Friday, November 6, 2009

A Decade of Dating, How Things Have Changed

David's blog is fantastic and such a great tool for those of you that are single. I personally would be terrified to have to go out on the dating field again, I wouldn't even know where to start. I appreciate David's Guest contribution. He's a link nut but they are all really great sources... go check him out if you have time on his blog... he's a great read.

I’ve been divorced ten years, and throughout that decade I’ve been a single dad dating. I’ve enjoyed a few long-term relationships, some short term flings, one-night stands, booty calls, blind dates, crappy dates, and couch sex. I’ve even been stood up. I've got sexy and funny dating stories, for sure.

How has dating changed in the last ten years?

I see three biggies that bear examining: online dating, the economy, and dating as a single parent.

The Rise and Fall of Online Dating

Ten years ago, online dating was hot hot hot. I had my pick of women to go out with, from yahoo personals,, salon and nerve personals (those last two were the best. Sexy open-minded intellectuals. Yum…)

Any given week, I’d go out on two or three dates. Online dating really was a great tool for meeting new people, setting up coffee and cocktails greet and meets. I became a bit of an online dating expert (in a sick, funny way.)

Since then? Online dating sites have fake dating profiles to draw in new members or solicit spam, and hookers looking for clients. Oh, sure – there are legitimate profiles from real people using the online dating sites. Some of those people, in fact, are lifers I recognize from a decade ago. I don’t date online anymore. I’ve met most of my girlfriends in real life. But I do still look on match, in desperate hope that Ms. Sexy Hottie Right will be there.

The Economy – From Boom to Bust

Ten years ago, the dot-com bubble meant everyone in Silicon Valley had mega bucks, at least on paper. Women could date a hot busboy, and still feel like he would provide and protect like no other. Other women had their sites set higher, and would flat out ask in bars what job you did in what startup, and how many stock options you had. Yeah, Silicon Valley dating was all about money. And not much fun.

These days, everyone is broke! I’m more prone to shake up my favorite margarita recipe at home than head out to a bar and buy ten dollar cocktails for my date and myself. I go on a lot more hiking dates (i.e. they don’t cost a thing!) these days than I did a decade ago. While it’s nice to not worry so much about flashing the bling, with the down economy people are less prone to go out, making it harder to meet someone new.

Dating as a Single Parent

Ten years ago, my kids were three and seven. Dating as a single parent was pretty easy – any woman I met could picture herself having babies with me, and my kids being close enough in age for us to be one big happy family. Plenty of naked spooning in bed for me, back then.

These days, my kids are teens. Any woman I date either has kids off to college, or she is younger and has no intention of staying with me long term. Yes I have my share of booty call relationships, usually older men younger women affairs. Whatever works! Single parents need intimacy, too.

The Next Ten Years

Ten years form now, both my kids will be out of college. I’ll be in my 50s. Hopefully by then, I will have met a sexy vibrant woman at my same life stage, enjoying our empty nest years together.

If not, I’ll divide my age in half and add seven, and date a sexy 30-something who needs intimacy while she’s shopping elsewhere for a man who will someday father her kids.

So what about you guys? Do you agree with this? How do you think it has differed?

© Copyright 2009, David Mott, All Rights Reserved.


BigLittleWolf said...

I think the economic aspect is a huge factor, and not just in your part of the country. Men are looking for well-heeled women as well. It's rough out there!

Great post.

MindyMom said...

I don't know David. I've been divorced and dating for almost 8 years and things seem pretty much the same to me. I recenlty tried online dating again and got pretty much the same results as I did 6-7 years ago. I got discouraged and cancelled my account.

The differnce now is more with ME. I've become more discerning than I used to be as well as more aware/self-aware after a couple bad experiences. Live and learn, I guess. But I still find I'm kissing a lot of frogs on my quest to find a prince.

CaJoh said...

I like how you break it down into various categories.

I would not know what I would do if I was back in the dating scene. It's a shame that dating sites have such false information— what's the point in convenience if you have to sort through junk dates like you do your junk mail.

Kat Wilder said...

Dating is still dating no matter how you meet — online, in a bar, at a party, a blind date, etc.

It comes down to two people knowing what they want (or, not) and deciding whether the person sitting across from you is someone you'd want to see again or not.

There have always and will always be people you definitely don't to see again, like anyone who cares that much about what you do or how much you make. Bet you'll meet them again in 10 years ...

dadshouse said...

Kat - I disagree. Dating is totally different depending on how you meet. When I meet women through friends at a party, there's a certain amount of built-in trust and respect that I don't see when dating online. I've met far more girlfriends at parties than any other way.

btw - for some reason, there's more discussion on this post at my Dad's House intro to the post:

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I honestly would use whatever resources I had out there for me. I love being social and getting to know someone online is pretty fun... but since I don't really have to be out there doing it... who knows what I'd think! :)

Great great post! Thanks