I was sitting thinking tonight, which is always dangerous, about my relationship with Hubby. After reading Crash's posting last week about going green I had to stop and take stock of my marriage. Really, it was a great post about jealousy.
Thought my few moments of deep reflection (because I don't like to delve too deep in an endless abyss of depression and memories) I realize one of the main reasons why I have a hard time with trust.
Growing up (well, really I am talking more my teen years to early 20's I dated. I was not a dating hussy, but I did date quite a few guys. Well, let me rephrase. I dated more than most of my siblings. But, I did like to get into a little more of a relationship every so often so I could really connect with someone. And by connect I mean having someone to make-out with seriously! More often than not the relationship would end by the guy finding someone else a little more interesting. Sad thing is that most of those times it was with my friends. Yup, the guy would dump me for one of MY friends that I introduced him to. Nice, eh?
In particular, there was one guy, in my early 20's- the college years. I was actually engaged to the guy for about 6 months. That is considered like 10 years at the college I attended. Anyhow, I found out, by chance, that he was dating another girl that I knew, on the sly. Yup, nice commitment-phobic SOB! I left him that night (after finding out) and considered up over. He showed up a few days later thinking he had made a bad mistake and wanting to get back together. Ummm, the smart girl in my head said RUN! The dummy that I am actually accepted this as an apology (although the words "I'm Sorry" were NEVER said). A few more months and he was off to serve a religious mission for 2 years. Then, the strangest thing happened... NOTHING. Nothing happened. No letters, packages, emails, NOTHING. When he finally returned home it was with another girlfriend- whom he had met in South America. Nice, don't you think. And, now he is married to her with at least 2 kids (that's all I know since I don't keep in touch with his family anymore).
Now here is why this relationship (and a few others) ruined me. I don't trust men. I try, or at least I think I do. But I am always afraid there is going to be some monster jumping out of the closet in the form of some drop-dead-gorgeous hussy that is going to take Hubby away from me. I know I need to trust him. He and I have talked about this. He knows, but I feel bad that he has to reassure me that he is not going anywhere.
Do you have relationships that tainted the way you feel about your current relationship? Is this most often in women or do men have this happen too? How am I going to get over this?
Julie at Youngblood4Ever