Two of our contributors are asked to take opposing stances on an issue and present a case for their viewpoint. Comment and tell us who you agree with or what you believe or think! The topics are suppose to elicit a response and start a conversation in comments. Enjoy!
TOPIC: What my significant other doesn't know, won't hurt them. You agree with this or not? Should your significant other know?
Shelle Edit: I have needed to add this to the He Said She Said before this week, but have always forgotten for one reason or another. This blog is for ANYONE that would like to blog about their relationship(s) no matter how closed or open they would like to be. This week the He Said She Said topic was on "what they don't know won't hurt them". So I feel like I need to preface this one with a Disclaimer ;) -- The opinions expressed here are the views of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the Real World Venus vs. Mars owners.
She Said: Heels N Stockings
I've been with my husband for 21 years and for most part, I have been faithful, but the intimacy in our relationship is gone despite my vast attempts to entice and encourage him. I've asked him to go to the marriage counseling and he won't. I've dressed up in lingerie to help put him in the mood and I was laughed at for the effort.
We haven't had sex for over a year now and before then, the frequency of sex was sparse and mostly one-sided; he was done and off me before I could get anything out of it. I got so tired and sick of the hurt that came from constantly having to ask for him to touch or kiss me. I gave him an ultimatum - that either he paid intimate and emotional attention to me or the marriage was over. He chose not to take me seriously.
A few years ago I had an affair. It wasn't something I had planned...but it was amazing because someone actually wanted me. I'd forgotten what that felt like. Since then, I've enjoyed other affairs.
I do not seek a new partner. I do not wish to introduce a new person to my children because their lives are at such a key stage of growing up. But I came to realization some years ago - I had lost myself. When I am with my lover, I am me. They hold me, they see me, they listen to me. It keeps me smiling and make me have a feeling of self worth. I feel whole again.
Yes, I could leave him and divorce him...but the fact is I can't afford to. I am the major earner in the house, he lost his job some time ago and has a low paying job while he is looking for something better. Separation would bring financial pain and would effect the children.
I don't tell him as I don't want the status quo for the children to change. It won't hurt the kids if he doesn't know. So, I lie to him.
He Said: Nolens Volens
My wife and I have been together almost 12 years now; married for 10 years next month. We learned from each other that it is important to each other that we make the choices together. We made a promise that we would tell each other everything. I don't mean EVERYTHING. Sure, I tell her little white lies and I am sure she has done the same to me.
What we have not done is violate that promise. When I find a woman that I would like to get to "know better", I let my wife know about her. Why do we play with others when we are deeply committed to each other? My wife dropped a bombshell on me about 11 years ago when she confessed to me that she was bi-curious (now openly bisexual). When my wife finds a woman that she would love to have in her bed, she tells me about her. We do not have an open marriage because that infers we have our "play time" with others...on our own. No, we play with others...together.
We have had sexual relations with other people since we got married and we are still faithful to each other - by that, I mean we have never had any sexual relation with another person without each other's knowledge and consent. We agreed that we would get divorced if either one of us cheated.
I am not making excuses for HnS, but I certainly understand why she does what she does. Would I do the same thing if I ever find myself in the same situation like HnS did? I can't say "No" without any doubt in my mind, but I think that I would tell my wife.
Do you feel that sometimes what your significant other doesn't KNOW doesn't HURT them? Or does sometimes knowing still hurt them? Should the significant other know or not?
1 year ago