That is sometimes what I have felt like since blogging came into my life.
At first blogging was a day to day scrap book for my family members who didn't live near us, only I would blog maybe once a week? Then I started to blog surf (going from one link to the next on different blog pages). I began to find blogs that made me laugh or cry or just plain entertain me and so I tried my first non family post, I just wrote whatever was in my head... and it was HORRIBLE!
But that one post catapulted me into what became an obsession.
And I wish I was kidding.
I spent hours and I mean HOURS of time writing posts, reading blogs, and commenting. If you didn't comment on others posts then people wouldn't comment on yours and to get people to know about you or want to follow you, you not only had to produce good posts but you also had to make good comments! All of which takes times... and that time you are spending reading and commenting takes time away from other responsibilities. Yet I didn't notice it because, selfishly, it made me happy and I was becoming friends with some fantastic people!!!
Then I was introduced to FaceBook. I never really got into that, yet, it was another thing that took some time.
Then came twitter, oh twitter how I love thee. I could put all of my random, stupid, thoughts into 140 words and put them out there for people to read and respond on, only I didn't have to upload photos like on blogging or facebook or spend precious time creating a posts!
But it still took my time. Even after I got a phone that allowed me to be away from my computer!
My wake up call??? My husband sitting me down and telling me I was neglecting him! My husband who we both admittedly say that we have communication problems... SAT ME DOWN to talk to me, and then any time that I would go to get on the computer he would get really negative about it, plus other things had fallen to the wayside like cleaning and laundry and sadly at times my kids. Probably the one thing he said to me that hit home and helped me to back off from my obsession was "your blog friends know more about what you do then I do sometimes I find out about things that you or the kids have done by reading your blog, facebook status, or twitter then by YOU!"--oops! (That's my guy over there, ya blame me for making sure I keep him???)
I had to sit back and think about it and my time spent on this internet world that I had created for myself and realized that it had effected my life. Although it was something that made me happy I was allowing it to be a bad thing in my relationship and because my husband means and IS the most important thing to me in my life it became a problem.
I have sense backed off my blogging. I won't fully give it up because he knows that it does in fact make me happy, but I spend a LOT less time and energy on it. I spend time on the stuff that is boring but has to get done like cleaning and laundry, I spend time harassing my kids, and I spend time loving my husband.
I don't think I'm the only one that has had this problem/addiction. I think there are many of us that have or do. It's like anything, you have to do things in moderation, but sometimes when you are so wrapped up in something you can't see that it becomes a problem because you are to involved. Luckily I have a husband who loves me enough to shake me when I need it.
On the other end. Blogging has introduced me to incredible people, some of whom I have met in real life. It has also helped me realize that I'm normal, that others do silly things to "just get by" while parenting, that my husband is wrong... I AM "normal" when it comes to how often I want sex compared to how often HE wants it :), and that my kids are actually not as out of control as some others, and that they are weird!lol! My blog friends also helped me pull through a difficult death in my family with their words and gifts. And again, blogging has been theraputic and makes me happy. FaceBook has re-introduced me to old friends.
Twitter I'm still obsessed with... come on guys people are funny when they fit their thoughts into a 140 characters, baby steps people, baby steps.
Now I feel naked in front of a crowd by admitting all of that... a bit stupid.
So has blogging or social networking affected your relationship either good or bad? What are your opinions on the matter? You can answer anonymously if you would like.
Love,
20 comments:
Excellent post, Shelle. I'll be addressing this from my point of view tomorrow, but let me applaud you now for taking the time to listen to your spouse. Guys especially have a hard time opening up about this sort of thing; we tend to get all passive-aggressive about stuff and mope, or worse lash out. Keep the lines open, and you'll find the happy medium . . .
It is So true. I think it was hard for him to admit he felt neglected because if you guys knew him he would never admit that he did! Because to him and to a lot of guys that shows weakness.
I can't wait for your post tomorrow ;) your writing will put me to shame but I just don't care because you are that good!
P.S. Everyone, I know there are a couple of mistakes I have no idea how I missed them because I actually proof read this one! I don't have time today to fix it until noon my time...so please forgive me! :)
This is a complicated matter for us because I work on a computer all day so I can blog/read intermittently throughout the work day. My wife is a SAHM, and is limited to reading for a bit in the morning while the kids play and then at night after they are in bed.
Some evenings I feel cheated but at the same time I know she gets so little time online so I try to understand.
That is how it has started for me too. Fortunately/ or unfortunately, I am so slow at work, that I can do all of the Blog stuff here and focus on my kiddo at home. But God Forbid we ever get busy again at work. :)
Were you a bug on my wall a few months ago?
When we moved, the hardest thing I said about the whole thing was the lack of internet. So my hubby got me a IPhone. What do I do? Leave it on the side of the road. He said maybe I need to take a break. And PREFECT timing cuz I started barfing and didn't want to do anything! So I'm off my probation and I like you, realize that it does make me happy but it doesn't need to be my life.
How much time do you spend in each place?
Texting doesn't count...FYI! :)
Heres how I see it. Many people spend HOURS scrapbooking, golfing, watching football, etc. So why in the hell does it matter that someone is spending 2 hours on the computer? Seriously.
We have a HUGE bedrooom. It has a sitting area, office area, bedroom area. So, I can be on the computer, while Matt is watching a Nascar race, or playing on the Wii.
We are still "together" in the same room, doing what we each like.
I get that some people may be on to long, etc. But if the spouse who is dong the calling out better not be golfing for 4 hours every Saturday or glued to ALL the football games. kwim?
But if things aren't getting done that need to be, then there is a problem.
Heres what I do (still like a kid, I need rewards!) lol So two loads of laundry all done and put away... a 20 minutes on the computer. All wood floors mopped, there ya go another 20 minutes.
So I am on and off all day, and things get done.
Or I clean, etc. for 3 straight hours and then on for whatever time.
And last - I really try not to get on much at night. That is when my husband and kids need me, and I need them. Sometimes I still do, but not often.
Great post!
Great post!!
I am on the computer more at work, but at home sometimes after Ms. Priss is in bed I get online.
Normally my hubby doesn't care, but once in a while he gives me grief.
He is on more via his phone, but won't admit it. Ha!!
SciFi Dad that is really cool of you. My guy doesn't blog at all so...
Okay all you lucky people who have works who let you check the blogs once in a while! I'm envious!
Danielle I will keep my fingers crossed :)
Kritta- you are like the only person that texts me!!! I knew about you losing your iPhone and I had a moment of silence for your loss.
Missty--total valid point and great rewards technique, the only thing is when I said hours...I meant HOURS not just a couple...and on a consistent daily basis! I was addicted! I have been Semi- Sober for a good three weeks now! :)
Steph--lol @ your husband! Fair is fair!
Great post!
I can relate. The ZenHusband has had to have a one-man mini-intervention with me a time or two when I've gotten just a wee bit ... um, rabidly obsessed with blogging and social media.
I think I go in cycles ... kind of winding up and down re: how much time I spend on the internet.
Like my blog says ... I'm always looking for my balance. ;)
Oh, also: Duuuude! You're husband is HOT!. ;)
I'm going to echo everyone and say this is a great post Shelle. I know all about obsessions, girl. I tend to get obsessed like that with anything I find of interest and then things are completely neglected around here.
First few months I started blogging, I was totally obsessed with it...not so much posting but the reading of other blogs and commenting. I spent hours and hours reading blogs which is totally unbelievable.
Only my intervention didn't come from the hubby...it came from the kids, with school out during the summer, they all make sure they monopolized the computers...they take turns on the computers all day that by the time they are done with the computers, I was too tired to bother with it.
I like the comraderie that I get from blogging and I've learned so many neat things from blogging that I am glad I found blogaland but I'm not as obsessed with it as I used to. And I keep getting distracted with other interests offline so now my problems is trying to balance all the different interests and my home responsibilities.
I'm glad your hubby was able to sit you down form some kind of communication with you. And I agree, moderation is the best remedy for everything.
I used to obsess about commenting on other people's blogs too. Even when I didn't have anything clever (my comments ALWAYS have to be clever) to say, I would sit there staring at the screen until something came to me. I was or never will be a super blogger like you, but that is where I cut computer time. Now if I don't have anything to say, I don't.
I like this blog. Admittedly, I haven't been here much. I wasn't feeling like I wanted to add one more to my list to read, but if it is the only way I can hear from you... : )
Oh and p.s. good for you for managing your life. It's not easy.
I definetly think it is a good thing to put all of our lives into order and do what it is we love and don't enjoy as much. I think it is important for you to enjoy the whole blog world, I think it gives people the freedom to be who they are. But it is also amazing that you are tender enough to listen to your husband and try and balance all aspects of you life! I love ya!
Yeah blogging can become a problem. I feel if I don't spend time every day on my blog and comments to other blogs I will loose readers --------and believe me, up here in the Great White North, when winter comes and the winds blow and drifts isolate me---I will need my blogger friends.
I do hate however that it has interferred with how much I used to READ -------remember books, and reading. I used to read all the time. And I love to read.
But Shelle, you are 100% totally correct in NEVER EVER neglect that gorgeous hubby of yours. Blogs can't hug you and give you those little kisses on your neck . You know what I'm talking about.
Hey Shelle---great post! Thanks for being so honest!
I have cut back on blog reading as I don't have the time anymore---and the staying up until 3:00 in the morning was killing me...so now I try to read blogs just two times a week and then write two posts a week----it is an effort to still do it, but not feel dictated by it.
But you are right----you lose readers when you don't visit and comment on others----but then again, I comment a lot on other peoples blogs and they don't reiterate----so after about 2 months, I just drop them----not worth all my time if they aren't going to give me any blog comment love, right?
I've always spent a lot of time on the computer. Since introducing WonderWife™ to Facebook, she is on a lot too. Many nights we are just clicking away. I do think it's taken a bite out of our time together.
Blogging has taken up a lot of time. I rarely write something without revising it many times. It's time consuming. I also try to read as many blogs as I can, but have bitten off more than I can chew.
I do think it's a problem sometimes. Here I am, commenting when it's past my bedtime.
Zenmom... I think my guy also threw in mini interventions but I just didn't listen (bad habit of mine). And thanks for validating his hotness :) lol!
Anjeny... I honestly love your comments because they are always done with such thought behind them. It's nice. My kids have our old dinosaur computer that they play games on but they are not old enough to dominate it and I only have two...but that would have been good to have them interfere so that I could kick my addiction hehehehe
I too feel the comraderie with blog friends and that is what keeps drawing me back in! And I was the same as you were when you first started, its easy to become obsessed with it.
Amanda... I'm TRYING to manage my life, trying being the key word!
I am that same way about commenting, I would sit there and wait, stare until I came up with a worthy response! Your comments are KILLER though! :)
LIFECHANGES... Right, enjoy it but with moderation. But as you know my laundry is still not done! I loathe it!
Wendy... Again thanks for validating my guys gorgeous-ness :) lol! I also miss reading because blogging took over my life! But I use to be obsessed over IT too...sigh...
Shawn... See that is a good balance! I am just trying to find it! I'm starting to get better at understanding that it is worth the loss in readers, although I do just hope that they keep me in their readers, if not OH WELL (or that is what I try to tell myself :)
DGB... I would love for my guy to have his little obsession so it wouldn't be so one sided, but then again...maybe I wouldn't? Hmmmm...but like you the problem is spending that time with family then staying up to blog and comment after they go to bed and kill ourselves because we chose that over much needed sleep!
Oh Shelle, HIGH FIVE! I hear ya so loud and clear. This was a great post. I love that you are so honest. I'm so glad to know that you are not wonder woman and that your MSM has needs too.
Amen to everything you said. And YES! And DITTO! But YES, I miss my friends and I've learned so much. I honestly couldn't have handled moving if I hadn't been blogging. Sounds strange, but it's true.
LY!!!
p.s. It feels so good to check back in here!
Shelle, awesome post! I think it's so easy for many of us women to get caught up in things that take us away from our families! Blogging is one thing that doesn't take me away from my family much... my hubby probably wishes I'd update my blog more...haha! But truly, I do feel guilty when I spend too much time e-mailing or doing other stuff on the computer. It's like there's this clock ticking in my head and I know when I've been spending too much time online and if I go past it, I feel bad. We are all just doing our best! Love ya girl! Glad your kids have their harassing mom back! :)
Post a Comment