Shelle Edit: Heels through emails is a delight. She is also NOT from the United States, and if you have posted anything that deals with politics, you find this out fast! :) I don't read her blog a lot because it's not up my alley, in fact, when I tried to read it for the first time, I embarrassingly admit I didn't understand most of what she talked about... so... let's leave it at that. She, however, wrote this vulnerable piece of work and I am so thankful she did. She is a Guest Contributor and I appreciate her taking the time to write for us and hope she does so again. Check out her blog if you have time (WARNING: It's not SAFE for work (NSFW). Meaning, if it had a movie rating it would probably be rated higher then a PG-13... hence the reason why most of it was over my head, I have the mental capacity no higher then 13. Anyway, she may not always be fully dressed and she talks about ADULT things... so ADULT content. I've done my duty and you've been warned.) Heels N Stockings Blog click HERE.
If you want to read about her Day to Day Mom happenings--and I'm so sorry, I forgot about this blog, I have read it, and it's worth a good amount of ones time! (sorry Heels for forgetting about this one) Click HERE for HEELS' MUM Blog
Just because I make things look easy it isn't!
In my marriage and with my lover now I have become invisible. In life I'm the sort of person that arranges stuff for family and friends. I direct the school play, I run the dance show and I make the costumes, I lend stuff, pass on great contacts and generally make sure every one is ok.
In my marriage if we are going out I've booked the restaurant the taxis, sorted the sitter, when we have moved house he has turned up at the new place and its all done and decorated. I'm even surprised he was there at the conception of our children. I know the detail, I know what to cook if its a special day for everyone so they are all happy. yesterday he bought me profiteroles as a surprise dessert.... I hate them, always have done, always will do. I hate air freshener, I'm allergic to most, but he thinks if hides them I won't realise they are there.... the migraine is the give away honey!
As for the Xmas show,2 days before the main gig last year I get a call from one of the other mum's, they are losing the plot at the rehearsal and the head teacher needs you. Now bare in mind there were over 90 sets of parent stood around watching the debacle occur and nobody stepped up. On the show day I dressed their kids, I fed them because half of them had been dropped off with out packed lunch, I made sure there children arrived on stage and knew what they needed to do, I sacrificed seeing my children dance from the seat I'd paid for to help. I've been asked to do it again.... and you may think I'm mad but yes I'm doing it, I wouldn't trust them now with my children's special day. it's there day to shine so if it means i have to be the other side of the curtain to make it happen for them i will.
I seem to make myself invisible, people think things just happen because I don't openly complain, I'm a do'er. My friend said I should say no more or not do it in future but isn't that sacrificing who I am, is not too much to ask to be appreciated?
Heels or MUM HEELS!
Teens to Adults - Talk and listen
5 years ago
20 comments:
Thanks Shelle for the intro, can't recall any other guest contributor having such a sturdy health warning and for that I'm proud and giggling! BUT for thos that do want to pay a visit I have another blog [http://marriednoparol.blogspot.com] where I post the Mum stuff, the Marriage, the heart ache and the stuff that makes me smile (outside the bedroom)
Okay, I'm so sorry! I fixed my mistake your other blog is now linked. I HAVE read that one, and just completely lost my mind and forgot that you had it.
Please Please forgive me.
Love ya!
About your post.
I think at points in our lives we tend to look inward and think about how we are doing so much and nobody seems to notice.
I think those we love and serve should, out of respect, thank us for it, validate us once in a while, or just let us know they have noticed!
But we also have to remember that we make our own fate... we feel what we allow ourselves to feel. Easier said then realized, because I have been at that point where I feel like... KNOCK KNOCK!!! HELLO... anyone?
I just want to be heard or appreciated.
I get you.
Shelle totally forgiven as warning were warning is due! Xx
Okay! Phew! :)
I love to aknowledge hard work. Im the sad person who gives out random thank you notes, asks to speak to the store manager to compliment staff when praise is due and pays back hard work. Just last week a prime example of being invisible, The husbands family were up and not only did they turn up 5 hours late and missed a whole meal I had prepared, I then did a BBQ for 10 people and as I sat down to eat the all left me and went and watched the football. The full details is on my blog of that debarkle!
I dont think thank you is too much to ask or expect when you really put yourself out. It's just polite repect for each other.
Shelle I so agree that we choose to feel, I practive NLP, I'm even qulified to train in it but reality of that is I have to apologies for them being ignorant or change who i am and not do it, neither I can rest easy with.
I am bad at head patting. I should do it more. I have recently attempted to do more of it, maybe I can get so that I do it when I should
My take is, don't worry about them. Focus on how it makes you feel to do the stuff you do. That should determine the affect on you, not if someone pats you on the back... ya know what I mean?
But I see where you are coming from, I totally do. It may sound like I'm excusing the ones around you from NOT showing you their gratitude, but I'm not. Like you already know, we can't change them, so we must deal, or change our outlook on it.
I'm still working on this also... just FYI! :)
sitting in the airport on my way home from a class reunion - where a classmate showed us all up by requesting the manager to praise the wait-staff and organizers. Way to go... and now I think I need to go and thank that guy at the information desk one more time for trying so hard to keep my wait time under 4 hours... besides, he called me pretty :)
Exactly
how do you feel when you are doing all this people pleasing? And why are you doing it?
Too much people pleasing will make one invisable and you get taken for granted!
I used to be an habitual family pleaser, husband, kids, in-laws. I suddenly realised everyone was letting me get on with it. Who was wrong? Me or them? Well, me for allowing it all to happen. Not so now. I am much more selfish in a very subtle way, I say no a lot more, and I refuse to me walked all over now. Life's a lot simpler as a result!
Totally agree with you Leah BUT i like doing, I like making people happy and dont want to sacrifice that part of me. Im an optomist ! I live in hope my endevours will be seen and enjoyed because they are evident not missing x
My mum was just like you and had a complete nervous breakdown. Now she is divorced, penniless, without a career, and I am spending my adulthood picking up the pieces of her life. While you may think you are being helpful to your loved ones in the short-run, there is only so long you can live with this pent-up frustration. I am keeping you in my thoughts and meditations today.
As My Mom used to say, "nobody can walk on you unless you lie down." I guess if you feel people doing that, maybe its time to stand up.
NSFW... NO KIDDING! Good thing I work out of my home! :)
Anon - sorry to hear your challenges you have to deal with its hard having to become the parent to your parnets. My mother is an alcoholic in denial and I too have to pick up the pieces and know how hard it is.
Im sure the day I feel no reward personlly I will stop trying to make others happy but I enjoy the personal gratification of knowing stuff is done right and others get the pleasure. Im just asking for a little appreciation now and then.
Tit for Tat I dont feel walked on as I choose to do this stuff, I want to do it. BUT I dont want it to be assumed, forgotten or expected. Dont get me wrong I'm not after a medal or a ceremoney I just would like a smile of appreciation or a thank you now and then.
Handstowar Im assuming you having been looking at my naughty blog :-)Enjoy x
This definitely is a post I can relate to. Heels puts the feeling into perfect words.
It's so hard to be a controller and a perfectionists!! (I am the same way) EXCEPT, thankfully, my husband will say thanks - not always, but I remind him directly how much I do if he doesn't!! Perhaps your family is just following your husband's lead?
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