***This is a Guest Contributor. In fact, I asked or BEGGED her to write this. So I appreciate her friendship and her ability to still stay friends with me even if I get all up in her bizness!!! :) Love ya girl!
Child support, how much is enough, how much accounting should you expect from the receiver of the support.
Shelle asked me to give my take on Child Support...
I don't or can't give my real name out if I want to fully disclose how I feel about this subject. For legal and personal reasons. I have always wanted to be a JEN, every JEN I know seems to be gorgeous and fun. So Hi, my name is JEN, and this is my story.
My take on this is purely what I have gone through. It is not this way for everyone. Each situation is unique.
When I decided it was time to get out in my marriage is when I realized that emotionally I couldn't take anymore from my spouse. It was killing me inside and who I was. He was not a nice person to me.
As a father though? He was incredible. I will give him that. When we were still together and since we have been divorced he has been a fully involved parent to his two girls. In fact, we get along a lot better now then we did when we were married. We parent together better, if that makes any sense?
They chose child support off of what he made and what I made. I was the provider for the family consistently and had the insurance because he was a construction worker and work always depended on the season and the demand for his specialty.
So basically he pays me squat. $319.20 each month total for both girls.
Since day one of the divorce going through and the Child Support hearings finishing up he complained about the amount saying that it was to much and he wouldn't be able to support himself if he was giving up that much money a month.
Sometimes he goes months with paying it well or part of it and then he'll go months where I don't see a thing. In that case, I'll make a call and the state gets it from him, because you see, I use that money for my girls and only for them... for lessons and other needs or wants that they may have. I'm not one of those mothers that treats the child support like alimony. In fact, I make sure to write his initials in my accounting book or check register for us old school people for anything I spend on the girls that I use his child support for. I first pay using my debit card then I transfer the money over from the account I have them put the Child Support money in so that I don't confuse it with my day to day spending. I try not to rely on it, but with just that little amount helping my income it really does go a long way.
Then I start thinking. Why shouldn't I rely on it? These are HIS children too!
How can a person put a monetary value on their children? If my girls want to take dance lessons why can't he help out? He wants to see them happy. Or if they need new school clothes or shoes or anything. I always discuss extra curricular activities with him, I make the girls ask him if it is okay if they participate or join or whatever. So if he agrees then he should help pay the cost of it right?
I get that he has a hard time in between jobs. But that isn't my fault. And it isn't his children's fault. He needs to man up and take on his responsibility. We are not asking for his WHOLE income and quite frankly most of the time we aren't even asking for a quarter of it. I would be fine if he just helped pay for those monthly needs that come up here and there.
I think it's sad that I have to beg for it sometimes. I think it's unfair.
Of course my daughters know nothing about it and I would never play that card. He gets them on his weekends and they party for two days and come back to boring old mom again.
Which is a whole other post entirely.
So there is my story. I think Child Support is meant to be a good thing. But for me it gives me times of bitterness towards my Ex and towards the whole thing in general. Sometimes it's more of a hassle than anything.
I do think that whomever is paying the Child Support should be accountable and responsible for it. They agreed to it in court, sort of, so they should hold up to that agreement. Just because I don't hound him for it for a couple of months doesn't mean I don't want it or need it, yet that is what his brain seems to tell him.
I appreciate Shelle letting me get that out.
Shelle Edit: So guys, how do you feel about what Jen said? Do you agree with her? Why or Why not? And I'd like to thank her for writing this post. I know how much controversy this has in her life and I'm so glad she could share her personal feelings on it.
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