Tuesday, February 8, 2011

What For Lunch Dear?

Shelle Edit: Snooty Primadona has decided to write for the Venus side and let us learn from her 34 years of marriage! I am so excited! She writes on her OWN BLOG HERE about her husband (who sleep walks), family, and just general thoughts...so go check her out after you read her here how her and her husband found a way to keep the intimacy alive while raising their kids.

Image taken from HERE
Mr. Snoots and I have been married nearly 34 years and were married for 6 years before hearing the pitter-patter of little feet. So, as you can imagine, we had a very active marital sex life. When we were finally blessed with children, I’m pretty sure someone forgot to send us the memo about how your sex life would diminish, becoming almost non-existent until just before they thankfully enter Kindergarten.
Our son was born first (weighing in just under 10 lbs.), and he was sleeping through the night within a couple of weeks after birth. Since I’d had a c-section, it was a while before we could return to normal. Yes, we were actually convinced that we’d return to normal at that point. The first time Mr. Snoots changed our son’s diaper, he was sprayed with baby boy peepee while cleaning up a poo. Needless to say, he didn’t want to procreate for a while after that.

Once our daughter was born, the grandiose delusions of returning to normalcy were completely squashed. We suddenly realized we were never again going to have a shower together (or alone), have our morning constitutions alone, have sexual relations alone, or anything else for that matter. We had given birth to our *wonder children*! Life would never again be the same, as we struggled to afford them all of the same activities as their school friends. It was a constant parade of carpools, festivals, sporting events, amusement park trips, skiing every winter, and summers at the lake.

I remember praying (I know, don’t judge) for them to hurry and reach the age of mandatory school attendance, so we could at least see each other for a few minutes a day without the loud hustle and bustle of having children in the house or shuffling them from one activity or another. It was a 7 year wait. We were both becoming somewhat impatient. We had to go out of town to be alone together. That, or wait until the blissful 2 weeks they were at summer camp, which was really only 10 days because you had to count the day they leave, their end-of-camp activities & awards for a weekend.

Once our son was in 2nd grade & our daughter was in 1st grade, we devised an *EVILPLAN* to meet at home during the lunch hour, for what we referred to as *nooners*. Of course, since the kids were in private school I had to do a mandatory 2 lunches delivered to both kids, every week, which narrowed the time frame. But, the *nooners* were the magic glue that kept our marriage together all those years we were absorbed in child rearing. I mean, you can’t exactly have relations when your children are in the bed across from you on club soccer or basketball trips, or when they come into your room asking why Daddy is hurting Mommy, which is the stuff therapy is made of. If you dared to lock the door at night they would stand outside wanting to know why, which would spoil the mood anyway, or you could hear them vomiting all over your bedroom door as they called your name (Mommy!), to your horror. It was tough going during those years (though we giggled about some of it in secret).

Just as things are going along smoothly for a few years, they suddenly turn 16, get their license to drive, you foolishly buy them a car, and they start coming home for lunch. Every. Day. If you try making whoopee on Friday or Saturday nights when they are gone & there are no games to attend, it seems they always need to run back by the house or call for something they need. You’re looking at another 7 years until this ends. All you can do is look at one another in pain. When they finally leave for college, you make sure they go at least 500 miles away because you love them and want them to be worldly….

What has worked for you guys?  Do you agree with Snooty Primadona? Let her know in comments.


Snooty Primadona

11 comments:

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

ours is really in the morning in the shower or late late at night, but haven't really ever thought about nooners!? hmmmm. Loved this.

Vodka Logic said...

That's not what I thought the post was going to be about. :)

Nooners weren't possible with our work schedules so weekend mornings when people slept late or late at night..

Damn our oldest is living at home while in college...

3GirlKnight said...

Sex. As bad as it was during my marriage, I still miss it.

And with all this talk about wonderful marriage sex on this blog...I'm rethinking my membership. :P


jk

Snooty Primadona said...

Shelle & Vodka Logic & 3GK: Honestly, we've never been a *normal* couple... Hubby has always gone to bed before the kids, lol. He still does! My wild man. Ha!

~DokterKenny said...

I found affairs worked best. Plus the kids weren't really an issue

Kenny said...

LMAO....I have cleaned up vomit from the door...and felt like a crappy dad for telling them to wait as I gave it to mommie....at least until I heard the puke....

LMAO...Kids have parental sex radar...AND they have orgasum sensors...if you think you are alone...a weekend away...goofin in the hotel room...passion....sex....almost there...hot and heavy.....
*Moms Cell Phone Ring*
*Dads Cell Phone Ring*
*Hotel Phone Ring*
(Cause they all three want to call to give their side of the story first)
LMAO....

Snooty Primadona said...

DK & Kenny: You're both hilarious!

Garden of Egan said...

OK, that is funny!!!!
She hit the nail on the head.

We were blessed with 6 months of total empty nestedness......then two of them moved back home, one just a week ago.
Totally put a cramp in my "lifestyle"

Counting the days I tell ya.
Someday they'll be gone again!

Snooty Primadona said...

GofE: Sometimes I wonder if they will ever really *be gone*. It's like the Never Ending Story...

Vodka Logic said...

A lot of times it was a matter of being in the same bed at the same time. I work nights and hubs works days....

April said...

The first 2 years of my sons life, I was a single mom. Then I married my ex-husband. I don't remember ever having a hard time trying to find the time for sex when I was married to him.

I do remember one time when my son fell asleep for a nap, we decided to do it on the couch. I was wearing a t-shirt and was on top. Here come the little pitter-patter of his feet, quickly down the short hallway. I no sooner hopped off when he was there. He stood there with a confused look on his face.

There I was with just a t-shirt on and the ex had covered his junk with a pillow. My son walked over to me and started looking up under my shirt. I moved away and said, "What are you doing?" He said, "Trying to figure out where he was putting his wiener."

That's when we stopped having sex on the couch when he was napping.

WE BELONG