I'm published.

Good Monday everyone!


This is going to be short and sweet.


I was asked by a site who interviews experts in Marriage and Family Therapy fields to write my opinion on what the one thing a man/woman wants in the bedroom.  So I emailed a bunch of you to get your opinions and then wrote up my piece, thinking nothing of it because I'm not an expert... or don't have the initials that tells everyone so.


I am a studier of Marriage and Family Science and graduated with my Bachelor's in that field...but that's about it.  I just love to talk about relationships and this site seems to like that about the Real World blog.


Next thing I know I get an email that tells me my words have been published in an e-book!





Click on that and you can download a free copy for yourself. You guys, this book is awesome. I honestly don't see why I'm really even published in it with all the amazing people, but what they have to say you can definitely learn from! In the coming weeks I'm going to highlight certain things some of them say through VLOG or BLOG... but if you'd like, get your own copy and read up and discuss along with me. 


 In fact, if you read it and have something to post about it, then by all means let's have our own little mini book club on it!


Here's an excerpt by Dr. Steven Steven Davidson, LCSW, CST


Psychotherapist/Sex Therapist


www.nashvillepsychotherapy.com


"When it comes to sex, women tell me they want their


partner to express his love for her as a total person. She


wants him to be as attentive to her heart as he is to her


body. Sex is a bonding experience for her, and she wants to


feel connected with him on every level. She is sexually


aroused by him when he listens to her, validates her, and


shows an interest in her thoughts and feelings. She can


communicate this to him by reinforcing behavior that she


likes, and directly requesting from him what she needs. It


may require that he stretch into a realm of emotional


intimacy that feels awkward initially, but he will discover


that it is vital to keeping her satisfied in the


relationship.


When it comes to sex, a man wants his partner to enjoy


the experience as much as he does. He wants to know that he


performs to her satisfaction. He wants her to desire him


and participate in sexual play and fulfillment. He wants to


impress her with his virility and skill and he will judge


his performance based on her level of enthusiasm. He wants


her to look forward to sex and to sometimes initiate it


when he isn’t expecting it. He can best communicate this


lovingly in conversations outside the bedroom.


ask her what it is about him that turns her on, and pay


attention when she answers. Whatever he does, he should


never pout or throw a tantrum if he isn’t getting it as


often as he would like. This turns women off and further


distances them from their partner."

Do you agree with him? Disagree? Why?


Discuss.


Love Shelle --Okay so maybe it wasn't so short.


It is the same people that interviewed me here. I hope you enjoy!

Valentine's Day Discussion-join in!

Image taken from HERE

Happy Valentine's Day or Single Awareness Day to everyone!!!

Today is either looked at as a fun day or a depressing day.

I want your opinion in comments what kind of gift YOU as a male/female would like on this Day, if any.

Also, if you will, what one experience on Valentine's day was your FAVORITE or BEST... or WORST.

You choose.

This should be fun... so twitter and/or facebook this and share it around. Let's see how many people we can get to participate!

Image taken from HERE

Comment, read, and comment on other people's comments! Let's have a Valentine's Discussion!!!

Love,

Shelle

Some things I've learned the last 11 years.

Tomorrow marks the day of my 11th Anniversary and for some of you that might not seem so long, and for others you might say to yourself, "But SHELLE! You're way too young to have been married that long" and to you I say, "Yes. Yes I am", but it's still true nonetheless, 11 YEARS! There even may be some of you that say 11 years is a long time.  Wherever you fall concerning the amount of years matters none at all because I'm going to tell you what I want to tell you regardless.

Your. Welcome.

I can honestly tell you that I love my husband, obsessively so.  I still think he's hot so I still get turned on by things that he does.  He still makes me laugh.  I still care enough about him that he can make me extremely angry and that's partly because he knows me so well that he knows what will set me off. He gave me and helped me in creating the two things that matter the most to us, our children.

So 11 years.  At times it went really really slow, but mostly it has sped by.

And I thought I'd share some things I have learned that has helped in our marriage.

1.     Go to bed angry.  Seriously. Everyone tells you to "never go to bed angry" but I say, NAY, do go to bed angry, because most of the time, if you are like me, you'll wake up and realize that whatever you were mad about really isn't that big of a deal and you are in a better place to talk about it.  More calm.  And with as much reason as I can muster, I am an emotional based person after all.  Plus, if I'm ready to start a fight with my spouse at night, it's usually, or 90 percent of the time, just because I'm tired and easily irritated.

2.     Kiss your spouse once a day.  Like REALLY kiss them.  Not just a peck you reserve for your children or friends, but a really good, get it done-down and dirty-kiss.  But not before you've brushed your teeth or popped a breath mint.  What? My nose still works no matter how excited I am for a good smooch.

3.     We shower together often.  True story.  Not everyday mind you, but often.  For us a shower together may take a little longer, but it's that time we have together that we may have intimate moments, and because clean up and smell is a lot better in there!!! Just sayin.

4.    We take vacations together.  Just him and I.  Whether it be overnight or a few days.  Just him and I.  We discover things together that we have never done and we find time to talk with each other.  That can go bad sometimes because we might choose to talk about things that make us mad at each other, but most of the time it is good, and it's memories we create together.  The more memories, the more we bond and continue to get to know each other.  Plus those times it's just him and I, we try things we haven't tried before, and YES I mean in the bedroom, no worries of kids walking in, so we like to see what might spice it up for us.  It's fun.

5.    We also find time to go out, or try, at least once a week.  For our religion, sometimes that is to the temple.  Sometimes it's for a run to get ice cream.  Most of the time it's a movie we have wanted to watch that isn't kid friendly.

6.  We try to find one thing positive everyday to say about each other that we notice. Now that doesn't always happen, but we try, which is key.

7.  We fight, BUT and this is key, we forgive.  I see he forgives me and/or is working on it and he sees the same.  We also bicker like sister and brother... not sure if that is key or not, but we do, often.

8.  He makes sure I get out with the girls and I try to shove him out the door to get together with someone that isn't me.

9.  I let him have his thing he likes to do without me and he lets me have things I do without him.  But we also find things we like to do together, like cycling or I'll try mountain biking or snowboarding or hiking.  We both continue to like the sport of sex... so that helps that we have that one thing in common. ;)

10.  Our one rule since the beginning of marriage has been, "no bringing up things from the past once we have talked about them and agreed to let them go".  However hard that has been, we have stuck with that.  Well mostly, I am female after all.

11.  The "D" word is not allowed. Divorce.  We both agreed to forever and even sometimes we make fun by saying, "well that sucks, I'm stuck having to deal with that forever!" or "that was some fine print I wish I would have known about before I signed the dotted line on FOREVER!!!" but for him and I we make it a point to not add the D word for argument's sake or dramatic effect.  We don't want to allow that seed in to begin to nourish any  kind of growth at all. So far it has worked for us.

Every relationship is different.

But these things have worked for us.

Oh and love!  Love helps alot.  Love and lust... and well I like him also.

Yes, all those things help!

And to be honest... so does a lot of s.e.x.

Love,

Shelle

The only folks we really wound, are those we love the best

The Quote/poem today to discuss is this:

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox


It makes you sit back and kind of cast your eyes down, or drop your head in a bit of shame, because it is so true.


"And deal full many a thoughtless blow to those who love us best."


We are always so worried about how others perceive us that we try so hard to please and do for those that probably and most likely know us the least, but for those that love us the most, accepting us in our faults and in our strengths, tend to get the worst of us most times, while the world outside of our loved ones circle gets the best of us, or what we show them is the best of us.

Let's discuss on why you think that is?  How do we change that? Is it important to change it?  How do we recognize if we are one of those that give the "thoughtless blows to those who love us best", because I bet you could think of people off hand who do this to you, but are you also one who does this to those closest to you?


Love,


Shelle

Stay Flexible in your Approach

So I'm in the process of scheduling a bunch of guest contributors and the start of our New Regular Contributors along with fun games and other things to schedule with the blog.

In the meantime, this week will be all me.

I know... you're totally excited.

I'm a quote snob.  Love them.

So each post will be short, hopefully, and based off of a quote I found and thought would be fun to talk about with you guys.

Today's quote:

“Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.”--Tom Robbins

How can that not be more true then in a relationship?

Image taken from HERE

You commit yourself to one person... for some, until death do you part, for others, forever, and the rest, you have committed in your heart and mind and soul.  You made a decision that the person you want to spend everyday with and share your most important moments with is that person you have committed yourself to.

But any relationship requires flexibility, does it not?  You go into any relationship, and especially it seems, marriage, with certain expectations.  You made your decision and you have these ideas of how things are going to be.  But any relationship takes at least two different ideas and perspectives... so without flexibility to compromise or change or adjust those expectations or ideas--that relationship will likely fail or be terribly rigid with that feeling of being closed in and stuck.

That is when people want out.  That is when people can't do it anymore. 

When someone made their decision but either they or the other party in the relationship wasn't flexible in their approach.

What do you guys say???  Do you agree?  Do you have anything to add?  Do you think I'm nuts?

Love,
Shelle

The Grapefruit Syndrome

Image taken from HERE

I found this story in my reader, found on THIS blog... one of my favorites, once you click over you will know why if you know me at all... but anyway, I thought this was a great story and had a good point in what we "see" in our relationships.

The GrapeFruit Syndrome:

As a young wife, I learned that marriage could be sweeter if I didn’t focus on my husband’s faults.

My husband and I had been married about two years when I read an article recommending that married couples discuss truthfully and candidly the habits or mannerisms they find annoying in each other. The theory was that if partners knew of such annoyances, they could correct them before resentful feelings developed.

It made sense to me. I talked with my husband about the idea. After some hesitation, he agreed to give it a try.

As I recall, we were to name five things we found annoying. I started off. After more than 50 years, I remember only my first complaint: grapefruit. I told him I didn’t like the way he ate grapefruit. Instead of cutting it open and eating it with a spoon, he peeled it and ate it a section at a time. Nobody else I knew ate grapefruit like that. Could I be expected to spend a lifetime, and even eternity, watching my husband eat grapefruit like that? Although I have forgotten them, I’m sure my other complaints were of similar importance.

Then it was his turn. It has been more than half a century, but I still carry a mental image of my husband’s thoughtful, puzzled expression. He looked at me and said, “I can’t think of anything I don’t like about you.”  Gasp. I quickly turned my back, not knowing how to explain my tears. I had found fault with him over such trivial things, while he hadn’t even noticed any of my peculiar and no doubt annoying habits.

I wish I could say this experience completely cured me of faultfinding. It didn’t. But it did teach me early in my marriage that we need to keep in perspective, and usually ignore, the small differences in our spouse’s habits and personalities. Whenever I hear of married couples being incompatible, I always wonder if they are suffering from what I now call the grapefruit syndrome.

~ Lola B. Walters, “The Grapefruit Syndrome,”Liahona, Sep 1999, 24

I love that story... I loved it when I read it the first time and I still love it again after reading it for the 5th time in two days.

If we choose so, we can put a lot of focus on the little things, or imperfections (as THIS blog wrote about) and let them bug us about our significant other.  We can let it wear on us until we feel we are about to burst with frustration and pent up anger and even sometimes hate.  Or we can choose not to let them bug us.  See past those small things that annoy or bug us.  Let the imperfections in those we choose to keep around us everyday and love and make a commitment to be accepted.  It's selfish actually to focus on that stuff because that's you saying you are perfect and they are not... I mean you ARE casting the first stone right?

It's selfish, and yet, so human.

So as much a I'm saying NOT to focus on those things... and choosing to not make it something that rules your relationship and how you feel about the other person; I'm also saying it's okay once in awhile if something DOES bug you, and you mention it for the hope that your significant other WILL listen and try to make it less annoying--but then focus on something you need to work on for them.  Give and take--that's the key--at least I THINK so? :)

Do YOU have Grapefruit Syndrome?  Or did you?  Any helpful hints?

Shelle

p.s. please scroll down to look at the TOPICS post if you are interested in Guest Contributing or being a regular contributor!

Halloween, Couples, Costumes... any ideas?

Well since Halloween is coming up I thought I'd post some great ideas for Couples Halloween Costumes... ones that are out of the NORM, in my world anyway, some of you may see these sorts of things on a daily basis.  I don't judge though.

Image taken from HERE.  The old Ball and Chain with a twist?  Some of you may have this kind of stuff in your "special room".

Image taken from HERE. Adam and Eve with Toga hats and a fake snake and apple.  Your bound to be the laugh of the party at the very least.

Image taken from HERE. I think this gets the lease awkward in a crowded room award!  I mean there has to be all kind of safety hazards broken here.  Although, it kind of pulls at my arcade kid heart... I loved playing pacman.

Image taken from HERE. There is just something... WRONG about this one.  And hopefully if you DO choose this one, there isn't any close dancing to be done, the chaperons at the party are sure to bust you on being inside the "safety" zone.

Image taken from HERE. If all else fails. Just go as a hip reality T.V. couple.  Skanky always works.  Oh wait, this isn't a costume, this is actually a couple from the Jersey Shore!!!  Still... not a bad idea...

My SIL and BIL pulled it off nicely!

Let me know in comments some ideas for couples costumes! We have a party to go to and I'm sure others of you do also! Creativity is key!

Shelle

We're BACK!!! And so we must talk about FaceBook

Ah... Facebook. A love-hate relationship for many.  I felt we needed a few days to talk about Facebook and I thought there wasn’t a better topic to start our site back up on.  So... before I begin with my introduction to this week’s Topic... I need to say...

WELCOME BACK!

That’s mainly for me... but also filters out to you guys who have us on Reader and have decided to stick around.  Me loves YOU! :)

Image taken from here.

Okay... Topic.  Now, we’ve never really had a TOPIC for a week, but I thought it was fitting.  We had many people interested in writing their take down about Facebook and relationships and how they are effected... so I decided to throw them all together in one week.  So... this may blow up in my face and every post may seem repetitive... or this might actually have a fun twist with all the different perspectives on it!  Now, not every post will be on Facebook because the contributors have the agency to change their minds on what they want to write about.

But either way... let’s go ready for some interesting takes and opinions this week... let’s get back into the swing of things around here!

So let’s just jump in... Feet first.

I’m first.  Your. Welcome. :)

My BIL’s favorite saying since Facebook came about, “Facebook is of the devil”.  At first, I admittedly scoffed when he said that, chalking it up to him not understanding Facebook... or the technology world in general.  But now?  Now I believe he may have some kind of freaky intuition.

Image taken from here

You see.  The last two friends who have gotten divorced that I know of... BOTH because of Facebook infidelity.  I’m not even fibbing.  That doesn’t count the ones before that.  But the last two which have been in the last two months... Facebook has been a contributor.  People spending hours and hours on Facebook with games and updates statuses... neglecting family and responsibilities, an Internet addiction of another kind.

Image taken from here

Now... to oppose that.  I have also found out about people connecting with family that they haven’t seen or known in years.  Happy happy reunions.  Single friends meeting old friends and connecting and starting fantastic relationships.  Also Facebook has brought about some great things, such as, helping spread the word about different causes or helping one promote and help their business succeed. Things that are REALLY good. In fact, because of Facebook I found out about friends from High School who have this incredible story about their children who have this really rare genetic disease and someone put together this benefit concert to help raise money for them.  Something I wouldn’t necessarily have known about had I not been “invited” to the event via Facebook.  My family that lives out East... I’d never know what they were doing if it weren’t for Facebook.

So.  Love and Hate.

The one thing I wanted you guys to maybe think about to start things off... does Facebook--or social media like it... prove that love maybe doesn’t die for people?  A lot of what is happening is people are re-connecting with old friends and loves on Facebook.  From that reconnection old feelings arise and then one things leads to another... so to speak.

So can one really just forget about somebody and love dies???  Or does it just simmer...ready to resurface at anytime if triggered by memory, voice, or... Facebook reconnection? I know those relationships where strong feelings were present, the easiest way for me to “get over” those people were to separate myself from them, and then life moved on.  If I were to reconnect with them on Facebook, which I haven’t, would I just be opening a can of trouble emotionally for me?  I actually think... yes. I don’t think feelings for someone really die--I think they just get pushed down or back.  But that is just my opinion...

I just wonder what you guys think.  Are you black and white on this topic... you either Love or Hate it... or are you more gray?

Let’s Discuss... oh! and BTW... it's good to be back :)

Shelle

Meet The Blogger: Shelle

Meet The Blogger

Name: Shelle Blok


Age: 31

Kids #, age & sex: Two Kids.  DCar who is male and 8 yrs old, and PeePs who is female and 5 years old.


Marital status: Married for 10 years.


1. How many years in your current relationship: 12 years.



2. Have you ever been divorced?: No


***If so how many times?:

What do you do for work: I work for an airline as a Aircraft Routing Specialist and I do photography on the side, but I don't count that because I WUV it. :)


Education: Let's see... I finished High School.  Went to two years at the community college where I live, and then Graduated at Brigham Young University with my Bachelor's in Marriage, Family, and Human Development.  With a Minor in kissing boys. ;)



Blogs you contribute to: Well this one. Obviously.  And my very own personal blog over at BlokThoughtsnmore.


Religion: LDS, or Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or Mormon as others not of the religion generally refer to it as.

Political affiliation: Well if I must choose, then I lean to Republican.  But I go with the candidate that is closest to what I believe, and could actually win, and vote that way... because I don't want to waste my vote.


Basic philosophical leanings (liberal, conservative, confused): I'd say conservative.

What is your motto in life?: It changes with my mood.  Like sometimes it's "Get out of my way or I'll throat punch you!" or "Life is like a box of chocolates... ".  Ya know.  Changes with my mood.  But I'd say one of my most favorite quotes is this, "Don't give up what you want most, for what you think you want now."--because it applies to so many facets of life.


Who has had the most influence in your life?: I'd say my Mom.  Seriously.  She's threaded in some way into everything of my life.  I'm told I even look like her when she was young.  She's my best friend and one of my greatest confidante's.  But then again... my sisters have influenced so much and my brother's have played their part... and I wouldn't have some of my best characteristic traits if it wasn't for my father... nor my legs.  So I'd have to make that wider and say my family???


Why did you start Blogging? To put something up for family to see and friends on what we were doing.  We had just recently made a big move and left a lot of friends and loved ones.  So we wanted a place they could come to, to catch up.

But then I had some co-workers tell me I talked to much... I didn't like that at all, and I wrote about it... and some random people started commenting on it.  And the validation was addicting.  And like a train wreck I continue to write my thoughts down.


*What is the most favorite post you have written on any blog you contribute to?: I'm my worst critic every about anything I write. But I started to write a series of short stories that were all connected to make a whole story.  I only published two... though the story has continued.  My need to keep changing them stopped me from continuing to publish them... but I like them because it is imperfect and yet, that is me and it's authentic? What I Imagine Heaven Would Be... or I did THIS one which is a play on a meme I did, because I kinda don't like MeMe's and this particular person put my name down for one just to spite me, so I made it interesting (Which means I was totally sarcastic).


I decided to do the last two questions Via Vlog to switch it up a bit:  I do a sexy trick with my mouth so don't miss it... :)



I mention Ken (sorry Ken I don't remember your blog! oops. But I know you love facebook!) and PapaK in the blog (HERE is the post I was talking about)... it's only fair that I link up! :)

Hope you all have a good weekend!!!

Love,

Shelle

I was interviewed about THIS blog!!! *Fist Pump*

So I had this email come though one day from THIS website and at first I thought it was SPAM.  So I was going to Delete it, but the subject line said: INTERVIEW.

So I got curious.  I opened the email.

Guess what freak shows.  They wanted to interview ME because of THIS blog!  Our Real World Blog!

I KNOW!?  Right?  I was more excited then a new mom who just fit back into her Pre-Pregnancy Jeans! I kid you not.

So I emailed them back.  And I waited for a reply, because I knew I was getting punked.  And I was ready for a killer response to the person punking me... I was going to punch them in the arm.

But this was FOR REAL!  I kept telling them that NONE of us were experts on the blog, but they just kept saying our blog is exactly what they needed for their site.

We scheduled a time, they called me, and the interview took place (It was funny because I had never been PODCAST interviewed before, they call you up on the phone and you talk.  So I hear the music begin to introduce the podcast--he does the whole "We are with Shelle Blok from such and such, thanks for being with us" and I totally froze, wasn't sure if I was suppose to say "Hi" or what, so I just said nothing and he was like, "Hello? Did I lose you?" and I'm like, "No No NO! I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do! You didn't say what to do here!"--like a complete idiot, and he thought that was pretty hilarious--and I'm a nerd).  And the WHOLE time I knew someone was going to say, "You're on Candid Podcasts!" (you gotta say that with the Candid Camera jingle)  or something like that.

BUT... (wait for it...)they never did!  It was actually a Real Podcast!  They have my picture up and a description of me that I wrote on my profile and they make me sound REALLY important, even though it's little ol' me.

SO here is the interview: CLICK HERE TO HEAR MY LITTLE GIRL VOICE AND MY FREAKISH LAUGH Now you'll understand why I went with the voice option yesterday. 

I was so excited when they emailed me to say this was all legit and that the interview was up!  And I kinda fell in love with podcasting.  So don't be surprised when you are suddenly emailed by us asking for us to interview you via podcast... just sayin.

When you get to the site, it will have a bunch of podcasts listed. The Real World one says, "Relationship Blogger Shelle Blok"... so press play on that one, number 3 I believe.



How cool is that button? It's so official and stuff.

Anyway--a question--do you ever worry about what your kids will think, if they ever begin to read your blog, when you are writing a post? That was one of the questions... you'll have to listen to my answer, but I'm curious what you guys think.

Love,

Shelle Blok

Make Up Sex... DeJa Vu!

Shelle Edit: I posted this in the early days of this blog. Since a lot of you are new, I thought I'd post it again and see what you guys thought. My stance hasn't changed ;)


I think Make Up Sex is a HOAX!

I don't believe in it... not one bit!

And I don't count regular sex after you've made up from an argument.

Because I have been led to believe that Make-Up sex is hot, sticky, and unbridled!

An OUTER BODY experience... some friends have even went so far as to tell me that it is some of the best SEX they have ever had!!!

PPPFFFTTT! Lies!

See... we fight, disagree, argue... make-up, hug, kiss... smile.

Then eventually comes the inevitable sex... but nothing out of the ordinary. Not to say that it isn't good or fantastic or great... because I mean it usually is all of that.

But I was expecting that after we made up he would get hot and jump my bones and we would fall to the ground in a tangle of sloppy kisses and discarded clothing... ya know?

So tell me... all lies? Or are we just not making up right??? Any pointers if that is the case?

love,

Shelle

He Said She Said: Techonolgy

All I asked of the contributors is that they take one side of the issue and tell us why they believe that! Comment and tell us who you agree with or what you believe or think! The topics are suppose to elicit a response and start a conversation in comments. Enjoy!

Topic: Technology--Good or Not Good.


HE Said: Daddy Geek Boy

It’s a great time to be a geek. Technology is amazingly cool right now. Seriously, most of us are walking around with small computers in our pockets. In our pockets!!! Our phones not only make calls, but we can play games, surf the internet, carry around our entire music collections, and—thanks to the new iPhone—even edit our home movies. As long as I have my Blackberry* I am never bored.

I get bored really easily. I always have. As a kid, I would carry around a copy of the latest Mad magazine with me wherever I went in case life got dull. And for anyone who’s ever been dragged to the mall while their mom shops for clothes (as I was many a time) you can admit that there indeed were dull times. I remember sitting around listlessly waiting for her or my sister to emerge from the changing room so we could either get to the food court or head home. Armed with a smartphone, those outings would have been tolerable at the very least.

But it’s not only about passing the time, technology is about being connected. Facebook and Twitter allow us to keep in touch with friends around the world. Apps like Pandora lets us explore new music. Always having access to my work email actually allows for a greater degree of freedom, because I do not have to be tied to the office in order to be productive. Then there are games. Growing up it was hard to imagine heights greater than the black on green graphics of Tetris for Gameboy. But have you checked out PSP or DS? Excuse me while I try to revive the 12 year old version of me that passed out.

And it all just keeps getting better.

My kids are going to have an even richer experience with technology than I do. Someday they will look at the iPad the way we look at an Atari 2600 now. I want to encourage their love of tech and gadgets. I want them to be state of the art and understand how to use technology. So I will provide them with what I can, the gadgets, the knowledge and the fun that goes along with electronics. They need to know how to use technology to enrich their lives. After all, their dad’s a big geek. They should be too.

*Being a proud Mac user, you’d think I’d have an iPhone. But my dissatisfaction with AT&T overrides by being a card carrying member of the Apple cult.

She Said: Shelle

I'm going to start this off really well by saying I am a total geek when it comes to technology. I love it. In some cases I'd say just as much as Daddy Geek Boy and for almost the same reasons. I admit that I am very thankful that I was born in an era where I can drive a few hours and entertain my kids with Nintendo Ds's or a DVD player or My Phone or My Ipod. (I also would have an iPhone if it wasn't for AT & T hoarding all the rights to it). I am CONSTANTLY connected. For my work both personal and the one I have to clock into. I blog, tweet, facebook, etc...


That being said. I feel there is a big problem with it.


I know, I know, you are saying, "But Shelle, you just explained how much you are tapped into technology, and from this perspective, it doesn't seem like you have a chance of a debate here."

Hear me out is all I ask.

I feel technology is upsetting the basic family unit and the time given to it. The personal connection is gone. Some are even neglecting family in order to connect to their virtual outlets such as facebook, twitter, blogging, Fantasy (enter sport here), etc, meaning that a bigger percentage of their time meant to be spent with family is being spent on their virtual "family" instead.


Kids and their texting. My nephew's girlfriend told him she loved him for the first time via TEXT!? What the heck is that all about? I told him to drop her and quick. That should be said at least to their face. Texting keeps you from having to deal with physical reaction. Can't fulfill a responsibility? Just text the person you're letting down, no harm done for you because you can't feel the guilt coming off of them as their face falls from the news that you are neglecting your responsibility. Do you get what I mean?

Another example, I was at a restaurant the other day, I am a self proclaimed people watcher, I looked over and observed a family of 5, three boys and a Mom and Dad. Dad was on his iPhone (I was totally envious) and three boys were all playing their very own DS's while Mom was scanning the menu. This continued until their waiter came, at which point the Dad looked up and ordered, and then the Mom ordered for her and her three boys who still were zoned in on their games. Nothing was said to one another, no connection other than their virtual entertainment.


I can speak from personal experience. When I began blogging I started to notice that my laundry pile was higher than it should have been, the vacuuming was left undone a lot of the time, and bathrooms were being reported by HAZMAT. My husband soon became bitter towards blogging because all he heard was "I'm coming just need to read this last blog and comment" or "yes I'm on the computer AGAIN". I also still have a bad habit of checking my phone and needing it wherever I go. Right in the middle of a conversation I have been known to pull my phone out and check it for an email or a twitter/facebook reply. I realize it's rude, I just can't seem to stop myself from doing it. That one was a very hard habit to break, I still sometimes relapse.


I think kids also feel that they need constant stimuli from technology because it is everywhere. I refuse to let my kids take or play with any electronics when we are at the park or eating at the dinner table. We talk and interact with real human beings at night when we sit down to eat our one meal that we do eat together. When we go to the park or zoo or any outing, they have to soak it in whether they are bored or not.


I guess it's the abuse of technology that I find most disturbing. The urgency and panic if one is disconnected for even an few minutes. The what ifs? What if I miss a work email? What if I get behind in my blog reading? What if I miss a reply? It's overwhelming and adds to our daily stress. I mean think about it?


So families suffer... we suffer... so technology can also be a bad thing and I think if you are involved with the virtual world, then you at one point or another have experienced the bad technology ensues in our lives.

Politically divided...Freedom is NOT free.

"I am no believer in the amalgamation of parties, nor do I consider it as either desirable or useful for the public; but only that, like religious differences, a difference in politics should never be permitted to enter into social intercourse or to disturb its friendships, its charities or justice. In that form, they are censors of the conduct of each other and useful watchmen for the public." --Thomas Jefferson to Henry Lee, 1824. ME 16:73

I went back and forth about posting this over here at Real World, but it is about relationships, or lack there of, and I’m seeking advice or validation… however you perceive it. And this Real World blog is for this very purpose, to post things more sensitive than one would usually post on their own blogs. And one thing I do actually stay away from, usually, on my blog is politics.

See, I would be considered conservative in any political circle.

I don’t hold true to any one party, but to the person, or party, who sees the way I see things THE MOST, but admittedly, both parties are corrupt in their own way… to be an effective voter though, you must make your vote count, so you choose a party that you agree more with. So my decision on who I vote for may vary by party, as long as I stay as true to myself as I can.

Does that make sense?

I will say that I don’t agree with a LOT of the things the current government is doing, almost nothing, which is pretty rare in my short experience of being on top of things politically.

This has rolled into and affected some of my relationships.

It scares me.

Where once I could talk friendly and even openly to others that believed differently than me politically, it has now become an effort of the highest degree. I can hardly stand it. I want to scream and yell, and rant and rave, and call names. If you know me, this is not really in my character on a day to day basis. I’m pretty chill. I may get bugged and have a spat, but never really get ready to go one on one in a UFC ring.

The only times I actually feel that way is when I have a lapse of judgment and try to argue religion, which is fruitless, or, when someone messes with one of my offspring, other than that, I’m good.

I almost can’t even hang out with those that differ from me politically, in real life; … it has gotten that bad. It’s like we have nothing to talk about that doesn’t eventually flow into the current administration and although I have gotten really good at holding my tongue, because I know the conversation will go NO WHERE if I continue to involve myself in it, I am screaming in my head… SCREAMING! Do you know how difficult it is to be sane when you are screaming in your head?

I am exhausted by the end of my time with them, so much so, that I am almost bitter about it.

With blog reading it is different; someone will get on their soap box and preach their undying love. Instead of disliking them for it, I can just leave their blog for that day and be no worse for the wear, but it’s harder to leave in the middle of a dinner conversation when they are a guest in your house (that you invited)… ya feelin me?

It doesn’t just scare me, it makes me sad.

I think the crevice that divides this country naturally has grown all too big. Where we could stand together mostly as a nation, I believe, we now stand as two separate groups, the ones who agree with how the current government is running things, and the ones that want to do something about it.

I love the end of this statement given by Sylvia Allen, Senator of Arizona, about the law S.B. 1070, she states, “Maybe it is too late to save America. Maybe we are not worthy of freedom anymore. But as an elected official I must try to do what I can to protect our Constitutional Republic. Living in America is not a right just because you can walk across the border. Being an American is a responsibility and it comes by respecting and upholding the Constitution the law of our land which says what you must do to be a citizen of this country. Freedom is not free.”

To be an American, is a responsibility, and, freedom is not free. So true. But it starts with the basic human relationship. We fight, or have an innate sense to fight, for our relationships with our family and friends, our relationship with our country, our relationship with God, our relationships and connections period.

Arizona was on the side of doing something about it. Doing something that they felt would protect the citizens of their state.

Relationships are important things. Our lives are full of them, we were not meant to be solitary we were built to have connections. When a nation, whose basic principles were founded on bonding together to break free of tyranny, divides itself so completely and so visibly to other nations as it is now, it makes us weak and vulnerable.

And that is scary… and very very sad.

So what do you guys think? Am I totally blowing hot air? Or does anyone else see and feel what I am feeling? Or do you totally disagree with me? Have politics affected a relationship/friendship of yours?

Shelle-BlokThoughts

The things he teaches...Female Perspective

My partner teaches things to my children I don't want them learning because they think it's funny-or my spouse overreacts to things I teach my kids it's all in good fun.

That was the topic... don't ask me how I came up with that topic. In fact, I've sat for a whole day thinking of how I was going to effectively get my point across! Dang it Jim!

Then my husband sent me this two days ago:


And now I have proof of what I'm talking about.

My husband goes to school on Tuesday's and Thursday's and sometimes Friday's. Other than that he has an internship sometimes in the mornings but he's basically Mr. Mom right now (which means he has the biggest influence on them on a day to day basis) and I'm the one out of the house working, working, and working.

The picture above was his "arts and crafts" for the morning with our little girl. She is 4 turning 5 in a few months.

They cut out pictures from a magazine and pasted them on a piece of card stock. Innocent enough right?

Wrong... let's get a close up:

I think that has at least one naked top girl (the other two have on nude body covers)-the word SEX is on there, (my 4 almost 5 year old can sound out words, so basically she can read, especially three letter, phonetically correct words).

This isn't the only example of stuff my husband does around my kids. When they are young he likes to teach them to say "truck" but it really sounds like the F-word that rhymes with truck. He'll get them to say on cue, "Truck You" -- ummm yea.

Or what about when we stop at a stop light and he rolls down the window and my boy says, "Hey HEY!" or "Hey Girl what's your number?!" cat calling basically.

He has my little girl say it to boys or guys.

He thinks it's hilarious.

He also watches "fake" wrestling and he'll lean over and say stuff to my sweet boy like, "she's hot huh?"and then my boy will smile and shake his head up and down or back and forth depending on what he thinks, well he did that when he was little, now my boy says "aaaah yea" or "heck no".

What I'm saying is I think my husband forgets that these are his kids and not his "poker buddies" (he doesn't play poker, but you know what I mean) sometimes. Sure it's cute when they're little (and I'll admit to laughing more than once when I hear the product of his teaching)...but some of this stuff is not so cute when they get older.

You get what I mean?

What do you think? How would you respond? Does your spouse teach your children things you wish they wouldn't?

Shelle