I find it more than a little ironic that men hit their sexual peak beginning in their late teens and women hit their peak anytime in their 30's and/or 40's. Who thought this was a good idea?
Maybe it is helpful to keep our peaks at different times to keep us from being cooped up in bed for 10 years or so.
Okay- so here is the topic- what do you do if your spouse is not as interested in sex as you are? I had a very interesting discussion with FiM about this as I was pondering what exactly to write. The topic, which usually ends up making me giggle as we open up to each other, brought on a serious discussion. So I am gonna tell y'all how it was for us. Hope you won't mind the personal touch to this post.
When we were first married FiM was a horny devil. Who wouldn't be, he was a virgin and was SO ready to get rid of that title. Plus, he is a man. Of course he was constantly horny. I, on the other hand, had some baggage that I brought into the marriage (but still a virgin) and was very scared of the prospect. So, here we are, on different spheres, trying to make the intimacy thing work for us.
I majored in Human Development, minored in Social Work. Had to take a lot of classes on the human body and on relationships, emotional as well as physical. I know about the needs of men and women. But it is totally different understanding the different needs.
There were MANY times I was so proud of myself. I would take one for the Gipper... "giving in" to his needs. I thought I was a fabulous wife, helping him fulfill his needs, not realizing the many times he let one go for the Gipper, knowing that I was not up for sex.
Now, here we are... 10 years into a great marriage, 4 kids later, and I have hit my peak. WOW! I think I am finally beginning to understand the need FiM felt. And, with that understanding I feel HORRIBLE! The physical need that I am constantly feeling is overwhelming. If he felt like this, I have to say, he is the best man to ever live. He set aside his needs when he knew I wasn't up for it. Never demanding...even when I would offer to "just lay there". We are finally on somewhat level playing field and I am grateful I understand him better. I know that he understands me and my needs.
K- so now that you know WAY too much about me... I want to put it out there... does this sound familiar? Was there ever a point of realization when you or your spouse really understood the needs of the other? How did you and your spouse deal with the differences in desire and drive??? Let's discuss...
1 year ago