Today we have another great Male Blogger! They are just coming out of the wordwork aren't they? He goes by Daddy Geek Boy with a blog of the same name. A husband, dad to the Bean and Sprout, he's a hard working self professed geek. Over at Daddy Geek Boy the topics are dished up with a daily dose of humor and reality. Please leave him some comment love on his topic below and be sure to visit his own page for more insight.
When first dating the woman who would eventually become my wife, I noticed a strange pattern when it came to her male friends. Every guy that was in her life, she had once dated. (In order to avoid painting her as a harlot or something, it must be said that there were not a large number of guy friends in her life.) This never bothered me. In fact, there was something oddly amusing about it.
We invited one of these guy friends to our wedding, but he didn’t come. In fact, my wife hasn’t heard from him since the invitation was mailed. A little while before, the guy had met a girl, who apparently did not like the fact that her boyfriend was still friendly with a woman he used to date. Despite the guy’s denial about this situation, contact between he and my wife dried up. We never even got an RSVP to our wedding.
In a similar instance, I once found myself curiously absent from the invite list of a couple with whom I was friends. I have no concrete reason why, but the common theory among our circle of friends is that I was shunned because of a brief fling I had with the wife years ago. It took place long before they even met. In fact, calling it a “brief fling” gives it more significance than it had for either of us. Even though I have been happily married to WonderWife™ for the entire time this guy has known me, for some reason he found my very existence, and the knowledge of my past with his wife, to be threatening.
I find this behavior very hard to understand.
I am totally secure in my relationship. There is deep trust between my wife and me. I couldn’t imagine being in any kind of long-term relationship without it. So who cares that she used to have a relationship with her best guy friend? That was in the past. In the present, she picked me. She married me. (In fact, that dude is a really great guy and has become my friend also. WW™ and I happily danced at his wedding.)
If you’re comfortable that you’re with the person you’re supposed to be with, their past shouldn’t matter. Now I’m not talking about unrequited love, which does exist. But unless spending the evenings wistfully staring out the window at a moonlit night while clutching the ex’s picture, chances are they’ve moved on. Despite this, I know men and women who just can’t get past the fact knowing somebody that their partner has been with.
If you’re currently happy, then the past should be celebrated. It’s what got you to where you are now. Really, how much energy should be spent being jealous about exes? Do they really think there’s a danger in rekindling whatever brought them together in the first place? These are relationships that didn’t work out. They’re probably the safest people for your partner to be around. If I’m going to try to avoid being hit by lightening, I’m going to be close to the guy who’s already been struck, cause chances are it’s not going to happen to him twice.
So what do you think? Are you the jealous type? If so, why?
Daddy Geek Boy