I have decided to throw my hat into the ring and tackle the topic posed bye Shelle:
What do you do when your significant other is socially inept? Does that affect what you do as a couple together? Is it a problem or not?
So often when we attend a wedding we are asked which side of the aisle to sit on. This may be easy if you only know either the bride or the groom, but if you know each equally as well you're not sure where to sit so that you do not offend the other. How often do we list couples in a certain order. "Oh, Dick and Jane are coming to dinner". In what order to you tend to view couples you know? Is it in the order in which you met, or is it by who is the more predominant of the two? I tend to think that when it comes to meeting a couple for the first time it is the second that holds true.
I have the fortunate/unfortunate ability to be able to speak to anybody. My wife tends to be shy when speaking to strangers. I do try to encourage my wife to speak to others so that she does not feel left out of the conversation— but this may not be the root of the problem. I believe that we both have different approaches when it comes to meeting people. I tend to want to join in, where she would much rather sit back and wait for people to ask us to join them. This may be good in itself, but you need to have a very approachable charisma that lends itself to having people want to spend time with you. If either or both of you have low self esteem, this can effect how you are viewed charismatically as a couple. Also, you need to be viewed as the kind of couple who likes to go out in order for people to either accept your invitation, or invite you to join them.
I must admit that sometimes I enjoy being a homebody— but there are times that I wish that we could socialize as a couple. I cannot say that we do not go out… we do, but we only seem to go out together and not with other people. Whenever my wife says: "We have no friends" I have to hold my tongue because we do have friends, but probably not couple friends. We tend to hesitate always asking our single friends out with us because we do not want them to feel like a fifth wheel. We somehow need to meet new couples out there and have a fresh slate in doing so.
We love to eat out, so I have decided to join a food related group that has activities that we can participate together with. I have met with some resistance because I was the one who thought this was a good idea. You have to realize my wife likes being the social director and planning things— so taking this privilege away makes her feel less empowered. I am hoping that my efforts to meet new couples through this group helps build our confidence as a couple so that people can refer to us as that couple that everybody wants to go out with.
Looking back on the question, I do not believe that either of us are socially inept, but we do struggle with being social. But that is what being in a relationship is all about: "relating"— be it relating with each other, or relating with other people as a couple.
Are you the social one or is your significant other??? How do you guys handle it?
To hear what I'm thinking… read my blog: