Today we have our first guest poster! Missty from Life is Good. Please click her blog link and offer up some comment love! Missty just celebrated her 26th Wedding Anniversary and has four nearly grown boys, two of which recently left the nest. She loves to cook and garden (check out her flowers, beautiful!) Funny, smart and a wonderful blogger we're very glad to have her offer up the post below. Enjoy!
Sexless Marriage.
Wow, what do you think when you hear those words? Kind of a taboo subject? I think how very sad. And yet so many marriages are in this very state. Some because that’s what they both prefer… though I can’t imagine there is a guy out there that doesn’t want sex. Some because it slowly ended up that way, and last some couples just can’t stand each other and are just co- habitating till the kids are raised, and then both will go their separate ways. Many couples live even in separate bedrooms.
I was having lunch with a friend last week, and she has not had sex with her husband for over 6 years! They have been married about 20 years. She was telling me how she doesn’t think they will ever have sex with each other again. Its to awkward, she said. How would we just “start” to have sex again? She asked. She mentioned that it was a slow process, but look where they are now. She didn’t really plan it this way, but this is where she is at. No sex one night, turned into one week, turned into one month, turned in to one year, and there you are.
Wow, is all I could think of for the rest of the day. How do you get to that point?
I started to think back about 17 years ago to my own life. Married, to a wonderful guy – who worked very long hours at 2 jobs, for very little money. I was mommy to our four small boys’ ages newborn to 8 years old or so. Tired and exhausted. Lots to do, no money, bills stacking up, a husband who was young, and tired as well. I could see us, having less and less sex. Who wanted it? Not me!! If I was hitting that mattress – it was to sleep! My husband – wanted it, he needed it. He was under tons of stress at work, and at home. We weren’t sexless, we were just not having it as much as we probably both wanted or needed.
Then I had an “Ah-Ha” moment. My baby was just about a year old. When I was watching a talk show that was talking about sexless marriages. Wow – who knew? I seriously had never thought about married people NOT having sex for extended periods of time. Seriously! LOL I just thought it was something you did. It was something I enjoyed a few years back, before I became this overly exhausted mommy. But, I always knew it would get better, right? It’s just temporary… I think that’s what my friend thought as well.
After that show I decided I needed to make “US” First. The kids would now be put to bed at 8:00 pm. They could read, or they could sleep or talk quiet to each other. But my man and I needed each other. We needed a new spark. We would “date” even if it was within our own home. I would flirt like I use to do and put that cute skirt on that he loved. We needed our sex life to get like it once was – Or better.
I thought to myself I don’t want to end up like those couples on that TV show.
And now here I am with a guy who rocks my world, better than ever. It has never been an issue since. I made US important, and in return he made us important.
Having lunch with my friend, I wish I could have told her some incredible advice to get that spark back. To get the intimacy back in her relationship. The passion.. But I fell short. I pretty much said nothing. She says they both love each other. But, she just doesn’t know how to go about connecting again. And what do you say to someone who hasn’t had sex for over 6 years?
So what do you suggest? Are you in a sexless marriage? What do you wish you could do about it?
