Tomorrow marks the day of my 11th Anniversary and for some of you that might not seem so long, and for others you might say to yourself, "But SHELLE! You're way too young to have been married that long" and to you I say, "Yes. Yes I am", but it's still true nonetheless, 11 YEARS! There even may be some of you that say 11 years is a long time. Wherever you fall concerning the amount of years matters none at all because I'm going to tell you what I want to tell you regardless.
So 11 years. At times it went really really slow, but mostly it has sped by.
And I thought I'd share some things I have learned that has helped in our marriage.
1. Go to bed angry. Seriously. Everyone tells you to "never go to bed angry" but I say, NAY, do go to bed angry, because most of the time, if you are like me, you'll wake up and realize that whatever you were mad about really isn't that big of a deal and you are in a better place to talk about it. More calm. And with as much reason as I can muster, I am an emotional based person after all. Plus, if I'm ready to start a fight with my spouse at night, it's usually, or 90 percent of the time, just because I'm tired and easily irritated.
3. We shower together often. True story. Not everyday mind you, but often. For us a shower together may take a little longer, but it's that time we have together that we may have intimate moments, and because clean up and smell is a lot better in there!!! Just sayin.
4. We take vacations together. Just him and I. Whether it be overnight or a few days. Just him and I. We discover things together that we have never done and we find time to talk with each other. That can go bad sometimes because we might choose to talk about things that make us mad at each other, but most of the time it is good, and it's memories we create together. The more memories, the more we bond and continue to get to know each other. Plus those times it's just him and I, we try things we haven't tried before, and YES I mean in the bedroom, no worries of kids walking in, so we like to see what might spice it up for us. It's fun.
5. We also find time to go out, or try, at least once a week. For our religion, sometimes that is to the temple. Sometimes it's for a run to get ice cream. Most of the time it's a movie we have wanted to watch that isn't kid friendly.
6. We try to find one thing positive everyday to say about each other that we notice. Now that doesn't always happen, but we try, which is key.
7. We fight, BUT and this is key, we forgive. I see he forgives me and/or is working on it and he sees the same. We also bicker like sister and brother... not sure if that is key or not, but we do, often.
8. He makes sure I get out with the girls and I try to shove him out the door to get together with someone that isn't me.
9. I let him have his thing he likes to do without me and he lets me have things I do without him. But we also find things we like to do together, like cycling or I'll try mountain biking or snowboarding or hiking. We both continue to like the sport of sex... so that helps that we have that one thing in common. ;)
10. Our one rule since the beginning of marriage has been, "no bringing up things from the past once we have talked about them and agreed to let them go". However hard that has been, we have stuck with that. Well mostly, I am female after all.
11. The "D" word is not allowed. Divorce. We both agreed to forever and even sometimes we make fun by saying, "well that sucks, I'm stuck having to deal with that forever!" or "that was some fine print I wish I would have known about before I signed the dotted line on FOREVER!!!" but for him and I we make it a point to not add the D word for argument's sake or dramatic effect. We don't want to allow that seed in to begin to nourish any kind of growth at all. So far it has worked for us.
Every relationship is different.
But these things have worked for us.
Oh and love! Love helps alot. Love and lust... and well I like him also.
Yes, all those things help!
And to be honest... so does a lot of s.e.x.
1 year ago