Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Group Therapy-Sex, Men and Women

Welcome to Group Therapy:

Today I thought I would throw a question out there that I hope will bring about a good healthy discussion/debate. So please don't hesitate to tell me what you think.

Here is the question:

Do women want sex as much as men do?

Women have always been perceived as being the ones in a relationship that lose their sex drive, but is that true?

Tell me your opinion and comment anonymously if you want to.


Just Jules said...

Here is my perception - women get their sex drive back in their 30's it is said. Well now that I am on the down slide of my 30's I have figured out why this is most likely the case.

The kids are no longer infants. They are potty trained, they are not nursing, nor are they puking and pooping on you hourly. You can shower and even get a fair amount of sleep.

Your body starts to become yours again. Maybe you are able to get it back into some sort of shape again- maybe (maybe that shape is a pear? ;)

So..... why do women lose it? Because their body is busy. Hard to stay in a room when someone else is occupying it. It makes for a cramped situation.

So - yes, women may lose their sex drive for a while. But, it is for good reason.

I'm not male - so that is all I got, a mom of four's perspective

ShellSpann said...

I think every person (man or woman) is different. I have a very high sex drive....and I know many women that do. I know men that could deal with once every couple of weeks and men that want it twice a day.

Anonymous said...

In our house, that is definitely the case. My wife's sex drive is non-existent, to the point where we have a child over a year old and have yet to have intercourse since before the birth. Part of this may be due to screwed up hormones though, as she has not yet had her period (she has yet to wean the baby), so who knows? Her sex drive was lower than mine to begin with.

Momma Sunshine said...

I think that women often want sex as much as men do, but it seems like they attach a lot more emotional meaning to it, which results in obstacles to actually having sex.

I read once that men have sex to feel close to their partners, and that women need to feel close to their partners to want sex. Seems to make sense.

Since leaving my emotionally charged and sexually difficult marriage, I have found that my sex drive has been pretty active, and it's not just from being in a new relationship, either...we've been together for a year now (albeit in a long distance relationship) but the sex is only getting better.

Hm. Maybe being in my mid-30s has something to do with that?

ZenMom said...

Everybody's different. I know women with really strong sex drives and men with lower sex drives. And vice versa.

But, in general, in my experience, I'd say it's probably true that most men have stronger sex drives then most women.

I've written before about the biological and social factors that influence and drive our sexuality, so I won't bore people with that again.

But I think most women can also attest to the fact that a woman's sex drive can fluctuate - A LOT - over her life. Especially when you have kids.

After my first son was born, we went through a time when our sex drives were so mismatched it was like The ZenHusband was on boil and I couldn't even find simmer. - good times. <--- sarcasm

And then there's today - I'm 35 and if this is not my sexual peak ... well then I think it's safe to say that it's possible neither of us will survive the summit. But it's going to be a helluva lotta fun finding out.

And yet, for the first time since we were newlyweds, we are almost evenly "matched" in our sex drives.

I suppose men's sex drives probably go through some changes over their lives as well? Guys? Wanna chime in on that?

Hair Bows & Guitar Picks said...

Man I totally agree with Momma Sunshine! She hit is on the head.

I really think it depends who you are with and what is going on in your lives right now...stress, new baby...those things can kind of put a damper on the sex life.

I do feel that woman and men do need to try, no matter what is going on, to connect a couple times a week...becasue I know that if you are having sex everything else in your relationship starts working better :)

Momma Sunshine said...

Yes! I agree. Connecting as a couple with sex seems to help all other areas in the relationship...

Anjeny said...

I will go with how my hub and I roll. He has always wanted more sex than I did...even now when I thought I am actually in my sexual peak, he seems to still want it more than I do.

I don't know if you'd say that we lose our sex drive perse, it's just that we seem to have more things on our minds and we have a hard time relaxing and focusing on sex when there are still on our mind...we tend to want to be put in the mood, foreplay is something women like and touching and caressing to build up the momentum before we can actually do the deed, kwim?

Men, on the other hand, can just drop everything in that second's time and go straight to the sex part, no problem. Maybe that comes from their one-tracked mind deal. Then again, I might be wrong but just my point of view.

Anjeny said...

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Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I think you guys are right. I'm not sure I want it as much as my husband ever! But when it's time to have sex, I want it really bad. I just don't think about it as much as my hubs does.

I'm sure if I did then my sex drive would be just as ambitious as his.

And my drive depends on how I'm feeling about myself, whereas a man's drive is just about "the" feeling.

True to that the more sex one has the better the relationship. Funny how that works huh?

But I do know men who overly stress and in that case and that point of their life they don't have much a drive for anything...

I don't think we have a lower sex drive... if we stimulated ourselves daily like most men do... I bet it would be about the same.

Just sayin.

MaeRae said...

I would like to say that either way you look at the big picture it is going to be different for everyone but that might not be true either.

I, personally, want sex more than my husband does. In fact I would like to have sex 2-3 times a week if given the opportunity. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

I also know that I am the abnormal. i once read somewhere that 1 out of every 5 people is crazy. Now look at your closest 4 friends. Are you the one that is crazy? i think I am. And I think my husband is the abnormal one too. He continues to say to me WTH honey we already had it once this week.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Well I have a pretty high sex drive! I don't have small vices like drink or smoke, but hell when I am stressed I am wanting to get it on and lately I am under a LOT of stress :)

Anonymous said...

Well all I can say is I never ever ever ever ever ever to the 09978765789978656 power turned sex down. ever. I think if I could get it 2 times a day I wouldn't want it more than that except a couple times a week, those times maybe a nooner would work.

It seems to me that some of my male friends do say they have turned it down before from their brides/gfs. I instantly lose respect for them.
yes I am serious.

thats all I got.

P.S. I forgot to mention I never ever turned it down, ever.

Hubman said...

Veronica and I are very well-matched in that we both have very high sex drives (well, in other ways too...), and have all along. Of course there have been times when that wasn't the case, such as after each of our kids was born and during the grad school years, but those times are temporary. Our innate sex drives go together very nicely, thankyouverymuch!

Momma Sunshine said...

Um, Sage, honey, you forgot to mention if you've ever turned down sex before.


Anonymous said...

Sorry for the additional comment but Momma Sunny pointed something out.

I have never turned it down!

Anjeny said... would be crazy to turn down sex...don't you like live for sex? LOL

Anonymous said...

Now if I admitted living for sex I would be acknowledging there could possibly be another reason to live!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

MaeRae-Are you serious!!! I actually know of a few friends like that... guy friends. It's weird to me because my husband is more like, *cough* Sage *cough*

Sage-enlighten us with something we don't know?

ANj--I think LIVE for is such an understatement!!!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Hubman you are very lucky because not many couples...even happy couples... have that! :)

Anonymous said...

My husband and I used to hump like rabbits before we were married. Then we kind of simmered for a while. After the kids were born my drive plummeted because I was tired all the time and tired of taking care of everyone but me. Now that I have decided I like sex again and have discovered some new things (new to me) about sex it is much more fun. He has actually turned me down a few times. Not many. But could we please do it different like maybe with the lights on or some night except Saturday or maybe on the couch? Geez.