24 hours of ME time...Female Perspective

So the question posed was, "If you had 24 hours to do whatever you wanted how would you fill it?"

My Perfect Dream Day On My Own

Wow, it has been a long time since I’ve even thought to plan out a day all on my own. I do get chunks of time for me here and there, but an entire day…! Normally if I take time on my own, I’m out shopping for stuff for my family or the house…not necessarily for me. So, this is what I would do if the entire day was about ME.

8:00 am - Wake up, shower, get ready for the day, eat.

9:30 am – Grab a coffee from Starbucks on the drive…since I’d have to drive at least 20 minutes to get anywhere that has something to do.

10:00 am – Take an introductory yoga class.

11:00 am – Mani/Pedi, Massage, Facial, Relaxing lunch

2:00 pm – Shopping (bookstores, organizing stores)

4:00 pm – Writing a post for blog or work on a freelance editing project (because I like to, not because I have to).

6:00 pm – Dinner. (Anything but hotdogs and macaroni! Probably something like teriyaki chicken and rice with Coke Zero…and chocolate silk pie for dessert. Yum!!!)

7:00 pm – Quiet reading time (A brand new book bought while shopping earlier in the day.)

10:00 pm – Meditate (What does REAL silence sound like anyway?)

10:30 pm – Sleep…lots of sleep.

So what about you? Anything specific that you’d like to do with an entire day to yourself? Would your day be similar to mine?

Chantol writes at Domestically Disabled

Group Therapy: Should I settle?

Welcome to Group Therapy:

I am 38, never married, and have never even dated much. I am quiet, shy, overweight and plain.

I have been seeing a man who is 43 years old, and who has also never been married. He has asked me to marry him, but I haven't given him an answer because I don't think I really love him. He is very good to me and treats me like gold, but there is absolutely no spark. (There's also no sex because he is impotent)

So do I marry him and "settle," just to be married, or do I live the rest of my life alone? Is it better to marry my best friend, or should I wait for a the Man of my Dreams who might never come?

Jessica

Well give your advice in the comments and let her know what you think. Go ahead and comment anonymously if you want.

***If you have a topic or problem you want addressed in Group Therapy please email them to me at blokthoughts @ gmail dot com.

You Spent How Much???

I think for most women, shopping is a fun activity. We all do it for different reasons. Some have to have the latest and greatest fashions. Some are in it for the hunt, of a great bargain. Some women even refer to shopping as therapy.

I will admit, I do love to shop. In my defense, I shop for others mostly. I like coming across something that, So'n'So must have, and being able to buy it for them.

I did mention "mostly" right? I do have a personal addiction that can be very costly. FABRIC! I love to sew. And when I started sewing again a couple of years ago, I became obsessed with fabric. Now, my spare bedroom has been turned into a studio and it's wall to wall fabrics. When you consider that I buy high end fabrics, $8 to $13 per yard, you realize that a big chunk of money is sitting in my studio. And don't even get me started on the machines.

My addiction to fabric is why I started selling my creations online again. I needed something to do with all the stuff I was making, and some funds to support the habit.

My husband used to get irritated with the amount of money. With rude or nasty comments about my spending on fabrics. Until last Christmas that is.
I hadn't even been selling for a year yet. So he couldn't see any profits. All he saw was the spending. Until Christmas shopping season began. And all of the sudden, I was getting orders almost everyday. And by the time it was all said and done, I had paid for Christmas. What I made online covered it all. Which worked out great, because he was unemployed last Christmas.
This year, he has been very encouraging. Excited even, about my Christmas sales.

So yes, I do love to spend money. On all sorts of things, not just fabric. But I also realize that in order to have this privilege I must also contribute. Everything I buy, that isn't considered a 'need', more than pays for itself in the long run. My husband is usually understanding. The bills come first. We pay for everything with cash, so we owe no one. I think it works out well in the end.

I have opinions about women who don't work, but run through the household money like water. I have met them. And I feel sorry for their husbands. But that's all I am going to say on the subject.

How about you? Do you know someone who is out spending all the money, while hubby is busting his butt to earn it? What's your opinion about this sort of behavior?

Missy
Life In Left Field

The Purchasing Department, The man Funding the Legend

1. What about a significant other that shops to much or in other words spends to much?!

Well well well ole Shelle has hit on a subject I can surely opine on. Now in my relationship with the loverly bride I am the one who does the accounts receivable and she does the accounts payable! She is without a doubt the best purchasing department in the history of mankind. She surely works for the White House! (any administration) If she doesn't she is giving them lessons that they are following well! I mean y'all this chick can do some spending!

Now in her defense, I refuse to go in pretty much all stores. Even hunting stores. I buy, snuff, fuel, beer and food when I'm on the road, already cooked food. Everything else that gets bought by the Sage's she buys.

Also it must be told that she ran a division of the local government names ______ ______ Community Coordinated Child Care. She was in charge of millions of dollars or taxpayer money state wide. She HAD to spend all the money or they wouldn't be allotted the same amount the next year, they would get less. That's how the government (either party) works. No wonder we are in the mess we are in. Well she carried that mentality right on up in our check book!

The only power I hold in our house when it comes to the money is veto power, I have rarely used it on specific purchases but have implemented my take on debt/spending and life in general. See I don't want to owe anyone. Ever. Not money, not favors, not good juju, nothing, ever. She is good with the payment plan. Well when we were first wed she had been on several payment plans and was good with them. She spent (and still spends) every single dime we have. Well since I couldn't change her and got tired of fighting about it I just adjusted the amount she was in charge of. Now what we do is I take the income and separate it BEFORE we budget it. She still spends every dime she gets, she just doesn't get every dime.
Now as I have stated everywhere I opine, I am all in for the kids, but I am AGAINST giving them everything they WANT. She is not. Outside of just pure craziness she will spend the last of her free money for the month, on the 12th if she has enough to quench their desire at the moment. Drives me ab-so-lute-ly nuts! Now we aren't talking about shoes or milk, we are talking about a $10.00 toy or 7. "Burning a hole in her pocket" is an understatement for her. She just can't stand it.

Recently the T.V. we had when we got married finally gave out. It was at least 15 years old. So we needed a new one. She called me from the store and was reading me off the prices on what she was looking at, $380.00 for this one, $500.00 for this one, $750.00 for this one, $899.99 for this one and $1100.00 for this one, best ever TV. (does the da*n thing cook and clean?????) Of course she is reading all the virtues of each one, plasma, flat screen, blue something or other, one of 'em you just said out loud what channel you wanna see, one of em had internet, one of 'em hooked in to your gps in your car, one of 'em had a humidifier built in, and you got a toaster if you bought one, etc etc. So I said, "You can write a check for $500.00 (other than what she already gets)". Wanna come watch my $750.00 idiot box anyone???????????????? Yup, her Momma was with her and paid for the other $250.00, yeah payment plan with her momma y'all!!!

I was going to tell you nice people about the satchels. I don't know if I can. My blood pressure is on the edge cause I'm fat and when they drew my blood the results were 88% canola oil. People we have satchels. Every kind. No lie, we have 200 satchels. TWO HUNDRED! Some as big as my fist and some you could smuggle a 9 year old in! All kinds. WTFandango is that? (ladies I bet I could go write down the name brands and you would make me throw up when you told me approximte price per)

Ok short true story: We went to NYC. Ya know they have better satchels there than here. Well we bought some. I was feeling generous. We bought some more. Then saw several we didn't know how we had possibly lived this long without, so we bought them (I could go on with the bought more's). Folks we had to BUY A SATCHEL TO TOTE THE DA*N SATCHELS IN. Ok I'm feeling palpitations. Yes that is a true story we had to buy a HUGE satchel with wheels to put the satchels in! Here we go satchel full of satchels rolling behind me down the sidewalk of NYC.

Note ** We were in the only F-250 crew cab in sight while driving down 42 street and every other street there, and surely the only one that spit out the window.

Well all that just to say this has been a HUGE point of contention between us. It took me 10 years to figure out how to fix it but I think I am on the top side of it right now with the holding back and not letting her see the actual checks and budgeting the budget before we budget the budget (say that 10 times topless!) (send pic of topless).

Who is the spender in your family? How do you deal with it? Let me know what you think or what you do as a couple to keep spending from being a sour note in your relationship. How do you deal with being the spender or living with one?

Sage is out.

A Decade of Dating, How Things Have Changed

David's blog is fantastic and such a great tool for those of you that are single. I personally would be terrified to have to go out on the dating field again, I wouldn't even know where to start. I appreciate David's Guest contribution. He's a link nut but they are all really great sources... go check him out if you have time on his blog... he's a great read.

I’ve been divorced ten years, and throughout that decade I’ve been a single dad dating. I’ve enjoyed a few long-term relationships, some short term flings, one-night stands, booty calls, blind dates, crappy dates, and couch sex. I’ve even been stood up. I've got sexy and funny dating stories, for sure.

How has dating changed in the last ten years?

I see three biggies that bear examining: online dating, the economy, and dating as a single parent.

The Rise and Fall of Online Dating

Ten years ago, online dating was hot hot hot. I had my pick of women to go out with, from yahoo personals, match.com, salon and nerve personals (those last two were the best. Sexy open-minded intellectuals. Yum…)

Any given week, I’d go out on two or three dates. Online dating really was a great tool for meeting new people, setting up coffee and cocktails greet and meets. I became a bit of an online dating expert (in a sick, funny way.)

Since then? Online dating sites have fake dating profiles to draw in new members or solicit spam, and hookers looking for clients. Oh, sure – there are legitimate profiles from real people using the online dating sites. Some of those people, in fact, are lifers I recognize from a decade ago. I don’t date online anymore. I’ve met most of my girlfriends in real life. But I do still look on match, in desperate hope that Ms. Sexy Hottie Right will be there.


The Economy – From Boom to Bust

Ten years ago, the dot-com bubble meant everyone in Silicon Valley had mega bucks, at least on paper. Women could date a hot busboy, and still feel like he would provide and protect like no other. Other women had their sites set higher, and would flat out ask in bars what job you did in what startup, and how many stock options you had. Yeah, Silicon Valley dating was all about money. And not much fun.

These days, everyone is broke! I’m more prone to shake up my favorite margarita recipe at home than head out to a bar and buy ten dollar cocktails for my date and myself. I go on a lot more hiking dates (i.e. they don’t cost a thing!) these days than I did a decade ago. While it’s nice to not worry so much about flashing the bling, with the down economy people are less prone to go out, making it harder to meet someone new.


Dating as a Single Parent

Ten years ago, my kids were three and seven. Dating as a single parent was pretty easy – any woman I met could picture herself having babies with me, and my kids being close enough in age for us to be one big happy family. Plenty of naked spooning in bed for me, back then.

These days, my kids are teens. Any woman I date either has kids off to college, or she is younger and has no intention of staying with me long term. Yes I have my share of booty call relationships, usually older men younger women affairs. Whatever works! Single parents need intimacy, too.


The Next Ten Years

Ten years form now, both my kids will be out of college. I’ll be in my 50s. Hopefully by then, I will have met a sexy vibrant woman at my same life stage, enjoying our empty nest years together.

If not, I’ll divide my age in half and add seven, and date a sexy 30-something who needs intimacy while she’s shopping elsewhere for a man who will someday father her kids.

So what about you guys? Do you agree with this? How do you think it has differed?

© Copyright 2009, David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All Rights Reserved.

The Me now dating and the ME then dating...

Donna is one of our single contributors. Her site is intriguing and beautifully written. She has an honesty about her writing that you don't feel on a lot of blogs. I am so lucky to have her write for us and be a part of Team Venus. This post about her in the RAW is a great read, she obviously wrote one of these before the other... but it's still honest and open and that is the best kind of blog reading! Check her out on her own site when you get a chance, her link is at the bottom of this post.

Wow, things have changed so much in the past 10 years.

First of all, I think I was getting a whole heck of a lot more action 10 years ago than I am now. I know that’s my fault. I wasn’t as picky as I am now. I wasn’t looking for someone to spend my life with, I was looking for someone to pass the time with. Definitely still committed, but I was more into having fun than creating a life long, lasting relationship.

I think the biggest difference between now and 10 years ago is technology. It has changed so much. 10 years ago I was on a dial up internet connection, in chat rooms on AOL that kept booting me out every time the wind blew. It was terrible. Paying per minute. Ick.

But 10 years ago the thought would have never crossed my mind to use a personal ad. Online or otherwise. I didn’t have a choice, but to head out with girlfriends to the latest hot spot. All I had to do was get all prettied up on a Friday night and hit a club or bar with one of my girlfriends and we were all set. Never a shortage of guys. Nowadays, it just seems so much more difficult. I think the internet has made all of us a bit reclusive. It’s so much easier to “meet” someone from the comfort of your couch, in your pajamas with a glass of Cab in hand. I can be anyone I want to be, and in part, that’s a huge problem too. But more on that later.

On my couch, I can do it on my terms, in my own time. If someone emails me or “winks” at me online or requests to IM me, I can choose to ignore it and basically not feel guilty about doing so because I’m not actually rejecting someone to their face. And on the verse of that, I don’t feel “as” bad when someone doesn’t respond to me if I email them because they are not actually rejecting me to my face, just not responding.

When I used to go out with one friend in particular, she would always lecture me. Never turn down a dance from anyone, no matter what. You never know what you’re missing out on. And she was right. Not only is it difficult turning someone down in person, I was limiting myself. Not letting myself be open. I was basing everything on first glances and if I thought that person was physically attractive. Don’t get me wrong, I still do that online. If I don’t find their pictures at least somewhat appealing to me, you can bet I’m not going to be clicking on that profile or responding to an email that was sent to me.

Honestly, up until recently, I had never dated someone that wasn’t in my circle of friends. I had never dated someone that my friends didn’t know or wasn’t from my neighborhood, etc. It’s kind of tough breaking out of that mentality and scary too. I’m still getting used to going out with guys that none of my friends or family know in some capacity. As I get older, (Ugh, I’m only 36, that’s not that old, right?) my network of single friends has gotten smaller.

I also think that people just don’t have the time like they used to and the Internet or Speed Dating has kind of stepped in to alleviate that problem. The whole speed dating thing does not appeal to me at all. It kind of reminds me of a cattle call. But busy schedules, commitments and careers have become the focus and people just don’t have the time to really get to know someone, it all seems so rushed.

I think the media has also made me a bit more skeptical than I was 10 years ago too. The worst thing my mother would warn me about when I went out was to keep an eye on my drink and make sure that no one slipped anything into it. Now you hear every day about people being murdered by someone they met online or the whole Craig’s list killer thing. It’s hard out there for a pimp, yo. You never know if the other person you’re chatting with is being honest, is who they say they are or is not completely and absolutely crazy. Not that I couldn’t go out and meet someone at a bar or at church even and run into the same kind of issues (Hello Scott Peterson. He looked so normal and decent and then he goes and kills his wife!)

Technology has changed the face of dating completely for me. Sometimes now, I feel like I am paying for a date with all the online subscriptions to meet the man of my dreams. It kind of makes me feel a little dirty sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I still go out, I still put in a good effort to actually meet someone in person, but sometimes, it’s so much easier, after a long day at work to turn on my laptop and see if anyone interesting viewed my Match ad, or my eHarmony profile.

Has dating itself changed for the better or worse over the past 10 years? I don’t know. I truly believe it’s me that has changed. And that’s a good thing. I didn’t know what I was looking for 10 years ago. Now I have a much better idea and can take my time and find the right person that will compliment me. I’m not just worried about the hook-up or who I’m going to be with this weekend.

And if the Internet can help me do that, I’m all for it!

How do you feel that dating has changed? Whether you are single or not how would you meet people if you were in my situation?

Donna- The Bare Essentials

Our Friendship means alot

Welcome to Group Therapy:

"I met this woman online and after our first date we've done the hanging out like a couple of buddies--movies, drinks, the occasional lunch, parties with friends. She's fantastic! She's beautiful and funny and laid back, she seems like the perfect woman for me. For her job she has to travel quite a bit and when she goes out of town she texts me or emails me that she misses me, and then she will say those words, 'Our Friendship Means Alot to Me', I would always reply, 'I feel the same'. If you can't tell I have really fallen for her but the last time I took the words 'you mean a lot to me' as something more than friendship I found out it was code for I like your company and friendship but I don't like you anymore than just a friend. I am also not her only 'friend' sometimes I will ask her to go somewhere with me and she will let me know she has been asked out for that night. Since I don't know how she is with other men I have no idea if she is the same way with me that she is with the other men she goes out with.

We have everything I like in a relationship except the sex, I want to take it to the next level but I guess I'm afraid to put myself out there and learn that she really only wants me as just a friend and I really don't want to lose what we have right now.

I guess I want people's opinion on what they would do in my position? Thanks Shelle.

Jay"

There you go guys. Leave your opinions in the comments and let Jay know what you think. You can also comment anonymously. I'm not sure if Jay will be monitoring comments or not, I know that he knows I posted this today.

We are also looking for more Group Therapy topics or questions so please email them to realworldvenusmars@gmail.com or blokthoughts@gmail.com