I haven't been posting on this blog because I've been dealing with life and I took a very long break. But I have a post in my heart and I feel like I'm probably not the only one that goes through this. So I have decided to write it down and maybe it will reach someone out there.
I'm going to talk about weight. Doesn't seem like it should be a relationship issue... but I think it is. I have probably done EVERY diet in the book, what a cliche right? How many times have you heard that exact line when someone writes about a weight loss success story? Well this isn't that kind of post, at least not yet. I have yet to lose any weight, it seems like every time I try to lose weight I am successful a little bit, but then I'm right back where I started. I have a major food addiction I think. I'm not overly obese, but I LOVE food. I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad or depressed, when I'm excited or bored. I eat and I love tasty food. Do I necessarily always feel good after I eat certain things? No. I sometimes feel horrible and sick and bloated and yucky. Sometimes I feel happier, but it doesn't last for long. Just like a drug addiction, I wait for the next short fix.
Having my belly issue affects my marriage because it affects my sex life. We aren't remiss of sex, it's just that I don't always feel comfortable or sexy, and I hate that. It's more intimate when I can let go and just enjoy the experience... but the minute I feel the jiggle or look down at the extra weight, I zone out and I don't connect with my husband like I should. It's sad, and I know I have a few choices, do something about it, or change my way of thinking.
Maybe though, those things go hand in hand. Maybe I need to do something about it AND change the way I think about myself? The only thing is, I'm scared. I've failed SO many times that I'm afraid to let myself down again. I have to make that lifestyle change not only for myself but for my relationship.
My husband loves me, he always tells me how beautiful he thinks I am, but inside my mind it is so ugly that I can't help the depression that comes over me when I see the numbers on the scale or the reflection that stares back at me in the mirror and it frustrates my husband. He doesn't like that I feel that way about myself and he doesn't know what to do about it. He tells me he doesn't understand how I can see something so different than what he sees, yet I do. And it affects how I am behind closed doors which affects him.
I am lucky that I have the relationship that I have, but my weight does make a difference and I WANT to be a success.
So here is my accountability. I am going on the Fat to Fit journey. I am going to do the meal plans, continue with my exercise, take the pictures, take the measurements, and do it. Day by day. Inch by inch. This isn't a new year's resolution. It has to be a saving grace, it has to be a lifetime resolution.
I'm seeking any critique's, words of encouragement, kicks in the butt, or just thoughts. Am I alone in this? Does anybody constantly constantly fail because they can't seem to hurdle over there own fears?
That is, if anybody even reads this blog anymore!
Shelle
12 comments:
This is a GREAT post Shelle. And I think it applies to a lot of women, fat, thin, average. I'm 'skinny' a word I absolutely hate, but there it is. I don't feel good about my body and especially what I look like when I'm alone with my husband. He thinks I'm sexy, and I just don't feel that way at all. I really wish I could feel that way. That's my issue to work on. Seeing my body as beautiful.
It's not the same issue maybe that you're dealing with, but I think you can do this. You can eat good food and healthy food, and no matter what type of body you have, you are beautiful (I always thought so!)
So work on this program, make good choices, and come back and tell us when You feel just as sexy as he sees you :)
I'm sure your husband isn't lying when he says you are beautiful and that is how things are with us, too. BUT My husband does react differently to me when I am on the thinner side than the not so thin side so I know it makes a difference. However, I think the major culprit is simply the images we see every day on TV, billboards, magazines, etc. There is a message going out that the only way to be beautiful is to be thin--and it's a lie. The problem is, we are all being told the same lie and it is so easy to buy into it. It's a really tough one. Do you watch Downton Abbey? We just watched episode one of season three and my husband was almost nauseated at how thin Mary has gotten. Too thin does not look good no matter how much it's thrown in our faces. Men do like curves, and they like them better than we do. Something to think about.
Andrea- Hey! It is the same thing... just a bit different. I think ultimately it's finding beauty in my body the way it is, and then it is just icing on the cake after that if anything changes for the better... right? Thin or curvy... I want to change my mind! I will get back on and talk about my progress... both with my weight, and with my mind!
Heidi... I agree... there can be a too skinny, and men do love curves. I just need to find a happiness and I do need to stay healthy within myself... I think that is my biggest challenge. Is finding a way to see myself or my body, as beautiful and valuable! BTW... how are you watching Downtown Abbey! I wanna start watching Season 3!
Hi Shelle,
Long time no read. Miss all you beautiful & fun blogging buddies.
I feel you girl. You are beautiful, both inside and out. And you should take your husband's word for it. I know sometimes we can't help how we think of ourselves and I know this is probably your biggest demon that you have to fight everyday.
If you want to lose weight because you think you're fat and therefore makes you look ugly, I'd say hogwash. I think if a woman feels they are ugly whether skinny or fat, gaining or losing weight to fulfill either will not change how you see yourself. Who knows if you lose all that weight, you might come back and say you're too skinny therefore you feel ugly.
I think the underline issue here is you are just not comfortable with yourself...this makes it hard because that something you'll have to overcome.
You said weight affects relationships...I say it affects relationship only if you let it. Your husband sees you as a beautiful person and when he tells you that, he's not just saying because it's something you want to hear. He's telling you the truth. And he loves you.
If you do want to lose weight for health reason, I'd say go for it. Just know you will always have friends, near or far, who will be here cheering you on in your endeavors.
Anjeny--
very inspiring and exactly the right thing to say as well as everyone. I know it must seem like I've gone this round before, or that I'm actually looking for compliments... but I'm not. I honestly need to change and I'm reaching out for help and thoughts.
So thank you so much you guys for your comments because they have each helped and I have taken them in! Thanks :)
It is for my health also... most definitely.
Great to see your update! I am not coming from a place of always doing it for sure! but I know when I feel loving to myself I take care of myself and what I put into my body in such a kinder way than if I am restricting - does that make sense? Your husband means it, for sure! You are beautiful - look forward to reading about your journey!
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If you lived closer I would totally be your workout buddy b/c I need some help in this area as well. When you reach your 40's = your body simply DOES not bounce back like it used it. Those 5 pounds turn in to 10 pounds and then into 15 pounds and so on. {you are luck your hubs is nice to you - mine simply tells me I am now fat and won't come near me}! Good to hear from you chicka!
You're HARDLY alone!!! Don't look at this as a "diet", which always fail. Look at this as a LIFE CHANGE!!!! You are living...not dying! Each small positive choice you make, makes a difference. Go for it!!
I can't tell you how very odd it is to pop over here after making my own first post since 2010. To see you've not been blogging either, kind of validates me a little.
Now, Listen to me woman. You are stunning. I've not seen you naked, granted, but you are a hot little number.
Truth is, we all see our flaws. I have lost so much weight that I have excess skin at my belly. It's gross. And I'm so stressed out that my face looks like a teenager. Does it matter? No, not really. Only to me. I have adopted a "if you don't like the way I look, don't look at me!" moto.
My advice... Stop stepping on the scale. Stop taking measurements. Do a little extra work and eat a little healthier but don't look at the numbers! It's depressing and nothing curves change faster than that.
I stepped on a scale and it read 170. That meant I was 50 lbs overweight. I had no idea I'd gotten that big. But I didn't stress about the number. I changed my habits. It wasn't until all my pants started falling off that I stepped on a scale again. And I am now in a size 6 or 8. Big difference from the 14 I was in.
You can do this. But don't make your entire life about getting skinny. And believe your husband when he says you're beautiful.
You do what you feel you need to do, to give you that peace of mind and confidence you desire. But . . . I've learned this the hard way over the years . . . don't cheapen how your husband feels by not believing what he says to be true. He clearly loves you and sees nothing wrong with you. If he did, you'd sense a distance. If that's not there . . . if he's jumping at every chance to jump your bones, so to speak . . . then take him at his word. Otherwise, you risk distancing him. He'll feel that you don't trust his love, his feelings, his actions. Accept the kind of unconditional love he's offering, even as you strive to improve yourself.
Be well, my friend . . .
Hey Shelle, long time.
I could have written that post. I would love to love my body but I can't. I do however love myself.... most of the time
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