ID: Intimacy Dysfunction

Many of us have heard of Erectile Dysfunction, or ED for short— but what about the lack of intimacy otherwise known as intimacy dysfunction.

How often do we find that we can't keep our hands off of each other when you first meet someone— only to find that the longer you know them the less you touch one another. Is this expected, or is it something that can be corrected.

I heard someone say that they do not like to be touched when they sleep. It makes me wonder if there is any intimacy in the bedroom for them. What about those people who move around a lot when they sleep. Does this effect how you cuddle with someone at night? Are you afraid to spoon with someone because you don't want an elbow in the eye the next time they turn? Then there are those who snore when they sleep. Is it annoying to try and be close to someone only to get an ear-full and be kept up all night? All of these seem like valid reasons for giving up on intimacy, but I do not believe that intimacy is restricted to just the bedroom either.

So often we find ourselves sitting in our favorite chair which only has room for one. How often do you and your partner settle together on the couch instead? Do you take the initiative and sit in the chair with your partner regardless— or are you too afraid you might break the arms off the chair.

Perhaps having children can be blamed. You certainly do not want your children to get the wrong impression about mommy and daddy. Is it too embarrassing to be close to your spouse when the children are present? I think it all depends on what form of intimacy you are engaged in. How often do you scratch your children's back— why not include your spouse as well.

Not to compare ourselves to primates, but I tend to see that they are comfortable with grooming one another. I knew a girl who liked to have her hair brushed. Why not brush your spouse's hair, or give them a back rub. It does not have to lead to something— it just needs to show that you are willing to be close.

I know that I am physically shy. It takes a lot of effort for me to be close— but I am trying. Sometimes all I need to do is just sit closer to my wife to show that I want to be close. Sometimes extending a hand when you are taking a walk is just enough of a sign that says "I want to be a bit more intimate".

I do not think that the man is the only one to blame for intimacy dysfunction though many stereotypes indicate that this is the case. It takes two people to have a relationship and intimacy should be a concerted effort between both parties. If we choose to we can beat ID without having to wait for the drug companies to come up with some new drug Intimadrol which cures this dysfunction.

---

CaJoh

Intimacy with Children

Usually Intimacy and Children don't mix. Children have a sixth sense for when mom and dad would like some private time. At least my kids do. Inevitably as soon as the light goes out and my husband starts kissing my neck (or arm or ear or lips) the little one cries. Or the big kid gets a bloody nose in his sleep.

Or vomits.

Nothing kills romance like vomit.

We've pretty much figured out that we should never plan out anything (as in at three o'clock sending a "How about a grown up dinner and dessert night?" email. Because when it gets sent through the universe the radars on my kids go off somehow.

By the end of the night that should have been a Grown Up Night I'm beat down by cranky kids, whiny kids, dishes, milk spills, screaming and simple exhaustion. And the last thing on earth I want is the planned out Grown Up Night. I just want to sleep.

Which turns out to be a good thing because my kids will wake up at the worst time anyway. I surely can't be the only parent who feels like Intimacy is a foriegn word in their house.

How about you? Do your kids have the sixth sense? And does it ever get easier to have private time when they get older? I'd love to know.




http://bloggingmama-andrea.blogspot.com

Golden Years

I had a discussion with my mother-in-law this morning. She was complaining about her husband.

First of all, she's 77 years old.

Second of all, she's 77 years old.

Third of all, she's 77 freakin' years old!

She was complaining that her husband doesn't turn her on anymore.

"He doesn't even try," she said. "He doesn't kiss me or anything anymore."

But the real killer for me was when she said, "there's not any necking either."

SIGH!

For some reason I had hoped necking might be a non-issue by the time I reached those golden years.

Affairs

Affairs!

That got your attentions didn’t it! LOL. It has been an interesting topic of discussion lately with my husband and me. We have been talking about a few people we have known that have had them, or one we suspect, or it very much looks that way. I always wonder what got them to that point. Why not leave the marriage first?

One guy we know had an affair. He and his wife had not had sex for a good 6-8 years; she always belittled him, etc. And I think he just found someone else that was nice to him. Kwim? He is still married to his wife, but not after being hugely embarrassed, as she told EVERYONE about his affair. I have always felt sorry for that guy – he should have just divorced the witch.


Another married friend, told me about an affair she had with married man. I was shocked! I never in my wildest dreams thought this would be someone who would do such a thing. I knew she had been miserable for a few years with her own marriage. And I had worried about her. She had talked about leaving, but that’s easier said than done, when you have kids, a house, etc. Her and the other man confessed to each of their spouses, got divorces and are now together.

Though I don’t condone what they did. Is it “The heart knows what the heart wants” And you just can’t stop feelings? Is it easier for us to be judgmental, as we haven’t went through such things?

Bottom line is I want her to be happy. With who ever she is with. She is a great lady and has a lot to offer a person. And would she of had the courage to just up and leave without this affair happening??


The other person I want to bring up is a guy who we know, married with 4 kids, very prominent position in his church and community. He had a single woman assistant who helped him in our remodel. At one time I walked into our house from being gone for a few hours, and they both bolted away from each other… as if they were very close to each other. Another time one of my sons saw the two of them kissing by the mans work truck, through his bedroom window, and I saw the very same thing as I pulled into my driveway one day. Again they bolted from each other, but I know what I saw. It has always bothered me. We said nothing to him or his wife, who we know very well. Maybe she already knows? Maybe not? Maybe it was just an oops moment? (Is there even such a thing) Maybe almost getting caught was enough for him to be faithful? If this was an affair it would cause embarrassment to him and his wife in his church and community that he is very active in.

I have a very happy and fulfilling marriage. But I find it so interesting - what makes other people tick. How do people get to this point?

Have you been through an affair and would like to share your point of view? Have you been like us - maybe know something isn’t right, yet said nothing? And even more, would you want to be told about your spouse if someone knew something?

Missty over at Life is Good

Let's Talk About SEX

Funnily (is that a real word-oh well, I'm going with it!) this post happens to fall on my 13th anniversary.


Ok let's talk about sex. Yes, I said it.

SEX!

I think my hubby and I have a pretty good sex life. After 13 years (the 27th of this month!) it's still going strong. Most day's I'm all for it.

But...do you ever have those days where you just might not be in the mood but the other is, and maybe it's been a few days or so since you've done the horizontal mambo, and the hubby is starting to become Mr. Cranky pants, and you know if you give him a little lovin he'll feel a little better?

That's the kind of sex I'm talking about. I admit it. Sometimes if I'm not really in the mood but I know that he is (well, when isn't he?) and he's giving me the wink, and it's been a few days, I'll go for it.

Just a quicky. Just a little something that, you know, will please your man. I think sometimes that helps keep the peace in the relationship. Now no flames please.

I'm not talking about if you are just not jiving with it and say no way and they are going to take liberties because they can. Nope. Just sometimes I don't mind helping out my man a little bit, and often times I end up having a pretty good time myself.

So....does anyone else do it sometimes just to please the other?

Valerie

$50 Therapy

For the first few years of marriage my hub would meet me at the door whenever I returned from shopping with the same question.


"How much did you spend?"


I hated that question and I almost felt it was none of his business. Plus I'm a pleaser and hate to be scolded so I often found myself shaving off a dollar or two (or ten.) I rounded down. Sometimes generously. I didn't see anything wrong with it, for the most part.


Then one day I went to the GAP. They had a deal that if you spent $100 you'd get a free $20 gift card. I made sure my purchases equaled $100 and slipped the gift card in my wallet.


I didn't mention it to my hub, but one day he found the gift card and said, "where'd you get this?"


I said "Oh, if you spend $50 at the GAP you get this free $20 gift card."


BIG LIE, but my hub said "WOW! Good job."


A few days later we were walking through the mall and he saw the real GAP ad. You can imagine what hit the fan.


That one seemingly harmless lie had broken his trust in me in an instant. For a few years he questioned everything I said. And not just about finances. This frustrated me but when I said, "HEY, it was only $50" he would say, "It wasn't just $50. If you're willing to lie about $50 then why wouldn't you be willing to lie about more serious things?


I worked hard after that to be completely forthright and upfront about what I was spending. For some reason that helped me become more honest and upfront about other things, like how it made me feel when he was constantly asking me how much money I spent.


It's taken years, but I no longer lie about money and he no longer pins me wriggling to the wall about everything I buy.


I've learned that when you lie about finances, you're not really lying about finances.


You get me?


In other words, you can use your financial conflicts to reflect on deeper issues in your personal life.


Soooooo, go ahead. Let's all hold hands and do some group therapy. I already know I'd rather be a big fat liar liar pants on fire than get scolded.

What do your attitudes about finances say about you (and your spouse?)

My real life Spending vs My guy spending...

Finances are a tricky thing huh???

Here is MY real life and spending in MY coupledom...

When I spend money it's usually for small things but they can add up... For instance Costco, is of the devil, and I can't walk out of there without spending less than $100.00. Little things... they add up. A shirt, a pair of shoes, getting may hair done, mani/pedi... you understand?

When my GUY spends money it's on a BIG purchase. Like gadgets, computers, mountain biking, snowboards... stuff like that.

So he may not SPEND as consistently as I do... but what he DOES spend money on we usually have to dip quite a bit into savings to purchase it, not saying he doesn't look for the best deal, but they COST a LOT.

So then this is what happens:

MSM: "I need a new bike." as he scrolls through Craigs list.

Me: "okay, let me just go pick the money tree and get right on that!"

Then he mentions some stuff I got, little stuff... it's not an argument as much as it's an accusation.

And you can probably guess where it goes from there.

Ending with, "If we cut back on our spending then me being able to get a new bike wouldn't be such a problem."

Me: "We as in I?"

MSM: "I don't spend money, yet it's funny how whenever I want something for myself we never have money to get it!"

Me: "Want something that costs less then!"

What do you guys think? Do you guys run into this problem? How is this even solvable???

Love,

Shelle-BlokThoughts

If I Ignore It, It Will Go Away

This is NOT how to deal with financial problems. Financial problems don't just go away if you ignore them.

I grew up in a financially unstable home. My parents always seemed to struggle, so I swore that when I grew up I would be totally different.

And by different I mean EXACTLY THE SAME! Holy CRAP! I have turned into my parents. Juggling money from one account to another trying to keep us above water.

When we got married we thought the logical thing to do would be to put all money into one account. One marriage, one bank account. This is how my parents did it, and since they did such a good job I definitely should copy them, right? (Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, I just didn't learn good financial skills from them.)

I have heard of other couples who have their own accounts and they divide the bills (he takes care of the mortgage and cars, she takes care of utilities and groceries). Do any of you do this? How exactly do you divide responsibilities? How well does it work? Would you recommend this to another couple?

We both have jobs so technically we could do this. It is just a totally different concept to me, so I need the low-down on it so I can try it (if it works).

HELP!

Money: Is it a taboo subject in your house?

This week is all about Finances here in The Real World. Men, women and money; it can be a tricky subject to negotiate. The leading causes of disagreements in marriage are money and sex (sex will be next weeks topic). So there's a good chance money has at one time or another been an issue in your relationship.

For my marriage once my son was six months old I left my job in accounting to stay home and turned all the finances over to my husband. I figured since he's the one making the money he would be the best person to know what needs to be saved and what needs to be spent. I didn't mind not being in charge of money for a change.

But like in any situation when you turn over total control of something you tend to not see what's going on day to day. For us this led to some tougher times when we miscalculated how much we were really spending. There were some pasta dinners that repeated several times a week for awhile because it was filling and cheap. Our biggest fights have been about money and not having enough in the bank. The way we were raised means I was always a saver and he was always a spender. We had to find a way to mesh our two ways in order to make our marriage a better one.

I'm more easy going about spending and he's more careful about saving.

We are in a good financial position now but I still plan to be careful with money. I'm taking charge of our finances here in the US until my husband moves from Germany sometime in the next six months. I haven't done this in a long time - balancing a checkbook, writing checks and being in charge of making sure I don't spend more than I should. I'll be bargain hunting and checking ads to make sure I do everything I can to save my family money.

Do you have any financial stress in your relationship? Who pays the bills in your house? What sort of tools do you use to make sure you meet your financial obligations? Do you fight about money?



BloggingMama-Andrea.blogspot.com

Shacking Up

Communication is key in a marriage. I think anyone married or not would agree. My marriage is no different. We have to communicate about the menu for the week, the bills, the kids but what my husband and I most recently communicated about was something else altogether.

When my hubby suggested that I take our two kids back to the US while he finished out his work contract a few months ago I think my first thought was pretty euphoric. The thought of moving home was pretty much all I was thinking about. It took me awhile to realize that if three of us left (and all the furniture with us) where would my husband sleep? And whose house would he be sleeping in?

Enter Piano Girl She has a three bedroom apartment in the city and offered to let hubby live there. With her. They also work together. They recently had to start sharing an office due to downsizing and are both in the same job just with different clients.

You should hear how their boss views this new twist to their relationship. He's befuddled by it.

Of course my hubby is a smarty pants and plays up the whole thing. He makes jokes about sharing a bottle of wine in the evening after a hard day at work. My husbands boss thankfully has come to if not love but at least understand his warped sense of humor. But it still puzzles him. I imagine rumors are flying now that I'm gone and my husband is living with another woman.

And the strangest part?

It doesn't bother me a bit. In fact I think it's kind of funny. I can just see them in the evenings - hubby will cook (she's admitted to not being domestically inclined. She told him to leave his ironing and the maid will do it for him. I'm three shades of jealous of that perk he gets to enjoy.) And they will chat about something like movies or books over the dinner table. Or work since they spend their days together as well.

I 100% trust hubby and Piano Girl. After all she and I went to Bremen together for a blog weekend and over a glass or three of wine we bonded.

If my husband and I didn't have the ability to communicate about everything and on every level there would be no way this could work out. We talked out every possibility and thought about it from every angle. In the end my husband shacking up with Piano Girl becomes a win-win for all of us. She gets to split her rent and have someone cook for her, he gets a place to live and I get to enjoy the benefits of being home six months earlier than planned.

So do I mind my hubby shacking up with Piano Girl? Not a bit.

I am looking forward to the stories that will come from it.

Would you be so casual if it was your spouse in the same situation? Can you trust your spouse implicitly? Tell me what you really think.

Bloggingmama-andrea.blogspot.com

I'm Expecting

Famous last words.

I'm expecting.

As in I'm expecting you to meet all of my physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual and psychological needs after we get married.  And I'm expecting you to meet them without me having to tell you what they are. 

Half the time we don't even know what we expect until we don't get it.  

I actually have an SIL who, before she got married, told me that she thought her hub was going to be the prophet of the LDS church one day.

True story, (even though she denies it now).  

Expectations are a killer to a relationship.  

That's why I really liked Southern Sage's post about making a marriage contract. READ IT, if you haven't already. 

Communication is not very romantic if you think about.  In fact, it can be a bit of a buzz kill.   

But think how much faster you could deal with the disillusionments of marriage if you were actually forced to think through and share your expectations of it with your partner.  And then sign your name on the dotted line.  In blood.  Before you tied the knot. 

It would be like ripping a band-aid as opposed to the slow and painful process of pulling it off little by little. 

My hub has a hard time expressing his needs.  And he doesn't like to tell me what ticks him off either.  When we first got married he would give me the silent treatment a lot and I would rack my brain trying to figure out what the helk was wrong.  My imagination went in all directions, but I felt like I was a disappointment to him.

After A LOT of coaxing he told me that he thought it was rude when I would get myself a drink or something without offering him one.  And it really bothered him that I was always late.

Sheesh!  Why didn't you just say so???  

For most of us it's too late to sign a pre-nup contract saying we will always be on time, but I think it would be cool to sit down with my hub and discuss (just for fun)--20 years later--what we WOULD have signed our name in blood to in our pre-nup marriage contract.  

I would love to know in what ways I did and didn't meet his expectations.  There would have to be certain NO CRYING/NO LYING ground rules, of course, but think how much I could learn about myself.  And about him.   

I bet he expected for more massages.  

Do you think your expectations were too high when you got married?  Have they changed?  

Complement and Compliment

Early on in our relationship my wife and I were discussing how we got along together and we decided that we both complement and compliment one another. Since these two terms tend to be confused with one another, I will describe both, then will show how this is true in our relationship.

Complement

When one complements soneone they tend to complete the other person. So often we find that there are pieces of our personality we lack that the other brings out. They say that opposites attract— and being able to complement one another makes the combination of the two stronger than the individuals themselves.

Compliment

When one compliments someone they tend to say something that makes the other person feel good about themselves. This is not straight flattery because "flattery gets you nowhere". So often we find our partner in need of a little ego boost. Giving a compliment to them helps them to overcome those challenges they face and lets them know that they are on the right track.

My wife and I are quite different from one another. Where I am typically outgoing, she tends to be a bit shy. When we are together she has more bravery and feels less timid about meeting new people. My wife tends to see the deails in things, whereas I usually see the big picture. When I am stuck trying to see something, she is able to put my views into perspective. I truly enjoy being recognized as a couple rather than two individuals. So often when we are together we tend to bounce ideas off of one another and make an interesting cohesive pair that many people enjoy being with.

Whenever I notice that my wife seems down, I try to compliment her and show her that she need not worry too much about whatever is bothering her. Likewise, whenever I am frustrated about something, she will compliment me and show that my frustration is not worth getting worked up over.

The ability to compliment the other helps fill in the gaps where the other lacks. This complements the other and helps build that relationship all the more.

---

CaJoh

Parents Talk. Just Not To Each Other...

Daddy Geek Boy wrote this post and at first I was hesitant to post it because it has a parent theme to it and we wanted to kinda stay away from the feel of a Mommy Daddy blog. But as I got into reading it, I realized he was talking about the RELATIONSHIP between parents which I thought was interesting. So thanks DGB for an interesting twist to a real life relationship quirk between parents! :)

It isn’t long after the first kid is born that parents begin to notice other parents…and critique them. We observe their mistakes—a dad struggles to discipline his kid with empty threats; a mom frustrated that her child won’t eat dinner, yet gives her dessert; toddlers are fed choking hazards like whole grapes or popcorn; a baby drinks chocolate milk from a bottle. It’s easy to see what others don’t. We witness these things, but dissect them in privacy.

It’s comforting to know that there is a fellowship among parents. We constantly offer aid and support, telling each other things like which neighborhood pediatrician has a good reputation, the best kind of car seat to use, which stores on Etsy have the best stuff. We talk about what parenting books we should read, what recipes we should make, how old the kid should be before potty training, when is the best time to show them “Star Wars.” Collectively, we are the proverbial village helping to raise each other’s children. But only to a point. Because parents may offer each other a lot of advice, but we absolutely do not tell each other how to parent.

A lot of times, the things that parents complain the most about their children are caused by the habits and behaviors of the parents themselves. It’s sometimes so clear why a kid is misbehaving to everyone but the parent of the disobedient child. We notice everything, but say nothing. There’s a reason why “Super Nanny” is so popular. She waltzes into any situation and says, in her plucky British accent, the things we cannot say to each other. She is our unchecked id.

But can you imagine a world where everyone could be the Super Nanny? If society deemed it socially acceptable for parents to talk to each other and point out our mistakes? Personally, I’m a pretty awesome (and humble) parent, but I’d love to know if I’m doing something wrong. Wouldn’t you? If somebody could offer you a piece of advice that could make life with your kid a little bit easier, wouldn’t you want to hear it?

But yet we can’t. We don’t. We shouldn’t.

Why do you think we as parents can tell each other everything but the obvious?

Daddy Geek Boy

Non-existent Communication

My guy and I have the WORST communication.

It's something we and when I say we I mean I, want to work on.

But when we argue it is more like brothers and sisters who bicker at each other, but never really solving anything.

My husband is pretty chill... so he let's things build up... when he's mad and finally lets you know he slays you with WORDS attacking the juglar and no holds bar.

I was taught by example that when in an argument jump ship. Get out fast. Well, say what you have to say, put down the other, and THEN jump ship! Once you jump ship they (your spouse) will follow you and plead for you to forgive them and all will be well.

I tried that at the beginning of our marriage. The first time we fought and I was bawling and hysterical and he was a solid rock with NO emotions and a NO CARE attitude... I said the most hurtful things I could, grabbed my keys, and jumped ship.

Ya know what MSM did? He just let me.

He didn't follow, he didn't plead for my forgiveness... nothing.

I spent hours in a car, cold, and mentally weak. Analyzing and go over every word we said together... and in that state of mind I was saying things like, "It's over! I hate him! What did I get myself into!"

But it only took me one night like that to realize that jumping ship was NOT going to work on my guy.

But discussing is out of the question also. When we start to disagree over something that he knows is serious... all of a sudden he gets this overwhelming urge to sleep. He's absolutely EXHAUSTED... rolls eyes.

So we really haven't found a way to solve this issue. There are things that we don't agree on and yet we can't come to terms with agreeing to disagree because they are important issues... things that deal with family and money and careers.

So I'm excited to learn this week from the other contributors and also from you guys that comment and make this blog fun!

What's the best way for YOU guys to discuss important issues?

This commercial helped a TON... I think i might need to find away to install this contraption!



Love,

Shelle-BlokThoughts

Taking a Test Drive

This week we have a theme – compatibility. I’ve always wondered if such a service as described below existed. Would you sign up?

Did you ever wonder if you picked the right model when you picked your significant other? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could Test Drive them first? I have this theory that when we pick that person we want to be with we should get to have a trial run. Just like picking out a new car we could set parameters to finding our ideal match. I'm talking about going beyond dating service type of matching.

I’m going to use the male pronoun for simplicity’s sake. And because I’m a woman. Guys can feel free to insert ‘she’ for ‘he’.

When you want to go buy a car you could request "I’d like the mid-priced model with the 2.5 engine and four doors." So why not have the same option with a mate? I think it would be fair to request the average height, moderately successful single man who thinks 2 kids and a dog would be ideal.

The next step would be narrow the candidates who fit those requirements down to a select few, say three, and then be given a two week live-in trial run.

This way you would know the answers to questions like:

Does he leave the cap off the toothpaste? {no}

Does he rinse his cup and put it in the dishwasher? {no}

Does he know to separate colors and whites if he does the laundry? {usually}

Does he want to cuddle after sex? {define cuddle}

These are the kinds of questions that I would have liked the answer to before marriage. The best part would be the money back guarantee if the person you ‘tried on’ didn’t fit. I think three trial runs for one nominal fee of $299.99 would work.

Question for today is: If you could test drive your model beforehand and find out your compatibility what would be the most important question you would ask? What does your significant other do that you wish you’d know about beforehand?

What Makes a Man Tick?

I have really enjoyed this weeks discussion on compatibility. It has made me do a little self reflecting into my own marriage and I've decided that even if you're not completely compatible with your spouse, as long as there is love and commitment a marriage can still work beautifully.

As long as a woman understands what makes a man tick.

My husband is in the medical field, but he also teaches a marriage and pregnancy health class every at the university nearby, which means he likes to pat the kids on the back and ask questions like, "How are you with this stage of the family life cycle? Are you satisfied?" and the kids reply, "Yes, dad, our physical, social, emotional, intellectual and moral needs are being met, but thanks for asking."

One of the activities he likes to do in class is split into groups--the marrieds and the singles-- and facilitate a lively discussion to determine what they perceive as the #1 perk of being married.

Surprisingly, (or maybe not) the females all overwhelmingly agree it was companionship.

But guess what the males unanimously agree is thee best thing about being married . . . Financial security.

Financial security?

HUH??!? I thought for sure it would be a three letter word.

Apparently the males explained that marriage brings two incomes to the table and you can get better paying jobs when you're married because it looks better on your resume.

First they want our bodies and now they're using us for our money?

Does anyone else think this is backwards? Aren't we using them for their money?

Talk amongst yourselves.  

The Crash Test Dummy

Question for today is: Is it important for you to live near family or pre-established friends?

Always have a plan

I'm a planner. I like to plan ahead my day, weeks, months. I like to make lists of stuff to do. You should see me make a list if we are taking a trip!

You may remember that I am in the middle of a remodel on our kitchen.

HELLO! Decisions! Everywhere.

Lot's of planning to do. Where should we put the stove? How should we position the cabinets? Should we knock out that wall? What about counters? What color and style? Don't forget about the floors either!

This is where the sticky part comes in. I like to PLAN. That means, I like to go to the counter/floor/paint place and see what they have. I want to look around and see some different styles.

I never thought it would be so stressful.

I DO love shopping! Even if it's just window style. :) It's hubby that is making it stressful. Hubby is more of a last minute person. Hubby wants to wait until the day before it's time to put it all in and just go pick something out.

What if we pick something that we hate or looks horrible after we get it in? One time he relented and agreed to just go look with me. He even took me out to dinner. It was Zips, but we were all by ourselves so it counts right? We looked at counter top samples.

I picked out one I kind of liked. He didn't.

He found some flooring he liked. I didn't.

How did this become so hard? I want to keep looking but he thinks I am just crazy. We are not at that stage yet so why bother? UGH! I want to beam him with a granite sample. Because dear, dear, hubby I need to plan and see what there is to choose from so when the time does come, I can be ready. With a plan.

Question for today is: If your income were drastically reduced, what luxuries would you give up?

Valerie

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

I have a wonderful time reading all these Compatibility posts. I especially love Daddy Geek Boy's post because it sounded like something I could have written about me and my hub, he was like my hubby in someways and I was like his wife in someways...

Today I thought I'd share a couple of my favorites about the difference between men and women. After reading this post that Shelle wrote a while back, I've decided to do this post I'm doing today. There have already been several very interesting compatibility posts that are extremely wonderful and I would like to add a little something of mine to it. The two points I listed below are a couple of my favorite on the difference between men and women.

Here goes.....

Men have a certain amount of words that they have to use a day, way way less than the women. (I've test this out so I actually believe this one.) So when they use up said amount, no amount of coaxing or bribery would get them to talk..lol. Since majority of men work outside the home, they've spent most of that time either talking to their co-workers, clients, bosses or whoever and by the time they get home, they're all talked out and the women, who's home all day, talking to kids all day is dying to have some adult conversation {and even if you're a woman who works outside the home, talking all day at work is probably just scratching the surface of your word limit}.

Here's an example:
Hubby comes home from work...wife greets him at the door for her usual welcome kiss.

Wife: Hi hon.
Hub: Hi
Wife: How was your day?
Hub: Fine..
Wife: I had a great(or aweful) day today and you would never guess what (insert kid name) did today. She/he did the most amazing thing (or you can point out a negative thing the kid did) today.......
{Wife then proceeds to list the million amazing (awful) things kid did.
Wife: You hungry? I made _______ for dinner and it's a new recipe, I hope you're gonna love it.

Hubby's walking toward the bedroom while the wife is relating about her day, (who she saw that day that the hubby would never guess), to change out of work clothes and so forth. He then comes back to the dinner table and dinner was served and wife is still going hundred mph on her day, what bargain she found at the store, what the teacher said about the kid. And the whole time, hubby is not saying anything.

And whenever wife pause to ask a question to the hubby, his answers are usually a one syllable word and then wife takes over again, this time catch hubby up on the latest neighborhood gossip.
I'm sure sometimes this can be a really good conversation if the woman just want to get things off her chest but if it is the kind of conversation where the wife wants feedback, it can be a very messy one cuz the wife will definitely walk away that night huffing and feeling hurt and sure enough the hubby will be denied his ambrosia, so to speak.

So ladies, if you ever get caught in this situation, catch them in the morning. They will definitely talk your ears off...lol, and of course now would be the perfect time to join a woman's group.

Another example that I find interesting is that women have the ability to multi-task whereas men, they can only focus on one task at a time. Check out this post. There's a diagram on there so focus on that diagram for a little while reading this. On that diagram, if a man was sent to the store (mall) to buy something, he goes straight to the store, buys the item which takes him about 6 to 10 minutes and comes straight home and which will probably take him no more than an hour(or more) depending on the distance.

If a woman were to run the same errand, that could actually take up the whole day..why? Because along the way, she remembers she needs to drop off or pick something up from so and so's house and of course it's very rude to just pop in and out so she does a little chit chat to catch up on things, then on the way, she might see something that catches her attention on the side of the road and gets out to admire it and I'm not even going to cover the time she gets to the store...if it's a mall, why of course she needs to check out her favorite shops so she can check out their deals and while she's at a certain store, she remembers there's a b-day coming up for one of the kids' friends so she has to go to a gift shop and so on. By the time she's done with her shopping errand, she's probably covered at least three different errands along the way.

I find these two little tidbit to be very fascinating for me because even though I'd like to think that I'm the exception to this norm, I find it's not so, I fit in there perfectly. And you know something, I actually like it, I like that my hubby is so much different than I am, because these are minor things and to me, it actually adds something to the marriage. As long as we are striving for the same goals about our family, I'm perfectly ok with a little incompatibility.

Let's see how many of you guys can contradict me on these and how many of you gals can back me up or vice versa. I dare ya!! LOL

Question for today is: How often would you like to have sexual relations? Answer for yourself and how it is compatible or not compatible with your spouse.

On Compatibility

When I asked my wife if she thought we were compatible, she said simply, “We are. We shouldn’t be, but we are.”

WonderWife™ and I are two vastly different people. She’s a self-proclaimed country girl, who grew up riding horses and would love nothing better than to settle into a nice cottage in the middle of nowhere. I am a city boy, who is afraid of riding horses and would go crazy if I didn’t at least have a multiplex theater and a bar within a 5 mile radius. She is messy. I am neat. She doesn’t like dishes left in the sink. I often leave my dishes in the sink.

A few years ago, I went through a period where I was upset at the differences between my wife and myself. I questioned how such a disjointed union could truly work. I wondered why my heart would let me pick a mate who has little to no interest in most of the things that I love the most. How could we be compatible if we’re so different?

It took some time but I came to realize that compatibility isn’t about liking the same things. It’s about the ease of co-existence and co-habitation. It’s about being able to make the important decisions together, like what color to paint the walls of the living room or how to raise your kids so that they don’t become assholes.

For all of our differences, WonderWife™ and I are extremely compatible. We make excellent decisions together. We remodeled an entire house together without a single fight. And she was pregnant! We work so well together because we agree on a few fundamental things: how to raise our kids, how to spend our money, what to feed ourselves, and that most anything on the Food Network is worth watching (except for that cocky bastard Emeril).

I knew that WonderWife™ and I were compatible because we lived together before we got married. Believe it or not, I used to be an old fashioned guy and bought into the romantic notion that at the very least, you live together after you get engaged. My opinion changed quickly after I lived with and was engaged to a woman with whom I was absolutely not compatible. It only took nine months before the fissures in that relationship broke through to the surface and it became apparent that she was my polar opposite in every way.

You want to know if you're truly compatible with somebody? Live with them for a year. When you live with somebody, you can't hide yourself. When you come home from vacation, you're still with each other. If you have a fight, you have no choice but to work it out. There are no neutral corners, no separate bedrooms. Live together. Love together. Talk about everything.

Sure there are times when WonderWife™ wishes I would stop making cheesy jokes. And there are times when I wish she would just sit down to watch Dark Knight with me on Blu-Ray (or even cared that we own a Blu-Ray player). But that doesn’t mean we view the whole wide world differently. We know where each other’s boundaries are, when to push buttons and when to compromise. This isn’t something we've had to work on. It's who we are as a couple.

Daddy Geek Boy

Here's the question for today: If you outlive your partner, how will you handle his/her death? Will you look for a new partner, a companion to live with, or new friends to fill your time?

THEME MONTH-Compatibility

On Real World this MONTH we are going to try and THEME every week.

This weeks theme will be: COMPATIBILITY

Meaning, I have asked the contributors to write posts specifically for a theme I give them.

It's a first come first serve basis. Whoever writes the posts and get them into me firsts gets the spots for that week!

They can be WHATEVER that contributor thought would go with the THEME. There are no boundaries.

So if we get 5 posts and they are all lists on how that couple's compatible and how they are NOT... that is cool, because I LOVE seeing differences and similarities in couples and just in different relationships in general.

Although, I'm sure we will get different perspectives on compatibility.

I just asked that they write about THEM and some type of relationship they are in.

At the end of EACH posts I will have a question and I'd like you guys as commenters to answer that question about you and your significant other! It should be FUN!

***There will be posts EVERYDAY this week EVEN on Saturday... but NOT Sunday. So make sure to stop by on Saturday for an AWESOME post you'll be happy you didn't miss! :)

When I think about compatibility I always thing of that game show THE NEWLY WEDS... I LOVED that show, sometimes they still have it on the GSN and I'll watch it... but that is what I think of when I hear compatibility.

So in honor of the theme... I wrangled my husband to answer some NEWLY WED game questions because I REALLY like you guys... I'm having to pay BIG TIME too... so you better be thankful!

I had fun doing the video... :) We honestly video'd this once... we had printed questions in front of us and just randomly read them and answered them. It was all impromptu.

The irritating question... we both came up with better answers AFTER we video'd

HIS: "You're ALWAYS late". TRUE STATEMENT.

MINE: "You're ALWAYS feelin me up! My chest and BUM!"

and here we are to finish...


Watch both vids... but if you only have time to watch 1... I love the second video, the shorter one... those questions are good.

My husband and I are SOOOOO incompatible... I honestly don't know how we make it work besides the fact that we are attracted to each other and we love the same religion!

But somehow it works! :)

Have fun this week. Remember to read comments... go ahead and comment on the post or other peoples comments. Have fun, relax, and make your voice heard!!!

These are questions from a compatibility test that I found HERE
that I will be asking for this week!

QUESTION: How important is love to a good marriage? Can two people, who are no longer in love, have a good marriage? Can two people, who are very much in love, have a bad marriage?

Love,

Shelle-BlokThoughts

Friday Night Date

I had a flash of inspiration when I was cleaning out the dresser in the playroom the other day. Or rather I happened upon a book that is full of great inspirations.  It's a book called The Little Black Book of Dating Ideas.  I've had it forever and a day but I started flipping through it (anything to avoid the chore I was doing) and I thought I might share some of the ideas from the book and some of my own Great Date Night ideas.

The nice part is that anyone married or single can use them to turn a boring night of What do you want to do?  No, What do you want to do? into a night of Let's do this! instead.

The book is organized into seven categories of dates.  For example Simple and Easy; Different and Free and Off the Wall to name a few.

Some of my favorites are:

• Spend an afternoon at a cafe people watching
• Stay out all night seaching for the best cup of coffee
• Visit a car dealership and test drive cars (or window shop on a day when the lots are closed)
• Play spy!  Pick someone to follow and see how close you can get without being noticed.  When they notice you eat at the closest restaurant.
• Write down names of surrounding towns on slips of paper and pick one from a bowl.  Spend the day exploring
• Dance on the beach and then go for a midnight swim

There are lots of other tips in this book with everything from romantic to group dates to a category labeled Money to Burn (wouldn't that be a fun one if it were true?)  The point is that just about anything can be a fun date and there are lots of great ideas.  

I'd would love to cram the comment box with your suggestions for great dates. Things you've done, things you wish you could do.  It can be from any time period of your life it doesn't have to be since you met your spouse.

What's the best date you've been on?  Where would you want your date to take you?

"It's easier to REPENT of the deed than to ask for PERMISSION"

Huh, what was that?

This is actually a saying that my friend came up with when we both found out that our hubbies seem to have the same annoying condescending authoritative habit of telling us what we need or DO NOT need.

For example, when my hubby and I are at a store shopping and we'll be pushing our cart along and I saw something that I know either I NEEDED or the kids NEEDED....I picked up said item and asked hubby if we can buy it or if he wasn't with me when I picked out the item, his automatic reflex would usually be he grabbed the item and put it back on the shelf or took out of the cart with the response,
"sorry, WE don't need this stuff".

Me, usually thinking, "hmmmp hello, of course WE don't need it but I need it...I wouldn't have put it in there in the first place if I don't need it. Just because you don't need it doesn't mean that I don't".

Most of the time I just kept quiet about it because I sooo did not want to cause a scene so what did I do? We go home, unload our car, the next day when he goes to work, I go back to the same store and buy the item.

So then the hubby finds out later that I'd gone back and bought the item he rejected, he usually go into some ranting and raving but there's not much he could do about it since I've bought it already and there was no way I am returning said item.

Interesting thing is I found out a few of my friends have the same problem...hubbies constantly shooting down the wives' suggested needed items at the store and they ended up retaliating the same way I do.

Because this happened so many times, I've reduced to just buying whatever it is I feel I needed that I know hubby would turn down and then let him know about it later. I was talking to my friend about this one day and she started laughing because that was the same thing she is dealing with too.

That's where title of this post come in place. I know some of you may think this is underhanded of me to do this but seriously..think about it. If that was you and every time you ask your hubby or tell him that you wanted to buy something and his answers are always ALWAYS, "no, we don't need it", what would you do? I'm sorry but I don't usually shop on a whim...I know perfectly well what our finance situation is and I am very careful when it comes to spending money. So when I said I need a certain item....I MOST CERTAINLY do need that item...notice I did not say WANT but NEED. His response of WE usually means that HE doesn't need it so if he doesn't need it, I do not need it, according to his logic.

So tell me ladies...your hubbies ever done this to you or have you ever done this to your hubbies? And if your answer is yes, what do you do about it? Do you find any truth to my post TITLE or you think that's a load of crap (lol)?