Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Generation Gap

After reading Missty's post Cougars it inspired me to write about the age difference between me and my wife and how we manage to relate to each other in spite of it.


I usually mention to people that my wife is 16 years my senior. I never know how people are going to react to that statement. Many times people do not believe it because my wife and I look about the same age.


My wife has a youthful appearance. It is difficult to determine her age based upon looks alone. Most people, including myself when I first met her think that she is younger than she is. I on the other hand tend to be looked upon as older than I am. I usually mark it up to acting more mature than people my age.


People tend to define themselves based upon their experiences. This is where generation gaps come into play. When you live determines what you experience. If you live at one time you experience one thing— while someone else who lives in a different time experiences something else. This is what defines a particular generation and why it can be difficult to relate to someone— you didn't experience the same thing and don't understand.


I think what is interesting is that my wife and I tend to overlook those differences and are able to relate to the core elements of a relationship. We don't let the fact that she may have worn this style of clothing— or I played with this type of toy become an issue. Finding that one experienced something adds flavor to how we know each other— but we do not let the fact that we did not experience it too take away from the fulfillment of knowing each other. To us it is trivial because as you grow older the gap diminishes. We both met when we were adults— I was almost 30 when I met my wife.


I consider my wife to have a youthful spirit and a mature vision on life. What I mean by that is she sees the world around her in a profoundly innocent way— yet she has experienced a lot in life. I on the other hand consider myself to have an ancient spirit and a youthful vision on life. I see the world and tend to understand it's complexities— yet I have not experienced as much as she has. These two opposites balance each other out and help my wife and I cope with whatever life tends to throw at us. Whenever my wife is stuck worrying about the little details of something, I can help her see the big picture. Whenever I get too serious about things, she reminds me of how beautiful the simple things in life are.


It is said that age is relevant. I am thankful for the relevancy that we share that does not include the differences in our ages.

17 comments:

Kimberly Zook said...

Your post truly touches upon what makes any relationship special: understanding and loving a person for who they are. I especially love the last paragraph of your post when you describe how you and your wife compliment each other in personal and spiritual growth. I think my marriage is so healthy and happy because this is the level my husband and I connect on the majority of the time. We connect on the deeper level of our souls for how we live each day together. He's only 4.5 years older than me, but enough so that we see some differences in things we experienced growing up. But the differences only make us chuckle and have fun exploring something the other didn't, whereas the majority of our time together is spent living in the present with an understanding and appreciation of who we are.

Great post Cajoh! Thank you for reminding us all about what is relevant.

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

It sounds like you two compliment each other perfectly. I believe that age doesnt really matter once your an adult. Personalities and common interests are WAY more important.

T said...

age ceases to be important past a certain maturity level... good for you achieving that maturity level early enough to find happiness!

The Blonde Duck said...

Age is just a number!

lagirl said...

Very well written.
I think each couple has to decide what works for them, as what works for one doesn't ALWAYS work for another...My Dad was 9 years older than my Mom and tho they stayed married my Mom was unhappy because my Dad "never wanted to go or do anything", which she blamed upon the age difference. I'm not so sure that age was the issue, but rather personalities...What is the age difference between Celine Dion and her husband, Renee? It's a lot and they seem very happy.

Susan said...

Hey, it's all about chemistry. Period. And I think age difference is really a non issue when both parties are more adult aged - 30's, 40's...

But 18 year olds... early 20's.... yikes... I think that's a harder case. Yet, who the heck am I to speak! As long as there is respect and happiness.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I think if you have a big age difference it doesn't have to determine if you can make each other happy or not. It all comes from where you are in life and where the other person is too. I dated someone 7 years older once and it may not have worked out but we were both in the same places in our lives working and looking to move into a committed relationship. When you're on the same page a number is just a number.

wendy said...

For a moment I was thinking --did MY husband post this (but I know better) I am 15 years his senior and I can pretty much say DITTO to everything you just posted. (however new problems have arisen the have NOTHING to do with the age gap) I may write about that.

Missty said...

Great post. I was hoping you would write about the two of you.

I really do think a relationship, with mature people that are looking for the same thing would work, regardless of a big age difference. A HUGE difference, than what I wrote about.

Melinda said...

I think age only matters if the people focus on it. I'm not someone who cares about that number (I often forget how old *I* am!), but some people can't see past that sort of thing. Just like another relationship might struggle with a different issue, its all about people's personalities and what they can handle and what they can't. :) I think you and your wife sound so compatible!

Youngblood4ever said...

I am totally going with T and just everyone else... really, the older we get and hit a maturity level then age really just gives us a date to celebrate with yummy cake. It doesn't define who we are. Glad you are your wife found each other when it was right for both of you.

I've dated older and younger men. In both instances I was more mature than they and it didn't work out. Can we take a test to see what "maturity age" we are and then get out there.

It also helps when you find someone with similar interests. Who cares that there is 16 years between you two. If you don't care and you love each other and your marriage works no one can judge, right?

Ms. Salti said...

That was really beautifully said. I'm happy that you two relate to each other and complement each other so well!

Melanie J said...

That was really cool, how you explained that.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Definitely Age doesn't have a lot to do with it. It's definitely Maturity!!! I mean I have a SIL that is 10 years younger than my brother... and she acts older than me... she is a Young Girl with an Old Soul.

Captain Dumbass said...

Great post, Cajoh. My wife and I are only 5 days apart in age, but we come from totally different upbringings, lifestyles and ethnic backgrounds. Like you said, its the opposites that balance it all out.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

That is so awesome, CaJoh! I want to see your wedding pics!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

You guys ROCK, btw.

WE BELONG