Monday, September 20, 2010

Until October...

Hey everybody!!!

Shelle here.

So I think since I haven't posted anything in this whole month of September that I'm going to take the rest of the month off.

I need to re-group.

Those of you that have volunteered for topics, you will be getting an email from me and a date I'd like you to post.

I'm going to still keep the TOPICS post... below this one up and I still need people to volunteer for topics.  It will slowly decrease in topics as they are taken... like the Facebook one, for instance is taken, so I'm taking that down... there are more but I have to go through emails to make sure which ones are and which ones still need to be taken.

I love those of you who are volunteering to help and tell me to tell you what to write, or if I need some help to let you know and you'll take the topic.  But it's much easier if you'll just choose a topic you have thought of yourself, or choose one on the list below.

If something screams someone's name that I know, then I do hit them up directly, but other than that, I have not time to even think about it!

This site only works if all of you are involved.  It's about learning from each other.  So when I say I'm thankful for your help and that you choose to take your talent and let me use it over here... I really am thankful.  And I have learned so much.

Until October...


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

COME and Write for us!!! Topics Post!!!

So I called out to you guys to help me out with topics.  Thankfully I got some great friends to send me some topics quickly!  I do have some others, but I wanted to save some for the next topics post.

Okay so this is what happens.  You read through these topics.  If there is something you would like to write on then you email me at SUBJECT: Guest Contributor and then tell me which topic you would like to write on.  You can do that or comment below and let me know.  If there is a topic that you would like to have a He Said She said thing with... then let me know what that topic is and who you would like to write it with.

I also have openings always for Group Therapy, where you can just write in a question or problem you have and would like feedback or advice on.

I will take off topics as they get taken or "fill up".  Thanks everyone for all your nice emails and encouragement to keep this rolling.  Means a lot to me. :)

City Mom suggested these:  Thanks!

2. How about the differences between how men and women think?

3. When one spouse loves fitness and the other is a couch potato.

4.The Seasoned Marriage...You still love each other but the sex is a lil too vanilla.

5. How I taught my kids about sex OR (this works) How I discovered my son was not a virgin (tricky mom shares snares)

6. Jack of All Trades (make that Jackie) - I have many skills and hobbies,  but I'm not an expert on any one thing.

7. Mistakes I made raising my kids.  A quick and easy guide for the new parent.

Nitebyrd suggested these-THANKS!:

9. Are you unhappy in your marriage but can't divorce due to financial/health/child issues?

10. What ways have you cut back to save money in this economy?

11. Are you tired of always initiating sex?

12. Does your spouse/SO know that you blog? Why or Why not?

13. How do you deal with a special needs child? And how does it enhance or deter from your other relationships in your family?

14. Are you a romantic married or partnered with a non-romantic?

Thank again everyone for all your help.  I will leave this post up for two days so we have time for people to read and respond to it.




Friday, September 10, 2010

Meet The Blogger: Daddy Can't Hear You

Meet The Blogger

Name: DCHY (short for Daddy Can't Hear You)

Age: 40's

Kids #, age & sex:  I have 2 girls who loves me and drives me NUTS.  ;)  Their ages are in single digits.

Maritial status: Married

1. How many years in your current relationship: 10 years 
of marriage...a breeze

2. Have you ever been divorced?: No

3. What do you do for work: I work for a college, in two different a tutor and as a gopher for a faculty member in charge of international student exchange program

4. Education:
Bachelor's in Communications

5. Blogs you contribute to: Real World Venus vs Mars

6. Religion: Who cares?  My beliefs are mine and your beliefs are yours

7. Political affiliation - (Republican, Democrat, Libertarian): Democrat

8. Basic philosophical leanings (liberal, conservative, confused): I am an open-minded person who has had unusual experiences in life and I wish every single person is open-minded like me.  Sadly, that is not the case as I have experienced over and over.

9. What is your motto in life?: Be kind, you never know what may come back to you

10. Who has had the most influence in your life?: Funny thing is, not a single deaf person has had the most influence on my life.  My mother is.  She fought for my rights and made sacrifices for me.

11. Why did you start Blogging?  (100 words or less):
I was encouraged by Shelle from BlokThoughts to write about my deafness.  I admit that I was scared to write about being deaf because I always encounter prejudice in real life when they find out I am deaf.  This has not been the case in the blogosphere.
*What is the most favorite post you have written on any blog you contribute to?:
12. Tell us in 100 words about your current relationship: My wife is fluent in sign language.  In fact, she is better at it...and she is hearing.  She never lets me live it down.  ;)

13. BONUS or OPTIONAL: Tell us something we need to know about you that we haven't covered above. 50 words or less: Hearing people CAN suck (discrimination, anyone?), but I know many who don't.  Thanks for being understanding with me as a deaf person.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

So what I need from you guys... Group Therapy.

Image from HERE
Today is suppose to be Group Therapy.

I need therapy.

I'm out of topics.  Got nothin.

So what I need from you guys today and the next few days is either to THROW out topics either in the comment box or my email address SUBJECT line: RWTOPICS, OR tell me what you are going to write about in comments (with an attached email address) or email me what you want to write about and send me it and I'll publish it if it goes along with the blog.

If you didn't know yet, the person that helped me out with this blog is no longer around--so I'm trying to decide what I want to do next.  If I want to go about it alone, find another helper, or let the blog have a break for a while.

I still have a few things I need to post, a meet the blogger tomorrow and another one.  Elaina's getting to know her post for winning our little contest, and a few things people have sent in.  But then I'm done.

So I'm asking for your help.

If I don't get any... that's okay, I'll just take a break so that I can study up on how I want to continue with this blog.

I sure hope it's doing some good.

Love ya,


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

To Get Along or NOT to get Along? In laws...

I get along pretty well with my in-laws. My husband parents are divorced, and both are remarried. My husband has three older sisters, and while I’m not particularly close with any of them, we also get along pretty well. My mother-in-law and I are pretty close. We talk on the phone at least once a week, normally, and even though we disagree on politics and religion, we have a friendly relationship. It hasn’t always been that way, though.

When my husband and I started dating, his mother made it no secret that she wasn’t that fond of me. I, being a polite young Southern girl, was always polite to her, but she made me feel very uncomfortable, to say the least. He was her baby, and her only boy out of four children. I was not invited to the family Christmas party at his mother’s house the year we were engaged, even though we were, you know, engaged, where in contrast, my husband has always been welcome at my family events, even when we’d only been dating a few weeks. My mother had always been benignly mistreated by my father’s parents, and figured that as long as I was happy with him, she’d make sure he felt welcome.

My husband joined the Army in the first year of our marriage, and shipped out 7 months after the wedding. On the last day before he left, I took him to the recruiter’s office, where his dad met up with us. I’ve always felt close to his dad, maybe because I don’t have one of my own, but he and his wife have always made me feel like part of the family. I even lived with them for a while when I came home, pregnant, during my husband’s deployment. Anyway, my husband was sent to a hotel in Atlanta, right outside the airport, because he’d be flying out in the morning. After he checked in, he was given permission to leave the hotel, as long as a civilian signed him out. Well, of course, he’d forgotten his glasses so I drove to the hotel to take them to him.

While I was there, his mother called. He told her that he was free to go out for dinner, so she said she’d come up. He told her that I was there, and I heard her say that she just wanted it to be them, and our niece that was visiting his mom. I lost it. I sat in my car and cried like a baby. My husband half-heartedly offered to call her and insist that I come along (he’s never been good about standing up to his parents), but by that point my face was red and splotchy, I was angry with both of them, and I’d used my sleeves as Kleenex (gross, I know). The last time I saw my husband before he shipped out was with a tear-stained face, and a heavy heart; my mother-in-law obviously didn’t want me around, and apparently keeping the peace was more important to my husband than standing up for me.

When my husband graduated AIT (advanced individual training), my sister and I drove to Missouri for his graduation. His mom flew into St. Louis, and we picked her up from the airport. It was a 2 hour drive back to Fort Leonard Wood, and it actually wasn’t half bad. It was one of the first times we’d been together without my husband as a buffer. We went to these caves that were on the way and took a tour, and she stayed in our hotel room to save a little money. It was a little awkward, especially for my sister, to have to share a hotel room with her, but we made it work. We all drove back to Georgia together; me, my husband, his mother, and my sister, plus all his Army gear, in a Plymouth Neon. Still, it was far too soon to say that were close, or that we even liked one another.

I know plenty of people don’t get along with their in-laws, even after years or decades of having a spouse/child in common. For us, we didn’t really start getting along until my daughter was born. I guess she figured out that at this point, even if I divorced her son tomorrow, we were always going to be a part of each others’ lives. For me, well, I learned to ignore the sometimes hurtful comments, and eventually they ceased. I started to appreciate the woman who obviously adored my daughter, who sent care packages to the baby and me in Germany as often as she sent them to her son in Afghanistan. I started to really enjoy our chats, and even look forward to the phone calls I’d make to her.

I’m sure to her, I was just someone who was trying to take her son away, and the thing is, it was true. Because I was uncomfortable around his mother, we both avoided her, for the most part. When we did have to spend time with her, we made our excuses quickly, because he knew how awkward it was for me. As I became more comfortable spending time with her, it became easier for him to spend time with her. Now, well, we still disagree about politics and religion, but we don’t really talk about it. We do, however, agree that we both love her son, and the children that her son and I have produced, and that gave us some excellent building blocks to build a relationship that was just ours.

Do you have problems with your in-laws, or have you overcome what was once a problem relationship with them? Are there some relationships that just can’t be saved?

Elaina- She has also guest posted for us HERE.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Moderating Work, Technology, and Family... is it possible?

Pic taken from HERE
In an earlier post, Shelle and I discussed the merits and demerits of technology.  Both of us are unabashed tech heads—I mean, we do spend our time blogging obviously—and in the comments that followed the post, Shelle wondered if there was any way to moderate technology, work and family together successfully giving time to each equally.  She didn't think it was possible and dared me to write about it.  Never one to back down from a challenge (unless it involves cilantro or glitter) I accepted.

The biggest problem of the modern age isn’t too much technology, it’s that we have too many choices.  Things used to be simpler when there were five, maybe six TV channels, video games didn't require 20+ hours to finish, and there was no internet with its limitless amounts of time wasting potential.  Obviously things have changed quite a bit.  There are hundreds of choices and countless ways to fill one's hours.  TV, movies, Facebook, Twitter, blogging, Farmville, YouTube....  Oh yeah, not to mention quality time with the family, oh, and there's that thing that I need to do in order to pay for it all—work.  As far as I know, they haven't figured out a way to add more hours to the day.  So Shelle is right to be skeptical that one can't juggle it all. 

But I believe that you can. 

When my son was born, I very quickly learned a valuable, yet obvious lesson:  time is precious.  And I felt like I suddenly had much less of it.  But technology was there for me, to comfort me and help me through this trying time.  The fact that the world was becoming more “on-demand” became an advantage.  The playlist on my DVR was not just a to-do list of the media I wanted to consume, but it showed me which shows I really wanted to watch.  I found that there were shows I truly loved that I would watch right away.  The rest would settle to the bottom of the "Now playing" list and collect dust.  As my hard drive filled up, I began to realize that I didn't really need or want to be watching was much TV as I had been previously.  I became a pickier viewer.  Not only did I enjoy TV more, but I had a bit more time.

Being a consumer of media today means one must decide what to consume.  I love movies, but I'm not going to waste three hours on something that I know I'm not going to enjoy (which is why I’m confident that I won’t be seeing the next Transformers movie.  I'm sure you'll tell me all about it, Shelle.).  I’m lucky to have a lot of friends on Facebook and Twitter, but I’ve gotten over feeling bad about not reading every single status update or tweet.  This also gives the added bonus of being able to have a real life conversation with my friends without having to constantly say, “Oh yeah, I read about that.”  I can’t read every single blog post available, so I must pick and choose.

It’s not only about choice, but it’s also about compartmentalizing one's life.  There are pockets of time where I will escape to my study to check Facebook.  Or I will blog late at night when everyone's asleep.  I will sneak my Blackberry out of my pocket to check Twitter while the kids are playing in the sandbox.  But you better believe that when they need a push on the swings, the phone's back in my pocket and off my mind.

Living with so many tech choices is about moderation.  It's about organization.  It's about choosing the things you want to entertain you and knowing that in this world that we're living in, there's no possible way anyone can access it all--even without work or family.  It's also about ebb and flow.  Some days I'm not on the computer as much.  Some days I watch less than a half hour of TV.  Sometimes my wife and I decide that we'd rather spend the evening in front of our computers than hanging out.  But other nights we'll spend all night talking to each other.

So I don’t agree with Shelle that it can’t be done.  I feel like I do it every day.

Friday, September 3, 2010

What Would You Rather Episode 11

What Would You Rather? The idea is to choose ONE answer. This is just a game so yes the questions are a bit out there and unrealistic. The hard part is in the choosing. So play along and tell us... what would YOU rather and then explain maybe WHY you chose that answer?
Image taken from HERE

Would you rather read people's minds or control people's minds?

Would you rather have the same song stuck in your head forever or never hear another song again?

Would you rather be intimate with a famous actor/actress or a famous band member?

Hope you all have a great labor day weekend!!! :)


Thursday, September 2, 2010

Three years ago I was a bad a$* huntin guy that could nearly do anything and everything...

Shelle Edit: Owl is what we call in BlogLand... a lurker.  When he comments he does it anonymously and signed Owl.  He felt the impression to write this post.  I am so glad he did.  He may or may not comment back in comments... but please, if so inspired, leave a comment.  Thanks.

Three years ago I was a bad ass huntin guy that could nearly do anything and everything. I even went bear hunting in Alberta Canada almost to the arctic circle and bagged a 330 lb black bear with one shot... On the first evening of the hunt.

When I returned to my home in MD, I suddenly discovered I had issues. I had the shakes, like a leaf on a tree... could not focus on work, home, kids or even do the things that were common tasks to me.

I went to my family doctor who immediately said I need to have an MRI. I put that off for a few days because my wife is a very influential employee at the local hospital and said she could set up an appointment where I could just walk in and have the test done instead of waiting 4 hours.

The next day I got a call from wifey, K you need to check into the hospital for tests. The family doctor says you have a serious condition that needs to be evaluated right away.

So I go home, argue about checking in, eventually I give in.

I see a cardiologist that evening and he knows almost immediately what the issue is...

Congestive heart failure.

He starts medication and orders a stress test (which turns out normal) what doesn't turn out normal is an EKG and echocardiogram. I am definitely headed for a heart attack.

I talk out several options with a my cardiologist and an electrophysiologist... how can someone go from being healthy to talking about being an ideal candidate for a heart transplant in such a short period of time? No real answer is given by either doctor, just scenarios!

I have a defibulator implanted in January of the following year. In July of that same year I was doing my favorite thing (water skiing) and the defib goes off... NOT once but six times. I'm nearly in shock... Kids and wife are frantic... and ASK me what I think? I said what do you think? I need to go to the hospital! So I do... come to find out the defib picked up on a rapid heart rate (euphoria). They up the heart rate threshold on the pacer/defib. DUH

So three years later I live with CHF and the fact it may cut my life short... The good news is the meds have been mostly good for me... except the anxiety and depression that go along with the diagnosis and fact I never know when the defib will go off.

How does one deal with the outcome? How do you get past the anxiety and depression?

Who else lives with the same or similar condition?



Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I was like Ali on the Bachelorette; I gave up everything for love

Shelle Edit: Megs is new to me, but she seems like someone anyone could have fun with.  Her blog definitely says originality.  She knows all the celeb gossip and Media stuff... it cracks me up. I was so happy when she asked to do a post over here.  I hope she writes for us again, thanks Megs.  Check out her blog HERE.

I believe there is a human need to move away from home at some point. A great example of this is the family on Raising Sextuplets. Have you seen this show? This season the couple has decided to move their family of 8 (No they are not Jon and Kate they just have sextuplets) across the country away from both of their families. I watch this show wanting to pull my hair out. I completely agree with their parents that they are making a huge mistake!

When Hubby graduated from college in December 2oo6, the economy was still good. He had a few job offers to chose from and we had no idea the economy was going to crash. He had never really lived in a big city or away from his family. So he accepted a job 595 miles away from home (when I emailed Shelle about this topic I said, 800 miles, guess it just feels like it). It was going to be an adventure and after a year or two he would move where the company needed him. Three and a half years later we are still 595 miles from our families due to the economy slowing down.

I was like Ali on the Bachelorette; I gave up everything for love. We moved to one of the most beautiful places in the world and then the economy crashed. I struggled for two years trying to get a teaching job. You guys all know how hard teaching jobs are to get in California right now, right? So now I am at a job that isn't fulfilling and live far from my family. You know what they say, happy wife equals happy life. Neither of us planned this or signed up for this.

If we had chosen a different job and stayed near our families we might have bought a house by now. Again, the economy is to blame for us still being renters. Since we rent we don't have a dog like we one day dream of having. We have missed holidays, Sunday night dinners, and lots of fun times with people we love.

I know playing "the what if" game is dangerous because you never really know. I do believe everything happens for a reason but my faith has been put through the ringer. I try to look at the positives. Some of you are probably annoyed that I am complaining when we both have jobs. I know we are lucky. Obviously we both completely appreciate our families and now cherish every minute we get to spend with them. Probably the most positive thing is another what if, what if we hadn’t moved and our relationship didn't progress the same way. That is why I gave it all up for love and took this adventure because I knew nothing else mattered except becoming this man's wife.

How has the economy affected your relationship? Have you ever moved away from your family? Did you move back?

If you want to read about this crazy life we are living and see pretty wedding pictures check out my blog!