He Said, She Said: Snooping through your partners email, is it okay?
All I asked of the contributors is that they take one side of the issue and tell us why they believe that! Comment and tell us who you agree with or what you believe or think! The topics are suppose to illicit a response and start a conversation in comments. Enjoy! Topic: Is it okay to SNOOP through your partners email if you suspect them of cheating?
To snoop or not to snoop, that is the question. For Hubman and I this is not a problem. We both have access to each other's email accounts and can read all emails, chats, etc. that are in our accounts. Hubman chats and exchanges photos with some very lovely ladies, and he lets them all know that I have access to everything and that I can see and read all. I like that, because one I do get to see some very nice pictures and two, there is no sneaking around going on.
I also go into Hubman's email not to snoop but so that I can either see his blog comments, or because his email is way, way more interesting than mine.
Hubman: It's true, my e-mail is pretty interesting, thanks to some lady friends in the blogosphere :-)
However, I know that not everyone operates this way. I think that if you have nothing to hide, letting your spouse have access to your email is not a big deal. If you have something going on like Christmas or birthday shopping and you don't want your spouse to find out what you are getting them, then locking them out for that period is fine.
Hubman: Around Christmas time, I asked Veronica not to go into my other e-mail account, the one in my real name, because there were messages from online retailers that I didn't want her to see. That sort of request is understandable and respected.
I can also see wanting to have your privacy. So, if you want to make your password available to your spouse but ask them to respect your privacy I think it is fine to do that.
The main question is, "If you suspect your spouse of cheating, should you check his e-mail account?"
And my answer is "Yes, but..."
The but is such: if you are going to look, are you going to be prepared for what you find? Do you really want to know? What are you going to do with this information if you find it? It's the same thing for checking the cell phone records, checking receipts or flat out asking your partner if he or she is having an affair.
I think that checking the email would be kind of a dead end, because your partner would be smart enough to have an email account and password that you do not know and would not check it on the computer that you share. The same thing with an Ashley Madison type account. If your spouse is really cheating, would they do it in plain sight like that?
There are many articles on the Internet and other media that help you ascertain if your spouse is cheating. However, I think that if most people listen to their gut and their gut tells them that something is off, then they should listen to their gut.
However, when you start looking, you have to remember that you might not like what you are going to find. Or your partner might be completely innocent and you are going to have to have a talk about why you are not trusting in their fidelity.
Either way, uncomfortable conversations are in your future.
Unless of course, you keep it open and above ground.
Now I know if y'all read me at my place you probably think I am a skeptic on all things and maybe even suspicious but actually I am a very trusting person. I trust everyone until they prove to me that I can't trust them. When that occurs I terminate the relationship, whatever that might be. Business, casual, sexual whatever, if I can't trust you then in my opinion you are a low rent piece of trash that doesn't deserve my time nor my energy. I don't look for things to distrust about people, it always comes out in the wash eventually.
I am also pretty private myself. I do NOT want people plundering through my stuff, be that actual physical things or my words, thoughts, or correspondence with others. I would be pissed if someone plundered through my email or diary (if I had one) or something, and I wouldn't allow it if they requested it. I would instantly terminate a relationship if I found someone snooping through my stuff without DAMN good cause. Hell I don't like folks in my stuff at all! People don't even ride in my truck, yes that includes the bride, I bet in the 10 years I have had it she hasn't been in it 20 times.
All that being said I would NEVER snoop and never have. I respect others things and I respect other people so I wouldn't breech their trust unless it was a matter of life or death or imminent danger to my family or friends. People have a right to their things and their privacy and again if you read me you KNOW I am big on rights. This is very important to me. The same way that I hold a secret and seldom if ever ask a person to tell me something told to them in confidence.
Hell a whole of y'all have given me your email and passwords before for various reasons and I have never done anything outside of what you specifically asked me to do, and I wouldn't and I think those of you who have trusted me with those things knew that or you wouldn't have come to me to help you. Can you even qualify how low rent and how big of an absolute loser it would take to go through someones email or their things when access was granted you to help that person? Dang that would make you on the level with dust mite turds.
Snooping shows total lack of respect for the other person. To me it means that you yourself are hiding something or have a guilty conscious for some reason. Why would you not respect someone to the point where you plunder through their stuff? Why would you be part of a relationship where you can't trust the other person? Shouldn't you confront the person and just ask them? It also blatantly shows a lack of trust, of course, and I think it is born of a lack of self confidence when snooping on a partner or mate.
I personally think that is juvenile. What am I a 12 year old girl? That is really kind of 7th grade if you ask me. How can people live that way? Suspicious, worried, jealous, scared. I have never ever picked up my brides phone and scrolled through it, that's candy assed B.S. if you want my opinion. I have never looked at my brides email and I know the password. I have never even looked through the nightstand on her side of the bed. I just ain't gonna live like that. I refuse to spend my time worried about what she might be doing or thinking or who she might be doing it with or thinking it about. My true take on it is regardless what she did do or think about it ain't gonna measure up to the real meal deal she has anyway. Short on confidence I readily admit I am not, and I also admit I have zero cause to be!
An old man told me once "if you tend your garden son you never have to worry about weeds".
I tend my garden. I don't fear weeds, I have no reason to.
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