There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox
It makes you sit back and kind of cast your eyes down, or drop your head in a bit of shame, because it is so true.
"And deal full many a thoughtless blow to those who love us best."
We are always so worried about how others perceive us that we try so hard to please and do for those that probably and most likely know us the least, but for those that love us the most, accepting us in our faults and in our strengths, tend to get the worst of us most times, while the world outside of our loved ones circle gets the best of us, or what we show them is the best of us.
Let's discuss on why you think that is? How do we change that? Is it important to change it? How do we recognize if we are one of those that give the "thoughtless blows to those who love us best", because I bet you could think of people off hand who do this to you, but are you also one who does this to those closest to you?
Love,
Shelle
9 comments:
I guess I should be the first to say, "GUILTY"!!!
I am so tired by the end of the day being happy around others, that it only takes something small and I fly off the handle at my husband or kids.
It's not always and if I'm bold enough I could say it's really really rare... but I DO do it.
In some respect it makes sense. We can be ourselves around the ones we love and express ourselves. Sometimes that get hurtful. In my case it isn't always intentional. My husband and I may argue and the buttons get pushed but if I come home from a tough day at work sometimes things get said that you don't mean. Those that love us forgive us and understand. I know I have gotten the same from my loved ones.
Others we scarcely know or want to please get the "nice" us..until they are loved ones.
oh, raising my hand timidly to join the guilty crowd...
and seriously debating printing this HUGE and posting it in my family room... so we can all see it every day!
A few years ago my husband said to me why are you more patient with your friends than you are with me, you're even nicer to them even when you're really tired. I never realized it. I think it's because we know that no matter how we act, our spouses and kids will still love us and won't reject us. Also they know our really good sides too. If we didn't have a good side, I don't think our spouses will stick around and our kids won't like us.
It takes work to have a friendship. If you treated them like you do your family, you would have no friends at all.
I don't treat my family badly. But when I don't feel like talking, I tell them I need quiet time. When I have the PMS symptoms, I don't see my friends, but I can't ignore my family. SO they see everything, the bad, the ugly, and the really ugly.
There's got to be a balancing act. It's okay to be human around your family, as long a you're aware of it and apologize and strive to be better.
I've at long last learned to stop in mid-sentence & just say, "Wait. I didn't really mean to say that. Sorry." But you hit the nail on the head Shelle. We tend to do & say harsh things mostly when we're tired or stressed out & it just always happens to be when we're with those we love the most. I used to always tell Mr. Snooty that he wouldn't dream of saying *that* (whatever it was) to a stranger & it was true... None of us would. Now, I just take it all out on my blog instead of those I love. Blogging is indeed a wonderful thing!
VL-i totally think what u said, "it wasn't intentional" is perfect! Cause it never is. But we somehow keep the hurtful remarks and gather that extra patience for that stranger when we should pull it out for our loved ones? Ya know? But it does make sense that we feel comfortable enough not to do just that, hold back, but we should, shouldn't we? They deserve that.
T-i thought the same thing, "I need to print this out for a daily reminder"
H.k. It's true, they won't reject us-thank goodness!!! A good balance is right--but how much better would it be if we tried harder to let those hurtful things out less? Is it possible without snapping?
SP-i am working on that stopping in mid-sentence part. And blogging is very theraputic!!! Lol.
Shelle, yes our family deserves the nice us, and they get it, plenty. But they get all of us, that's what happens. They get the burps, the farts and the mean. When we only give the "bad" then something has to change. and as part of the family I get all that from them as well
It's done under the guise of "constructive criticism" many times and other times I think it might be done without actually realizing that we are hurting our loved ones because we are so close to them. No one can be without guilt in doing this, I believe. It takes a conscious effort to not be hurtful. Thinking before speaking probably is the best way to curtail it. Also having open and honest communication.
Wow, that's sorta pretty dang true.
It is sad.
I'm guilty as well.
Partly cuz they won't let me say snotty things at work.
I think it's because we get to comfortable and forget that would should be treating our loved ones like a dog.
Ya, like a dog.
Notice how the dog gets petted, walked, talked goochy goochy to and scratched behind the ear.
How would our loved ones feel if we doted on them like that.
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