...she often feels like she isn't really part of this relationship I have with my best friend. You know how that is...you met your best friend years before you met your spouse. I can tell that you're nodding at this, but my case is unique in 3 ways: 1) I met my best friend after I met my wife, 2) my best friend is female, and 3) my wife is my other best friend. When you think about it, that means my wife is jealous of herself. Hehe.
Let's look at this from my perspective. Why is my best friend female (or in this case, 2 best friends)? I believe it has something to do with my upbringing in a post-divorce family. After my mom got divorced, a family moved in with us. A family of 3. It just happened that I was the only male in the house, surrounded by 5 females, 3 of which were in my age range. Because of this unique experience, my learning curve was accelerated and I believe I have a deeper understanding of the female perspective.
With this understanding, I feel I'm better in touch with my feminine side and I'm better able to relate to women. It may be because of the whole "nature vs. nurture" theory that women tend to be the caregivers and more nurturing than men. Who knows? I just know I'm better equipped at dealing with the nuances of the female psyche than the average male.
With my female friends, I know I can fully engage myself in an in-depth conversation, where both parties equally express and receive the information shared. I find it equally incongruent that there can be sexual tension or the complete lack thereof when discussing sex with a female friend. I'm not saying that I seek out discussions of a sexual nature with female friends or try to have sex with them (maybe, maybe not LOL), though I won't shy away from them, especially if they need somebody to listen to their frustrations or issues.
I find it amusing that my wife gets jealous...and it's not only because of my friends' gender, but she simply wants more time with me. It is possible that I enjoy talking to my female friends while my wife is at work because it helps fill the void of her absence. Maybe not. I've assured my wife that I'm simply enjoying time with my "girl friends". Of course, my wife looks forward to our pillow talk time. LOL
8 hours ago