All I asked of the contributors is that they take one side of the issue and tell us why they believe that! Comment and tell us who you agree with or what you believe or think! The topics are suppose to illicit a response and start a conversation in comments. Enjoy!
TOPIC: Emotional dependency or attachment in a relationship, a strength or weakness?
I want to state that I have in many of my relationships whether with men or with friends been at one point or another Emotionally Dependent or Attached to that person, believe me when I say, this is a weakness and in no way it is a strength. In THIS article it defines being Emotionally Dependent as, "Emotional dependency occurs when the ongoing presence or nurturing of another is believed to be necessary for personal security.” I tried looking up Emotional Attachment but it just brought me to articles on being attached but not always emotionally. For the sake of consistency I will just argue the point of being emotionally dependent. Another article over HERE defines it as, "Emotional dependency means getting one’s good feelings from outside oneself. It means needing to get filled from outside rather than from within." So clearly defined it is a weakness. If you are emotionally dependent in a relationship then you have little self worth. You are depending on that relationship to feel your void of self love for yourself. You NEED them to tell you your worth and you depend on it. That puts the other partner in the relationship in a position of power over you. This allows that partner power to control how you feel about yourself and to pretty much walk all over you if they choose. Emotional dependency and this unbalanced power, in extreme cases, leads to abuse. Abuse emotionally as well as physically and yet they are to dependent on their abusers to leave. Because women in general tend to thrive off of their emotions they are the ones that fall prey to this most often. That leaves the man, who usually can and does emotionally distance themselves because of years of practice as not to come off as a sissy or softy, in the place of power in the relationship. Now that is not to say that a woman can't be in a place of power over a man but it usually isn't because of the emotional part of the relationship it usually tends to be the physical part (of course this is in general and not the exception). Those that are emotionally dependent also are the first ones to deny that they are, because if they do admit to it, then they have to admit that they aren't confident in their relationship as well as confident of themselves and their worth as a person. There is no strength in that when you have to hear from your partner or from others how much you are loved and adored because you can't see enough of that in yourself. Weakness defined in Dictionary.com: "an inadequate or defective quality, as in a person's character; slight fault or defect". By that definition and the ones I stated at the first of this clearly proves that being emotionally dependent or attached in any relationship is not good and is definitely a flaw in ones character. I have actually been in relationships where I was less emotionally dependent then the other person, but most often it is my weakness and my character flaw. As for myself I wish there was an easy way to overcome this "defect". An easy way to love myself more so that I wasn't emotionally dependent on my relationships. Marriage has helped me a lot in slowly realizing I needed to work more on myself in order to have a stronger relationship. I love myself more now then I ever have in my life and I become less and less dependent on my husband to fill my well of self worth and I can attest to the fact that it has helped our relationship immensely. So yea, being emotionally attached or dependent in a relationship is definitely a weakness. Shelle-BlokThoughts Okay DGB mic's yours :)
Wow Shelle, I feel like I’m in debate club. That was a well-researched argument. But you take for granted that the person is flawed or weak to begin with, or that they are in a relationship where emotional abuse is present. What about healthy people who are in solid relationship? Is it okay for them to be emotionally dependent? My emotional well being is intertwined with my wife’s. I cannot be happy unless she is happy and vice versa (at least that’s what she tells me). We are dependent on each other to provide happiness and comfort. On an episode of Mythbusters, the gang interlaced the pages of two phone books. When combined, the phone books proved to be so strong that two trucks could not pull them apart. This is how it can be in a relationship. Two separate entities coming together to create something stronger. I don’t want to be in a relationship where my emotions aren’t connected to my partner’s. I need to care about them and their well being. Otherwise, what’s the point of being together? Sure being emotionally dependent can be taken to unhealthy extremes. But isn’t that the case with anything? For those of us in healthy relationships, I think a level of emotional dependence is a good thing. DGB
She Said... again:
A healthy relationship, such as mine now, usually still has someone that is more emotionally dependent than the other, I'm not emotionally abused at all, yet... it is still a weakness because I need him to compliment me and adore me to fill that need of self worth where a strength would be for me to find that self worth inside myself so I didn't need that from my husband. For some men it comes off as clingy which can in turn make them feel trapped. Not that that is the case with my relationship... at least I don't think so :) If both parties are emotionally dependent equally or close to equally then that would work better. In most cases and most relationships one person is usually more dependent or attached emotionally than the other and it makes them the weaker party in the relationship. ---Shelle-BlokThoughts
Okay guys... let us know where you stand. What do you think? A strength or weakness?
3 months ago