Monday, March 30, 2009

For Love...And Underwear

This story below comes from a wonderful blogger Blonde Duck.  She is an aspiring writer with a collection of short stories that are full of wit and humor (and often times pie!)  Married to her love Ben and raising two furry children she dishes up a little reality about how you know when you're really married. You can find her page at A Duck In Her Pond.
The first time it really hit me that I was married, I was standing in a check out line clutching a pile of my husband’s boxers.

And in that moment, I felt twelve years old again.

I was in 
seventh grade.  As I breezed in after school and piled my books on the kitchen table, I saw my mother shifting through shopping bags on the counter.  Immediately, I perked up.

“What’d you get?” I asked, sliding over and peering into the bags. 

“Underwear for your father,” my mother said, pulling out the boxes and showing them to me.

I shrank back in horror.  “You buy his underwear?”

“Well, yes,” my mother said.  She raised an eyebrow.  “I buy your underwear.”

“That’s different,” I argued.  “I’m a girl.  Dad’s…not.”

“Duh,” my mother said.  The corners of her lips twitched.  “If I had a son, I’d buy his underwear.”

“But that’s different,” I argued.  “He’d be your kid.”

“And Dad is my husband,” she replied.  “I can buy underwear for my kids, but not my husband?”

“Why can’t he get his own underwear?” I asked.  “He’s an adult.  Shouldn’t adults buy their own underwear?”

“I was at the mall and he needed new underwear, so I picked some up,” my mother said.   I ignored the giggles she was trying to repress.  “Why should he come out to the mall when I’m already there?”

“This is just so weird,” I burst out.  “Would you let Dad pick out your underwear?”

“Of course,” Mom replied.  “And he has before.  Lovely things, too.  There was one thing…”

At this point, I wanted to throw up.  The idea of my dad purchasing underwear for my mom made me want to gouge my eyes out with a spoon and plug my ears. 

“It’s just gross,” I bellowed, my twelve year old mind unable to wrap around the concept of my parents and underwear.  Sure, I’d seen my Dad in his underwear plenty of times, but that was different.  That was 
Monday morning chaos or nightmares in the middle of the night or all of us sharing a hotel room during vacation.  The idea that my parents not only pranced around in their underwear in front of each other but selected underwear for one another was revolting.

“Don’t worry,” my mother said, sensing I was about to escape to a convent.  “You’ll pick out your husband’s underwear someday.”

With a shriek of disgust, I set off to find a spoon.

Nine years later, I had been married for a month and just graduated college.  While moving into our new house, I had discovered Ben’s underwear looked like giant moths had attacked it.  The next thing I knew, I had marched to 
Old Navy and scooped up a pile of boxers. 

It didn’t sink in that I was married when I changed my name at the social security office.  It didn’t sink in that I was married when people called me Mrs. and ma’am instead of miss. 

It only sank in that I was married when I bought my husband underwear, just as my mother predicted I would do.  

18 comments:

Katherine Aucoin said...

Cute post! Soemthing I've never thought of!

Robin said...

great story.....
I think every married woman can relate to this. I started buying my husbands underwear not only because they were old and worn but because I couldn't stand the brand that he would purchase....ugh.
But unlike you and your mother and my mother, I would never allow my husband buy my underwear. He has awful taste in such things and my underwear is just as important (to me) as what I wear over them, if not more so.

Pearl said...

oh my gosh - you are such a wonderfully talented writer. i SO want to learn from you.

LOL such a cute article, btw :). does your mother read this? you should link it to her!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Love the story Duck! This is a cute one. Thanks for posting on Venus today!

Marie said...

Great post Duckie!! I Loved it. When you love someone, there is pretty much nothing that you wouldn't do for them!

CaJoh said...

Somehow I always buy my own underwear. I do know that my mother said that socks and underwear are the kind of clothes she would NOT send as a gift.

valerie said...

lol Cute story!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I buy my husband's underwear also. IN fact, he doesn't even know what to buy now that i have done it for 9 years...I mean, I'm sure he could figure it out...but...I never let him! :)

Cajoh...I would be worried if they bought your underwear, your mom, but Socks...eh? Not a big deal! lol!

Bee and Rose said...

Another stellar post from one of my very favorite bloggy friends!!! I love this! I went through this very thing when I first married my husband!

Susan said...

Great post! And by the way, I bought boxers and underwear for my ex-husband. And I buy them for my husband now. Main difference, my ex would walk around with holes in them if I didn't buy new. GROSS! And now if I'm out shopping I buy because I'm thinking "OOOhhhh, my hub's buns would look WAY cute in those!!"

The Blonde Duck said...

Thanks so much for posting this ya'll! I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one that has to buy my husband's underwear!

Abra said...

Is it weird that after being separated I still buy him underwear? I guess we've only been separated a minute while compared to the 11 years we were married...

Heidi Ashworth said...

Oh, very good, well-written story! Loved it!

Bethany said...

Hilarious!

Mama K said...

As the Mother of said Ben, I would like it to be known that I sent Ben to college each year with nice new underwear. What he did with it after that , I do not know. All i do know is that it is now my darling daughter in law's "cross to bear" (it's no fun buying boy underwear!) Sweetie - this was great....enjoyed it so much.

Kritta22 said...

It was a standard in our house that Dad got socks and underwear for Christmas and Father's day! LOL This is too funny!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Robin - Your comment cracked me up!

CaJoh - I'm with you on the underwear, I'll buy my own thanks. But I do like socks, Santa brings me some every year.

Shelle - You spoil him!

Susan - LOL!

Abra - Well, maybe a bit weird but give it time.

Mama K - I love that you stopped by! Thanks!

Kritta - My house too!

Being Me said...

Hello Blonde Duck! Love the post.

It was either me or his mother (buying my husband's underwear) and the thought of her still doing it.... *shudder*.... so I HAD to!!

(and he'd go around with holes in his if I didn't sift through and throw those out and replace them - what is it with some guys!?)

WE BELONG