Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Isn't he cute? Or is he just irritating?

Recently I read someone say in one of their blog posts that what they once thought was endearing in their husband, quickly became annoying after the first year. I see that with Duke for sure!

I remember he used to cross his eyes when he came in for a kiss. I would giggle and he begged me to tell him why I was laughing at him. I told him I couldn't tell him because then he might stop doing it. Now, I tell him to stop because he looks stupid and he just laughs and crosses them so hard his irises disappear...sigh.

He likes to play with my hair. ALL.THE.TIME! I used to think this was sweet, he would twirl my hair until we fell asleep... but as the years have passed, he has become more aggressive, twisting and flipping and then pulling the knots out. He has been the recipient of more than a few groin punches when he loses control of the twirling. His mom says he did this as a child to his own hair and she would find knots of hair all over his pillow in the morning. WTH? Neurosis!

As I sit here trying to think of some things that are sweet and endearing about him now that we have been married over 16 years, I have to pause and really ponder it. Is there anything? Do I pay enough attention to that that stuff anymore? Or does everything get lost in the shuffle of our busy day to day lives? It took me a while to realize that here are things that are unique about him that make me love him more.

I love the way he is extremely affectionate, although because I am the polar opposite, I admit there are times I brush him off. He loves to drown the boys in hugs and kisses and refuses to let them brush him off. The 13 year old even knows it is best to just succumb to his bear hugs and cheek pinches.

I love how he pulls faces for every picture. It makes for great blogging photos!

I love his nicknames for everything and everyone. "Chief" started within the first year of our marriage and both of the boys had their nicknames with 24 hours of their birth. I would like to think this is endearing and not just because he is too out of it to remember peoples names. We have a neighbor that mopes around like he has lost his best friend all the time...Duke calls him "Knuckle Dragger".

I am grateful that Shelle gave me the chance to think about this. It would be a shame if I just continued on with the craziness and forgot to remember the things that attracted me to him in the first place. Otherwise, I would just continue to complain that his eyebrow hairs are too long, farts as soon as he gets in bed instead of in the bathroom when he was just in there, or how he "snorts" way too loud when he has a head cold and refuses to blow the crap out rather than stuffing it back inside his head.

What is endearing about your spouse and is it the same things that originally attracted you to him/her?

Hop over and see our other "endearing" qualities over at my bloghouse!


Just Jules said...

I too REALLY had to think about this yesterday when I commented on NV's post. However, amazingly, we have been together for almost the same amount of time as you....go figure

However, I believe that a spouse, boy/girlfriend, roommate, parent, crazy homeless person that won't leave your house, children...anyone that you live with for an extended amount of time starts to grind on you in certain ways.

Is that their fault or ours though?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Great post as always Chief! I'm sorry about your posts being so close together...I have done that to a couple of people now and need to watch the spacing of that. Please forgive me cause I know you have been sick.

No the things I love about him now were definitely not the things I loved about him then.

I use to love how he was always conscious to never break the law while he was driving or parking, like always always drives the speed limit, won't park in the expectant mother parking so I can run in really quick to just drop a movie off, hugs the right lane of traffic while people going 5 over zoom by us...thought it was cute and adorable, now its annoying. :) lol...okay okay and I use to think it was cute that he wanted to kiss me in the morning, morning breath and all, yea...not so cute any longer.

But you know, it was harder for me to think of those things then it is for me to think of the things I DO love about him. Sounds cheesy, but I TRY pretty much everday to think of something, had a class in college once where we talked about doing that and how you will beat the odds of divorce if you never do anything else for your marriage!

Of course you also have to marry a pretty good guy in the first place.

These two posts on this have been so fun...thanks guys!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

the shine has worn off that halo a long time ago!

Anonymous said...

My wife and I, nicknamed Booples since Day One, celebrated 18 years this past June. And, despite our busy, busy life, I enjoy taking the time to find things about her that still turn my crank. Her insatiable love of all-things-Chocolate. The way she can't fall to sleep unless she spends a few minutes playing some hand-held game like Tetris or my daughter's DS. The way she spits out her toothpaste like a man, all sloppy and loud.

Great post . . .

ShellSpann said...

My relationship is still fairly new (18 months) and we are still in that stage where everything is sunshine and rainbows. But I'm glad I read this so that I can be reminded to keep remembering the things that attracted me to him in the beginning :)

CaJoh said...

I am always finding things endearing about my wife and she always wonders why I do. She keeps thinking that she's being silly or stupid and why on earth would I find it so endearing.

I tend to look beyond the physical in people and knowing that someone is being honest and truthful is quite revealing and beautiful in my eyes. It is during those moments that I remember why I love my wife and smile incessantly.

So often we try to find fault in our partner. It is easy to get disappointed in someone especially if they repeatedly do something we do not like them to do. It is difficult to try and see beyond the disappointments and look deeper into the person you are sharing your life with— but once you do it is well worth it.

Daffy said...

Great post! I usually try to think of at least 3 things I love or appreciate about hubs anytime I'm feeling negative/cranky/naggy or bitching in relation to him. It really helps get past the moment of being angry/irritated with him and refocuses me on the positives. I make a conscious effort to not forget all the great things about him - probably because I feel he's done that with me (cause I am a WHOLE LOTTA AWESOME LOL).

Hubs does nicknames too... I'm THE GREAT AND MIGHTY OZ.

SupahMommy said...

I love it .

You are so fun to read.


Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

SUPAH- I think u get top commenter of the month.

Just sayin :)

Melissa said...

Haha! What is it with guys unable to blow their nose? My Duke does that too and I want to gag. I'm like u realize ur snorting those down your throat and into your stomach right? They don't just float off into booger land.

Great post Chief!

kys said...

I've got nothing - sorry!

I enjoyed your tale of love though.

ZenMom said...

Great post, Chief! I always love your POV on thongs. :)

I think it's easy to love the cute and quirky bits of our partners when the first blush is still on the rose - but if you are still making it all work and loving and appreciating each other 15+ years later? Well, that's a more impressive feat, in my book.

The ZenHusband and I were just talking the other day about how nice it is to be at a place in our relationship where we know each other so well and are so completely comfortable with each other.

Yes, sometimes we annoy each other with the little quirks we used to think were cute. But, mostly, they still arouse those warm-fuzzy feelings. And we haven't killed each other yet. So, I guess we, like you and Duke, must be doing something right. ;)

Nolens Volens said...

The only thing that annoys me about my wife is her "self-centerism" emerging without thinking about it. We have been together 11 years.

ZenMom said...

Umm, that's supposed to say that I appreciate your perspective on THINGS ... not thongs.

That's what I get for commenting from my iphone - funny typos.

Though, for the record, if you want to share your ideas about thongs, I certainly wouldn't stop you. ;)

Missty said...

We have been together 26 yrs. and I think all the cute things he did then are just as cute now. I love the little fun names he calls me, I love seeing his face - morning breath and all. I think over time they have become more endearing, more special, and us more closer.

I was really trying to think what annoys me now, that I thought was cute way back when. And I really can't. I am going to keep thinking and checking back. lol

And I was thinking its really kinda not fair, when you tell a guy you just love _____ about him. And now you decide its annoying. Its who he is, its one of those little things that attracted you to him in the first place. kwim?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Ha ZenMom I was just going to comment on that before your comment came through.

But chief if you feel the need to expound on thongs I can give you blog space for that! Lol!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Missty--I understand what u mean. Only I think its fair. We change over time. When u first date someone and really like them u find that stuff cute because you are disillusioned by lust and the newness of it.

Its normal for, most of us, for "that" to wear off, its not a bad thing. A lot of relationships is about working through and finding new and better things to adore about your partner to watch them grow and change through experiences and love the new qualities that either come out in them or they obtain by living life.

Its not unfair...its part of life and relationships. There are exceptions and lucky them...but I would say on average more people understand and feel the same way Chief does. You and your man are just all sorts of awesome cause you live the exception everyday...that's cool.

clan of the cave hair said...

I have to say, I cannot think of one single thing that I used to think was cute that I can't stand now. Maybe its because my guy is not an overly quirky guy, nor is he an overly "cute" guy. He is who he is and while of course I could find things that annoy me, I never thought any of them were cute! lol The stuff he does that I do think is "cute", I still love. He does this one thing that I think is hilariously confusing, where when something really obnoxious is playing on the radio, he'll ask why I like it so much. It used to get me every time and I'd sit confused as to why he thought I liked it. Now I know he's teasing, but I still think its funny. Actually, I think its funnier now than I did then.

Anjeny said...

Love the post chief...and can I say that I like your nickname your hubby made for you?

I've been trying to come up with some things that I used to like about my hub back then but don't like anymore but for the life of me I can't seem to come up with anything.

It's kind of neat (in the annoying sort of way) that your hubby would fart as soon as he gets in bed instead of the bathroom he just came out of because that is exactly what my hubby does...I think he does that just to rile me up..LOL.

Ju said...

What a surprise to see you here Chief; you have made it . You are famous. So sweet that you and and Duke are still like two teenagers in love (or I am totally wrong?). Loving this blog too.


Chief said...

Sorry guys! I so want to banter back and forth in comments all day! I have no computer (as some of you may have read) and I have to wait for the hubs to get home to use his!

Thanks for all of the great comments! I am sureI will be back sometime soon (right Shelle?)

Hit 40 said...

I still love ....

how much he loves me!! The poor man absolutely adores me. He really does.

I crack up at his bike outfit. He wears the tight spandex bike shorts clothes. Very funny!! He is not a tiny little bicyclist. So.... I guess this is cute?

Susan Berlien (warmchocmilk) said...

Great job Chief...thatnks for being real. That's waht I love about ya!! :)

CountessLaurie said...

I haven't commented yet because I am still trying to remember what was endearing about him then... it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were suppose to be together... and I knew it. It was like magic... no wait, that is Sleepless in Seattle...

He still brushes my hair when I ask and that makes me happy...

I can't handle this pressure. Can we do a post on annoying traits? Gaaahhhhh!!!!

Daddy Geek Boy said...

I think my wife will tell you that I'm both cute and irritating. Sometimes at the same time.

M-Cat said...

Chief, you are hysterical!
I am going to have to think on this a little. I love Splenda so much and every day I see what a good man he is, that I need to look at some specific little things........ possibly a post