Thursday, October 28, 2010

I HATE the way my spouse drives...

Shelle Edit:  Nitebyrd rocks.  She is always giving me ideas and definitely sends me fun stuff like this that makes my day.  But every time she emails me, it's the quote at the end of her email that I love the the most... "I want to live my life in such a way that when my feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh! Sh*t! She's awake!"

We all crave a little excitement in our lives.  You know, just something that makes your heart pump faster, something to give you a little shiver up the spine, every once in awhile. Am I right? Yes, you know I am. But no one needs the heart stopping excitement of facing death every time they go to the mall or to grandma’s house.  This kind of thrill is detrimental to one’s health and I had it every time I got in the car with my husband driving.

Let me tell you that he hasn’t ever been (knock wood) in an accident, nor has he ever caused one (thank the Gods) but the man only knows how to drive offensively. The car becomes a heat seeking missile, locked on target the moment he turns the key.  Nothing will deter the vehicle from arriving at its appointed destination at maximum velocity.  Gotta pee? Hold it until the car needs gas (Even driving 24 hours to New York!). Car sick? Lean out the window. And DON’T puke on the car!  Sightsee? Catch a glimpse of it as we speed by at 90 mph. The man is single minded when it comes to driving.  He would have made an expert getaway driver for bank robbers.

For many, actually too many, years, I let him drive if we were going someplace.  I apparently have a masochist streak that I didn’t realize. Every time we were going to travel this song would run through my mind ~

Ground control to Major Tom, Ground control to Major Tom:
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on
Ground control to Major Tom: Commencing countdown engine's on
Check ig-nition and may God's love be with you
(Space Oddity by David Bowie)


And once we got on the road, it was this song ~

No stop signs, speed limit
Nobody's gonna slow me down
Like a wheel, gonna spin it
Nobody's gonna mess me round
Hey Satan, payin' my dues
Playing in a rocking band
Hey Momma, look at me
I'm on my way to the promised land

I'm on the highway to hell ...
(Highway To Hell by AC/DC)


No matter what was on the radio, I heard AC/DC. Every. Single. Time.

I HATE the way he drives. I’ve rubbed St. Christopher off two medals, cracked a bone in my hand from grasping the console during close calls, have a bone spur in my heel from smashing my foot to the floor braking with no brake and a pinched nerve in my leg from bracing as we sped down highways and byways over the years.  Finally, I refused to get in the car if he was driving because my panic attacks became so bad I thought I was having heart attacks.

My decision caused quite a few arguments but he realized, I wasn’t giving in and taking two cars everywhere was stupid.  He, of course, HATES the way I drive and is very vocal about it but since I don’t have Bon Scott screaming in my head anymore, I listen to the radio or whatever happens to be going on in my brain and tune his complaints right out.  This makes driving much more pleasant and less like looking into the face of firey annihilation when going to the grocery store.

Nitebyrd--(Not Always Safe For Work) She has also posted HERE, HERE, and HERE for us!

11 comments:

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

See my husband is the slow driver and I'm the one that feels like she is in a Nascar race! I want to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible.

I naturally just let my husband drive, but I almost pull all of my hair out if there is a lot of traffic... It's bad.

But I love him, driving faults and all :) we are safer if he drives... But we get there quicker if I do!

~Kenny said...

Well I am glad you have never been in any accidents.

I drive over the speed limit on occasion, but nothing crazy. One because I have a ticket on my driver license and I don't want another one. Two..because that kind of driving just drinks up the gas and gas ain't cheap.

I guess I wouldn't have a problem with your husband driving as fast as he does if weren't for one small, inconsequential fact.There are other people on the road. His speed not only endangers you it endangers others. Now he might poo poo this fact. He might have never had an accident. However, he is one mechanical failure away from hurting himself and worse yet hurting/killing/maiming someone else. When a tire fails at 90 mph it ain't pretty.

However, if his driving is so bad it is causing you medical issues. It's probably best you are behind the wheel. Seems like a fair compromise. Not to mention I bet you don't get there that much later than if he was driving.

<< This comment was made by a professional on a closed course. Do not attempt this comment at home.

DCHY said...

Oh man, you got me beat. I have this friend who cannot, CANNOT, change the method of how he uses the accelerator. He would press down, press down, let up, press down, brake, press down, let up, brake, press, press, brake, press, let up, press, etc. He cannot hold his foot steady to maintain the speed or even use the cruise control. Nope, nope, nope!

I could handle that on short trips, but 100 miles? I'm ready to stage a mutiny and commandeer his vehicle...problem is, he would suddenly start and stop his conversations. Lesser of two evils...grr.

Nolens Volens said...

Sorry I can't chime in here about my wife. Well...I can...somewhat. She just can't decide. Know what I mean? Sometimes we are going somewhere and she can't decide if she wants to go this route or that route. I've told her to pay attention to the time of the day and which day.

Example: it's a workday and it's about 7 pm. Go for the highway or the scenic route. Most of the workers have gone home. Your choice.

When I go out, I decide beforehand which route I am going to use and have a backup route if that route is clogged with accidents/construction.

Not much of a beef, really.

I do find it interesting that she prefers to let me drive and when I am driving, she is more decisive with the routes. ;)

Anonymous said...

My husband is a very good (defensive) driver, but he does tend to get irritated or upset with other drivers at times, which can be annoying. He is getting better at letting it go, because it really is such an inconsequential thing to get upset over.

I've been experiencing SOME of that fear that you describe lately, whilst riding with my teen driver. She is still trying to master the stick shift and driving in general. Good thing there is an "oh crap" handle, because I'm usually gripping it for dear life. Truth be told though, she is finally starting to get better.

~JT

wendy said...

That was pretty funny...you described it very vividly.

I kinda hate the way my new hubby drives too. He just doesn't seem to "notice" whats around, like stoe signs, lights, other vehicles!!!!
AND HE USED TO BE A FIREFIGHTER (CAPTAIN) IN A BIG CITY

He went to plenty of automobile accidents in his day. You'd think he'd be EXTRA cautious.
But I guess cause he was in a BIG truck with a siren and everyone had to get out of HIS way.....he has that same mindset.
But after some discussions about it, he has promised to pay better attention.

It does worry me.

and for ME.....my kids hate my driving. Whaaat. They always say, "mom, just let me drive ok"
bless them

Kenny said...

They call me the old man. I drive slow and steady and don't give a F (can I cuss on this blog) if I get there on time or late...who cares.

I don't speed, I stop a full 2 seconds and don't push yellow lights.

After working as an EMT I have seen far to many crushed bodies to even want to tempt fate. Arrive Alive!

My wife, on the other hand, drives like my psychotic father. GAS BREAK GAS BREAK....tailgaiting, swerve, SPEED....and (as stated above) no pee breaks. I have been able to calm her a little by refusing to be a passenger, making her stop while I call a cab and (my favorite) stopping to pee/sightsee/wander around/get a drink/etc every twenty minutes...

She does not complain much any more.

T said...

on the freeway I trust ManOfTheHouse with my life (literally) - his driving doesn't bother me at all.

off-road? it's another story... he figures we bought a 4 wheel drive for a reason and he's going to test its limits. this has ended up with me testing how nauseated I can handle being every time.

UP said...

TLW used to be a lead foot...now, she's like an old Korean lady...it's terrifying!

I'm more cautious now that I've aged some.

But back in the day when I had my 77 T-Bird with the Ford 390 V8! WOW!! We could make it from Chattanooga, TN to Dayton, OH in 6 hours!

It was rrrrrrrrrrrr-some.

UP

nitebyrd said...

Thanks everyone for your sympathy and/or comments. While he is a fast and reckless driver, one of the things I always worried/worry about is the OTHER drivers. He may be driving with a purpose and with total concentration, but many of them aren't. Since he's nearing 60, I doubt he'll ever change. I can only pray ( A LOT) and thank the Gods everyday for his and others safety.

Kenny ~ I'm lovin' your tattoo!

Papa K said...

I have shat my pants so many times when my wife drives. It's really bad. It's gotten so bad she doesn't even drive with me in the car any more. I'm always driving. Although, I had an accident the other day so perhaps she has some room to ring me up too.

WE BELONG