids. See we have rules. Rules like laws are pretty much universal in my view. If you have to carry your dirty dishes to the sink and wash them off and properly place them where they belong at my house then you also have to do that wherever else you are. Well at the in-laws that evidently isn't the case.

See at my in-laws evidently WE are employed by the kids! All of us! Me, the bride, ma-in-law and pa-in-law! We cater to the childrens every beck and call. We step and fetch attending their every desire. Its frickin insane! Then when I attempt to parent MY kids they act like I'm the one in the wrong. The hair on the back of their necks stand up, the in-laws look down at the table, the bride glares, the kids squall. Its a frickin circus! AND I'M THE BAD GUY FOR PARENTING!

I don't get it. I understand some folks want to raise titty babies and that in-laws don't have to deal with the bad behavior they create when they allow bad behavior, but goddang why do they undo what it took me years to do? And why doesn't SHE stop them?

If you are a grandparent think about this. When you undermine the teachings of your (in their case) wonderful, beautiful, great, awesome, groovy, intelligent, witty, smart, terrific, son in law then he MUST double down when you aren't there to get the ~~savages~~ kids to act right, when you could have just ALLOWED them to live by the same rules they live by when you aren't around!

Does anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?

Sage is out!

Guest Post-SCIFI Dad

2009-08-31T04:00:00.003-06:00

SciFi Dad has his own blog where he talks about his two children and his wife who he calls MultiTaskingMommy or (MTM)... He's funny, witty, and sometimes downright to honest. But he's always interesting and so is his writing! I'm so happy that he decided to write a guest post on our site... we are humbled! Enjoy guys, it's a good one... it might just make you laugh! :)

This the story of the first time I stayed at my in-laws' cottage, which is also the first time I met them for more than two minutes in a doorway.

It was the August long weekend. I had met my wife the previous June, so we had been together for a couple of months. We drove up in her car since I did not know the way (and believe me, it is no easy task to find this place). This allowed me to keep a close eye on what I had believed would be my saving grace that weekend: my cell phone. You see, my wife explained to me that I could not, under any circumstances go out wandering in the bush by myself. I shrugged it off and said that I'd have my cell phone with me and if I got lost I could just call for help. For the last thirty minutes of the drive, my cell phone said two words to me, over and over, "No Signal". It was around this time I started to hear the banjos from Deliverance in my head.

We rolled down the dirt road (that was a far more of an uncomfortable slope than I was used to) and approached the building. I can call it a building because the place is bigger than the house my parents raised three kids in. I would later learn it stands as a testament to how far one man will go to convince his wife to live in the middle of nowhere for their retirement. (Aside: they are never moving up there full time.) It was beautiful. It was scenic. It was picturesque. Of course, I have to take my wife's word for all that - I was still staring at my cell phone and realizing that there was a definite chance my future FIL could kill me and dispose of the body and no one would ever know.

You have to understand something about SciFi Dad. I grew up in the city. I mean, the real city. My parents' house isn't really located in a suburb, just a residential area of a city. And we were across the border from a very big city - one that was the murder capital for a while. Going there was my idea of adventure, not running into the woods and hoping nothing ate me. Crazy people shoot at you for a reason; animals just eat you because you're fleshy and slow moving.

Once I came to terms with the fact that I was completely dependent on my wife for the weekend, and that without her I would surely die (because we both knew if I wasn't with her my inlaws would have left me out in the bush to be eaten by the fishers) we went inside.

A few events stand out from that first weekend. I'll never forget that my wife, in an effort to force us to bond, left her father and I to make up the futons for us to sleep on while she went to get ready for bed. This allowed the following to happen:

FIL: "So should I make up one bed or two?"

Me: "Uh, two, sir."

"Because I know you don't have two bedrooms at your apartment."

Silence. Awkward, painful, silence.

"So two beds then."

"Yes sir."

If my memory serves me correctly, I did not allow my wife to use the bathroom by herself the rest of the weekend.

The next wonderfully fun anecdote from that weekend came the next morning. I awoke to learn that my snoring had kept.everyone.awake. So now on top of being the asshole who was sharing a bed with their daughter, I was also the guy who kept everyone up all night. Nice. I slept the last two nights on the screened in porch on an air mattress. From the vantage point of the present, the only solace I have in looking back at that story is that now my MIL sleeps on the same air mattress in our office whenever they stay at our place.

And to put a ~~foul smelling~~ cherry on the whole experience, the septic tank began to leak. It wasn't full (the cottage was only a couple of years old) but something went wrong and there was a brown hole on the property with a less than amiable smell emanating from it. And since it was August and there was no a/c, the windows remained open.

To recap:

city boy in the woods
unflappable thoughts of Deliverance
"One bed or two?"
sleeping on the porch
warm air + septic problems

and I still married her... does that give you a sense of how amazing that woman is?

What about you? How did the first time you met your future spouse's parents go? (Go ahead and say it: "Not as bad as yours." I know most (all?) of you will.)

SciFi Dad

A Decade of Dating, How Things Have Changed

2009-11-06T06:00:00.001-07:00

David's blog is fantastic and such a great tool for those of you that are single. I personally would be terrified to have to go out on the dating field again, I wouldn't even know where to start. I appreciate David's Guest contribution. He's a link nut but they are all really great sources... go check him out if you have time on his blog... he's a great read.

I’ve been divorced ten years, and throughout that decade I’ve been a single dad dating. I’ve enjoyed a few long-term relationships, some short term flings, one-night stands, booty calls, blind dates, crappy dates, and couch sex. I’ve even been stood up. I've got sexy and funny dating stories, for sure.

How has dating changed in the last ten years?

I see three biggies that bear examining: online dating, the economy, and dating as a single parent.

The Rise and Fall of Online Dating

Ten years ago, online dating was hot hot hot. I had my pick of women to go out with, from yahoo personals, match.com, salon and nerve personals (those last two were the best. Sexy open-minded intellectuals. Yum…)

Any given week, I’d go out on two or three dates. Online dating really was a great tool for meeting new people, setting up coffee and cocktails greet and meets. I became a bit of an online dating expert (in a sick, funny way.)

Since then? Online dating sites have fake dating profiles to draw in new members or solicit spam, and hookers looking for clients. Oh, sure – there are legitimate profiles from real people using the online dating sites. Some of those people, in fact, are lifers I recognize from a decade ago. I don’t date online anymore. I’ve met most of my girlfriends in real life. But I do still look on match, in desperate hope that Ms. Sexy Hottie Right will be there.

The Economy – From Boom to Bust

Ten years ago, the dot-com bubble meant everyone in Silicon Valley had mega bucks, at least on paper. Women could date a hot busboy, and still feel like he would provide and protect like no other. Other women had their sites set higher, and would flat out ask in bars what job you did in what startup, and how many stock options you had. Yeah, Silicon Valley dating was all about money. And not much fun.

These days, everyone is broke! I’m more prone to shake up my favorite margarita recipe at home than head out to a bar and buy ten dollar cocktails for my date and myself. I go on a lot more hiking dates (i.e. they don’t cost a thing!) these days than I did a decade ago. While it’s nice to not worry so much about flashing the bling, with the down economy people are less prone to go out, making it harder to meet someone new.

Dating as a Single Parent

Ten years ago, my kids were three and seven. Dating as a single parent was pretty easy – any woman I met could picture herself having babies with me, and my kids being close enough in age for us to be one big happy family. Plenty of naked spooning in bed for me, back then.

These days, my kids are teens. Any woman I date either has kids off to college, or she is younger and has no intention of staying with me long term. Yes I have my share of booty call relationships, usually older men younger women affairs. Whatever works! Single parents need intimacy, too.

The Next Ten Years

Ten years form now, both my kids will be out of college. I’ll be in my 50s. Hopefully by then, I will have met a sexy vibrant woman at my same life stage, enjoying our empty nest years together.

If not, I’ll divide my age in half and add seven, and date a sexy 30-something who needs intimacy while she’s shopping elsewhere for a man who will someday father her kids.

So what about you guys? Do you agree with this? How do you think it has differed?

© Copyright 2009, David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All Rights Reserved.

It must be AWFUL to be a girl...

2010-01-01T11:55:00.003-07:00

Happy 2010 Everyone!

No Truer Words were spoken... :)-- Click on it if you want to see it bigger!!!

Calvin and Hobbes has to be one of my favorite comic strips...

Ringing in the New Year!

2009-12-31T06:17:00.003-07:00

Happy New Year's Eve!!!

Here's hoping your New Year's Ever was better than this couple's from last year :)

And some New Year's Resolutions, I think a guy wrote them ;)

Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.
I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future.
I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.
I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.
Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.
I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....
I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.
I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).
I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
I will think of a password other than "password."
I will not tell the same story at every get together.
I won't worry so much.
I will cut my hair.
I will grow my hair.
I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!
I will be more imaginative.
I will not hang around girls - they think you love them and that sucks.
I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.

Hope you are all partying it up for the New Year!!! If you stop by let us know of any big plans!!! :) Or is your plans more like these guys:

Love,

Shelle and all the Real World Contributors!!!

You deserve a break... so take it

2009-12-30T06:00:00.003-07:00

For those of us lucky enough to be off work this week.

Remember...

It does no good to take the time off if we spend that time worried about what is waiting for us when we return.

I say this because January proves to be an ugly one for me at work. I am forcing myself to enjoy this time and not pine over the inevitable hell that awaits...

This one goes son the fridge at my house!

Happy New Year everyone!

From Chief

It's a silent agreement...

2009-12-29T05:30:00.001-07:00

My family is loud... or I should say LOUD. And sometimes it drives me nuts. We talk over each other, we laugh at inappropriate times, we fight, we make up, and we eat all.the.time while giving a Top Notch performance at the previous mentioned things. Any one of us want the center of attention and like hungry wolves we will do about anything to get the attention back on us.

Now some of us married spouses that fit right in, or should I say, are just as loud and attention hungry as the rest of us... which bodes well for them--at least when we are all on good terms and agreeing with one another.

For those of us, or me, that have a spouse that is appalled by all of this... it doesn't bode well for the guy. In fact, most of the time when we are hanging out with my family I rarely know where he is. He has gotten very good at seeking spots where he won't be bothered or should I say won't have to watch the circus that is my family.

I use to throw a fit about him going MIA until I realized I could do the same when I needed my space while hanging out with his family. And now this works for us. It's a silent agreement. One that hasn't had an official handshake, yet we both seem to know that the other will at some point (or in his case the majority of the time) will take time for themselves and may wander off and not be seen for some time.

But you want to know what I have realized this last week ... besides the fact that we have this silent agreement? I have realized that the very thing that drives me nuts about family (and I mean EITHER family)... is the very thing that endears me to them.

So all in all... I have had a very productive and enlightening Holiday so far and that counts for something!!!

How about you guys? How do you deal with family? Do you love it? Do you hideaway until it is time to go home or do you soak it all up and hate when it is time to part?

Shelle

Some Funnies

2009-12-28T05:25:00.002-07:00

Kids Are Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O..
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir.. It's the same dog
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

The awesome power of a wife's love

A very old man lay dying in his bed. At death's door, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral".

Hope y'all had an excellent Christmas!

Merry Christmas, Must Read Post

2009-12-25T05:00:00.002-07:00

Hey y'all I posted this must read post a couple of weeks ago when I got it in email, well there is another must read post and it is also a must comment on post, y'all hit up Sandi and give a lil love, they could use it. If you haven't alreay hit it on the other 4 blogs I posted it on hit that, its a short post.

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear..
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the
sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..

To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."
"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall.."

" So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
30th Naval Construction Regiment
OIC, Logistics Cell One
Al Taqqadum, Iraq

Nuff Said.

Did you hit the link or did you choose to suck as a human being?

Less Chex More Mix - The Mars/Venus Recipe Swap

2009-12-23T22:48:00.008-07:00

Psst! Tysdaddy here. I'm taking over the blog today to engage in a bit of festive merriment.

How about a show of hands: Who likes eating?

Thank you, I see that hand. And that one waaay in the back. Hands are raised all over the internet.

Why?

Because we're an eating bunch. Especially those of us pursuing or already in committed relationships . . .

Pardon me. I opened a new tab in my Firefox browser and tried to find some research to back up that claim, but it's late, Google is overwhelmingly vague at the moment, and I really don't care. Just nod your head in recognition of my profundity.

So, allow me to start a new holiday tradition here at In the Real World: The annual "Mars/Venus Recipe Swap."

[insert whoops and applause]

We'll do this every year on the day before Christmas. Because I said so. And because I know that we're all either eyeballs deep in cookbooks preparing grub for the hoards that will come knocking within the next 24 hours, or we're eating said grub and, with a crowbar shaped like a wine glass, are attempting to wrest the recipe for the simply succulent chicken feet kabobs out of Aunt Nellie's arthritic grip.

Bottom line?

By the end of the day, you'll have a recipe that you're just dying to share. Whether it's for some animal or vegetable swimming in gravy or a cookie shaped like a reindeer turd, this is the place to spill the three-bean salad.

To kick off the festivities, here is my super-secret, better-than-sex, stick-to-your-ribs recipe for Chex Mix. This Chex Mix is on steroids and bench presses 350 pounds. This Chex Mix will kick your grandma's Chex Mix's sagging booty.

Tysdaddy's Chex Mix That is Less Chex and More Mix and Rules the World of Chex Mix With Its Mightiness

1 Stick Salted Sweet Cream Butter
2 Cups Corn Chex Cereal
2 Cups Rice Chex Cereal
2 Cups Wheat Chex Cereal
2 Cups Garlic Parmesan CHEEZ-IT Crackers (Or White Cheddar if your are a sissy and can't handle so much garlic!)
1 Cup Salted Pretzel Twists
½ Cup Mixed Nuts
½ Cup Whole Cashews or Pecans
½ Cup Sesame Sticks
1 Teaspoon Lawry’s Seasoning Salt
½ Teaspoon Garlic Powder
½ Teaspoon Onion Powder
2 Tablespoon Worcestershire Sauce

Preheat oven to 250º.
Melt butter in microwave (Two minutes or so, and please put it in a bowl or something!)
Mix all the big, dry stuff in an oven pan (The cheap kind that you can toss when you're done.)
Add spices to melted butter and stir.
Pour seasoned butter over mix and stir.
Bake in oven for one hour, stirring every fifteen minutes.
Spread out and cool mix on towel.
Eat!!!!!!

And you will eat it, my friend. The whole batch. While it's still warm. And then your family or significant other will complain that they didn't get any. And you'll just laugh at their pain as you wipe the buttery crumbs off your Molly Hatchet concert tee.

'Cause that's how you roll!

Alright. Your turn. I know you've got a recipe you want to add to our first annual Mars/Venus Recipe Swap post thingy. So leave a comment already! And then you can go back to your party . . .

[Flickr photo is by foooooey and is protected]

11 years...and still nothing to that at all

2009-12-23T05:00:00.001-07:00

It's funny how life can be...fleeting...or fickle...or temperamental...or unblinkingly brutal - and yet you'd get down on your knees, no matter how messed up they are, and thank life (or whatever you believe in) for giving you a shot at happiness.

Before I met my wife in 1998, I was never able to maintain a relationship for more than few months at any time. Why couldn't I? Nothing seemed "comfortable" to me every time I ventured out into the tricky domain of dating and relationships. After a while, I was beginning to think that maybe I was the one with commitment issues.

When I met my wife the first time, nothing happened. No lightning bolt. No magic. No love at first sight. The Earth didn't crack. She was someone's girlfriend and I wasn't the type to mess around. I didn't really get to talk to her - just the introduction and I just moved on. Came across her in a bar few months later and I found out that she was single.

I came over to her, basically ignoring her friends with nothing more than a cursory greeting to each, and introduced myself. She smiled and said, "I remember who you are." That did stop me in my tracks and she had my attention. I chatted up with her a little and found out that she lived just 5 miles from where I participate in a dart league on Wednesdays. So, I asked her out and I gave her every chance to back out because this is a dart league but she kept assuring me that she would be happy to watch me compete.

She showed up like she said she would. After chatting with her for a while, I learned that the opposing team had not shown up and had to forfeit. This meant that I had more time to talk with her and boy, did I talk and talk and talk with her. The bar owner came by our table and informed us that it was time to close. That surprised me because I had lost track of time, so I turned to her and asked "Since everything else is closed for the night, what do we do?" She suggested that we go to her house and talk some more.

I finally left her house at 6:30 am, having chatted with her 11 hours straight and we agreed that I wouldn't return tonight or the next day so we each could spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with our loved ones. I came to her house at 7 pm on the 26th and left her house at 8:30 am the next day, having chatted with her for over 13 hours. That's mind-boggling 24 hours total on TWO dates.

She ended up moving in with me just 3 months later and proposed to me 2 months after that. I asked her about her "I remember you" remark few years later and she told me that when she met me the first time, she mentally took note of this tall guy with glasses because she found me to be very interesting. She had been curious about me ever since then.

We celebrate December 23rd every year as the date we started our lives together...and she is still curious about me.

Nolens Volens he also writes on his personal blog Welcome to My Secret Spot (Not Safe For Work)

Baby Jesus Was a Girl

2009-12-22T05:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been playing Barbies and found yourself with too many girl dolls for the double date you want to stage? And so you dress up one of the girls in a pair of jeans, stuffed her hair under a cap, and called her "Tim?"

Um . . . just me?

Ahem! Moving on . . .

This is my daughter, Zoe.

She's the little one, with the "Wake me up and I'll KILL you!" countenance. The fourth and final fruit of my loins. The other one is my wife. Both beautiful, no? And both of the female persuasion.

The date was Sunday, December 17th, 2000, a mere eight days before the big show that is Christmas Day. She entered the world on a dark and snowy morning just after 2:00AM. Or so I'm told; I think I slept through it. She didn't cry too much. My wife was drugged up and giggling maniacally when she wasn't snoring herself. We'd done this before, you see. Not a big deal.

We all loved holding her. Especially her big brother:

That's a death grip, people. That grin? Even at a tender eighteen-months, he is most certainly contemplating the havoc he will wreak upon her in the coming years. But darn it if she isn't just simply a cuddle bunny!

Fast forward one week. We're at church for the annual Christmas Eve shindig. The church famous for their live nativity. With live shepherds and sheep and donkeys and . . . people dressed up as angels. There is no shortage of live. And for the evening service, our friend Keith is going to sing a song by Michael Card titled "Joseph's Song." And because a live baby Jesus beats a plastic one any day of the week . . . and twice on Sunday . . . (sorry) . . . he asked if we'd be willing to let him hold Zoe while he sang.

(Holy crap! Show business! The crowds! The applause! The FAME!!!)

"Um . . . sure," agrees my wife. So she removes Zoe from her favorite pink blankie and we wrap her up in some brownish swaddling clothes. And there she was . . .

. . . swaddled, sashayed serenaded . . . and completely zonked. He kept rocking her and singing into her face, yet she snored and snored and refused to stir. They could have gone ahead and used the doll and no one would have known the difference.

Except for my wife and I. We stood in the wings and beamed with pride. Our little girl, the baby Jesus. That, my friends, is a helluva show . . .

So, it's Christmas week. Was Jesus really a girl? Scratch that . . . Do you and yours attend a live nativity? Or is that just too creepy, with all the hay and animal dung and all? With just a few days before the Big Day, what is one special thing you do to help bring it all together? And last-minute shopping doesn't count . . .

Guess what was in MY TIFFANY box!

2009-12-21T05:00:00.000-07:00

This is a great little Christmas story from a few years ago. Let me set the scene.
Now, I’m a snooper. I always have been and I probably always will be. I remember snooping through my parents closet one year before Christmas and finding a Timex computer (OK, I know I’m dating myself here, but anywhose) and my parents found out that I knew and they didn’t give it to us. They held off until Valentine’s Day!

I was living with my boyfriend at the time and my parents had just moved down to Florida. We were planning on going to visit them for the holidays so we decided to exchange our personal gifts to each other before we left so we didn’t have to travel with them there and back.
As I was going through my trunks of summer clothes so I could start packing, I noticed this

And my mind went here:

What girls heart wouldn’t go pitter patter at the thought of a Tiffany’s box sitting there. I didn’t own anything from Tiffany’s at the time. So I was super excited and immediately one thought came into my mind….he’s going to propose! I was so psyched! Plus I knew that his brother had bought his fiancé an engagement ring from Tiffany. So I knew that he would do the same thing.
So the night before we were leaving to head down to Florida I made plans to go out with my friends from work for a little Christmas cocktail hour. Said boyfriend wasn’t going, but he told me that I had better not get drunk because we were going to open our Christmas gifts when I got home. After he said that, I knew for reals that he was going to propose. He never cared before if I was drunk or not when I got home. This was finally it, it was going to happen.
I was giddy the entire happy hour and followed his instructions. I didn’t drink much and got home at a reasonable hour. He had all the gifts out waiting and we started our exchange.

Except, I didn’t see the Tiffany box.

We get through all the gifts and still nothing. Then he goes into the other room and gets it. I thought this was it, he was finally going to do it.

He walks over to me.

Looks me in the eye.

Says I love you.

And hands me the box.

I’m all shaky when I’m opening it.

The blue box.

The black velvety box inside.

The creaky noise those type of boxes make. You know exactly what I’m talking about.

I open it and find this….

(Ok, they were white pearls...but these are totally them!)

I don’t wear a poker face well. At all.

I’m sure he could see the disappointment from a mile away.

And that bastard.

Good thing he didn’t propose, he didn’t know me at all. I am so not a pearl type of girl.

Anybody else have a similar experience??? What do you think?

Donna also writes over at HER blog The Bare Essentials.

Sage on Holidays

2009-12-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

Well my whole life I have been surrounded by girl female women that go WAY overboard on the holidays. I mean like stoopid overboard. They get so silly about it too. To top it all off I could very well be the biggest grinch ever. I think its dumb to buy folks gifts because someone decided that on that particular day you are "supposed" to. For the love of all things good! In this day and age of an over reaching tax raising government its all most of the working class can do to keep the lights burning!

Anyway, we go all out. We have a plug in the wall santa clause, real life size that sings, I shit y'all not, thats the truth. We put up the tree on a certain day then wait and take it down a certain day. We have signs for the yard. We have lights, (*&^&^@*&@)(@&&^$%@*@(()!_)$) do we have lights. I knew Al Gore wasn't right cause if he was the instant we flipped the on switch all Polar bears everywhere would have melted!

We have a budget of course. Well here is how she does it. She says in her lil girl voice "Big Pappi how much can I spend per child?"

In years passed it would be like $300.00, but this year it will be like $50.00/75.00 (be careful how you vote! My kids get way less this way!)

So she has her budget right?

Nope, because you aren't smart enough to do Mamma Sage math. See Mamma Sage Math is like this. Lets say $100.00 per child cause I can prolly pick up a 4th full time job, is $100.00 worth of good items per child. Like 5 $20.00 gifts. Then you have the filler, so thats like 25 $1.00 gifts per child, 20 $2.00 gifts per child, and 15 $3.00 gifts per child. But Whoa Up there dear reader. We have yet to discuss the DUAL gifts. See you have to have DUAL gifts if you have dual youngins. These are fairly expensive like a tennis court or basketball court!! Hang on hang on she ain't done. THEN we have whole family gifts, cause ya know we have a whole family. This is damn expensive. Like a RV or a Bass Boat or the Hubble telescope or something. See how Mamma rolls?

Don't hate on her thats how she was raised. My momma was the same way. Swear to God (or Darwin for the liberals) Santa Clause came to my mommas house for ME and MY KIDS when she was living! I was 30 years old. ON THE PACKAGE IT SAID SANTA CLAUSE! This is no exaggeration either, at ma-in-laws house it takes a minimum of 10 trips to the workshop to tote the Christmas (or Holiday for the libs) decorations to the house!! Now I'ma pretty big fella and prolly stronger than most and it takes me 10 trips! They have a full size nativity scene for the yard, a santa and reindeer set for the yard as well as several for the house, 2 trees, 744932783473.5 ornaments (the boy child broke some and we saved 1/2 of one) and on and on and on. Its insanity. Pa-in-law won't tote em, he is almost as scroogy as me.

We haven't even discussed the other holidays. Its all the holidays. Quickly let me tell you about birthdays! Now we can't have a cake and 2-3 kids over to play for a few hours. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo way! Thats crazy. We have big parties (which I don't attend) at some damn place in town (an hour away) and we spend some serious dough. Why because they were birthed! Now that is stoopidity! Listen folks here is how it ought to go.

First all you did to get a party is be born. You were squeezed and squished through a birth canal and popped out a vagina, or you were pulled from your gutted mother. Thats it. Nothing else. For that some folks think you should be showered with gifts! Every year. They ought to cancel Mothers day and instead of giving you a birthday they should have folks who like you give your momma the gifts she did all the work! But if you must celebrate the Through the Canal Day here's what you should do.
Have a party every year 3-4 and 5. 1 and 2 won't remember so tell em they had one if they ask when they are older. Then at 10, just cause its a round number. Then at 16 cause that is a milestone. Then at 18 and 21, again milestones. Then on every 10 year, 30-40-50-60 and on and on. Used to at 65 there was adequate reason to have a birthday, retirement but with the out of control government folks are having to work until they are 177 so that one is out.

Anyway. How do y'all do holidays? How should they be done? Also before y'all get tore up cause I don't buy gifts for kids, ummm ever, I also don't allow ANYONE to buy me gifts except jeans and shirts, those I would have to buy at some point anyway.

Whatcha think?

Sage is out. (NSFW)

Going Overboard for the Holidays Venus Style

2009-12-17T04:00:00.000-07:00

Hubman does not go overboard for the holidays. He is the voice of reason. I usually do not go overboard for the holidays, but I could. Picture me with a Hubman on one shoulder as the angel, and me, but wearing a big bouffant hairdo and a 1950's christmas themed prom dress on the other shoulder as the devil.

Hubman and I have an agreement with gifts that has been working for us for many, many years. I shop for, select, wrap and mail all of the gifts for everyone all year long, and he does not complain about what I buy or how much I spend. We have a chat about price limits and I usually stick to it which adds to the harmony. Hubman buys my gifts, and then usually cards for me and his mother.

If the gift is something that really requires a second opinion or a large vehicle to transport it (like a bike) I bring him into it. Otherwise I just tell him later what I picked out.

My danger point for going overboard at Christmas is not shopping. I don't want to spoil my kids with tons of crap. I also don't want to have to deal with cleaning up and storing said crap. We do not have a big place and it does not take a lot for it to get cluttered enough for Hubman to start grinding his teeth.

Anyway, despite the minor exception with trying to get everyone on my list, the perfect, thoughtful gift, gifting is not where I tend to go overboard.

Its everything else. Christmas brings out my inner Martha Stewart. Once we get close to Thanksgiving I get this urge to make home made wreaths and topiaries! I want to wrap gifts in clever paper with bows made from recycled newspaper dyed with organic dyes! I want to have a tree in every room decorated with its own theme! I want to send a heartfelt Christmas card with a personalized letter to everyone I've ever known! I want to make 20 different kinds of cookies and candies to give as gifts and remember the postman, the paper boy, the crossing guard, the people in my office, and any random stranger who looks like they could use some sugar.

I want to watch every Christmas movie and special with the kids! I want to decorate my house with enough lights that it is visible from space. I want perfect family pictures with everyone, including the dog in matching sweaters.

However, eventually I put the magazine down and I hear the voice of Hubman in my head. "Sweetie", he says. "You are an awesome baker, but do you really have the time to bake 40 dozen cookies. Also, doing those roll out cookies always makes you crabby. " "Honey, remember how badly your burnt yourself on the hot glue gun when my mom let you try hers." And my favorite, "Honey, you know you don't like heights. You're really going to get up on the ladder for 3 hours to hang lights?"

Thank god for his voice in my head, otherwise I would probably have hot glued myself to the ladder while the kitchen goes on fire from my leaving cookies in the oven.

The only thing I might go a teensy bit overboard on is charity. I do 'adopt' two kids at Christmas through the Salvation Army that are close to the age of my kids and get them stuff. I put a dollar in every kettle I pass. I take my kids to they toy store and have them each pick out an item they like and drop in in the Toys for Tots box. I can't help it. My kids are so blessed in the fact that they have six doting grandparents, that it makes me want to ensure that as many people as possible have a Merry Christmas as well. An example of this is donating money towards the fundraiser mentioned at the top of this blog.

So ladies and gentlemen, which of you are the ones to go overboard? What do you go overboard on?

Just as a warning if you visit my blog today, I am half-nekkid. If that sort of thing offends you, I understand and respect that. However, if you can navigate through the nekkidness, you will find some fun, inexpensive gift ideas and lots of holiday recipes, including a treat exchange. If you want to learn more about the wonderful Hubman, you can visit him here, but I have to warn you that he is not usually safe for work.

Also, the very Handsome Southern Sage is taking Mars' position on this, so please stop by tomorrow and see what is on his mind.

So ladies and gentlemen, which of you are the ones to go overboard? What do you go overboard on?

Group Therapy- A Resentful Wife

2009-12-16T06:00:00.001-07:00

Welcome to Group Therapy:

"My husband lost his salesman job 8 and 1/2 months ago. I was lucky and was able to go back to a good job that paid well, has insurance, and keeps us relatively living the same as we are use to. It's tight but we are better off than a lot of people out there. Sounds great right?

Well here is my problem. This was to be a temporary fix, me working full-time (4-10 hour days), until he got another job, then I wanted to go to part-time or stay at home altogether like I have been doing for the last 5 years.

The longer he is out of a job, the less he looks for one and is content staying home. I'm not complaining one bit about the job he does as a stay-at-home Dad. He's actually quite incredible at it. The thing is, is it was not our deal and I am resentful. I want to be at home. Every time I approach the topic he gets defensive about it, saying things like, 'You think I like not being able to provide for my family?' Which in return makes me feel guilty for rubbing salt in the wound and then I go back to feeling resentful, I know he is running around taking care of our 3 kids all day, but I feel he is being lazy with the job search not at all giving it his full effort. This IS the only thing we ever argue about and it's starting to wear on me.

I need help on how I approach this with him. What's the best way to approach a guy who thinks I'm attacking his pride? Am I wrong for wanting our roles switched back to the way they were? Any suggestions for a resentful wife?"

Jessica

***If you have any questions or problems that you would like to have addressed in Group Therapy please email me at blokthoughts@gmail dot com or realworldvenusmars @ gmail dot com.

Leave your advice in the comments, comment on other comments, and feel free to comment Anonymously.

A Birth Control Pill, for Men?

2009-12-15T08:00:00.003-07:00

The female birth control pill has been around for almost 50 years, yet we're still waiting for a safe, effective, reversible option for men.

Why are we still waiting? Biology people, biology!

Ladies, how many eggs do you release each month? One, right?
(Yes, I know some women release more than one, hence fraternal twins, etc...)

So that's a pretty easy task, stopping one egg.

Gentlemen, any idea how many sperm you make?

Millions upon millions! A normal sperm count is 20 million per 1 milliliter of ejaculate.

That's a lot!!!

Which is why I'm not so sure that I would be willing to take a birth control pill. It seems to me that in order to work, it would have to somehow mess with testosterone production, which when you get down to it, is what really separates the men from the boys, so to speak.

I came across a survey that reported that 66% of men would use an alternative birth control method and that 75% of women would trust their partner to remember to take a pill every day. I'm calling B.S. on that! How many men answered that truthfully? We all want to appear to be considerate, willing to take the burden off you ladies! But in reality, I suspect the truth to be a lower number than that!

Now I'm certainly willing to do my part, don't get me wrong. Once Veronica and I decided we were done having kids, I happily went off to the urologist and got a vasectomy. Okay, maybe not happily, how about willingly?

Here's the best part- even though I readily agreed to allow a doctor to take a sharp instrument to my balls and sterilize me, permanently, Veronica is STILL on the pill. Apparently, when her hormones are left unregulated, she's less-than-pleasant to be around, and we're all better off with her on the pill.

Which really is why I wouldn't take a male birth control pill. It's for contraception only, while for women there are numerous secondary benefits. From Wikipedia:

The hormones in "the Pill" can be used to treat some medical conditions, such as polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), endometriosis, adenomyosis, anemia related to menstruation, and painful menstruation (dysmenorrhea). In addition, oral contraceptives are often prescribed as medication for mild or moderate acne.^[91] The pill can also induce menstruation on a regular schedule for women bothered by irregular menstrual cycles and certain disorders where there is dysfunctional uterine bleeding. In addition, the Pill provides some protection against breast growth that are not cancer, ectopic pregnancy, and vaginal dryness, and painful intercourse related to menopause.

Okay guys, be honest, pretend the ladies aren't listening and tell me, would you take a birth control pill?

Ladies, would you trust your man? You're the one who would end up pregnant if he messed up.

Discussion in the Comments section, please!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some of you might recognize me as the husband of Veronica, from Another Suburban Mom. In the interest of full disclosure, I have a rather naughty blog, Hubman's Hangout. I regularly write about sex, post nekkid pictures (of myself, Veronica, and others), write sex toy reviews and erotica, and can generally be offensive. So don't say I didn't warn you before you visit. Veronica can be naughty on occasion, especially for Half-Nekkid Thursdays, but she's generally safer to visit than I am.

The Man Pill

2009-12-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

As a woman, the idea of a male birth control pill sounds appealing. How nice would it be to dispense with the condoms, gels, diaphrams, etc. and their distracting shortcomings (and less than stellar prophylactic performance), as well as not have to deal with the hormonal effects of the pill/patch/shot/implant. How freeing it would be to hand over the daily necessity of taking a pill to my man. Let him deal with the hassle of going to the clinic every three months for his hormone shot. And best of all, sit back and watch him experience the emotional roller-coaster that is one of hormone therapy's several gifts. It would all be rather validating I think.

But.

If my partner is on hormones, I may still have to deal with the fallout. What would I do if my guy burst into tears over being reminded (again) to put the seat down, or turned all moody and passive aggressive when my mother comes to town? And what if he forgets to take his pill or postpones that visit to the clinic for his shot? I'm not so sure I'm willing to give up control over my reproductive powers to a guy who can't even remember to put the toothpaste back in the medicine cabinet.

Maybe in 10 or 15 years, after the first wave of unofficial guinea pigs have tested it and the long term effects are known, I might change my mind. But by then I'll be out of my childbearing years anyway, so it won't matter.

For now, I'll be keeping my IUD, thank you very much.

Stupid Smart Girl

Sage on Acting Different

2009-12-11T05:18:00.001-07:00

Well I think I am going to agree with SSG's take from yesterday. I am surely different depending on who I am around. I mean if my kids are around my behavior is much different. I use very little profanity, which is a conscious struggle for me, ummmm flavorful speech is pretty common for me. I never ever drink beer if my kids are around. Ever. I would think though that most everyone acts differently when their kids are present.

The bride, when hearing stories of what happened at poker, or at the annual cookout/dove shoot, or whenever she hears from some stupid idiot that innocently says something to her about something I said or did while in their presence, usually will ask at some point in the near future why I don't do those things when shes around. Or when they say "I heard you had a good time!" she glares through me with a WTFandango (parlance of the vanilla blog!) look. Some people just find me hilarious, I seem to be mo funnier if I have participated in a cool pop or two (or 11). So not only do I get better looking when I drink (to me) but I get smarter and funnier! So I must be way different when she isn't there, cause I tell the same things when she is there and she is mortified!

She is also different depending on the company we are around. I think she stays on pins and needles fearing what I will say. I don't know how many necks you know but we are likely to blurt out something that will embarrass our SO's at any time, and we don't whisper well. It also embarrasses her that I can never remember anyone's names and or story. So she fears I'll say something that will embarrass that person or something. Shes more uptight I reckon would be the best way to describe it. Also if she is around I have to be careful how much contact with girl female women. See the bride is deep south crackette. She ain't above scratchin out eyes. It is her belief that 94.37% of all women from 18-80 would like nothing more than to birth my brood, or participate in activities that could result in that. So I am real careful how I interact with girl, female, women. (I've told this before, but I know some of you are knew and haven't heard it and it explains what I mean) I told a frickin waitress one time she had pretty eyes. Thats it. She had been to the table 3-4 times and her eyes were just killin me they were like turquoise and bright. I said "you have pretty eyes" and for the love of all things good and nice I was in the dog house for a week.

So yes I'd surely say I act differently depending on the crowd.

Ok I have babbled enough.

Are you different when your SO is around? Do you suspect your SO is different when you aren't around.

Y'all have a big weekend and you can hit me up today also on HOTDADS and SAGEVILLE.

Who Am I, Really?

2009-12-10T06:00:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone - I've been a reader here at Venus and Mars for a while and now I'm finally taking the plunge.

Have you ever noticed that you are a different person depending on who you're with? My husband made this observation about me recently, and I am unsure what to think about it. I don't feel like I change who I am... but if I do act differently around diferent people, is that necessarily a bad thing? Does that mean I am disingenuous? That I'm a hypocrite? Is the goal in life to be the same person regardless of whose company I'm in?

He said he doesn't like the SSG who is her parents' daughter so much as he likes the SSG who is his wife. Who I am when I've spent time with my best girlfriend isn't his favorite either. So now I wonder... who am I when I am with them, versus who I am when I am with him? What qualities about me does he like, and which traits that are influenced by them does he dislike? It is interesting information, this observation of his... but it only adds to my self consciousness. Now when i'm with him I subconsciously try to be the person he wants and not the person he isn't so crazy about.

And I've just discovered something else that bothers me more than a little bit. I think I like the person I am when I'm with my favorite girlfriend more than the person I am when I am with my husband. What does that mean?

Maybe it only means that I think too much.

What do you think? Please, be gentle on my first day. :)

Stupid Smart Girl

Group Therapy-Does weight effect a relationship?

2009-12-09T07:18:00.003-07:00

Welcome to Group Therapy

Do you think the weight of your partner, gain weight or lose weight, effects the relationship. If so, how? Does it effect women or men more? What do you think?

Feel free to comment anonymously and comment on other peoples comments. It is okay to have a discussion! Follow comments if you want to know what everyone else is saying.

If you have any topics or questions for Wednesday Group Therapy send them in to blokthoughts@gmail.com.

Eating healthy when your partner doesn't want to...

2009-12-08T06:00:00.053-07:00

I remember the reaction on my wife's face when I told her of my decision regarding the eating habits 7 years ago. Shock and surprise...maybe even amazement. After the shock wore off, she asked me the big question.

Why? I was what you would call a steak and potato man. Literally. I would eat a plate of a 16 oz steak with a heap of potatoes and still ask for more. What did it? I had read somewhere in Reader's Digest that it was not beneficial to eat red meat all the time and I was getting desperate about my ever-expanding waistline.

I despise the idea of diets because the people who went on diets had wildly varying degrees of success and failure. People would lose 5, 20, 100 lbs and gain some of the weight back or all of that weight loss...or even gain back more than was originally lost. She asked the next big question.

How? I had a radical thought - why not call it "lifestyle change" instead of "going on a diet"? To me, the "diet" phrase meant a temporary measure to lose weight...and maybe gain all that back or more. By calling it a lifestyle change, you are committing to making the way you eat as part of your life.

My wife was intrigued by that concept, BUT...

She felt that it was too much to ask of her to commit to this change and did not want to make that jump with me. I told her that I understood and hoped that she would make SMALL changes to help me ease into this radical idea. She asked what I meant about the small changes and I said "we eat food with low or no fat and drink skim milk".

She did make the small adjustments necessary to help me with the transition, but she didn't really commit to my concept until she saw that I had lost 20 pounds without ever visiting the gym and I kept that off for 1.5 years without any effort. No gym, no daily exercise regiment, nothing. I even found myself waking up with more energy than before.

There is that weird side effect of not eating meat anymore...I discovered that my body couldn't handle much of meat anymore...not even at 6 oz. The meat would sit heavily in my stomach for hours and I found out that by walking for 30+ minutes, that helped alleviate the unpleasant feeling. I even was surprised to learn that by drinking water on scheduled intervals, that had effectively put an end to my ice cube habit...my body used to CRAVE for water and I associated that craving with the need to eat ice cubes.

With all the profound changes that were making a visible and positive impact on me, my wife realized this would not only benefit her but our family as well if we all committed to this lifestyle change. Our girls do not consume soda beverages or junk food on a daily basis. They wake up full of energy...sometimes too early in the morning. Hehe.

Sometimes, it's a good idea to incorporate the small changes in how you eat and drink if you want to make a major lifestyle change. What do you think when you hear "lifestyle change" instead of "diet"?

Weighty Issues

2009-12-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

I am a short and stout woman married to a tall and skinny man. You'd think that was no big deal... but sometimes I think it's like being a Mormon married to a Jew... it can work out, but it takes some work!

Add to that these facts:
1 - I come from a family that struggles Greatly with weight... I won't blame it entirely on genes or bad metabolism (though I like to think that is a factor) because I'll be honest - I didn't learn good eating habits from a father who thought it was okay to serve dinner by having the kids parade by the stove and spear a hot dog or three with a fork. Seriously - he called it "meat on a stick" night... when money wasn't so tight we might get a pork chop thrown in the mix. (still speared on a fork - Dad was all about saving on labor by not dirtying any plates) Mom's meals were more "complete" as far as the food groups were concerned - and I know that she tried to force us to eat our veggies... (just ask my sister who I think is STILL sitting at the table because she won't try her spinach) but the words "portion" and "control" were never uttered in the same sentence.

2 - Man Of The House comes from a family that has no weight issues. Seriously - his mom had 11 children and in the photos of her holding new baby - she's still a size 2 or 4... granted, a size 2 or 4 with glasses of varying ugliness, but tiny nonethless. His sisters have followed in her footsteps and are all tiny things... I would hate them if they weren't so darn nice. Do they eat well??? Well, they eat their veggies - but as far as whole grains and sweets go - it's amazing to me that a family that keeps M&M's in their bedrooms for quick treats can look so amazing!

A few years ago I looked at myself and decided that my own eating patterns had to stop. On July 1st of that year I started to write down everything I ate and limited calories/fat/sodium/etc... to a reasonable level. This was a MAJOR struggle for me.

I've always been "small" - I mean, I'm only 4'11" so a few extra pounds show up pretty quickly - I wasn't looking to lose a LOT of weight - I was pretty sure I was only 10-15 pounds over... (more about THAT later)

At first I didn't tell anyone - it wasn't hard for breakfast or lunch because I was pretty much on my own for those meals. Nixing between-meal snacks was a killer - and dinner... well, I spent two months being pretty creative about replacing our pasta with whole grains - cooking with ground turkey instead of ground beef - and all those little changes.

I'm not sure which change Man Of The House noticed first - my waist line or the grocery bill (hey, eating healthy ain't cheap!) but I'd like to think it was my body... and from then on I involved him in my struggle. I don't know why I didn't do it before because it got SO much easier! He certainly didn't have any weight to lose - but when we made it about eating more healthful meals he jumped on that bandwagon!

Of course... he was a little upset when he found out I'd been substituting ground turkey for beef without telling him (trust me, nobody noticed the change - I started with using both meats, then went 100% turkey - adding a little beef bouillon powder for the flavor if needed).

Working together made it a lot easier.

But wait... this isn't about successes - entirely... because what I neglected to do once I lost (way more than 10) a whopping 35 pounds is remember to keep up the portion control. So I'm starting over - and the first thing I did this time was to recruit the man... he doesn't wonder at all when I get up first from the dinner table. He doesn't complain at all when he needs to put away the leftovers (because I REALLY don't have that willpower yet). The best thing ever - he actually goes out of his way to make sure that there's a well prepared vegetable on the table and while we're making the kids eat it - I eat it too... someday I may actually grow to like it???? (My sister however will never learn to like them, so please Mom - can she finally just go to bed???)

by T - and T stands for Turkey burgers :)

Mommy is the Master of the Bathroom!

2009-12-04T06:39:00.000-07:00

I will not share a bathroom with my husband or his offspring.

At our house we have two bathrooms. A guest bathroom and the master bathroom.

Approximately 6 years ago, after living life as the only vah-jay-jay in a house full of penises for 10 years I decided it was time for segregation! (Rosa Parks can kiss my arse, I refuse to get my butt cheeks stuck to the toilet seat whether it's at the back of the bus or right up front!)

Case in point:
I remember watching my son spin in circles while he was relieving himself, spraying into the bathtub, trash can and all over the walls. When I screamed at him he looked at me like I had lost my mind! I went in to his dad to complain and sure enough, I was met with the same expression. This is where and when I drew the line in the sand.

Mommy is the master, therefore she gets the master bathroom. Anyone with a prostate will need to make their way down the hall to the guest bathroom.thank. you. very. much.

No more toilet seat hinges, caked with brown dried urine. No more falling into the toilet in the middle of the night. Gone was the visions of enormous poops left in the toilet or better yet, giant skid marks circling the bowl. (girls don't leave skid marks, right?)

I know you are wondering how I can get away with this. Well, it has been 6 years and I can honestly say, I have only peeked in that bathroom a handful of times since... (when company comes, I like to throw a gallon of bleach in and push it around with a stick). For all I know, there are piles of excrement on the floor. Don't worry, every week I send Duke in to clean it and I have decided if it is clean enough for him, then it is OK by me. What I don't know won't hurt me and the immunity the boys are developing from the filth is something scientists would pay big bucks to get their hands on.

My family doesn't have to deal with the "girly crap" all over the bathrooms either. I have an in-home salon that holds all of my "war paint" and hair doo-dads. My feminine supplies go in the trash can in MY bathroom and my toothbrush sits alone on the counter in MY bathroom.

I feel it is the least I deserve for putting up with all of the testosterone fueled looks of confusion on a daily basis ~wink~

I would love to hear what you have to say. I will do my best to answer each one of your comments, so talk to me people!

Chief

(Hiding from the Kids)

P.S. I love having boys and I love my husband with all my black heart. I can't imagine life any other way. (I especially can't imagine life forced to sit in urine.)

Sharing a bathroom, things that drive me nuts!

2009-12-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

Do I like sharing a bathroom with my spouse? Seriously…? That’s like asking if I like getting kicked in the nuts? No…no I do not. If I had enough money to make it possible that my house had a he and a she bathroom – it would be done by now.

To set the stage, I live in a three-bedroom, one-bath house with my wife and our adoring, perfectly well-behaved devil children (ages 5 & 7). Our last house was a four-bedroom, two-and-a-half bath house. Yeah…talk about a downgrade.

The kids sharing the bathroom – I can handle that. Worst part is cleaning my sons piss off the toilet seat cause he’s too lazy to lift 2 things before unleashing his stream. But the wifey....let me count the ways she drives me nuts….

1) The Bow-Tie Toothpaste
I’ll never for the life of me understand why she can’t push the toothpaste from the bottom? Why? Every morning and night, the toothpaste container looks like a bowtie – fat on both sides, tight in the middle.
2) Here’s your 1 inch of cabinet space honey!
We have a Walgreens in our freakin’ bathroom and it takes up every inch of shelf space but one. It’s so packed, that EVERY morning when I get my deodorant or hair gel out, I inevitably knock one of her products out by accident.
3) Loofahs loofahs everywhere a loofah!!!
I am convinced this woman has a loofah for every significant part of her body, as well as back-up loofahs in case one goes on the fritz or, God forbid, touch one of my bodyparts. If only she knew what I did with the loofahs when I take a shower.
4) Where in the name of hell is my freakin’ towel?!!

This one really makes me batty. My lovely and talented bride goes to the linen closet, gets herself a fresh towel, takes a shower, gets out of the shower and wraps her gorgeous body with said towel. But she doesn’t stop there cause her flowing hair is wet. So she grabs MY freakin’ towel to dry it off with and never replaces it. So to recap…goes to linen closet – gets 1 towel, not 2 – uses mine for her beautiful hair – doesn’t replace it. Leaving me, hours later, naked and soaking wet to hunt for a new towel.
5) Replace the toilet paper roll? Why…you always do it..
That must be what goes through her mind because I can’t figure out any other reason. But it never fails….the few times I don’t look before sitting, I usually end up stranded and screaming for one of the kids to come hook a brother up.

So I guess five….five things drive me nuts about sharing a bathroom with the wifey. There’s no lacey panties laying around. Hand written notes to me saying how much she wishes she could take a shower with me. No sexy messages written on the fogged-up mirror. None of that. Just five…wonderful….amazing bathroom gifts that make me love her more and more every day.