Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Why I need friends and how it's good for my marriage!

It's hard to know where to go with these posts that have to do with just me. I mean I can talk about me until I'm blue in the face, don't get me wrong, but when it relates to me and then how it relates to my relationship... sometimes I get twisted.

So I'm just going to write about how my friendships, "my girls", enhance my marriage.

My friendships are extremely important to me. I have friends and lots of them, but I only count a few as my very close friends.

It seems that when us as girls get married or partner off we tend to leave our group of friends and embrace our partners friends. Well that is the trend I saw with my group of friends.
I think that is because us as women can adapt and interact well with most any woman. Sure there are those that may rub us the wrong way, but most of the time we can fake it til we make it when we have to (Sure there are those of you that are crying, "Not ME Shelle. I never fake anything. I'm always me and I'm always real." Good for you guys. You are better than I.), but it seems like a guy is pickier right? When I would tell my husband that we were getting together with some of my old friends I get the roll of the eyes, the cross of the arms, and the, "do I have to" grunt, it was like I was asking him to slit his wrists or something!!!

Yet when it is time to hang out with his friends and their wives and girlfriends I'm stoked to meet them and chat and talk and see what I have in common with them.

I think we represent a lot of couples out there.

Even though my close friends and I don't get together as often as we would like, when we DO get together we start right where we left off. Sure we catch up on what we have missed in each other's lives, but then it's back to eating fattening foods, talking about everyone and eveything, and solving all the world's problems, oh and laughinglaughing until we can't breathe! The people that I'm drawn to...someone that can make me laugh guy or girl...the ones that will talk spirtually with me one minute...but then the next minute laughing at one another as we reminisce at how retarded we were when we thought we knew it all!

As a woman I need that. I need to be able to call my close friends and cry to them about life and it's unexpected tragedies, discuss the quirks in our relationships, seek advice, listen as they seek theirs, keep me grounded by laughing at those things that seem so big but are really so not important, someone who will go to a chick flick movie and fall in love with the lead guy with me, someone to tell me that my butt does look big in those pants but they will meet me at the gym and count their calories with me because "we are in it together". The friend that tells me they will run and train for a triathlon with me in memory of my nephew because they love me, and after I break my collar bone still go through with it because they have that kind of character.

I feel for those that don't allow people close to them, that don't allow to let their spirit and soul bond with other human beings in the simplest yet complex form of what we define as friendship. They miss out.

My friends help my relationship by allowing me to talk about it, by being the third party looking in and telling me when I'm being dumb or backing me up when I just need validation! Sometimes if I can vent to a friend my husband never has to hear it! It's a win for HIM if you think about it! :)

Friends are important. To me they are, along with my family, what makes this life worth living, that includes those that I know in real life and the ones I have the pleasure of knowing only online (such a different kind of relationship that I yet am able to define but important to me all the same), all of them mold me slightly everyday into the woman I am proud of becoming and I don't wish it any other way.

What about you guys? How do your friends make your life better or worse? What about your friends make them an integral part of your life? Or are you more of a loner a keep to yourself kind of person?


ShellSpann said...

Lucky for me my friends and my boyfriends friends have all become one group. They meshed well together and it's great!! When we go out together we can go out with everyone instead of my group or his :)

And I agree friendships are so important. My girlfriends allow me to talk about things that are happy/sad/etc. And it really helps sometimes when there are things that I don't go to my boyfriend about and just really need to talk about!

Daddy Geek Boy said...

As I said in yesterday's post (if you haven't read it, go ahead. I'll wait...) I can't imagine a world without a solid group of friends. My wife is my best friend, but sometimes I need to bond with the guys, hang out and do things that she doesn't want or like to do.

Anonymous said...

Friends are important! The circle of friends that I see the most has changed throughout my life due to moves, employment changes, etc. The friendship is still there with prior friends, but we don't have the opportunity to connect often. My husband is my best friend, but I having female friends is vital. I have one very close female friend at present. We walk together and can talk about anything. We make each other laugh and cry. We trust each other completely, and one can count on the other for support. We lift each other up, and life is so much better because of our friendship.

I have a lot of longtime friends that I see on a regular basis, but they are tied to specific activities (kids sports, school, church, the hubbie's fire station crew & s/os). Part of it is just the stage of life we and our kids are in (i.e. very busy)!

Over the years, there have been friends who have come into my life for a short period of time, who seemed to have exactly the insight, experience or advice I needed to deal with something I was struggling with at the time. They helped me through some rough times, and helped me to become a better person. Due to various circumstances, we have not always been able to remain in contact. That doesn't make the experience less important.

I can't imagine what my life would be like without the friends I have had over the years.

PJ - Our life said...

I definately need my girls. Most of them are still from H.S. and some from college. I don't get along with most of my husbands friends wives and he isn't one for hanging out with anyone really. So when I need that girl to girl talk because my guy just doesn't understand I have those girls that I can call!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Shell you are so lucky that you guys can blend your friends! I wish!

DGB- totally agree. Sometimes you just need to bond with "the guys" or the girls in my case.

Anon- isn't that the truth...some friends are only in your life for a brief period, but the impact they make is huge!

PJ-exactly, sometimes guys want to fix things and I just want to vent and be catty! :). My girls are good for that!

T said...

without my friends I'd have no outlet for certain things... you know - the raucous laughing about stupid things... and then ManOfTheHouse would really get sick of me acting ridiculous :)

I think you hit the nail on the head with the "his friends" "her friends" and how we just make either group work... but the men - at least mine - not so much...

Becky said...

So true. My husband is indeed my best friend but also love my girl friends and need that time to be together and connect and also our friends as couples. I need it all!

Anjeny said...

Shelle, I absolutely love this post, you took the words right out of my mouth. Friends have always been a big part of my life since I was a little girl. I've lost contact with some of them over the years, made new ones and still have those friends like you describe in your post, where we often lost contact with each other but once we met up again, it's as though we were never apart in the first place.

Right now, I have two friends who live close by me that my kids know if ever they're stranded anywhere or needed help with something and I'm not availabel, these are the two women they would call on or go to. They are also the same friends who are always there for me whenever I need them, the ones I can call up and vent or share great news with..