Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Facebook does WONDERS for the What IF game!

Okay, just because Shelle co-created this site doesn't mean she doesn't get an intro!  She doesn't know I'm adding to her post so no one tell her alright?  
Shelle is a wife to MountainSportMan and mom to two great kids.  She works, blogs and she also has this great photography biz!  She's witty, has many great stories and tells it like it is. If you'd like to learn more about Shelle please visit her at BlokThoughts

The first few years of my marriage were absolutely BLISSFUL.

I was like a fish in water.

We hardly, if ever, FOUGHT...sure we would bicker...but rarely FOUGHT.

About the 4th year of marriage...with our first child and brand new home...the stress was building and SO was our fighting.

In fact, we fought quite often...going sometimes a full day without speaking to each other.

Hold up...that's a lie.  I would continue to call MountainSport Man (my husband) and bother him at work but he would either answer and not speak, or not answer at all.  It's like dealing with a child.

You see...I would have rather SCREAMED it out and then been done with it...and he wants to retreat until the problem solves itself.  GAHHH!

It drove me BATTY.  He knew it did, which definitely gave him the upper hand.

Anyway...everytime we fought and I mean FOUGHT--(I threw a REALLY hard object at him...that MAY have landed in the proximity of his face)...yea, I wasn't proud after, but at the time, in the moment, ahhhh it felt GREAT.  Would you believe...I'm not really a violent person...but my guy brings that out in mean, he knows which buttons to push!

Just saying.

Anyway...at those times...I would play the WHAT IF game with myself.

I would think about other past relationships and remember all the fun and then I would find myself daydreaming and wondering what my life would have been like IF I had picked one of THEM...one of the other guys.

Of course, when I was mad and we were fighting...the grass was DEFINITELY greener on the other side...

And my 4th and 5th years of marriage...I played the WHAT IF game quite a bit.

Didn't help us at all...but it sure made it easier for me, to daydream in my own little world.

Of course, those OTHER guys were always successful and fit and romantic and sensitive.  Honestly, Ghandi couldn't have been a better saint.

Then FACEBOOK came along.

Thank goodness for THAT.  


I mean...since connecting with past "friends" that are of the male gender, it has completely obliterated my imagination and What if dream of the perfect PAST guy.

I hate to say that SOME, okay maybe one, I didn't even recognize him!  I recognized the name, was excited to see what was up in his life, but he's CHANGED...physically.  I still don't believe it is him...but shhhhh...don't tell him that.

Are you kidding me?  I came away FAR better.  Whew!

So my guy doesn't have a sensitive, romantic bone in his NOW-30 lbs.-less body...but I have Romantic Comedies and Romance Novels...I'm good.

So the cure to overcoming the What If game in YOUR relationship?

Connect with past boyfriends or girlfriends on Facebook.  Sure they may annoy you by poking you all the time and chatting with you as soon as you open Facebook up...but you no longer have to wonder what MIGHT have BEEN.

Luckily for MY GUY...I'm perfect in everyway...so he's never had to undergo any of that! :) That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

(I understand their is the exception...and Facebook wasn't around until just recently and I haven't been playing the What If game for that long...since I've been married 9 years...it really was only that 2 year spat where LIFE was getting at me--he IS still completely my best friend, I'm very lucky...but ya'll get my drift right?)

Okay now dish...have any of you EVER played the What If game in your relationship?  Ever?  And please tell me you have run into past "friends" in Facebook and thought "thank goodness"?  I'm not the only one?  Am I sounding snobish?  I mean I'm not doubting for ONE SECOND that they aren't thinking the same thing.


Is this thing on?




Susan said...

I just helped organize and attended my 20 year high school reunion this summer. Wow. That's all I got. You know, the grass always looks greener on the other side. But if you don't manicure it, fertilize it and edge it repeatedly, it gets out of your control. Just like any relationship!

Susan said...

PS... Shelle, you husband's a DOLL! You did make out quite well!

AW Cake! said...

Yep, definitely have wondered. And yep, definitely glad for facebook...and that's all I have to say about that.

Untypically Jia said...

I am positively certain that any man in the past that broke up with me or I broke up with, was cursed in some way, it's THAT bad.

While my husband may get on my nerves every now and then, he's not a criminal, an abandoner, a drug addict, an idiot, and he showers everday . . . . my exes? Not quite so much from the looks of them.

DH and I lived with one of my exes during our 2nd year of marriage (I left DH's best friend for him in high school LOL, and we're actually all still friends) and that was an eye opener as to what a nightmare my life could have been!

valerie said...

I once when we were first married and I was cooking and hubby was really, really annoying me, and I threw a fork at him. It hit his arm and he likes to tell the story that it actually stuck in, but it really didn't. So maybe at the begining of our marriage, for just a tiny bitty second, I played the what if game. Now I know that I came out far more the better with my hubby.

Aubrey said...

Haven't jumped into Facebook yet. I'm afraid it's more addicting than blogging. Eeek!

Of course I've played the What If game in my marriage. Even 16 years later. I mean, we've overcome SO much, have 3 beautiful kids, a lovely home, etc. BUT What If...
I think as I get older, I start thinking it more.

This Mom said...

OH I have definately played the what if game in my 17 relationship.

I don't know if Facebook helped or hurt my what if. I know my what if game guy is still terrific and a great guy. We are reconnecting and great friends not that I would EVER do ANYTHING but it makes you wonder about where you would have been if you choose differently.

dadshouse said...

Too funny. I try to stay clear of my really old (i.e. high school) friends on FB. That's just a can of worms I don't want to open. Though I did see this one girl from high school is now a hottie middle aged woman (i.e. close to my age). Hmmmm...

Anonymous said...

Hilarious Shelle. I think we've all played the what if game at one time or two (or more). I think it's kind of human nature. I've just reconnected with an old friend (female) and it's been interesting to see that she hasn't changed a bit.
Facebook frankly scares me a bit. And I find it far more difficult than blogging (maybe because I can't write lots and lots?)

Good post!

The Blonde Duck said...

My what if game is a bit darker. I never think about leaving my husband, I'm always terrified something will happen to him and I'll be left a widow.

I can't bring myself to get on facebook. I don't want to see people from my past!

MakingChanges said...

Okay, so there is one guy- the boyfriend/fiance that I was engaged to before I met hubby. He is now a successful lawyer in NM and has x amount of kids and is totally doing well financially. Long story as to how I know all of this because he isn't on facebook. Anyhow- sometimes I wonder... hmmm, okay, a lot of the time I wonder. But then I look at how wonderful my hubby is to me, how much he has to deal with (pertaining to me) and I think past guy would have totally flown the coup! He wasn't a stayer!

There are a few that I have found on facebook and I do think- Whew! That was way too close! Glad I dodged that bullet!

Thanks for sharing. Good to know I'm not the only one!

Susan said...

Valerie up above doesn't have a blog to link to but I hope she comes back! Anyone that throws utensils at her husband is considered "cool" in my book!

Anjeny said...

Love this post Shelle. I just want to say first of all that your MSM is HOT..lol. You definitely got the best deal, a very hot looking man who loves kids.

Sometimes I did play the What IF game too but when I think about the way those guys are, I always concluded that I made the right choice with the hubby I have. I don't think that any of those guys I wonder about would last even a month with me, no way would they be able to put up with my sarcasm, mood swings and most of all my rebellious nature.

See, I hate having any other adult {since I'm an adult myself} tell me what to do, they can give suggestions or recommendations but don't tell me because even if what they are telling me is the right way I would do the opposite just to spite that person.

So thanks for post this Shelle, makes me feel a whole better to know I'm not the only one who sometimes play the what if game.

Melinda said...

Oh sure thing I've played the "what if" game! And I totally agree that facebook is a great way to help with that problem! hahaha I'm just lucky I didn't have very many exes to wonder about! (although thats a little sad in itself...) :)

Angie's Spot said...

Ok, so I agree with you 90%. I've definitely run into some old flames on FB that I'm breathing a sigh of relief over. However, there's 1 guy that I still to this day have issues with and I finally had to "un-friend" him because I felt like I was stalking him. Pretty bad. I love my hubby and think I ended with the right one, but I'm not sure I'll ever be able to stop doing the "what if" with this other guy. Sigh.

wendy said...

Very painful topic for me. A past love found me on facebook (and actually I NEVER use facebook, but a friend convinced me to "set one up". He found me there. I always go my my maiden name----I HAVE REMARRIED----and said I would never change my name again. He thought I was single. Was excited.
Wanna know what --I gave my virginity to this guy ---my parents wouldn't let us get married as he wasn't LDS, it was PAINFUL!! I almost left first husband 2 years later to be with him again ---------then again another 2 years later -------then I let it go. Now he has found me again, just when I thought I had gotten through all that. I love my second husband -----I love this guy. IT IS PAINFUL.
just being honest folks, relationships can be hard. I wonder sometimes If I am normal --probably not.

TisforTonya said...

played "what if" for awhile with a few particular boys from the college days... because of course they'd be super spiritual and still uber handsome... not to mention successful...

found them on facebook - one IS super successful... and bi-sexual... the other - well, let's just say he hasn't aged so well... because if he does what I do and only posts flattering pictures... there's gotta be some seriously SCARY ones out there that went in the reject pile.

Boy do I love my man more - thank you facebook!!!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

You guys are funny...and I actually posted earlier and it looks like it didn't pick up my comment!!! AARRRGGHHH....

Completely discussed my deepest darkest secrets with ya'll and now...IT"S GONE!

Basically...its nice to know that there are people like me...that I'm not the only one that does this! For a while I felt so guilty but now I know I'm normal.

Dadhouse...just POKE her on Facebook...can't go wrong there right? LOL

Susan...I agree...flying utensils are a good trait in a lady! lol!

Wendy...I'm SO SORRY, such a tough situation! I guess facebook CAN be a two edge sword!

Love ya all!

Anonymous said...

Susan - Valerie is my sis :) Her blog is private because her kids are prominently featured and well, that's just the way she likes it. She'll have more fork stories no doubt. She'll be tackling a kitchen remodel this weekend. Be sure to come back and see what she throws at him this time!

Tiffany said...

OH yeah, played that "what if" game a million times, for a long time...
Haven't really talked to any guys from the past on Facebook, but have seen pictures, nuff said.

Brooks said...

I just recently found out via facebook that my ex in high school is not driving a tow truck (no offense to tos truck drivers) BUT boy am I glad now that he is an EX, and I left him ions ago for being childish!!!!
{when I was still a child!! oh the irony!!!!}

Brooks said...

Why doesn't blogger have spell check? I am the worst typist in the history of typing.

SO I meant to say: He is NOW driving a tow truck and (no offense to TOW truck drivers)

thanks, for letting me clear that up!

Heidi said...

I only have three exes but none are on facebook (so far!)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha Shelle Belle,

This is great because you were very candid. This is a touchy subject. Thanks for being honest. Your MSM is pretty darn hot. I bet he looks good on Facebook. And you're right about how weird it is to see old friends on Facebook. WOW! Creepy.

I once threw a hammer in my husband's general direction. Not at him. At the bed he was standing next to. He was so upset about that. I never did it again.

Love this site. I look forward to contributing.

Kritta22 said...

Getting married after only 6 weeks of dating, you play the What If game ALOT!!!!

I had a missionary I was writing. I could divorce him and still be back in my hometown before he got off.

Our first year of marriage was hard. Dealing with the military, a crazy ex girlfriend with child (his), of course, the no money, no where to live, the getting to know/wanting to kill you stage...oh the list.

Anyway over the years, I really wouldn't trade him for anybody.

But what put the lid on the What If game, was this past vacation. I went back and saw said missionary's family. He is married now and has a child. He has such a strange way of raising their babies that just blows my mind.

Anyway I hadn't thought about him in quite awhile but now I will just have to place "Edward" into my What If game instead of my RM!!

searchingwithin said...

I guess you really have to wonder how many of the hubbies are also looking up old Highschool sweethearts, and wondering...what if.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I don't doubt they do Searchingwithin...I think it's part of human nature...it's what we do with it that matters!