There is more to me than just being a Mom of two kids.

Shelle Edit: Andrea isn't really new to the blog.  In fact, if it wasn't for Andrea kicking me in the butt to start this blog, I never would have done it.  It would have stayed on the floor of my great-ideas-but-to-lazy-to-bring-it-about pile that I leave haphazardly around my bedroom floor. Andrea got busy almost a year after we started the blog.  I've missed her terribly and am so glad that she wrote to me and told me she wanted to write this piece.  Go visit her personal blog after you read here how she re-invented herself! :)

When I saw the topic about reinventing yourself was up for grabs at Real World, I knew I wanted to write about it. For the past eight years I’ve been a stay at home mom. For the most part I’ve enjoyed that role. But as my kids, 4 and 8 years old, have gone off to school, I find myself wondering what to do with my days. I have been writing for the past couple of years (fiction and pieces for magazines) but I don’t really have a ‘career’.

About a month ago, after nearly a year of debate, I applied to Northern Kentucky University.

Yes, I’m going back to college. It both terrifies me and thrills me. When everything is finished and done, I’ll have a shiny new degree. Then I’ll get to put on heels and skirts and go to work every day (with any luck!)

I wanted this not only for myself, but to show my kids how important it is to have goals. Just because eight years ago I turned off my career and went to work as a mom, it doesn’t mean that’s all I am. I hate being called ‘just a mom’. I would venture to guess plenty of other moms (and at home dads) do as well.

There is a lot more to me than just being a mom of two kids. Making this decision, to in essence reinvent myself, took a lot of courage. It’s easy to get used to being in the same role day after day. But for me I started to feel like the proverbial (and literal) walls were caving in on me. I wanted to have something most people do; the gratification of a meaningful career.

The impact on my family was only one of the things I had to think about before I applied to school. Thankfully, the classes will be via online delivery, making it at least a bit easier. I won’t have to shuffle babysitters and kids around. It will take a lot of dedication on my part to make sure I sit down every day and do the work. Every. Day.

In the end the result will be a happier Mom and a Working Mom. And everyone benefits when mom is happy.

What goals do you have for yourself that haven’t been realized? Isn’t it time to find out how to make them happen?

Blogging Mama-Andrea

My Mom Once Told Me...

There are a lot of us I'm sure who can say that our parents have told us things, things often called advice, in regards to our lives. Don't run with scissors! Take your vitamins! Wear fresh underwear everyday! Those three examples are ones I try to follow. Well two out of three isn't bad since I'm not really into vitamins.

But the advice I get from my mom these days is about my marriage. Mostly I nod politely and file it into the Ain't Gonna Happen category like most of us do. There is one piece of advice I'd like to hear your opinions on though.

My mom once told me to great my husband at the door in nice clothes (dress or skirt), with make-up on, hair brushed, kids clean and orderly and to have dinner ready.

I usually make maybe one or two of those by 6 o'clock. And it's usually not the dress or orderly kids either. I settle for having brushed my hair at some point during the day and showering instead.

What I want to know is how many of you have heard and followed advice like the one my mom gave me? Do you greet your spouse at the door like Mrs/Mr June Cleaver? What stock do you put in your parents relationship advice?

Intimacy with Children

Usually Intimacy and Children don't mix. Children have a sixth sense for when mom and dad would like some private time. At least my kids do. Inevitably as soon as the light goes out and my husband starts kissing my neck (or arm or ear or lips) the little one cries. Or the big kid gets a bloody nose in his sleep.

Or vomits.

Nothing kills romance like vomit.

We've pretty much figured out that we should never plan out anything (as in at three o'clock sending a "How about a grown up dinner and dessert night?" email. Because when it gets sent through the universe the radars on my kids go off somehow.

By the end of the night that should have been a Grown Up Night I'm beat down by cranky kids, whiny kids, dishes, milk spills, screaming and simple exhaustion. And the last thing on earth I want is the planned out Grown Up Night. I just want to sleep.

Which turns out to be a good thing because my kids will wake up at the worst time anyway. I surely can't be the only parent who feels like Intimacy is a foriegn word in their house.

How about you? Do your kids have the sixth sense? And does it ever get easier to have private time when they get older? I'd love to know.




http://bloggingmama-andrea.blogspot.com

Money: Is it a taboo subject in your house?

This week is all about Finances here in The Real World. Men, women and money; it can be a tricky subject to negotiate. The leading causes of disagreements in marriage are money and sex (sex will be next weeks topic). So there's a good chance money has at one time or another been an issue in your relationship.

For my marriage once my son was six months old I left my job in accounting to stay home and turned all the finances over to my husband. I figured since he's the one making the money he would be the best person to know what needs to be saved and what needs to be spent. I didn't mind not being in charge of money for a change.

But like in any situation when you turn over total control of something you tend to not see what's going on day to day. For us this led to some tougher times when we miscalculated how much we were really spending. There were some pasta dinners that repeated several times a week for awhile because it was filling and cheap. Our biggest fights have been about money and not having enough in the bank. The way we were raised means I was always a saver and he was always a spender. We had to find a way to mesh our two ways in order to make our marriage a better one.

I'm more easy going about spending and he's more careful about saving.

We are in a good financial position now but I still plan to be careful with money. I'm taking charge of our finances here in the US until my husband moves from Germany sometime in the next six months. I haven't done this in a long time - balancing a checkbook, writing checks and being in charge of making sure I don't spend more than I should. I'll be bargain hunting and checking ads to make sure I do everything I can to save my family money.

Do you have any financial stress in your relationship? Who pays the bills in your house? What sort of tools do you use to make sure you meet your financial obligations? Do you fight about money?



BloggingMama-Andrea.blogspot.com

Shacking Up

Communication is key in a marriage. I think anyone married or not would agree. My marriage is no different. We have to communicate about the menu for the week, the bills, the kids but what my husband and I most recently communicated about was something else altogether.

When my hubby suggested that I take our two kids back to the US while he finished out his work contract a few months ago I think my first thought was pretty euphoric. The thought of moving home was pretty much all I was thinking about. It took me awhile to realize that if three of us left (and all the furniture with us) where would my husband sleep? And whose house would he be sleeping in?

Enter Piano Girl She has a three bedroom apartment in the city and offered to let hubby live there. With her. They also work together. They recently had to start sharing an office due to downsizing and are both in the same job just with different clients.

You should hear how their boss views this new twist to their relationship. He's befuddled by it.

Of course my hubby is a smarty pants and plays up the whole thing. He makes jokes about sharing a bottle of wine in the evening after a hard day at work. My husbands boss thankfully has come to if not love but at least understand his warped sense of humor. But it still puzzles him. I imagine rumors are flying now that I'm gone and my husband is living with another woman.

And the strangest part?

It doesn't bother me a bit. In fact I think it's kind of funny. I can just see them in the evenings - hubby will cook (she's admitted to not being domestically inclined. She told him to leave his ironing and the maid will do it for him. I'm three shades of jealous of that perk he gets to enjoy.) And they will chat about something like movies or books over the dinner table. Or work since they spend their days together as well.

I 100% trust hubby and Piano Girl. After all she and I went to Bremen together for a blog weekend and over a glass or three of wine we bonded.

If my husband and I didn't have the ability to communicate about everything and on every level there would be no way this could work out. We talked out every possibility and thought about it from every angle. In the end my husband shacking up with Piano Girl becomes a win-win for all of us. She gets to split her rent and have someone cook for her, he gets a place to live and I get to enjoy the benefits of being home six months earlier than planned.

So do I mind my hubby shacking up with Piano Girl? Not a bit.

I am looking forward to the stories that will come from it.

Would you be so casual if it was your spouse in the same situation? Can you trust your spouse implicitly? Tell me what you really think.

Bloggingmama-andrea.blogspot.com

Taking a Test Drive

This week we have a theme – compatibility. I’ve always wondered if such a service as described below existed. Would you sign up?

Did you ever wonder if you picked the right model when you picked your significant other? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could Test Drive them first? I have this theory that when we pick that person we want to be with we should get to have a trial run. Just like picking out a new car we could set parameters to finding our ideal match. I'm talking about going beyond dating service type of matching.

I’m going to use the male pronoun for simplicity’s sake. And because I’m a woman. Guys can feel free to insert ‘she’ for ‘he’.

When you want to go buy a car you could request "I’d like the mid-priced model with the 2.5 engine and four doors." So why not have the same option with a mate? I think it would be fair to request the average height, moderately successful single man who thinks 2 kids and a dog would be ideal.

The next step would be narrow the candidates who fit those requirements down to a select few, say three, and then be given a two week live-in trial run.

This way you would know the answers to questions like:

Does he leave the cap off the toothpaste? {no}

Does he rinse his cup and put it in the dishwasher? {no}

Does he know to separate colors and whites if he does the laundry? {usually}

Does he want to cuddle after sex? {define cuddle}

These are the kinds of questions that I would have liked the answer to before marriage. The best part would be the money back guarantee if the person you ‘tried on’ didn’t fit. I think three trial runs for one nominal fee of $299.99 would work.

Question for today is: If you could test drive your model beforehand and find out your compatibility what would be the most important question you would ask? What does your significant other do that you wish you’d know about beforehand?

Friday Night Date

I had a flash of inspiration when I was cleaning out the dresser in the playroom the other day. Or rather I happened upon a book that is full of great inspirations.  It's a book called The Little Black Book of Dating Ideas.  I've had it forever and a day but I started flipping through it (anything to avoid the chore I was doing) and I thought I might share some of the ideas from the book and some of my own Great Date Night ideas.

The nice part is that anyone married or single can use them to turn a boring night of What do you want to do?  No, What do you want to do? into a night of Let's do this! instead.

The book is organized into seven categories of dates.  For example Simple and Easy; Different and Free and Off the Wall to name a few.

Some of my favorites are:

• Spend an afternoon at a cafe people watching
• Stay out all night seaching for the best cup of coffee
• Visit a car dealership and test drive cars (or window shop on a day when the lots are closed)
• Play spy!  Pick someone to follow and see how close you can get without being noticed.  When they notice you eat at the closest restaurant.
• Write down names of surrounding towns on slips of paper and pick one from a bowl.  Spend the day exploring
• Dance on the beach and then go for a midnight swim

There are lots of other tips in this book with everything from romantic to group dates to a category labeled Money to Burn (wouldn't that be a fun one if it were true?)  The point is that just about anything can be a fun date and there are lots of great ideas.  

I'd would love to cram the comment box with your suggestions for great dates. Things you've done, things you wish you could do.  It can be from any time period of your life it doesn't have to be since you met your spouse.

What's the best date you've been on?  Where would you want your date to take you?

Pictures of the Past

As I prepare to move in a few weeks I’ve been going through drawers and boxes and things trying to consolidate what’s going where.  Junk pile or keep for the most part.  While doing this I came across some old pictures from about ten years ago…from a different life. 

Pictures of a previous relationship.

I’ve simply forgotten that they’ve been buried amongst other things and I haven’t ever taken the proper time to go through everything to find them.  Now that I have found them I don’t know what to do with them.

Should I keep them?

Should I throw them away?

It seems wrong I suppose to just toss them out.  After all if I hadn’t had that previous life I wouldn’t be in the one I have now.  I don’t keep the pictures to hold onto the past I don’t want to know what this other persons life is like now.  I simply never bothered to get rid of them.

Do you keep pictures or mementos from your past relationships?  How does your current partner feel about that?  Should I throw them out or keep them?  Which memories are worth saving?

The Passing Eye

I often wonder what etiquette there is, if any, when you pass someone on the street.  Specifically when passing someone of the opposite gender.  Do you make eye contact or not? Smile? Say hello? 

For reasons I don’t know I find myself averting the eyes of men I pass on the street.  I even find myself looking down and completely avoiding even looking at them.  I am not sure why I do this.  The house I was raised in wasn't one where the male is supreme and my marriage is not like that.  Ask my hubby if I defer to him. 

Pardon me while I laugh.  We are equals (as I feel it should be).

So why do I avert my eyes?  I know I don't want to have anyone ask me a question I might not be able to understand or to answer. I do find this is far more common when I'm alone or just with my kids and my husband isn't with us. I never used to have quite such a problem with this.

I don’t understand what it is that compels me to look down or away.  People don’t intimidate me, at least I don’t think so.  It is more likely for me to do this when passing a man than a woman though. 

It doesn't seem to matter if they are taller than me or not. If it's more than one person or not. I even usually wait for a man to address me first (even the dad at school whom I've spoken to numerous times). I can't figure out why I do that.

If it isn’t something I recognize from my upbringing is it because of the media (tv, magazines, books etc)? Do you find yourself avoiding eye contact with someone of the opposite gender on the street?  Do you greet someone of the opposite gender first or wait?   

I’d love to hear from both men and women!