Weighty Issues

I am a short and stout woman married to a tall and skinny man. You'd think that was no big deal... but sometimes I think it's like being a Mormon married to a Jew... it can work out, but it takes some work!

Add to that these facts:
1 - I come from a family that struggles Greatly with weight... I won't blame it entirely on genes or bad metabolism (though I like to think that is a factor) because I'll be honest - I didn't learn good eating habits from a father who thought it was okay to serve dinner by having the kids parade by the stove and spear a hot dog or three with a fork. Seriously - he called it "meat on a stick" night... when money wasn't so tight we might get a pork chop thrown in the mix. (still speared on a fork - Dad was all about saving on labor by not dirtying any plates) Mom's meals were more "complete" as far as the food groups were concerned - and I know that she tried to force us to eat our veggies... (just ask my sister who I think is STILL sitting at the table because she won't try her spinach) but the words "portion" and "control" were never uttered in the same sentence.

2 - Man Of The House comes from a family that has no weight issues. Seriously - his mom had 11 children and in the photos of her holding new baby - she's still a size 2 or 4... granted, a size 2 or 4 with glasses of varying ugliness, but tiny nonethless. His sisters have followed in her footsteps and are all tiny things... I would hate them if they weren't so darn nice. Do they eat well??? Well, they eat their veggies - but as far as whole grains and sweets go - it's amazing to me that a family that keeps M&M's in their bedrooms for quick treats can look so amazing!

A few years ago I looked at myself and decided that my own eating patterns had to stop. On July 1st of that year I started to write down everything I ate and limited calories/fat/sodium/etc... to a reasonable level. This was a MAJOR struggle for me.

I've always been "small" - I mean, I'm only 4'11" so a few extra pounds show up pretty quickly - I wasn't looking to lose a LOT of weight - I was pretty sure I was only 10-15 pounds over... (more about THAT later)

At first I didn't tell anyone - it wasn't hard for breakfast or lunch because I was pretty much on my own for those meals. Nixing between-meal snacks was a killer - and dinner... well, I spent two months being pretty creative about replacing our pasta with whole grains - cooking with ground turkey instead of ground beef - and all those little changes.

I'm not sure which change Man Of The House noticed first - my waist line or the grocery bill (hey, eating healthy ain't cheap!) but I'd like to think it was my body... and from then on I involved him in my struggle. I don't know why I didn't do it before because it got SO much easier! He certainly didn't have any weight to lose - but when we made it about eating more healthful meals he jumped on that bandwagon!

Of course... he was a little upset when he found out I'd been substituting ground turkey for beef without telling him (trust me, nobody noticed the change - I started with using both meats, then went 100% turkey - adding a little beef bouillon powder for the flavor if needed).

Working together made it a lot easier.

But wait... this isn't about successes - entirely... because what I neglected to do once I lost (way more than 10) a whopping 35 pounds is remember to keep up the portion control. So I'm starting over - and the first thing I did this time was to recruit the man... he doesn't wonder at all when I get up first from the dinner table. He doesn't complain at all when he needs to put away the leftovers (because I REALLY don't have that willpower yet). The best thing ever - he actually goes out of his way to make sure that there's a well prepared vegetable on the table and while we're making the kids eat it - I eat it too... someday I may actually grow to like it???? (My sister however will never learn to like them, so please Mom - can she finally just go to bed???)

by T - and T stands for Turkey burgers :)

pleasing the man...

Okay - so here's the deal. I have a head full of fairly thick, fairly unmanageable hair... and I'm a fairly busy person. I decided about... oh, a year ago that I needed to get a REAL hairstyle because ponytails just REALLY aren't that sexy.

Or are they?

You see, I went short - pretty DANG short. Actually a little shorter than I'd planned - but I LOVED it! It was flirty and sexy and FUN. Oh, and ManOfTheHouse (M.O.T.H.) didn't say much... I mean - I think he enjoyed it for a few days and all... but... he didn't say much which I took to mean "hey it's YOUR head, it's YOUR hair - who am I to say what it should look like?" I took it to mean that because we'd discussed hair and hair length ad infinitum and that's what his answer always was....

but now... after having the hair short for a year - attempting to grow it out once and failing miserably (but OH so cutely) it is once again at THAT length...

cut or grow? I ask myself that daily as I am getting ready for work/church/sitting in front of the computer screen...

and apparently M.O.T.H. has an opinion now because he apparently likes that it's growing out. I should be thrilled that he's giving me feedback...

except that - guess WHAT? I liked HIS hair longer too... of course, he can't much control that issue... and at least he's done me the favor of not completely shaving himself to the Mr. Clean stage... SO, I guess I can leave my hair at this awkward stage for however long it takes before I can get a ponytail out of it...



hmmm... maybe I'll dye it red again...

Practice makes Perfect...

as a teenager I listened to a speaker talk about dating (note, he was NOT talking about sex... just dating) and he advocated the "vanilla theory"...  saying that if we walked in Baskin Robbins and ordered Vanilla every time we'd never really learn what our favorite flavor is...  maybe we won't like butter brickle, chocolate fudge, or peppermint - but if we don't try... will we just survive the rest of our lives being just "okay" with vanilla when  we could have had an incredible undiscovered love for bubble gum ice cream lurking beneath the surface...  there are 31 flavors after all right?

I took this to heart - and I dated... a lot...  No, I wasn't slutty - I just liked to go out with different guys...  and sometimes I got a little hooked on the flavor of the month - and then realized that it left a bad aftertaste in my mouth.  

(okay - I'm going to beat this analogy to death eventually... be prepared!)

based on a recent comment (that was pointed out even MORE recently) I have to wonder...

Sexual Compatibility - is it automatic?  Does it take work?  I've been asked by friends how on earth I knew that Hub and I would "click" in that area before we got married... and I guess the answer is that we didn't know... but we did click - and the clicking just gets better over time.  

I have to say that as far as sex goes I've just had the one flavor and never even had sampler spoons of others (unless by sampler spoons you mean a good make-out session... in which case it's a different story).  I've got no major bedroom issues with my hub - it's all good there...  but it's certainly gotten better over the years.  There are some times that are better than others... based usually on my own health issues - but I don't read much into that.  One bad day (night... afternoon... whenever...) does not mean that we're incompatible...  anymore than one incredible night with a random hottie would mean that you're meant to be together forever.  So for the two of us - practice has made perfect... most of the time...

I mean really - you're a musician and you practice every day you're going to get GOOD...  it works for this too :)

I like my chosen flavor - (here's where we could but won't get into adding sprinkles and caramel sauce... I'm at the official edge of my "sexual discussion comfort zone" as it is) and I'll just have to be content with that because I'm not willing to go out sampling.

I had a friend (hey S!  I know she's watching for this...) give me a NEW analogy this morning - because I know we've all had enough ice cream for the week...  She was a delayed gratification girl also (and no, not lying about it...) and always was told "you wouldn't want a used pair of shoes would you?"...  now we DO test drive our cars, and we DO try on our shoes... but when I try on my shoes I check for fit (attraction), I give them a little round the aisles (kissing), and I might even jog a little to see if they have good support (making out)... but I don't need to run a marathon in them to know if they're okay.  I can choose to buy or not buy based on the try on... but after running the marathon - they won't take them back at the store... 

I'm not living under a rock - I do know that the prevailing "wisdom" of society is that sex is no big deal... I just don't happen to agree.  HOWEVER - I'm not here to judge anyone's Moral Standing - seriously.  I'm (obviously) not the expert here...  what's your take on it?  Is Sexual Attraction Automatic?  Worth the Work? Over-rated?  

Post by T - but today T is for Trying

Money Issues...

I hear all the time that money is the biggest thing that couples fight over...  and if I'm being totally honest I will admit that it's certainly come into play a time or two...

But we don't fight about the lack of money, and not because there IS no lack - it's just that that stress seems to bring us together.  When there is less - we spend less, simple as that.  I actually get downright creative when there is little $ to go around and I try new recipes - re-arrange furniture - clean like a demon...  It's good for us, little as I like to admit.

When there is more... well, let's just say that we have a few issues...

I see his parents - one is a saver, one is a frugal spender... great pair.  I see my parents - one is a non-frugal spender, one is a hoarder... they've made it work.  I see us...  one frugal spender, one non-frugal spender...  yikes!

The real problem comes when he buys something he wants...  because regardless of the price of said item - I immediately think that I then deserve something equal to it...  I of course NEVER spend equal to it (usually far less) but I do want to treat myself!  

He downloads an album off of iTunes?  I use a 50% off coupon at the scrapbook store.

He buys a new pair of pants for work?  I get a shirt I was eyeing...

He restrings his tennis rackets?  I get my hair cut.

He buys a brand new mountain bike that costs more than my first car?  I use it as the excuse for EVERY purchase in the past 12 years that I couldn't justify any other way.

Hey, I didn't say it was healthy, I'm just admitting that my brain works this way!  Don't worry, I'm working on it... I grounded myself from the scrapbook store 2 months ago... heaven (and anyone who's ever seen this) KNOWS I don't need anymore!

T at You Asked For It.

FYI - I'm out of town, so it's not that I'm ignoring your witty responses... I'm just probably computer-less for the day...  I've hooked up the man's blackberry (I have a cheapie phone) to be able to scan though... so I'll try to drop by :)

Little Signals...

With my shorter hair I prefer a morning shower - it just works better and it doesn't matter if I wake up with my hair going every which way.  Of course, I do still take a shower at night sometimes...  sometimes it's because the day was crazy and I don't want to drag that sweat and dirt into the bed with me... sometimes... well, I need to shave my legs and make myself presentable for the man.

On the times when I just need to wash away the grime... I worry that I'm sending a "signal" to the man... sometimes I don't worry so much...

 So does everyone have their signals in the bedroom?  You know what they are, and I'm sure they're not the same for every couple...     So, what signals say "night of fun" to you?  Fun smelling lotions being applied after a night shower?  Wearing of a particular nightie?  Mints on your pillow?  A trail of rose petals leading from the kitchen to the bedroom?  (and NO I haven't experienced all of these)

But, If you want the down and dirty... err... clean... if the sheets have been freshly washed - they must be put to good use...  Don't get me STARTED on the vicious cycle this creates.  Now, there are times when I just want clean sheets - so I have to be pretty obvious about the OTHER signals...

You know - the big fat octagonal red stop sign signals...  headaches, yawning, pulling out a big fat book that you just can't be distracted from...  and the all time can't be talked out of that one - complaining about cramps...

Or are you all just more blunt than me?

Post by  T