Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Ned and Chuck Got It Wrong!

Ever watch the show Pushing Daisies? Probably not. Neither did anyone else, apparently. And why not? Because the show isn't an accurate portrayal of how to have a meaningful relationship in the 21st Century. See, Ned and Chuck really want to get it on. But they can't because if Ned touches her, she'll die. So they gaze longingly at one another and . . . that's about it.

Why is this inaccurate? Because nowadays, we connect on Facebook. It's sanitary, snarky and requires no physical contact. Intimacy? Conversation? Those things are so early-90s. Instead of chatting one another up over candlelight and fresh-baked pie, we dine separately, basking in the glow of our widescreen monitors.

Ned and Chuck don't need to get it on. They need Twitter accounts.

I kid of course. Every relationship needs some physical contact. Flesh on flesh. Spoken words falling on attentive ears. Companionship: Unplugged. It's how our grandparents made it. It's why we're here. And now we find ourselves in a position of having to rediscover that connection in a world that mistakes a status update for intimacy.

This is the pot calling the kettle black. A finger pointed at you with four pointing back at me.

See, I am surrounded by the invisible miasma of megabytes. There are the necessary things: I take classes online, keep track of my finances online, send dozens of emails, conduct research, make phone calls and pay bills, all from the comfort of my swiveling padded desk chair. Life simplified, leaving more time for the things I enjoy most. And some of those things also happen online as well. I write a blog, read and interact on numerous others, watch way too many YouTube videos, and Blip song after song after song - my own personal, interactive soundtrack of life. I also tweet on occasion, and my wife and I both have walls on Facebook. She is also a very vocal member on many forums, with topics ranging from faith to schooling to scrapbooking. Her office is downstairs. Mine is wherever I plug in my laptop. And instead of shouting for one another, we send IMs.

This is now the way it is. A constant internet presence and social networking are here to stay. And we've discovered some ways to make sure they don't become a stumbling block toward maintaining a healthy relationship:

1. Share what you're sharing. News and opinions make excellent conversation starters. If something you've read gets your dander up or inspires you, by all means post a link somewhere. But don't stop there. Take the time to talk about it with your mate. If it's worth sharing with your online connections, then it's probably something you feel strongly about. And it's those types of things that take conversations with your mate beyond the stuff of every day life.

2. Connect with your mate before you connect with your readers. Before I hit publish, my wife reads every post I write. Not only does this give me a chance to hear her comments first, it helps me weed out the bull. Am I being honest? Have I shared too much? These are concerns for every blogger, and her input helps me keep it real.

3. Get out of the house. While much of life for married couples happens within the friendly confines of the home, there is also a world outside the front door. We like to visit bookstores with cafes. Over toffee cappuccinos and hot apple ciders, we enjoy holding hands and browsing. We also go to school functions together. Or we make time to simply stroll around the neighborhood. Go ahead and take your phone, in case the kids call, but keep it in the holster. And keep your eyes open, for there are many great blog posts lurking just around the corner . . .

Sounds idyllic, right? Hardly. More than ever, these things take determination and honesty. For better or worse, the online life is here to stay. The key is to make it work for you and not against you.

How do you make it work for you?

Cheek of God

[photo credit]

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My name is Shelle and I'm a blogger...

Hi my name is Shelle and I'm a blogger.

That is sometimes what I have felt like since blogging came into my life.

At first blogging was a day to day scrap book for my family members who didn't live near us, only I would blog maybe once a week? Then I started to blog surf (going from one link to the next on different blog pages). I began to find blogs that made me laugh or cry or just plain entertain me and so I tried my first non family post, I just wrote whatever was in my head... and it was HORRIBLE!

But that one post catapulted me into what became an obsession.

And I wish I was kidding.

I spent hours and I mean HOURS of time writing posts, reading blogs, and commenting. If you didn't comment on others posts then people wouldn't comment on yours and to get people to know about you or want to follow you, you not only had to produce good posts but you also had to make good comments! All of which takes times... and that time you are spending reading and commenting takes time away from other responsibilities. Yet I didn't notice it because, selfishly, it made me happy and I was becoming friends with some fantastic people!!!

Then I was introduced to FaceBook. I never really got into that, yet, it was another thing that took some time.

Then came twitter, oh twitter how I love thee. I could put all of my random, stupid, thoughts into 140 words and put them out there for people to read and respond on, only I didn't have to upload photos like on blogging or facebook or spend precious time creating a posts!

But it still took my time. Even after I got a phone that allowed me to be away from my computer!

My wake up call??? My husband sitting me down and telling me I was neglecting him! My husband who we both admittedly say that we have communication problems... SAT ME DOWN to talk to me, and then any time that I would go to get on the computer he would get really negative about it, plus other things had fallen to the wayside like cleaning and laundry and sadly at times my kids. Probably the one thing he said to me that hit home and helped me to back off from my obsession was "your blog friends know more about what you do then I do sometimes I find out about things that you or the kids have done by reading your blog, facebook status, or twitter then by YOU!"--oops! (That's my guy over there, ya blame me for making sure I keep him???)

I had to sit back and think about it and my time spent on this internet world that I had created for myself and realized that it had effected my life. Although it was something that made me happy I was allowing it to be a bad thing in my relationship and because my husband means and IS the most important thing to me in my life it became a problem.

I have sense backed off my blogging. I won't fully give it up because he knows that it does in fact make me happy, but I spend a LOT less time and energy on it. I spend time on the stuff that is boring but has to get done like cleaning and laundry, I spend time harassing my kids, and I spend time loving my husband.

I don't think I'm the only one that has had this problem/addiction. I think there are many of us that have or do. It's like anything, you have to do things in moderation, but sometimes when you are so wrapped up in something you can't see that it becomes a problem because you are to involved. Luckily I have a husband who loves me enough to shake me when I need it.

On the other end. Blogging has introduced me to incredible people, some of whom I have met in real life. It has also helped me realize that I'm normal, that others do silly things to "just get by" while parenting, that my husband is wrong... I AM "normal" when it comes to how often I want sex compared to how often HE wants it :), and that my kids are actually not as out of control as some others, and that they are weird!lol! My blog friends also helped me pull through a difficult death in my family with their words and gifts. And again, blogging has been theraputic and makes me happy. FaceBook has re-introduced me to old friends.

Twitter I'm still obsessed with... come on guys people are funny when they fit their thoughts into a 140 characters, baby steps people, baby steps.

Now I feel naked in front of a crowd by admitting all of that... a bit stupid.

So has blogging or social networking affected your relationship either good or bad? What are your opinions on the matter? You can answer anonymously if you would like.


Monday, September 28, 2009

Group Therapy-Can we get your advice?

Okay! I'm not sure quite when I want to do our "Group Therapy" day. Monday? Wednesday? I can't decide.

So I thought I would try it today and see how it goes. But it might be snuck into Wednesday's to break up the Male/Female perspectives!

What this is, is questions that have been emailed to me from people who want an opinion or advice on certain things. If we don't have questions to help with, I always have statistics dealing with marriage or relationships that I like to throw out there and have you guys compare yourselves to the "average" relationship and then we discuss it.

Email your questions that you want discussed in "Group Therapy" and see what advice or help or discussion you get from it to

Here is our first question/topic up for discussion! Let us know what you have to say:

Teenage sons (almost 16) and their girlfriends. How much leeway do we give them to express themselves? Is young love still possible? And is it scary? For parents?

That’s the boat I’m in. My son and his girlfriend celebrate a year together this coming week. And they are hooked on one another.

So what do you guys think? Let us know in comments and feel free to comment anonymously!


We got our FIRST award! I'd like to thank the academy... and Sage who gave this to us!

I'm not going to argue, we DEFINITELY give good blog around here! :)

And if you have time, Sage also pimped out our blog over at his site check it out if you want to! I have officially named Sage our PIMP M-eye-STER! lol!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Appreciate your partner wrap up, caption contest!

Well often on my blog I will take the comments and post on them since I know most folks don't really go back or follow the comments on a blog so if there is a good comment, or one from a POV different than mine (how could anyone not agree with me??!?!?!) I will address it. You should follow comments on this blog. Do it now, thank you very much.

Well I think the underlying purpose of this blog when Shelle and Blogging Mama Andrea came up with it was to be a fair and real look at relationships from differing points of view and it also should make people reassess their relationships and what they put into them and how they look at them. Well I thought that Math Guy's (Jules husband) comment warranted another post. Often times people (myself included and Jules by her own admission in her post) take things for granted and it takes something else to kick us in the azz gently point us toward a better perspective.

It is my belief that when folks think about things most of the DO appreciate what the other does for them and for the betterment of the team, even if they never ever say/show it. I also think that folks often feel bad about the things they DON'T do or don't get to do. They also know they should be doing this that or the other to help. The reason I wanted to write this post is because I think Math Guy summed up many peoples thoughts/actions in his stellar comment (pun intended/Math Guy.. Summed, get it Shelle?)

He Writes..

Jules and I decided for many reason to have her stay at home while the kids are young instead of her pursuing a career. I do work hard outside the home but will be the first to tell you my wife does more than I do. I don't know how she does it and could never do it myself or replace her in any way. Very often I think as I am driving to my place of employment at 7am or driving home from the business work at 9pm how I am not doing a lot of the "man" things around the house (lawn mowing, yard cleaning, car washing, helping with meals, cleaning, etc.)I don't tell Jules enough how much I appreciate her, her abilities and daily accomplishments. As a matter of fact, when the stress on my end reaches a breaking point, I do more of the opposite. I want her to do more. It isn't fair but that's what happens when deadlines get involved.

Jules Says:

If I need a break and my husband has left his main job and is now waist high in a lake freezing to death and miserable working for our business why should I hire a sitter to get out of the house? go to a movie etc.

yes, I need the break and it would be good for everyone (cuz a happy mama....) but it doesn't seem right.

I think this is so true with most folks. I think when one person feels overwhelmed they project that on the other. They see it as they are overwhelmed because the other person is slacking, even when the overwhelming thing is unrelated to the other persons responsibilities. I also think that both people feel somewhat envious of the other persons position, like Math Dood saying he wishes he could spend more time with the kids, see Jules spends nearly all her time with them, and in reverse Jules says she desires alone time (away from the responsibilities of the kids) and Math Dood gets huge amounts of that.

he goes on to say...

The only thing that really bothers me about it is the time I don't spend with my kids. You made the comment of the best way to raise kids is to "spend absolutely as much time with them as possible." I feel that, if possible, a mom and a dad needs to do just that. Often I feel I am not holding up my end of the platform because of my working responsibilities.

and Jules said....

I think the problem for myself is that I feel like since I am not working outside of the house - bringing in an actual paycheck (the one you can bring to the bank) I don't feel like I should be spending money on myself. *oh back off - it is how I feel.

See each of them feels bad about the part of their relationship that the other gets to do. She feels bad about not earning a "check" and him about not spending enough time.

This could go on and on. I just thought that their comments and her post and my post ended up perfectly describing what most couples go through no matter what their roles in the relationship are.

Jules in one of her comments said......

Anyway - it is usually greener on the other side, but like Sage said we have our roles for a reason. & honestly once you cross that fence the side you came from is "the other side of the fence" you know where the grass is greener.

I'd say that right there is perfectly stated. See the other side, the good and bad as best you can without being over there.

So what did we learn? Well I'd say everyone should focus on doing what they do and doing it well. Then secondly we should work on appreciating what the other does. Then we should do our best to compliment the good things our mate does more often than they criticize their mates shortcomings in accomplishing their responsibilities. Myself included, for sure.

So are we in agreement.

***I thought maybe y'all would like to participate in a caption contest here too so here ya go, give it your best shot!!!

click to big if you can't see it good.

tell me in the comments what the caption of this pic should be!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Food For Thought

“What are you doing?” WonderWife™ asked me.

I thought it was fairly obvious, considering that I was sitting on the couch, feet up on the coffee table, with my eyes cast towards the TV that was powered on. Nonetheless, I offered her an answer:

“Watching Wrath of Kahn.”

“Why?” she asked rolling her eyes.

The fact that WonderWife™ needed to ask “why” illustrates the fundamental difference in our relationship. Yet for all of my geeky ways, she too has things that she is obsessive about. There are times when the roles are reversed and I’m the one telling her that I really don’t care how many different stitches her new serger makes or what kind of deal she got on fabric downtown. Knowing that she too, in her own way, is a geek enables me to absorb her constant taunts and questions about my hobbies. But it still remains that we don’t share the vast majority of our hobbies and interests.

All of this begs the question, what exactly are WonderWife™ and I doing together in the first place? How can two mismatched people forge a strong relationship? The answer lies in the one thing that we are both geeky about—food.

One day WonderWife™ and I were doing the family thing at a park across town as lunchtime was approaching. Since I was hungry, I knew the kids and WW™ would be also.

“You know what I was thinking?” I asked WW™.

“That we’re close to that restaurant we saw on Food Network with the breakfast pizza?” She replied.

A smile crept across my face and the plan was set into motion. We loaded up the kids and were soon wolfing down the dish we had seen on TV a few days earlier, glowing with the new-found discovery that eggs on pizza is a winning combination.

This is why we work well together. Food is the bond that holds us. We love to cook it. We constantly read about it. We watch how it’s made on TV. There is nothing that makes us happier than to bask in each other’s company inside a darkened restaurant, savoring an excellent meal.

Early in our relationship, WonderWife™ made me one of her specialties, an excellent pan-fried chicken breast. I returned the favor a few days later by treating her to my “famous” red sauce. One day in the kitchen, we had a “chocolate in my peanut butter” brainstorm. We poured the sauce over the chicken and the result was a sublime meal that was greater than the sum of its parts. Sure, adding sauce to chicken wasn’t a culinary breakthrough, but that simple dish had taught us that we clicked in the kitchen. The rest has become well blogged about history.

Though we consider ourselves foodies, having kids and no family within 2000 miles has limited our ability to eat out, and our busy lives means that we’re often cooking meals for the youngest members of our gang more than for ourselves. But our passion for good food and cooking remains the glue that keeps us stuck to each other. Thankfully, our kids share this love as well and are willing to explore with us. Weekends often include trips to farmers markets or breakfast experiments like confetti pancakes or chocolate milk French toast (both WonderWife™’s creations, by the way).

It’s easy to focus on the differences, as I often do, but in every relationship there needs to be some common ground. Otherwise, we become two separate people living under one roof. So no matter how divergent our tastes and hobbies become, WonderWife™ and I can always sack out on the couch with some wine and watch Food Network. Because really, what’s the point of being geeky if you can’t be geeky with the one you love?


What hobbies, interests, passions do you share with your partner?

Many thanks to the illustrious ZenMom for asking me to contribute to this topic. And shout outs to Shelle for the great new format of the site!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

His, hers and ours

In the before-time, the ZenHusband and I used to do lots of fun things together: Backpacking, hiking, camping, SCUBA, music festivals, movies, video games, sporting events, museums ...

But, since the kids came along, we don't have a lot of "us" time. We do a lot of things together as a whole family - and that's great. But, we don't really do many "fun" things together just as a couple any more.

Instead, we trade off - he has time to go do some of "his" things and I have some free time to do some of "my" things.

His favorite hobbies are homebrewing, fishing, hiking, alternative music, video games, disc golf ... throw in a little football and hockey (watching) and the occasional war movie or History Channel documentary and the ZenHusband is a pretty happy camper.

Me? I'm usually happiest when I'm reading, writing, playing with techy stuff, or taking photographs.

I used to think that it was great that we each had our own interests. And, I guess I still do. But, I kind of miss doing non-parent things together, too.

Sometimes it starts to seem like whenever we are together, all we do or talk about is how to juggle work and kids' schedules, or what's for dinner, or did you feed the cat, or can you fix the kitchen drawer, or the car needs washing, or can you pick up milk on the way home ...

Every now and then, I feel like if we didn't have all of that "family business" minutia, we might just sit and stare at each other and wonder what to talk about; I start to wonder if we have anything in common anymore besides our kids.

And then ...

... then we somehow manage to find a few hours - or even a whole day or two - of "us" time ...

And, suddenly, we remember that, while we are separate people with different interests, we are also a loving couple with more than 10 years of shared history and a lot more in common than just those fabulous, adorable rugrats who call us parents.

Last weekend, we had a rare two whole days to ourselves. We went out of town to do something "fun". But, more importantly, we had a lot of time to just hang out and talk. Did we talk about the kids? Yeah, a little. But we also talked about books and beer and music and movies and culture and current events.

And we talked about the fact that we want to make sure that we don't forget that, no matter how all-encompassing parenting can (and should) be in our lives, we still need to make time to do the "fun" things that we enjoy doing together - just for us - too.

We don't quite know how we are going to do it, but we agree it's important to us to try.

What about you?

Do you and your significant other have shared interests or hobbies? Do you do "fun" things together (without your kids)? Or do you each do your own "grown up" things? Is "couple time" a priority for you? How do you find the time and what kinds of things do you do?

I'm really curious about how other couples approach these things. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Tomorrow, DaddyGeekBoy will be here at Venus vs Mars with his thoughts on the subject of marriage and shared interests. Don't miss it!


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Female View: Feeling unappreciated...

I have a job. It requires me to be on the clock 18 hrs a day and on call for 6 hrs nightly. I am often called during the nighttime, sometimes every two hours. It takes at least a half hour to deal with each "issue" I am roused to tend to. I do not get coffee breaks - while I am allowed to eat and drink on the job, I am not given time away to sit and rest. Lunch breaks are worked through too. The most miserable part of all of this, which most people take for granted at their jobs, is bathroom breaks. My company (the people under me really) require an "open door" policy for bathroom breaks. If we are in a meeting the meeting follows me to the restroom.

I have to drive for my job. I do not get paid mileage even though I probably log at least a 100 miles a week, if not double that (or more some weeks). While my partner tends to some things on my work vehicle, the general maintenance of the this vehicle is for me to take care of. I am responsible for people's lives on my job- their physical, emotional, and social issues are my responsibility.

I am often called upon to plan, host, and attend special events. I am not given a budget for these events. I serve as technical support, record keeper, historian, tutor, theologian, and calender keeper. I am responsible for the companies financial well being. The janitorial and "housekeeping" services fall on my shoulder as well as everything in between. Personal shopper, chef, caterer, veterinarian, plus gardener and lawn care are part of my job description.

The hardest part about my job is that nobody in my company really knows what I do. Plus, if I do not get my job done, no one steps in and does it for me. I have such a large array of responsibilities that to hire someone else (it would actually take several employees to replace me) would be financial impossible for the company's budget. If I slack on my job, I am left in a scramble to catch up, remember people's lives/welfare are in my hands. The majority of the tasks I perform go unnoticed, almost always unappreciated. Rarely do I get a nod of appreciation. There is no room for advancement either, so even if I outperformed all expectations I could never change positions.

If I am fortunate enough to use some of my comp time, I am still on call due to my work cell phone. Do not assume that this phone can be shut off. Issues (according to my partner) must be dealt with immediately and with my input.

I have no insurance or retirement benefits. I do not have a receptionist nor an assistant to help me with my duties either. I do not receive sick days, nor am I allowed to take time off for illnesses, or medical issues. ( I must work these into my schedule) I have people under me that I am responsible for. I also have a partner - most days a silent, or worse disgruntled partner. Not only that but I am expected to sleep with my partner (*gasp...what? yep. it's ok, he's cute) Speaking of my partner, it is my given duty to tend to all of his needs too.

So, if my job is stressful and that hard then why don't I just quit? I can't quit - I made a lifetime commitment. Because my job is being a wife and a stay at home mom.

*Click to make Big*

If you work outside of the home how does this compare? How do I make my spouse, who works really hard outside of the home, realize everything I do for him and that what I do is just as important as what he does?

Side Note: My husband (the partner) is not as bad I made him sound here. For the sake of this post, I put his neck on the line by making him sound like an ogre.

(Click on pic to get to her site) Just Jules writes on her blog about how she is CEO of her family including one husband and 4 children! Her beautiful pictures is what I noticed first, but she also has a knack for writing and is one of the sweetest people I have met and call friend without ever officially meeting her in real life! :) Go read her if you get the chance!

Monday, September 21, 2009

What's New With RWVM-CHECK IT OUT!

Okay. Some things are a changing around here.

Just how we post and a little of what we posted about!

Here is yours truly explaining it on video!!!

So basically, if you can't view this video, this is what I said!

There will be two topics a week. A male's perspective will be written and posted for one day and then a female perspective will be written on the same topic and be posted on the next day... or vice a versa!

Then to make up day 5 out of the week we will answer questions or concerns emailed in by YOU GUYS! And it will be out there for everyone to discuss about and debate upon or give advice for! So that should be good times! :) So start emailing those in and you can do any of this anonymously of course!

This blog was not only set up to discuss and talk about relationships... peeking in on those people brave enough to talk about theirs! But also to be a blog where you could guest post something you wanted or needed to get off your chest but couldn't do it at your respective "personal" blog because to many people you know reads it and would judge or whatever!

We have built such a fun community of bloggers. Let's continue to talk and discuss and comment back and forth to each other!

Thanks for those of you that have continued to come back and comment!



P.S. I am looking for a few more female contributors and more male contributors. Let me know if you are interested by emailing me. Email is on the right side bar! :)

Friday, September 18, 2009

Are Women the Weaker sex?

Why Women Are Crabby

We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find

that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt

so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable

training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses

on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner).

Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone

crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed

cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time

which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he

did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was


Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and

water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over

Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are),

we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking

our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to

have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we

pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived,

the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of

the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain

all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, 'Please

stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. 'Just one more good push'

(more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the

%$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a

wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all

that 'cute' wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking,

jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their 'Teen Years.' Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual

prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th


So we progress into the grand finale: 'The Menopause,' the

Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now

seasoned 'buds' or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in

July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that


Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men

get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the

woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great

Gandhi a tad crabby.

You think women are the 'weaker sex?' Yeah right. Bite me!

Thanks Julie for sending that to me! Don't know where she got it! :)

NEXT WEEK: The New Real World--well kinda, just structured differently! I think you guys will like it! Be sure to come back! :)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

How to shower: Women vs. Men

I remember getting this email.

But the video! HAHAHAHA!

Warning: it does have the A.Z.Z. word written once in it for all my PG friends out there! (replace z with s)

But NO nudity! It's hilarious, well to me, but I have a warped since of humor!

The shakin their thangs is SO true at least when it comes to my hubby!!!

But I do have to admit. I don't know if I would take THAT much time cleaning up the bathroom!

So does this scenario look familiar to anyone? Is this a stereo type or true when it comes to you and your significant other?! :)

Have a good Thursday everyone!


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Some Re-vamping and Comics! :)

Hey everyone! WE are re-vamping the structure of Real World Venus vs. Mars!

So the rest of the week we are just posting fluff! Then starting next week we will be just a tad different in how we post!

So read below for the most current posts and read them if you haven't already!

Thanks for coming back and being a part of all this! :)

***Update: Below is comics written about things actually said in a Therapist Office. To some they may be funny, to others they may be disturbing :) Thanks SciFi Dad for making me aware that I should probably write a caveat so that people know what to kind of expect when they see these :)

And people wonder why I want to be a Marriage Therapist! My job would be so interesting! ;)


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Trying to change your spouse...

I have been reading, again, the book written by Dr. John Gray, entitled, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". It's good to be reminded of what I need work on and what my guy and I can work on together. But it also has good ideas for topics on this blog! :)

On page 146 it states, "The secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him." and then on the next page 147 it continues, "The best way to help a man grow is to let go of trying to change him in any way."

This is the core reason I feel that we have ever argued. I expect him to do one thing knowing that it wasn't him, knowing that I wanted it to be HIM, but I knew that it ultimately WASN'T. Do you understand?

For example, my guy hates to sell things. HATES IT. Yet, when I wanted to get rid of our first vehicle to get another one I told him that we could just sell it and then go look for another car for me. He said, "You are going to have to sell it because I don't like doing that, it makes me feel uncomfortable". I told him, "No worries baby, I'll do all the talking, I just need you to stand behind me for support when they come to test drive and ask questions." Yet in my mind I was thinking, he's the guy, he'll naturally just take over the sell because the people will want to talk with him! Sure he'll feel uncomfortable for a bit, but once he gets going he'll be all good.

I was trying to change him, help him to step out of his comfort zone.

When time came to sell the car I forced him to talk to the people and we argued about it later. Him telling me NOT to put him in that situation again!

So what do you guys think? Do you think this is true? Or do you think that helping your partner try things that make them uncomfortable might actually be good for them maybe even make them better as a person? Guys what do you think? Is this a true statement?

Monday, September 14, 2009

Sometimes, I wonder

Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to run into him somewhere.
A chance encounter at the store, on the street, in a coffee shop.

Would we greet each other warmly, sitting down to chat like old friends about our new lives? Or would we offer smiles that don't reach our eyes and exchange uncomfortable small talk before going our separate ways?

Would we share pictures of our spouses and kids? Or would we just share a private, nostalgic look as we pass?

Would I see the passionate young man, in the middle-aged stranger in front of me? Would he see the care-free girl in the mother of two?

Would his smile still make my stomach do flips? Would he flirt and bring up old times?

Would my cheeks burn at the flood of memories? Would his eyes sparkle at my blush? Would mine brim with tears when the moment was past?

I love my husband, my children, my life.
I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

But, sometimes, I wonder.

Friday, September 11, 2009

I enjoy making large scale wooden ships

I have been asking and asking for a single person to write about their experiences and relationships so we have a different perspective and a different view of relationships! Those of us married or in pretty committed relationships aren't the only ones out there seeking for advice, help, and a community to go to to talk about stuff, so I was excited that Donna, who writes over on her blog The Bare Essentials, emailed and asked to Guest Contribute. I think her TIPS are pretty accurate and hilarious! :)

I am astounded at the lack of time, energy and creativeness that people put into crafting their online dating profiles. C’mon now, do I really want/care to know that you enjoy making large scale wooden model ships at this point in the game? Ummm, no not really. Tell me something interesting, witty, something that makes you stand out from all the other losers out there. I mean really, you are paying for this site, why not make the most of it? So here are a few tips for anyone that might be reading of what you shouldn’t include in your online profile.

Don’t shout it out loud on your headline that you have genital herpes. I know this is a double edged sword, I appreciate the guys honesty, but dude, it’s going to make me stay in a land farfarfar way from your profile and your herpes. I do not want to spend the rest of my life living in a Valtrex commercial.

Your love of firearms is not a good selling point. Now I’m sure there are plenty of a few chicks out there who dig that in a man, but I’m guessing most of them are not looking for mates of your persuasion. And quite frankly, it scares me. It took a lot for me to adjust to the fact that people can drive around with shotguns hung from their back window (plus I can’t ride their tail when they are going two miles an hour on the road, I don’t want to get shot, which is really a bummer cause that was one of my fave things to do.)

Poor grammar. This is one of my biggest pet peeves! Seriously, you turn me off with your mutterings of how you like to have great converstions, or how intellagint you are. Or maybe this is a ploy so I’ll like you know, dress up in a tight skirt and put my glasses on and be all, you’ve been a bad boy, spell fellatio correctly for me and I’ll show you how it’s done right. If this is the case, I can’t complain, pretty sneaky sis, pretty sneaky.

Post a picture!! I promise you, you will get a ton more responses if you post a decent recent picture of yourself. I don’t want to see the classics that were shot at an Olan Mills studio with you in front of a New England backdrop with all your brothers and the leaves all turning fall colors. Dork.

And, bonus, if you post a good picture it will eliminate you having to answer the question what do you wish more people would notice about you by saying “from my appearance sometimes people think I am mean.” Oh and don’t post pictures of Pegasus on profile, it’s just plain creepy. Ligers, ok, but Pegasus, no way.

If you have children, that’s great. But please, do not say that they have SPAWNED emotions in you that you have never felt before. What are we talking here, demon spawn, the fact that you never really wanted to have kids but got your last girlfriend knocked up and you got stuck with them, or, I shudder to even think, the fact that you probably shouldn’t be around children anyway. Which brings us back to the point about the picture, always put up a good picture so I know that you don’t belong on the local sex offender registry wearing one of those electronic ankle bracelets (cause yes, I do check those sites for YOU before I entertain the thought of going out with said offender you.)

Your username. This is HIGHLY important. Stay away from names like Junebug (who told you that was good? You sound gay.) and love4everreal (ok Rico Suave) or whatrdoin2night (well hmm, I hadn’t thought to ask what r doin, maybe he doin U)

Do not, I repeat do not get stuck in the 80’s. I’m still looking for someone to rock my world…ok, so go watch Rock of Love or something. And dude, stone-washed jeans, MC Hammer pants and mullets have been out for a wicked long time. It’s 2009! For the love of Pete!

Your tag line should NEVER include the following phrases: “Boom Chicka Now Now,” all I think of is bad porn. “Wanted: Best Friend and Playmate” are we talking of the Playboy variety? “How You Doin” should I just call you Joey Tribiani? “Complexity/Simplicity” you sound bi-polar dude!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

You're the Man!!

I saw this and laughed!!

So what do you think? Are you the man of your house? King of the castle? Master of your Domain?

Or is it pretty equal, both husband and wife decides things. This little clip is funny, but I would really hate it if my husband thought this way. Everything my way or the highway.

So lets discuss. Ladies can you be a bit over bearing? Is it sometimes my way or the highway? Do you pout or withhold sex if you are mad or didn't get your way?

And guys you are not off the hook. lol Can you be overbearing? Or are you pretty fair? And how is your wife with the above questions?

Missty over at Life is Good

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

You want me to what? Where?

It wasn't all that long ago that a close friend of mine told me the ultimate "secret" that I never would have believed. She waxes. No, I'm not talking just the manly facial hair waxing or the underarm waxing. I am talking the full monty. I am talking Brazillian.

Here is my question- who, in their right mind, came up with the idea to put hot wax in "that area?"

Granted, I am not a fan of shaving, as razor burn and such occurs, but I am afraid of the wax.

Keeping this in mind, I am intrigued. I posed the question to Hubby, wanting to know if this is something he would like me to do. His response was, "No, I don't want to feel like I am getting busy with a little girl."

Okay, that's all I needed to know.

So, now I am in my "prime." Oh yes, we are talking sexual peak galore! So, I decided to offer it to Hubby one more time, just to make sure (but also because I was giving some serious thought to going through with it). He said, "Ummm, YES!"

WHAT? Why didn't he tell me that in the first place?

Now that I am actually in the planning stages I have been researching. There is so much to know before you go in, did you know this? There are different styles, even.

So, now as I sit pondering, I am left with the question- do most women do this nowadays? Do all/most/hardly any men prefer this?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Time to go


I’ve been sitting here for awhile now trying to figure out what to write. This site that Shelle and I started six months ago has been a lot of fun. We’ve covered a large variety of topics and had some great discussions. I’ve had the chance to meet new bloggers through their writing and follow along with their stories and gain insight from them.

It has been great.

For me now it’s come to an end. I will no longer be a contributor on Venus or managing any of the behind the scenes items (so when you have a complaint see Shelle :) There are a lot of things changing around my house; I’m still doing single mom duty for a few more months, my kids are becoming involved in more activities, I still have my own blog and writing projects and I’m going to be writing for an ezine which leaves very little time for much else.

Thank you to everyone who made this such a great place to hang out. I’ll still be stopping by and adding my thoughts through comments.

As always you can reach me at my regular place

Venus and Mars

Monday, September 7, 2009

Happy Labor Day!

Since it's a holiday I hope you may be doing one of the following:

But if like me you're hanging around the house feel free to stay awhile and just drool over the pictures. Have a Happy and Safe Labor Day!

Friday, September 4, 2009

We start YOUNG guys...

We start Young GUYS... we start young.

This relates to my post from yesterday! Scroll down to read it and join the conversation.

Other than that... ENJOY!

This is funny.


Thursday, September 3, 2009

Male and Female ways to solve problems...

"To feel better Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone."

"To feel better Venusians get together and openly talk about their problems." --pg.31 of Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.

How true is this in YOUR relationship? I'm curious.

With MINE? We are text book.

I LOVE to talk out my problems with a bunch of girlfriends. REALLY! Are you shocked?

Didn't think so.

But I do. Really ladies, isn't it funny how we can solve all the worlds problems and ours in the matter of a few hours while eating lunch?

I find that talking out my problems helps me dissect it so that I can better understand it and solve it.

So I'm a talker. sue me.

My guy, however, has to solve his problems on his own! He doesn't WANT advice, when I try to give it to him he gets defensive... or ignores it, same diff to me.

He doesn't want to sit down and share with me. He bottles it up, and either it eats at him or he solves it.

So when we got married, you can imagine his JOY when after the Honeymoon phase receded and we had our first late night chat where I was frustrated with something and wanted to talk it out, yell, throw tantrums, talk, listen, and talk it out until I, and when I say I, I mean WE, had come to a conclusion.

Yea... didn't work so much.

You can imagine MY joy when I notice that something is wrong and when I ask him, "Hey baby? Is something wrong?" he just tells me "No." and figures that's all he needs to say!!!

So there you go. We fall into the average male/female role when it comes to this, my GUY and I.

What about you guys? Where do you fall? How do YOU solve problems in general and with your relationship?


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Order of Business: FUN

What do you and your partner do for fun? No, you pervs, not that kind of fun. Normal everyday, you could do it in the middle of the street and not get arrested, fun.

Sexy Papa and I go through stages. I find that it's very easy for us to fall into our daily routines. Walking around like zombies, trying to get done all the things that need to be done. We easily forget that we are a couple who likes to have fun together.

Sometimes we will spend a whole weekend in bed watching old movies, being bums. I really like that. Not naked, just together. There is lots of time to talk to each other and share.

Other times we waist away a weekend on the Wii. Taking turns whooping each others butts at Wii sports. Something about winning makes me really happy. It makes him happy to see me get excited about winning. We poke fun and taunts at each other.

It's been a pretty long time since we did something fun together, though. Like I said, it's easy to fall into everyday life. But this weekend I was looking through some of my old drawings, from when I worked in a tattoo studio. We got to thinking and one thing led to another, and we opened an Etsy shop together.

It was a lot of fun collaborating on the t-shirts and onesies that we came up with. We worked together, bouncing ideas back and forth. Laughing, having fun with it. He thought he was clever when he wanted to put “Who's My Daddy?” on a baby t-shirt. It was funny, but I had to over rule him.

Then once we had settled on the layouts, I got down to business prepping the art. I found he was standing behind me so I asked “What are you doing?” “Just checking things out.” he answered “Plus I really just like to watch you draw.” That was nice.

Now we are really excited to see how it goes. Yesterday, when he got home and wanted to see how far I had come. This is good for us. We have a project together. A common goal. And it's fun.

That got me wondering what everyone else is doing for fun. So how about it? What do you guys do together for fun? I mean besides the obvious?


Left Field Missy

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

It's not rocket science

It seems like several of my friends - male and female - have complained to me recently about the quality or quantity of their sex lives.

When they do, I always ask the same question: "Have you talked to your partner about that?"

And I'm constantly surprised at how often the answer is, "No".

Newsflash: Sex is not rocket science. If you are in a long-term relationship and having "bad" sex: You are probably at least 50 percent to blame.

No, seriously. Own it, dude.

Because I'm a helper and a giver, I'm going to share a little (not-so) secret with you. So gather round and listen very carefully boys and girls, because this is the truest truism about sex that has ever been written:

Communication is almost always the key to better sex.

What? Don't give me that look! I told you it wasn't rocket science. It's bloody freaking simple: Communicate. Cooperate. Enjoy.

I know. Duh, right?

But, still, so many people don't do it!

I know that I have a tendency to be pretty blunt and up-front - yeah, it's maybe not my most endearing trait. But, I just prefer to come right out and say what I think in most situations and on most subjects.

And that includes OMG s-e-x. I'm pretty open on the subject - within certain social limits, of course. I mean, I don't run around bringing up the subject with strangers (Heh, unless this post counts?) or my boss or my grandmother or anything like that.

But with my friends - and certainly with my husband! - there's very little that is off-limits.

If I don't want to talk about a subject: I'll tell you. But if I do want to talk about it, I'm going to just talk about it straight. I'm not going to - if you'll excuse the expression - beat around the bush.

So, I have a really hard time understanding my friends - and, yes, it's mostly (but not entirely) women - who will talk to ME about their sex life, but NOT to their significant other.

Seriously? You're doing it with him, but you can't talk to him about it?! What's that about?

So, these women (and men, too) are unsatisfied or unhappy or bored with their sex lives, and their SOs are either totally clueless, or, worse, they know something's not right, but not exactly what or how to "fix" it.

Geez, people. Do you expect your partner to be a mind-reader?

Despite what Playboy, porn and romance novels would have you believe - there are very few "naturals" at this sort of thing.

Guys: Girls don't really learn the tips and tricks of how to please a man at college sleepovers in between naked pillow fights. You're going to need to let her know what you like and what you don't.

Ladies: Your man studied long hours just to figure out how to get your bra off. Cut him some slack and be willing to help him out with the activities that have a higher degree of difficulty, huh?

Sex is a team sport and coaching is not only allowed - it's mandatory. And, don't forget, practice makes perfect.

Of course, not all communication is verbal. And you don't have to sit down and have an intervention to make small changes. A well-timed moan, a guiding hand, a shift of position, or other non-verbal coaching can go a long way to letting your partner know what you like or don't like. As can being more open to his or her non-verbal cues, too.

And after? Praise the good parts. You might be surprised how well a simple "Wow, Babe, I really loved it when you ... " can inspire a repeat performance.

Best case scenario: Don't wait for a "problem" to talk about sex with your partner. Even if you are perfectly happy, it's still a good idea to communicate about these things. Hey, there's always room for improvement, right?

But, if - heavens forbid - your partner is not rockin' your socks off in the bedroom (or on the floor, or in the shower, or on the kitchen counter, or in the backyard ... whatever), please for-the-love-of-Pete: TELL him or her!

Odds are good that (s)he'll want to know. And will be happy to hear what (s)he can do to make things better for you both. And, hopefully, will be eager to share his/her ideas on the subject, too. Because, trust me, you're not perfect, either.

Even if you don't know for sure what you want or need, that's fine. Talk about that and explore new ideas together.

Yeah, okay: You probably do need to be a little less blunt and a little more ... diplomatic ... than I have a tendency to be. So as not to damage any egos. But, I can almost guarantee that just talking about it will help kick up the heat all by itself for most couples.

Thus endeth the sermon.

But, hey, that's just my opinion on the subject. Ladies? Gentlemen? Any dissenting opinions or supporting evidence on the subject?