I grew up with seven brothers, six older than me and one younger and all older brothers had an addiction of some form. All six are big time drinkers and smokers. I guess you could say that was an addiction for them, they all just couldn't lay off the boost and lighting up one cigarette after another. Now my dad, he's so addicted to smoking that if it comes down to his last dollar and he had to make a decision between spending that dollar on a starving kid or feeding his addiction...that damn addiction always won. I don't even want to mention the ugly monster that came out this man when he couldn't get a drag for even one minute. And my brothers, the alcohol addiction made them practically horrible people to live with. Because of that, I definitely knew as a little girl what I do NOT want in a husband.
So fast forward to my adult and married life. I am happy to report that my hubby doesn't have any of that drinking or smoking problem..heck the man never smoked a cigarette or drink anything remotely smelling like alcohol in his life which I am incredibly grateful for. So what the heck am I babbling about? I'll tell ya..LOL.
I am afraid or even ashamed to say that I think I may be the one who have a tendency to come upon addiction myself. Oh, I don't have a those life threatening addictions or severely destructive addictions. See, I have a tendency to get passionate about things, if I find a new hobby or discovered something, I get so engrossed in them that I guess you could say I get addicted to them.
For example: When the internet was fairly new and online chatting was invented, I found out that a fellow islander, someone from my own island had created a website just for the islanders, where they can get together and socialize through the web. I was beyond excited to know that I can log on to that website and chat to any family members, relatives, old friends from high school, even make new friends. I can chat with any of those people from all over the world from the comfort of my own home and it didn't cost me a dime...imagine that. (I know this is like no big deal to some of you or maybe most of you but to me, that was extremely wonderful. To call home and talk to my family, it would cost me from 3 to 5 dollars a minute...a minute...you see why I would be excited about something so small as chatting?)
Like I said, it was a such an exciting thing to discover that I was happy to be able to keep in contact with everyone I need to get in touch with. First few months, I was pretty good, I have a set time when I logged on and timed myself. And then as I logged on more and chatted more, and started making more new friends, everyone I wanted to chat with (all living in different parts of the world with different time zones) the time I set for myself wasn't enough anymore. I started getting on every hour and as days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, I've practically lived on my computer or should I say in cyper space. I started neglecting my life...dishes stacked up, clothes piled up, my kids and hubby were pushed to the bottom of my list of importance. I would get up in the morning, very early, logged on, chatted with whoever was on..the kids woke up, got themselves ready for school and dad took them to school. Me, still sitting at the computer...when they got home from school, I was still on the computer. Hubby would come home from work, asked what was for dinner...my response, "oh no I'm not hungry, thanks".
His response back: I meant what's for dinner for the family?
Me: Your hands broken? Don't know where the kitchen and the fridge are?
Of course, hubby's getting frustrated: Looks like you've been on that thing all day, are you going to be on all night too? When are you getting off? Kids are hungry, I'm out of clean clothes to wear, I've been wearing the same shirt for a whole week and I'm not even going to mention the state my underwear is.
Me, (absolutely oblivious to the fact that I seriously have a problem) yelled back with all the gusto I can muster: I will stay on this thing all day and night if I want to and I will get off when I damn well please. Stop being a baby and use your freaking hands God gave you and fix yourself something to eat. And if you're so worried about those kids being hungry, feed them yourself and then march your ass over to the washer and dryer and do your own damn laundry. Your hands are definitely not broken, use them, you jerk!!!"
You see the problem. And that did not even involve any alcohol, caffeine, nicotine or any other drugs. I don't even want to think about the harmful damage and pain I'd have inflicted on my family if I seriously have that kind of addiction that I would seriously need some serious intervention. Looking it at now makes me laugh hysterically because it was so miniscule in the scheme of things but yet for a while there I let it became a problem with my relationship with my kids and husband. At that time it was happening, I couldn't for the life of me figure out why my hub would see it as a problem. I even came up with excuses for when my friends called for us to hang out why I couldn't go. Sometimes I'd tell them a date just to ease their mind and then thirty minutes before the set time, I'd call back and cancel. Oh my gosh, talk about a crazy person, whenever the power went out or the internet shut down for whatever reason, I literally would get beserk and rant and rave about how totally unfair it was to pay for something that never seem to work.
The realization hit me one day that what I was doing had become a problem when I overheard my kids talking about how totally different their mom had become, like she didn't care about anything real anymore(meaning them)...first thing they saw when they woke up was me on the computer chatting away, last thing they saw before they went to bed, me again on the computer chatting. To have the kids talk about me like that with worry in their voice made me rethink things and gave chatting up for good.
Yep, that was something to reflect on. Now with the new world of blogging, I am trying very hard to not let myself get totally sucked into it so bad that it would become an addiction, something I absolutely have to have.
So, what about you guys, any of you have an addiction that you can't seem to shake off? Have you had one that have caused a riff in your relationship with your spouse?
