Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Dear You: Desperate and Powerless

Hey, I'm so excited to finally post the first DEAR YOU letter! Please, if you have one to send in, SEND IT IN. CLICK HERE for more info on them. This email came to me through a made up email that was anonymous, the email name was desperateandpowerless@rocketmail.com (it even said in the email to please delete the email from them as soon as I posted the letter. So desperate and powerless I want you to know that I did, it is deleted :). There is a perfect example that there are many ways you can get what you want said to me so I can post it on here without even knowing who you are myself!

Without further ado...

DEAR YOU,

I wish you would leave me alone. I am not strong enough to stop talking to you, so I wish you would do it for me.


You became so important to me, to my mind. I needed someone to tell my thoughts to. The fun ones and the bad ones and the really secretive ones. I found that in you. Along with that came falling a bit for you. I should not, but I really do like you, but that isn't completely true because it is a bit more than like but less than love, it is something right there in the middle. Whatever it is called or named it is not good for me.


In "real life" you wouldn't normally be a person I would be attracted to physically. But I didn't get to know you that way did I? I got to know you through emails and chats. I got to know your mind and you got to know mine. We have never met, we have never touched physically, yet the bond is there and it is as real as any bond I have formed with "real life" friends. You say all the right things, things I apparently needed to hear. You tell me I'm pretty, smart, fun, and alluring, delicious, yummy, delectable, and silly. I became addicted to hearing those things from you. I not only WANTED to hear them, but I NEEDED to. I began to do things I wouldn't normally do just to hear another compliment, your words became my drug.


Then I find that those words come easily to you to many others you email and chat with. What you say to me, you say to many. And I think what made it all so addicting was the illusion in my mind that I was more important. That is all anyone wants really, to feel special, the favorite, important. But I realize more and more that I am just one of many for you. I ignored it, pushed it aside, because I grasped so desperately onto those WORDS that made me feel so incredible.


But I don't want to WANT it or NEED it any longer.


I don't want you to be important.


So please, let me go, because I'm not strong enough to let you go.


Sincerely,


Desperate and powerless.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh I sooooooo could have written this letter myself. I still have one of these in my life. I secretly wish she would go away and stop telling me nice things. The good news is she doesn't know I have moved on and really don't take much stock in it anymore. I don't give her the "Kiss of Death" because I don't need to. Eventually I will disappear. And if yo happen to live in LA and you have ever been intimate with me and you read this..This is NOT about you! :-)

wendy said...

That would be a let down and hurt for sure to know YOU were not the only one. It would indeed also leave me feeling desperate and powerless.
In MY mind, feeling desperate is the insecurities I have within MYSELF. The doubts about ME and my ablilities.
The Powerless for ME would be not stepping up and doing something about it. Making myself more important than those people or things that seem to make me feel powerless.
did that make sense to anybody?? My mind kinda feels like oatmeal lately
But....I truly hope you don't let this person take that kind of control over YOU.
You probably are all of those things....Now go out and show the world.

T said...

I liked that the word "needed" was used in the telling... "needed" is past tense - and you say yourself "I don't want to WANT it or NEED it any longer"... you don't want this person to have any importance in your life. Thus they don't. They filled a need (past tense) and now you are stronger, you can still be pretty, smart, fun, alluring, delectable, and silly without them. Anonymous commenter above mentions that they don't need to give "the kiss of death" - and maybe you're to that point to. You don't have to be strong enough to say goodbye, but are you strong enough to ignore the next e-mail? the one after that?

If you don't WANT them to be important - on some level you've already moved on. Now to convince all the other levels to do the same.

Anonymous said...

Well, I could have written this word for word. I wonder if it would be about the same person. Something makes me think it's likely.

Gucci Mama said...

Good for you for starting to take your strength back. There's nothing worse than being just a face in the crowd. You deserve to be a priority instead of just an option.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

This reminds me of that song STAY, by Sugarland.

I know it's about a woman cheating with a married man, and that might not be the case here, but it still reminds me of that song.

Where she desperately clings to him, believing when she is with him that he wants and loves her more... but then when he's gone she is just lonely and sad and desperate and quite powerless.

Then at the end of the song she realizes that she wants to be strong. Telling him to just STAY with his wife and not to come to her, that she deserves better, kinda deal.

Anyway, kinda sounds the same.

When someone gets into your mind it's hard to get them out... the one person that got deep into my mind I married... so there you have it! :)

But I understand the feeling of being powerless and desperate... it's not a good place to be.

I hope you get what you REALLY want.

Elaina said...

I can relate, in a different way, to not being someone's priority when they have been mine. It's frustrating, it's hurtful, and it makes me really angry! I've started to take back some of that power, and I'm glad that you are too.

Anonymous said...

You are playing with fire, but I'm sure you already know that. Online relationships are tricky, at best. Even though, the only ones I've encountered have been female platonic friendships, I've realized that people can be totally different than who they appear to be online. You could be falling for a ficititious character.
And if there is someone in your life who stands to be hurt or betrayed by this relationship, I would cut ties, cut your losses, and get out. Fast. Before you do something you regret.

Anonymous said...

I could have written a lot of this. There is someone I look forward to talking to everyday, often I talk to him a couple times a day. He says he only talks to me the way we do. I tell myself he's being honest. I have a feeling the hurt if he's not would be more than I could take.

Anonymous said...

I don't get the problem. Are you the only smart, fun, and alluring, delicious, yummy, delectable, and silly chick on the internet? Can more than one person be those things? Was he to swoop in and take you as his own and have a white picket fence?
I have no doubt that all those things he has told you are true to him, and are true about you. Why over think it?
Why not take his compliments and it be good?
why does it matter if he tells 100 people the same thing if it is true?
I get the part about not wanting to need it, but if it is true and your mate/spouse doesn't tell you the truth about these things then he did you good by telling you.
People have different tastes, if HE believes what he tells you who cares if he tells 100 chicks the same thing as long as HE believes it every time he says it?
Everyone should hear that.
If it is true to him then good for you.

If you don't want him to tell you his truth any more then pull your big girl panties on and tell him.

Say " I dont want to hear your truth any more" "I would rather hear nothing than hear what you think about me because I am offended that there are more people on the WWW that are pretty, smart, fun, and alluring, delicious, yummy, delectable, and silly, I want to be the only person on the planet than has these attributes. So please do not contact me again, I would much prefer to go back to being less than average than to be classified with anyone else"

It doesn't say what your sex is but you must be female. A guy would take the compliments at face value and smile. He would believe them. Are we dumb (guys)? Maybe but we are much happier, we refuse to over think. We refuse to take something good and make it a negative.

I don't understand. I really don't, but I do think most women see things the way you do. I am not hating on women, I love women, but most of you turn good things to bad for some reason.

If you are dating exclusively then I get it, if you are married then I get it but if you are friends somewhere between like and love and have never met then what is it you expect from him?
Is he only to talk/mail/chat with you? Do you only talk/mail/chat with him? Does he feel the same way? Does he believe you only deal with him?

I know that whoever reads my post here will think I am being mean, I do hope you reply to my comment and answer some of these questions in your mind if not on this blog. I intend not to be mean but to be honest. If it is taken as anything else then I apologize in advance.
Are you married? Is he married? Then what is the end game? Where is the end game in your mind?

I believe you are all the things he said you are, believe him. Smile. Like it. Go with it. Don't over think it.
Take the good.

You only live once. Get all the good you can and hold it as tight as possible.
If you prefer to answer me via email feel free to send it to Shelle and she will get it to me.

The Correct One.

nitebyrd said...

This type of "relationship" seems to happen quite a lot on the internet. The anonimity allows us to be more open and more vulnerable. Because no matter what our cyber persona is, we are still who we are.

I have a different perspective because I think that you can find each person in your life - real or cyber - as beautiful, smart, witty, etc. because each person is unique. I also believe you can love more than one person.

While you may not feel "special" because your not the only one, you're still special because you are you.

Anonymous said...

The question should be- what were you expecting? Honestly. I am guessing you fell into this- I know that, believe me I do.

But in a virtual world it is YOUR responsibility to take control of the situation. To realize when you are not just taking and enjoying the words but letting them effect your life. It is then YOUR job to pull back and give yourself a reality check.

Men don't understand how woman's brains function and for that they will never understand how words (online or in person) can truly effect us. But it is us who allows us to take it past words.

Trust me, I pull back and take the reality check often.....very very often. Silver tongues have ways don't they
~J

oh, and P.S.
After about a week of not returning a message- they get the point. Or for faster results tell the person to shove off and work on their own RL, now THAT is a quick cure

WE BELONG