Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Facebook does WONDERS for the What IF game!

Okay, just because Shelle co-created this site doesn't mean she doesn't get an intro!  She doesn't know I'm adding to her post so no one tell her alright?  
Shelle is a wife to MountainSportMan and mom to two great kids.  She works, blogs and she also has this great photography biz!  She's witty, has many great stories and tells it like it is. If you'd like to learn more about Shelle please visit her at BlokThoughts

The first few years of my marriage were absolutely BLISSFUL.

I was like a fish in water.

We hardly, if ever, FOUGHT...sure we would bicker...but rarely FOUGHT.

About the 4th year of marriage...with our first child and brand new home...the stress was building and SO was our fighting.

In fact, we fought quite often...going sometimes a full day without speaking to each other.

Hold up...that's a lie.  I would continue to call MountainSport Man (my husband) and bother him at work but he would either answer and not speak, or not answer at all.  It's like dealing with a child.

You see...I would have rather SCREAMED it out and then been done with it...and he wants to retreat until the problem solves itself.  GAHHH!

It drove me BATTY.  He knew it did, which definitely gave him the upper hand.

Anyway...everytime we fought and I mean FOUGHT--(I threw a REALLY hard object at him...that MAY have landed in the proximity of his face)...yea, I wasn't proud after, but at the time, in the moment, ahhhh it felt GREAT.  Would you believe...I'm not really a violent person...but my guy brings that out in mean, he knows which buttons to push!

Just saying.

Anyway...at those times...I would play the WHAT IF game with myself.

I would think about other past relationships and remember all the fun and then I would find myself daydreaming and wondering what my life would have been like IF I had picked one of THEM...one of the other guys.

Of course, when I was mad and we were fighting...the grass was DEFINITELY greener on the other side...

And my 4th and 5th years of marriage...I played the WHAT IF game quite a bit.

Didn't help us at all...but it sure made it easier for me, to daydream in my own little world.

Of course, those OTHER guys were always successful and fit and romantic and sensitive.  Honestly, Ghandi couldn't have been a better saint.

Then FACEBOOK came along.

Thank goodness for THAT.  


I mean...since connecting with past "friends" that are of the male gender, it has completely obliterated my imagination and What if dream of the perfect PAST guy.

I hate to say that SOME, okay maybe one, I didn't even recognize him!  I recognized the name, was excited to see what was up in his life, but he's CHANGED...physically.  I still don't believe it is him...but shhhhh...don't tell him that.

Are you kidding me?  I came away FAR better.  Whew!

So my guy doesn't have a sensitive, romantic bone in his NOW-30 lbs.-less body...but I have Romantic Comedies and Romance Novels...I'm good.

So the cure to overcoming the What If game in YOUR relationship?

Connect with past boyfriends or girlfriends on Facebook.  Sure they may annoy you by poking you all the time and chatting with you as soon as you open Facebook up...but you no longer have to wonder what MIGHT have BEEN.

Luckily for MY GUY...I'm perfect in everyway...so he's never had to undergo any of that! :) That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

(I understand their is the exception...and Facebook wasn't around until just recently and I haven't been playing the What If game for that long...since I've been married 9 years...it really was only that 2 year spat where LIFE was getting at me--he IS still completely my best friend, I'm very lucky...but ya'll get my drift right?)

Okay now dish...have any of you EVER played the What If game in your relationship?  Ever?  And please tell me you have run into past "friends" in Facebook and thought "thank goodness"?  I'm not the only one?  Am I sounding snobish?  I mean I'm not doubting for ONE SECOND that they aren't thinking the same thing.


Is this thing on?



Monday, March 30, 2009

For Love...And Underwear

This story below comes from a wonderful blogger Blonde Duck.  She is an aspiring writer with a collection of short stories that are full of wit and humor (and often times pie!)  Married to her love Ben and raising two furry children she dishes up a little reality about how you know when you're really married. You can find her page at A Duck In Her Pond.
The first time it really hit me that I was married, I was standing in a check out line clutching a pile of my husband’s boxers.

And in that moment, I felt twelve years old again.

I was in 
seventh grade.  As I breezed in after school and piled my books on the kitchen table, I saw my mother shifting through shopping bags on the counter.  Immediately, I perked up.

“What’d you get?” I asked, sliding over and peering into the bags. 

“Underwear for your father,” my mother said, pulling out the boxes and showing them to me.

I shrank back in horror.  “You buy his underwear?”

“Well, yes,” my mother said.  She raised an eyebrow.  “I buy your underwear.”

“That’s different,” I argued.  “I’m a girl.  Dad’s…not.”

“Duh,” my mother said.  The corners of her lips twitched.  “If I had a son, I’d buy his underwear.”

“But that’s different,” I argued.  “He’d be your kid.”

“And Dad is my husband,” she replied.  “I can buy underwear for my kids, but not my husband?”

“Why can’t he get his own underwear?” I asked.  “He’s an adult.  Shouldn’t adults buy their own underwear?”

“I was at the mall and he needed new underwear, so I picked some up,” my mother said.   I ignored the giggles she was trying to repress.  “Why should he come out to the mall when I’m already there?”

“This is just so weird,” I burst out.  “Would you let Dad pick out your underwear?”

“Of course,” Mom replied.  “And he has before.  Lovely things, too.  There was one thing…”

At this point, I wanted to throw up.  The idea of my dad purchasing underwear for my mom made me want to gouge my eyes out with a spoon and plug my ears. 

“It’s just gross,” I bellowed, my twelve year old mind unable to wrap around the concept of my parents and underwear.  Sure, I’d seen my Dad in his underwear plenty of times, but that was different.  That was 
Monday morning chaos or nightmares in the middle of the night or all of us sharing a hotel room during vacation.  The idea that my parents not only pranced around in their underwear in front of each other but selected underwear for one another was revolting.

“Don’t worry,” my mother said, sensing I was about to escape to a convent.  “You’ll pick out your husband’s underwear someday.”

With a shriek of disgust, I set off to find a spoon.

Nine years later, I had been married for a month and just graduated college.  While moving into our new house, I had discovered Ben’s underwear looked like giant moths had attacked it.  The next thing I knew, I had marched to 
Old Navy and scooped up a pile of boxers. 

It didn’t sink in that I was married when I changed my name at the social security office.  It didn’t sink in that I was married when people called me Mrs. and ma’am instead of miss. 

It only sank in that I was married when I bought my husband underwear, just as my mother predicted I would do.  

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Whose closets better?

Since weekends are usually SLOW blogging days.

I thought for those of you that wander over here that you might enjoy this commercial!

I would KILL for a closet with that many shoes!!!

Friday, March 27, 2009

The Person on the Other Side of the Bed

As we meander through life, busy in our daily tasks of chores and work and kids, we tend to forget that at the end of the day after the dishes are done and the homework checked, the laundry folded and put away, we've forgotten something. 

Forgotten someone. 

Most of the time we've likely forgotten ourselves and we haven’t paid any attention to what our needs are.  A cup of tea, reading a book or paper, watching our favorite show on tv; however we unwind and relax at the end of the day.

But that isn't the thing I'm talking about. 

I'm talking about the person on the other side of the bed. 

Now, not everyone reading here may have anyone on that side of the bed, but chances are someday you might.  I think we tend to forget about our spouse or significant other more than we realize.  To be fair, they forget about us too. 

It's important to try to stay connected (and I'm not talking about blackberrys and blogs this time).  Spending time together, alone away from kids when possible, is so vital to keeping a connection strong.  Everyday gestures and thoughts are important.  Making dinner together, talking about your day, relaxing and watching a movie together, these things can be significant too. 

Hence why I’ve hired a sitter for Saturday night.  So we can go be with other grown-ups at a REAL grown-up party. 

We both tend to work after the kids go to bed.  I'm at my desk on the computer with my earphones on and he's on the couch with his laptop watching tv.  There's probably a call for us to do that a bit less but within the limits of the day, neither of us can accomplish everything that needs to be done.  So our evenings are one of those 'in the same room but separate worlds' kinds of things. 

We usually catch up at night once we turn out the lights.  My husband would say I am his soundtrack to sleep.  I talk when I am in bed waiting for dreams. There’s all this stuff up in my head that I have to get out before I can attempt to sleep.  Anyone else like that? Generally, I’m not expecting him to comment with more than a grunt.  That’s usually what I get.  He may object to that but it’s my post, I can say what I want.

It took a long time to find a balance between work and life and all the rest.  And I wouldn’t say we’ve gotten it down exactly more like we’re limping through it.  It's always far more complicated than you think it's going to be.

How about you?  Are you finding a work/life balance?  What’s your secret to staying connected?  I want to hear your thoughts!  (and seriously, I need tips!)

Blogging Mama Andrea

Monday, March 23, 2009

What is this blog all about???

The very FIRST post of our brand new blog!

Shelle (ME) and Andrea (Blogging Mama) have decided that we wanted a blog that we could throw out real life relationship scenarios for people to laugh at, think about, and overall compare things too.

We think this blog will be fun.

We will have contributors that will be regulars here on the Real World Venus and Mars (RWVM)...and we will have many GUEST contributors.

We want this blog to be a blog where you can write down whatever you feel regarding your relationship with your significant other...How much you love him/her, How much you want to throttle him/her, How much you need ADVICE about him/her...it ALL is welcomed.

If you would like to contribute email us at: realworldvenusmars@gmail.com or if you would just like to write about a certain experience that we can laugh at, or you need some advice, either way...we would like YOU to be a part of this blog.

We want it to be your escape to write whatever you would like when it comes to your relationship that you feel you can't post on YOUR blog because of in-laws, ex's, or family that might be spying! So YES you can post Anonymously if you would like, I personally like to know who I'm reading about, but either way works! :)

This blog is an escape from the Mommy and Daddy blogs out there...this is purely for a more mature audience...at least in age...not necessarily in content, because face it...we are all still kids in adult bodies!

Most of the time I hope you leave laughing, sometimes I hope you cry, and other times I hope what is written will get you into somewhat of a stupor of thought!

We welcome all comments...good and bad, because the coolest thing about relationships are that they are all unique. What works for some most definitely doesn't work for others...but what I would love is for it to be open and honest.

It's always nice when I read something about someone else's husband (spouse) and think...WOW, that's TOTALLY how I feel about my spouse! Or laugh when the husband complains that the wife gave the headache excuse again!!!


I found this video. I think Mark Gungor is on to something when he is explaining the difference between a Man Brain and a Woman Brain! :) Enjoy!