Monday, June 29, 2009

Baby Making

If you read my blog, you would know the new adventure we have started on. We are in the midst of trial of a fertility drug, Clomid.

Now this drug really makes a mess of the bedroom time. At the beginning when I first take the meds, it's HORRIBLE mood swings and grumpiness for me. Then a week of happy. Then it's waiting around for the "Right time" to do....what is necessary!

The issue are on a schedule of when you can and can't ....have relations.

As much fun as it is to know, Monday night I'm going to have .....time with my hubby. I also know that if something is bothering me or I'm mad at him for's going on the back burner until after....things have been done.

My hubby is okay with this.

I'm on the fence. I want to have a baby SOOOOOO bad but at what cost??

My question to you you ever 'push through' for the team, just to keep the peace?

Friday, June 26, 2009

The Guilt Trip

Aloha from the Crash Test Dummy, coming at you from an island far far away.

Today I feel like pouting.  To understand, you must first run over to Shelle's Blok Thoughts and read this post.

In case you didn't read it, allow me to summarize: Shelle recently drove herself to the airport and flew her son to football camp. Less than 15 hours later she returned home to find her hub waiting for her at baggage claim. He had driven all the way to the airport to pick her up, even though she didn't need a ride, simply because he couldn't wait to see her.

How cute is that?

Okay, it's cute if you're Shelle, but if you're not Shelle, it's one of those things that makes you go Ahhhh, NO FAIR!   (Hmmmph!)

This post dug up a pity party memory for me. A few summers ago I traveled to New Zealand and Fiji for two weeks with the History deptartment. I could hardly wait to return home to see my hub and kids so I called my hub and asked him to pick me up from the airport. I was arriving late, like 10 p.m. so I knew it wasn't PRACTICAL. 

My hub said, "we'll see."

I was disappointed by his lack of enthusiasm, but I harbored a secret hope that he would surprise me.

When I walked off the plane I looked around, but there was no sign of him. No sign of him at baggage claim either.  Dejected, I got on the bus with the rest of the professors and rode home.

To my dismay and disappointment, when I arrived home all the lights were out and everyone was in bed, including my stinkin' hub.

I felt so unloved and unmissed.

I tried not to react and show my disappointment so I jumped into bed and wrapped my arms around him.  

He patted me on the back.  That's it.



I knew it would have been impractical to drive so far, so late. And what would he have done with the kids?  But I also felt like he was emotionally punishing me for being gone in the first place.  It wasn't the first time I've cried in the bathroom after returning from a trip. 

One part of me was thinking "What about the PASSION?  What about the ROMANCE?"

The other part of me was suspicious he was sending me on a guilt trip.  

My dad was a master of the guilt trip so I have little patience for it and I often over react to it.   

If you were my therapist, how would you advise me to pack for a guilt trip?  

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Whose Turn is It?

Do you ever have disputes with your spouse on whose job it is to do what? Does he take out the trash, you do the dishes, etc? Or do you take turns? You won't take the dogs for a walk because you did it last. He won't change a diaper because it's obviously your turn.

My husband I have those conversations too..

Husband: Honey, go put the DVD in the PS3

Me: You put it in, I ordered the Pizza

Husband: Yeah, but I went to the door to pay the guy

Me: I poured your drink

Husband: I plated your food!

Me: I'm going to one day carry your children and go through hours of painful labor!

Husband: Wouldn't we have to have sex first!?

Me: Touche' funny man . . . touche'.

Untypically Jia

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Lets Talk About Sex

Not sure if this has been addressed much on this blog and I hope you are all up for some major openness from me. If you don't want to talk about sex do not read any further. If you are okay with discussing... read on.

You're still here? Okay, don't say I didn't warn you.

Hubby and I are coming up on anniversary #10! WOOHOO! (I'm doing the happy dance right now- it's making it hard to type). I have learned a lot about my desires vs. Hubby's desires over this time.

Since I was a virgin until my wedding night I didn't really know what to expect- other than the info I learned from those "maturation" videos in school and the REALLY awkward talks with BOTH mom and dad. Ya, Dad got in on the action too. Don't even go there!

So, since I didn't really have first-hand experience we just indulged in a lot of missionary style activities. It took a while for me to realize that there are other things to do, ways to do it and all that stuff. It has only been in about the last year that I have been very vocal with Hubby as to exactly what I like. I don't like certain parts to be neglected during sex and such. He told me openly where he likes me to kiss him (on his neck under his ear). Good things to know. I just wish we hadn't waited so long to be more open.

It has totally improved our intimacy/sex/whatever you want to call it. Do you openly ask for things? Have you always been comfortable with talking about sex with each other? I want a good discussion going here, so I am hoping to break the record for comments on this blog. Come on people. Get in on the action... I mean the discussion.

Monday, June 22, 2009

How the word Amaze became something MORE than just a word...

*** I edited out the previous story of why I wrote this post. It isn't necessary to the post. If you would like to read it, you can go HERE.

I remember words and phrases because of how they made me feel. Those words or phrases once ordinary, become something extraordinary and special just to me, and between him and I.

One example of this is the word AMAZE.

When my guy and I were dating it was long distance 95% of our pre-marriage relationship. During that time we had a lot of "incredible" weekends together.

There was never enough time, it was always hard when we parted, and we always had a date set for when we would see each other again. This was also pre-cell phone, so when we parted ways, we parted ways. No texting, no calling on the road, No TWITTER to chronicle our new found love!

It was horrible.

I would get a phone call, usually that night, to tell me he was home and safe so that I could go to bed.

Well one particular weekend it was to late to call, or I had missed his call and had fallen asleep, either way, I woke up the next morning frantic that I hadn't heard from him.

I called his work immediately. It was Monday morning.

MSM: "Hey, I got in so late I decided not to call and wake your whole house up."

Me: "Don't do that again. I don't care who you wake up, even if it's ME, please call when you make it back so I know you're safe, I'd tell you I can't sleep until you call, but then you would know I lie!"

MSM: Laughing he says, "Okay. You want to know something?"

Me: "Yea, what?"

MSM: "You amaze me. Really you do. The whole way home while I was driving, I couldn't stop thinking how amazing you are, and the coolest thing about you is you have NO IDEA...I don't know, I'm just...amazed."

You have to know, My Guy doesn't share his feelings, he doesn't like to say or even write a lot of "mushy" stuff, not that he doesn't feel it, he just says he feels awkward expressing it. So anything sensitive or sentimental pretty much puts me on cloud nine for WEEKS because they are so rare! :)

So that moment is etched in my mind. It really meant something. It was his way of telling me he cared for me beyond a casual fling.

I still can remember the chills and delicious feelings that washed over me as he said those words, that word... amaze.

And to this day I can't hear it or say it without thinking about that phone call.

I claimed it OUR word, kinda like our I LOVE YOU word without saying I LOVE YOU.

Words are powerful things. The feelings that they invoke are AMAZING, yet there is also the flip side to this, they can also bring about negativity and disaster.

So in your relationship now or in relationships past, what is that WORD or PHRASE that brought about a monumental moment or change? Why was it special or why was it monumental?

And guys that trudged through this post... do words or phrases even hold special meaning to you? Can words or phrases bring about monumental change when you think with the logical side of your brain? (that's a good interview question for my guy-hmmmm)

Feel free to share the good or the bad.

Mine was good because I am feeling all HIGH on my guy coming to the airport for me, and I'll be riding this train for awhile... but there have been plenty of the opposite in our 10 1/2 years of being together.

Okay, I'll be around today so I can't wait to hear what you guys have to say! :)


Pictures of the Past

As I prepare to move in a few weeks I’ve been going through drawers and boxes and things trying to consolidate what’s going where.  Junk pile or keep for the most part.  While doing this I came across some old pictures from about ten years ago…from a different life. 

Pictures of a previous relationship.

I’ve simply forgotten that they’ve been buried amongst other things and I haven’t ever taken the proper time to go through everything to find them.  Now that I have found them I don’t know what to do with them.

Should I keep them?

Should I throw them away?

It seems wrong I suppose to just toss them out.  After all if I hadn’t had that previous life I wouldn’t be in the one I have now.  I don’t keep the pictures to hold onto the past I don’t want to know what this other persons life is like now.  I simply never bothered to get rid of them.

Do you keep pictures or mementos from your past relationships?  How does your current partner feel about that?  Should I throw them out or keep them?  Which memories are worth saving?

Venus and Mars

Friday, June 19, 2009

Fun Stuff Together

Because we all know there is more to marriage besides sex….. lol ;o) How about some other fun ideas today.

My husband and I spend about 90% of our free time together. Seriously, if he isn’t working – we are together. We go out to eat every weekend, movies, spas, dirt bike riding, long drives… whatever each of us wants to do, we do it together. We do weekends away and long extended vacations. (Photo of us in Italy, Trevi Fountain.)

We don’t have any “couple" friends. The few couples we use to do things with long ago have all moved away, so there are just us. And really I like it that way.

So what I am thinking of today are ideas. What ideas do each of you have regarding spending time with your spouse? What do you love to do together? Or what do you wish you would do.... but just haven't put the importance of it because you need to find the time or babysitter or have to plan and save.

A fun thing we have done…. forever is Matt will jump up and put on his shoes, as I am sitting there, it doesn’t matter if it’s a Tuesday night, or a Sunday afternoon. He will get up and say “I don’t know about you, but I am going to go __________. That blank could be I am going to go get an ice cream cone, or going to a movie, or go take a walk. It ends with me jumping up and saying well, you’re not going without me. And off we go. Its fun, it’s spontaneous.

And yes it’s easier now that our kids are older.
But even when our kids were young, we knew our couple time was important, and we budgeted in babysitting, etc. We did trades with friends. His jumping up pretty much started as our oldest was around 12 or so and we wanted to start leaving the kids alone. So we would go out for just ice cream cone runs, just the two of us.

So I told you a few ideas on how we spend our time together, how do you spend your alone time? Let’s share some ideas of fun things to do with our mate. And I will add some more ideas as we comment.

Missty over at Life is Good

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Practice makes Perfect...

as a teenager I listened to a speaker talk about dating (note, he was NOT talking about sex... just dating) and he advocated the "vanilla theory"...  saying that if we walked in Baskin Robbins and ordered Vanilla every time we'd never really learn what our favorite flavor is...  maybe we won't like butter brickle, chocolate fudge, or peppermint - but if we don't try... will we just survive the rest of our lives being just "okay" with vanilla when  we could have had an incredible undiscovered love for bubble gum ice cream lurking beneath the surface...  there are 31 flavors after all right?

I took this to heart - and I dated... a lot...  No, I wasn't slutty - I just liked to go out with different guys...  and sometimes I got a little hooked on the flavor of the month - and then realized that it left a bad aftertaste in my mouth.  

(okay - I'm going to beat this analogy to death eventually... be prepared!)

based on a recent comment (that was pointed out even MORE recently) I have to wonder...

Sexual Compatibility - is it automatic?  Does it take work?  I've been asked by friends how on earth I knew that Hub and I would "click" in that area before we got married... and I guess the answer is that we didn't know... but we did click - and the clicking just gets better over time.  

I have to say that as far as sex goes I've just had the one flavor and never even had sampler spoons of others (unless by sampler spoons you mean a good make-out session... in which case it's a different story).  I've got no major bedroom issues with my hub - it's all good there...  but it's certainly gotten better over the years.  There are some times that are better than others... based usually on my own health issues - but I don't read much into that.  One bad day (night... afternoon... whenever...) does not mean that we're incompatible...  anymore than one incredible night with a random hottie would mean that you're meant to be together forever.  So for the two of us - practice has made perfect... most of the time...
Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesecake
I mean really - you're a musician and you practice every day you're going to get GOOD...  it works for this too :)

I like my chosen flavor - (here's where we could but won't get into adding sprinkles and caramel sauce... I'm at the official edge of my "sexual discussion comfort zone" as it is) and I'll just have to be content with that because I'm not willing to go out sampling.
Ice-Cream Sundae
I had a friend (hey S!  I know she's watching for this...) give me a NEW analogy this morning - because I know we've all had enough ice cream for the week...  She was a delayed gratification girl also (and no, not lying about it...) and always was told "you wouldn't want a used pair of shoes would you?"...  now we DO test drive our cars, and we DO try on our shoes... but when I try on my shoes I check for fit (attraction), I give them a little round the aisles (kissing), and I might even jog a little to see if they have good support (making out)... but I don't need to run a marathon in them to know if they're okay.  I can choose to buy or not buy based on the try on... but after running the marathon - they won't take them back at the store... 

I'm not living under a rock - I do know that the prevailing "wisdom" of society is that sex is no big deal... I just don't happen to agree.  HOWEVER - I'm not here to judge anyone's Moral Standing - seriously.  I'm (obviously) not the expert here...  what's your take on it?  Is Sexual Attraction Automatic?  Worth the Work? Over-rated?  

Post by T - but today T is for Trying

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

1001 Ways to Be Romantic . . . 1 Way to Upset Your Spouse

My husband and I ordered several different books from recently, and piece by piece they've been arriving in the mail.

When one of my favourite books, 1001 Ways to Be Romantic arrived, I was very excited.

Hubby . . . not so much.

 * * *

Me: Yay! Look my book came today!

Hubby: Oh you mean the book you obviously bought for me?

Me: No. I mean MY book.

Hubby: You're book, for me. You trying to say something?

Me: No. I bought this book specifically for me!

Hubby: For me to read right?

Me: No! Holy cow! Girls can be romantic too ya know!

So for all you hubbies out there, this is a really good book, but it in no way is meant to offend your manhood. And ladies, if you buy this book . . . hide it.

Untypically Jia

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Who is this Woman and How Do I Kill Her?

Oh boy. Already I question the "class" of my word choice within today's post title. But hey, life is really rounding some tough turns these days, and quickly my care about what anyone thinks around my writing and whether it's appropriate or not dissolves. Poof.


Have you ever had a time in your life when things just seemed to be spinning out of control? I mean, to the point where you literally talk to your own self, saying repeatedly "WHO IS THIS PERSON?"

That's the week I've had. And of course, with good reason. Yet at the same time, I've knowingly yet without intention have turned all my anger and stress towards my husband. And I feel terrible about it.

I've apologized. I've gotten mad when simply asked by him "Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?" I've went quiet for periods of time. I've snipped at him for things I would never normally do. And it's like I'm looking from the outside in, at this woman who is totally not herself.

This is an example of the abuse of strength in communication and respect within marriage. I made my plea and have apologized immensely. I've even taken steps to rectify the situation. All in all, we live fortunate lives. Yet, sometimes, like this week, things and decisions and life-changing moments can cause us to either separate from those we love, or present the opportunity for us to learn from those moments, and cause an even stronger bond of intimacy and closeness. I hope we've managed to do the second.

In the meantime, if I can offer one ounce of advice, it would be the following:

Don't EVER take on a new job that requires weeks away from home across the country while at the same time buying a new home and selling your own home within 7 days at full price with no contingencies which is great at first but then allows you absolutely no way to back out of the deal which is exactly what you'd want to do when you unexpectedly find out that the inspection on the home you're buying came back with major issues including electrical fire hazards and gas leaks that could cost up to $10,000 which the seller refuses to fix and you've realized that you may be homeless because the ruthless real estate agent who was supposedly your dear friend has too much money on the line to now ensure "all things work out" as she has also already sold the house of the people buying your own.

Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep Breath.

I'm opening the wine early tonight. And to my dear beloved husband and to any other man out there that must tolerate the behavior us woman bestow upon all of you at some point or another:

God Bless You.

And I am sincerely sorry.

Monday, June 15, 2009

it figures...

let's be honest - as much as we've all heard that what matters in a relationship is "sense of humor" - or "respect"... we all know that we're looking for something else first.

During the "dating years" my worst fear was hearing myself described by a guy as "special"... you know, as in - "hey, do you want to go out with my cousin?  She's a special girl..."  Hello!  that's just code for "hey, she's not too easy on the eyes but if you can get past that you'll probably have some good conversation"  The only thing worse - "She's got a sweet spirit"... words certain to guarantee excessive facial hair protruding from moles!  

Nope, I wanted to hear "man, she's HOT!" (and yes, I know that under that make-up America Ferrera is a fine looking individual...)

Of course, being as I never actually went so far as to eavesdrop on my dates once they'd gone home I have no idea what was being said to roommates.  Actually - that's not quite true...  you see - ManOfTheHouse and I went out on one date and then a week later his roommate called to invite me to a movie...  

Here's where I offer a few excuses for my stupid behavior:
1- I really thought it was a whole group going to the movie
2- I REALLY thought I was paying for myself... up 'til the point I had to put away my money
3- I assumed that (as girls would have done) that this guy had asked M.O.T.H. if he was going to date me again (and received a "no") before stepping in... and this bummed me out.
4- I'd been DYING to see the movie!  (c'mon... it was A River Runs Through It... does that make me old?)

Excuses aside - I was dumb enough to accept.  So I DO know that this guy described me in less than flattering terms.  Perhaps it could have something to do with the fact that I felt uncomfortable the entire date and the guy drove me CrAzY?  This guy actually warned M.O.T.H. not to marry me (based on his vast one date experience?) which luckily M.O.T.H. paid no heed to!  but that's not the point...

What was my Point???? (sorry, I tend to ramble)

Okay - what are we looking for in a mate?  More specifically - if we have that mate - how much effort should be put into maintaining that perfect body that attracted them in the first place.

I did the whole "diet" thing two summers ago - lost 30+ pounds and was... well, "pleased" with the reaction from M.O.T.H. - he appreciated that I was taking care of myself.  I got many nice compliments and caresses on the shrinking areas of my body.  He never once said "hey baby - get over here NOW because that sense of humor is turning me ON!"  (hmmm... would that work too?)

I've had 5 children via C-section and fed them all in the "natural" style as babies...  This has not been so kind to "the girls" who are now showing a little wear and tear...  WonderBra or Surgery?  No, sorry - the answer can't just be to let it all go, because with my height issues I prefer to look like an adult female and not a pre-pubescent teen.  I've gotten a few "looks" from friends and family when the surgery option is discussed - but really... I'd seriously consider it if I had the cash.

Speaking of surgery - despite all that dieting (can we say Yo-Yo dieting?) lipo-suction is looking REALLY good to me right now!  and maybe a little tummy tuck to rid myself of some excess skin... seriously guys - C-sections suck.  A whole "mommy-makeover" (boobs, butt, and bulge) would be welcome (aside from the billing issue).

Here's the question - is it a cop-out?  Could I accomplish the same thing with 5 years of exercise and dieting?  Women - is this reasonable to consider?  Men - is there a turn-off factor to knowing it's not all real?  

Post By T - and today T stands for Tantalizing :)

Friday, June 12, 2009

Just What Are We Making Here

To keep this post simple, I'll start with a couple things.

First of all, my wife wants to have a GABILLION kids.  I, on the other hand, I'm pretty OK with our current number, which is two.

So, every time Mrs. Stinkoff and I get a little frisky, well I go searching for a condom.  Mrs.  Stinkoff gets dejected at this, I'm about 199% sure she's hoping I will forgo the condom in the heat of the moment.  And from the point on, well let's just say the friskiness just ain't so frisky.  She's dejected because we're not making a baby, and I'm dejected because we're not getting as freaky as we should be at this point.  In other words,  the mood is pretty much gone.  Either way, it's a lose-lose.  She's wanting to make a baby, and I'm wanting to make sweet, sweet nookie, and neither one of us are getting what we want.

We've talked about it (many times), and we've come to the conclusion that we'll NEVER AGREE on this.  I've told her, "Maybe one more kid, but only when we are more financially secure," which is not even close to a reality right now.  Her, on the other hand, she wants them now, and lots of them.  

Any words of wisdom from you guys and gals out there? 


Thursday, June 11, 2009

If at first you don't succeed…

When I was single I always thought that I would be extremely clever and come up with some great proposal to my fiance. To be honest, I think that my attempts make a great story in itself.

When I first got the urge to ask my now wife to marry her we both were attending a friends wedding. We both stepped outside for a walk and before you know it I asked her to marry me. With a fountain misting us as the wind blew that night she did say yes— but I did not have a ring so I felt that I didn't do it properly.

About a month into our engagement, we were at Dave's Rock Shop in Evanston and I bought a really nice ring that she thought was pretty. One day I put on my tuxedo and rode the El to where she worked ring in tow. I then got on one knee and asked again and gave her the ring. Of course, I did feel that I should be buying a diamond ring to be "truly official".

We both spent time at a jeweler giving each other our opinions as to what would be the proper size and shape of an engagement ring. Keeping this in mind, I picked out our wedding bands as well as a diamond ring. Since the engagement ring was a bit out of my price range to get right then and there— I got it on lay away (but I did have a receipt). I got a discount on a lake cruise and since she always wanted to go on a cruise, I bought tickets to the cruise for our anniversary of when we met. So… I put the receipt in a ring box and brought it with on the cruise and proceeded to give her the ring box with the receipt to show her that I was serious enough to get a diamond ring.

By the time Christmas rolled around I had the ring and wrapped it up and gave it to her. By this time the attitude was "Oh, that thing"— all that work for what… so glad that we actually did get married after all that.

So it makes me wonder if anybody has any interesting proposal stories to tell as well— even those that didn't go according to plan.


To hear what I'm thinking… read my blog:

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Our vision for this blog

In the post entitled PAST Missty approached a somewhat personal subject, but one that is heavily involved in a good and may I say GREAT relationship. Sex.

Unfortunately the comments were slim.

One of those comments hit on something that I want to approach about his blog and kind of tell you our VISION when starting this blog.

Here is the comment. The part of the comment I wanted to focus on is bolded:

Anonymous said...

You are right on girl! Being compatable sexually is a top priority for most marriages. And if your not, it can be a BIG problem in a marriage. Why do you think there are many couples in counseling, or divorices. Its not the only reason why they are, but there are a good many people who aren't sexually compatable, then the uncompatablility moves to other areas of the marriage.

you test drive cars, and other major purchases why not your partner for life.

I guess you can make your first ride in a car - special. Why try it out.

Those people who say they waited, half are probably lying. And those who didn't respond are afraid to put their real feelings out there. For fear of being judged, etc. Or maybe a partner might read this and realize they thought they were a virgin.

Yes most grow up with the "wait" morals. Of course. But reality isn't that way.

This could of been a great discussion for a blog like this. To bad it didn't. It does set the tone for how this blog could go - tip toe around issues. Not really the good the bad and the ugly. shame.

This blog was to let our contributors and guest posters post about things in a relationship, namely THEIR REAL LIFE relationship, that they wanted to discuss or just get off their chest. The only thing we asked of them was to keep it classy and try not to get offended... but to feel free to discuss ANYTHING that dealt with a relationship.

We stated at the first that it wasn't a blog for kids, a mommy blog, or a daddy blog... it was a blog for adults about adult relationships.

So SEX will and should be discussed. Along with money, divorce, annoying spouses, communication, etc.

The thing that we asked the contributors and those that Guest contribute is that they check back regularly or follow comments so that they can respond to what YOU as a commenter have to say. So that this blog has sort of a chat/message board/ blog feel to it.

So in order for all of that to work and help this blog continue and progress to where we, Andrea and I, would like it to go is for YOU as the reader/commenter/ contributor to discuss the things brought up in a post!

I understand that with each personality some will tip toe around the issue and some will come right out and say what they feel. If you are shy in letting people know who you are, PLEASE don't hesitate to make an ANONYMOUS comment.

That is what WE WANT. Different ideas and personalities coming together to discuss life and things that come along in a relationship.

The only thing we ask you is the only thing we asked our contributors... be classy and try not to get offended.

Thanks for those of you that have Guest Posted, commented, and contributed.

I know for me this blog has helped me open my eyes to things I didn't think about before.

One last thing. WE need TOPICS! If you guys have ideas of things you would like discussed here but want someone else to write about it... please leave any ideas in comments. Again, we would always love for you to GUEST POST!!!


Co-Creator of Real World Venus vs. Mars

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Looking your best

Matt was telling me how nice I looked the other day. He loves it when I am wearing a flirty skirt! He does this quiet a bit... I know I have a keeper. ;o)

But as I was busy with my day, running errands, helping boys do a few errands and took my oldest son out to lunch. I was looking at people. There are a lot of people who really don't care how they look. Do women think that baggy sweats with their husbands t-shirt really looks good. Or the men who aren’t matching or wearing sneakers with dress pants? I think some women try to be just as plain looking or as old looking as possibly.

I swear I have a sister and a friend who "LOOK" and act old! They both try to look as if they are 20 years older than what they are. I think she thinks "Modest" Means frumpy! (But then again the very same sister thinks I am immature! LOL So maybe there is something there.) I'm not saying act or dress like your 20 year old daughter if you’re in your 40’s. I am saying look and act your age, not 20 and not 65 if your 40!! Same goes for the men. Pull yourselves together.

Looking good is important to me. It’s important that I don't look like I just rolled out of bed, when Matt walks back in the door at night. It’s important that when I am with my boys they aren't embarrassed that their mom is looking "frumpy". And it makes me feel better during the day to know that I look ok.

Right now I need to loose a few pounds. I am not happy about the way I look or feel. And will be working on it. But I still make sure I have some nice clothes on, a bit of make-up and my hair is done.

So for the sake of discussion here. If your spouse is not looking “up to par” in your eyes, do you say something? Or do you stay quiet - not hurt their feelings? Is their looks up to them only? If they have let themselves go since you were married do you have the right to say something? Have you had similar discussions with your spouse?

Missty from over at Life is Good

Monday, June 8, 2009

What do you consider private?

Do you share the same email account with your significant other? 

Do they read your blog? 

My husband reads my other blog and this one and he’s on facebook. 

So basically he could keep tabs on me if he were so inclined.  As far as I know he doesn’t.  We don’t share an email account but I know some people do.  I couldn’t be comfortable with that.  It’s not a trust thing for me, I’m not doing anything wrong and neither is he, but I wouldn’t want him reading my email.  It’s personal.

Am I the only one that feels like that little bit of separation is welcome? 

I’m always scribbling my thoughts in a notebook and I generally just leave it on my desk.  Sometimes I leave them open.  They aren’t diary entries more often they are parts of whatever story I am working.  I know that if my husband picked them up and started reading them I would feel strange about it though.  Until it’s published it still feels like it’s private.

How much do you share? Would it bother you if someone read your personal mail?

What sort of things do you think of as private?

Venus and Mars

Friday, June 5, 2009

Really, baby, it's a SIMPLE QUESTION

Why in the HELK can't guys assess their feelings?

I know they have them. I KNOW they do.

They have feelings for sports, drink, sex, hobbies. Sometimes you can't shut them up with their enthusiasm on how much they LOVE that one particular thing or another.

But when it comes down to discussing something like let's say whom they are IN LOVE with, why they are in love with them, you know, where they need to be compassionate and sensitive… they tend to shut down to empty shell mode.

For example: (you knew that was coming huh?)

One of our first REALLY big up-all-night fights started with one question.

Sexy wife and mother of his children (me in case you were confused) said as we were after-the-act cuddling (I figured out fast that that is one of the best times to approach things…): "Hey Baby, why me? Why did you choose me out of all the fish in the sea? Why me?"

My Mr. Insensitive: ……… (silent deep breath which usually means he's falling asleep or faking it!!!)

Sexy wife and mother of his children : "STOP that! You are not asleep!"

My Mr. Insensitive: "I AM really tired though."

Sexy wife and mother of his children: "Answer my question. Seriously. Why me?" (I'll admit… I wanted, at that time, for him to spill out how much he loved me and couldn't live without me, and he smiles 20 random times during the day because he can't help think about something witty I said… but still)

My Mr. Insensitive: "ummm… I don't know? I just DID pick you…" and with a quirky smile he dives in for a kiss then pulls back and says, "Lucky you huh!"

Sexy wife and mother of his children: "YOU DON'T KNOW? How do you NOT know? What… what? I was convenient?"

My Mr. Insensitive: "I was ready to settle down…"

Sexy wife and mother of his children: "Are you SERIOUS right now? Completely serious? It's a simple question. I could probably write a novel of why I picked you! And you can't come up with ONE thing to tell me… ONE that's all you needed!"

It gets fuzzy after that… my allergies (that I don't have) began to kick in and my brain functions NOT-at-ALL when my eyes are leaking… it turns to mush and everything gets all tangled up!

I just don't get it though. Why is it SO hard to talk about how you feel when it is dealing with someone you are in a relationship with? It should be easy… and it's a lot easier on the relationship as a WHOLE… believe me! No guessing, no confusion, no miscommunication!

I know it's not ALL men… I know also that it is hard for some WOMEN. (so don't harp on me about exceptions to the rule)

But on average… with the typical male… this is the case. I'm just wondering why?

Why is it easy to talk about your favorite sports team (or enter whatever passion they have) and your love for them or why you CHOSE them?

Huh? Huh? Tell me… why?

My conclusion… he's was a scaredy cat!!! It's was hard for him to admit at the time that without me in his life it would be utterly and completely meaningless…

Nine years later… and upteen simple questions just like that… and let's just say-- I still love him regardless! Hehe! That's not to say sometimes he DOES surprise me though…



Thursday, June 4, 2009

Brilliantly Put

Found this on youtube. Hubby told me about it. Ya, the whole time I was watching it with Hubby I was reflecting on all the times I have used each word/phrase. TOO TRUE!

Hope you enjoyed!!!


Wednesday, June 3, 2009



My husband and I were having a conversation about a friend of ours. It was pretty much about how this friend really regrets a few past relationships. I was telling my husband, I don’t regret any relationships I have had. What ever kind of relationship it was, friends, sexual, or casual acquaintances. You can always learn and grow from a past experience. However good or bad it was.

But today - I am talking about the sexual ones. My husband wasn’t my first love, but he is my last love! ;o)

I know, I know, parents and religion say we are suppose to feel all repentant, and bad, and keep ourselves for that one special person. But I digress. I don’t think so. I really think this is an area; you need to be compatible in. And what a drag, if your not! I am not saying bed everyone you know, or have one night stands. But I am thinking of long serious relationships that might turn into marriage, it’s important to be on the same page, especially this page.

I am thinking specifically about a long term boyfriend I had. Many thought we would get married someday. He was smart and charming and had a TON of money. Every girls dream, right? Not mine. Seriously – he was bad in bed! I pretty much got nothing out of it. And what little experience I had then, I could tell, this is not what I wanted! I really think, it would have been a nightmare. Not that sex is the only thing to be compatible with. But regarding this post, it was one thing. And for me, an important thing.

I have heard many people say – “Oh if you have sex it changes the relationship, or that is why you broke up.” And they might be right. Maybe sex could be the reason the relationship changed, what’s wrong with that? It should change, you are moving it to a new level. And what if after you have sex you do break up? Well, then maybe that was one of the reasons... you realize your not compatible. Are we really wanting to really find out after a long dating time or marriage, that we just don’t work together under the sheets?

Not sure how I want the comments or discussion to go… But would love to hear some of your views.

Do you think you can be compatible with someone you have never slept with? Are you in a non-compatible relationship now as a married person because you waited?

Do you wish you had waited? Or do you wish you had a little more experience under your belt, before you made a commitment? Or wish your spouse had?

Missty over at Life is Good

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Money Issues...

I hear all the time that money is the biggest thing that couples fight over...  and if I'm being totally honest I will admit that it's certainly come into play a time or two...

But we don't fight about the lack of money, and not because there IS no lack - it's just that that stress seems to bring us together.  When there is less - we spend less, simple as that.  I actually get downright creative when there is little $ to go around and I try new recipes - re-arrange furniture - clean like a demon...  It's good for us, little as I like to admit.

When there is more... well, let's just say that we have a few issues...

I see his parents - one is a saver, one is a frugal spender... great pair.  I see my parents - one is a non-frugal spender, one is a hoarder... they've made it work.  I see us...  one frugal spender, one non-frugal spender...  yikes!

The real problem comes when he buys something he wants...  because regardless of the price of said item - I immediately think that I then deserve something equal to it...  I of course NEVER spend equal to it (usually far less) but I do want to treat myself!  

He downloads an album off of iTunes?  I use a 50% off coupon at the scrapbook store.
He buys a new pair of pants for work?  I get a shirt I was eyeing...
He restrings his tennis rackets?  I get my hair cut.

He buys a brand new mountain bike that costs more than my first car?  I use it as the excuse for EVERY purchase in the past 12 years that I couldn't justify any other way.

Hey, I didn't say it was healthy, I'm just admitting that my brain works this way!  Don't worry, I'm working on it... I grounded myself from the scrapbook store 2 months ago... heaven (and anyone who's ever seen this) KNOWS I don't need anymore!

FYI - I'm out of town, so it's not that I'm ignoring your witty responses... I'm just probably computer-less for the day...  I've hooked up the man's blackberry (I have a cheapie phone) to be able to scan though... so I'll try to drop by :)

Monday, June 1, 2009

What NOT To Do / Say

Cameron from Get the Stink Off  has a very wise tale for us today. Very wise. Cameron is a husband and father of two young children who proclaims himself to be a computer nerd, power napper, fire starter and keeper of the lawn.  Please visit his blog for more sage advice.

Last week, my wife started working a slightly different shift.  Instead of working 9 to 5:30, she is now working 8 to 4:30.  It's worked out really well for both of us, we're actually able to sit down and eat dinner as a family.

Anyway, because she's been having to leave earlier, I've been helping get the kids ready in the morning.  One might even say I'm going above and beyond, even.  It takes me about 40 minutes for me to get showered and dressed, and get the kids dressed and fed.  It takes her about the same amount of time to blow dry her hair.....but I digress.

So as the end of the week approaches, I noticed the wife is extraordinarily cranky.  She is  being short with the kids and myself.  At this point, I'm a little upset because I've been busting my hump all week helping get everybody ready to go, besides doing all the normal household work.  So I finally asked my wife, "Are you still taking your meds, because you've been a crank-*#s all week?"  Surprisingly, she did NOT become pleasant immediately following that remark. 

This is the first, of possibly many, lessons in what not to do / say.