Meet The Blogger: or our resident Islander--ANJENY!

MEET THE BLOGGER--

Name: Anjeny

Age: 38

Kids #, age & sex: 7 kids, three girls and four boys, ages 18, 16, 14, 12, 9, 7 & 3

Marital status: married

1. How many years in your current relationship: 18 years...will be celebrating 19th year next month
2. Have you ever been divorced?: Nope

***If so how many times?:

3. What do you do for work: I'm a stay-at-home mom

4. Education: Two year college

5. Blogs you contribute to: The Real World: Venus vs Mars, Book Club 4 Kids, & Laie Elementary
main blog: Ramblings of an Islander

6. Religion: LDS

7. Political affiliation- (republican, democrat, libertarian): Republican

8. Basic philosophical leanings (liberal, conservative, confused): Conservative

9. What is your motto in life?: "Live a honest and respectful life"...this is too broad but it entails a lot more meaning than enclosed.

10. Who has had the most influence in your life?: Jesus...after all I'm trying to live my life the way he taught and lived and of course my mom...I've never realized what a wonderful, self-sacrificing woman she was until I've moved away from home.

11. Why did you start Blogging? (100 words or less): I started blogging November of 2008. One of my best friends started blogging and she loved it so much she kept telling me to start one for myself. I admit, I had no clue what blogging is until I started reading her blog, and then started reading another friend who I found out blogged too and then next thing I know, I was reading other people's blogs on their blogroll and then decided to start one just to unload some of the thoughts that go through my head (which I haven't been doing lately). I also love the fact that if I'm blogging about how my family is doing here, I don't really need to write one of those yearly letters to relatives and friends, if they want to know what's happening in my family's life, they can just go online and get updates. Actually, I wrote a post about this very question so if interested, go here.

*What is the most favorite post you have written on any blog you contribute to?: I wrote a tribute post on this blog created by the infamous Crash last February on my mom's birthday...that I found to be my most favorite.

12. Tell us in 100 words about your current relationship:
My current relationship...hmmmmm, that is a book to write about....LOL. I am currently married as I've already stated. I married the only guy I ever fell in love with. I always describe our marriage as a roller-coaster ride..we have our ups and downs, there are points in our marriage where we feel like we're diving into the unknown, such adrenaline rush..LOL and then there are times where we actually thought we've figured it out but of course, the cycle starts all over again, we go up and then we come down. Although my hub and I agree on a lot of major views, like our kids for example, our personalities tend to clash sometimes and there are certain issues we don't agree upon. Sometimes we compromise on certain things, other times we just agree to disagree.

One of the difference in personalities we have is where my hub gets angry easily, he is also easily to forgive and forget. I, on the other hand, can be very emotional at times may take me a while to get angry but once I did, it would take me a long time to forgive and forget. Yes, our marriage is definitely a working progress, we have our good and happy times and then the not so good and sad moments but we're both willing to keep working at it.

13. BONUS or OPTIONAL: Tell us something we need to know about you that we haven't covered above. 50 words or less:
Hmmmm...you mean I have to voluntarily give you more informations about me...come on Shelle, you're going to have to do better than that. LOL

Since this is optional, I'm opting to not tell more than you asked but if you're looking for bonus, I'm gonna let you throw some questions my way...heck, get real dirty or gory if you want...if you throw it my way and dare me, I'd definitely be obligated to accommodate you...hahahah.

Shelle Edit: Well you HEARD her guys! Ask Anjeny questions and get dirty or gory but just remember to wash your mind and tongue out with soap afterwards ;) Anjeny I can explain in one word-HOME. I know weird right? But it is how I feel when I read her writing. I feel a constant. Don't get me wrong, she is completely unpredictable when she writes, you never know what experience she will put in her writing to relate it to the topic at hand... but she's constant in the fact that she's real. I relate to her relationship. She's happy and loves her husband but she shows that it isn't all roses, but that marriage comes with thorns and she's not afraid to tell us about them, but she also remembers to tell us how she overcame them...constant, safe the best kind of HOME. We love you Anj... thanks for contributing for us!!!

How We Dealt with My Husband's Job Loss

Tysdaddy's post on the topic last week was totally awesome and hit so close to home that I've decided to write another one coming in from the spouse's viewpoint.

The first time my hubby lost his job was about a couple of months after the 9-11 incident, heck it was just a few days short of Thanksgiving. His reaction to that job loss was mostly on the shocked side. My reaction was completely on the denial side. I remember the day he walked into our door in the middle of the day (because he worked five minutes away from our house, he would come home for lunch everyday) and was not his usual self. He usually walked in with a little humor, either a joke that he was dying to tell me or tease me a little. That particular day he was quieter than usual. Before he sat down on the couch, he blurted out that his company has laid off a bunch of people and he was one of them. At first I thought he was joking, after a few minutes of silence again on his part, he confirmed it again.

"But I thought you said your job is set for life and that company you work for doesn't lay people off, that once a person got a job there, they're in it for life. You're joking, right?" I blurted out.

"Why would I joke about something like this? And yes, I thought that my job was set, but I guess I was wrong. For all these years I've worked for that company, I've never so much as a take a pen home from the office and then today, not only did my boss say, 'I'm sorry but we can't afford to have all the employees working here, we're letting you go', he had me escorted out of the building like I was some common criminal". (Talk about harsh, that really ticked me off right there picturing him escorted out the building like that.)

I think the next few weeks kinda went by in a blur. I kinda gave up the nightmarish thought that one day we'll wake up and it was just all a dream, you know. Yes, I still wasn't fully convinced that he's lost his job. After he started attending to unfinished projects we started on the house, the roof for example, I had to come to terms with the reality of it all. Of course, our family pulled together. For the first month or so after he lost his job, after I've come to terms with him losing his job, I started enjoying having him home. We kept busy, he had resumes sent in wherever there are jobs opening, put in a new floor in our upstairs kitchen, re-roof our house and hung out at the beach. He even took our kids (there were four of them at the time) to visit family on the mainland.

The second time he lost his job...he called me on his cell to tell me that he up and quit his job. That time was not as hard or surprising as the first one. I knew the day would come, either he would quit or they would let him go. He wasn't happy with the next job...it wasn't the job he was unhappy about, it was the people he worked with that he was unhappy about, especially his supervisor. {Veronica mentioned in her post last week about never disagreeing with the boss's wife...let me add on that it is absolutely not a good idea to disagree with the boss's pet employee.} Anyways, when he called to tell me he quit his job, I was upset. I was so tempted to call him an idiot but I could hear in his voice that he regretted what he did so I just told him to come home. At that time I was pregnant with child number seven (yes we had two kids after he lost his first job, one adopted and the other surprised baby).

There was one more job after the job he quit that he also called me from his phone in Honolulu to tell me about. Again, same thought but never did I voice it. It seemed like we were a lot closer than before, he was coming to me for my advice and I've joined him full force on the job search. Whenever he got an interview, he would call me as soon as he finished to tell me about and then asked about how I feel about this job or that job. Yes, I think I've prayed more in those times than I've prayed before...not just that he got a job, but one that he would get along with his co-workers and please dear God, make it a job close to home. All those times he commute to town to work, he would leave 5 in the morning and come at 7 at night, I felt like I was a single mom...a lot of the times I have to be two places at once for the kids. Oh yes, money was really tight...but I can honestly say that even with all that not knowing if my hub would get a job and stick with it, the only big bill that worried us was our mortgage.

We were so used to living within our means that him going from job to job didn't really devastated us as much. A real cool plus...if you haven't started or ever heard of it, besides having savings to fall back on, have a food storage. That cut down on the grocery bill worry. Yes, you have to get creative on eating canned foods but at least, it beats starving to dead or it reduced the amount of money spent on grocery, especially at a time like that.

Now that my hub has gotten a job working for his Alma Mater, about five minutes away from our house, I look back on those hard years and can only conclude that everything happens for a reason. My hub is happier with his current job and I am not as naive as I used to be and have learned to not take things for granted. Those years were hard, yet in some ways it had brought our family much closer.

Thanks Shelle for letting me post this today. I know you have to rearrange some of the scheduled post to accomodate me...You are BEST!! Mahalo!

In-Laws Involvement with Grandkids or Lack of It

First, I want to let Sage know that I enjoyed his post on this topic tremendously. Which brings me to do a flip side post for the topic.

See, my family {meaning my hub, kids and myself} live in Hawaii which is practically a halfway point from each side of our family {his side of the family and my side of the family}. The only way either parents or grandparents in my kids' case can get involved with the kids is through air which we all know can be very costly. And of course, my hub and I like it just fine this way. I like having to do this parenting all on my own with the help of the hubby without any other interference from either parents. Oh don't get me wrong, I don't mind a few word of advice here and there but just the thought of my MIL or my mom undermining my authority when it comes to my kids is enough to drive me bonkers.

On the other hand, my MIL had taken this non-involvement to a whole new level. We've been living in our current place of residency for seventeen years and in all that time, she's only visited three times and each of those visits, the longest she ever stay was a total of one week. She had recently gained custody of her daughter's (my SIL's) two boys so basically her life is pretty much wrapped up around those boys. So the last time she came to visit, which was this past May for my daughter's high school graduation, she brought one of the grandson with her. That was a little on the hurtful side because her attention is not all focused on my kids, but on her other grandson who by the way lives with her and is therefore not deprived of her attention.

She used to be sooo good when it comes to Christmas and birthdays...she sends all of her grandchildren, not just the ones living here in Hawaii but all the other ones on the mainland, Birthday and Christmas gifts on time but since she had decided to play legal guardian to her other grandkids, she's totally slacked off. My kids would be lucky if MIL actually remember to give them a call on their birthdays.

I am grateful that my MIL is not too involved with my kids when it comes to parenting but I'm not too happy about the fact that she basically isn't playing her grandmotherly duty too well. Correct me if I'm mistaken, but in my opinion or from what I know, the grandparents are famous for doting and spoiling their grandchildrent...so yes, I feel cheated in a way that my In-Laws are not doing that to my kids.

Which brings me this question...do grandparents only tote on their grandchildren if they're allowed to take part in the discipline part?

Late....AGAIN

My husband is always late for things. Whether to work, church, appointment, you name it, he can be counted on to be late for those functions. I thought it seems kind of ironic because I've been told or it is actually a fact that islanders (I'm an islander) are usually so laid back that timing is not important to them whereas Haoles (that's what Hawaiians call white folks from the mainland USA) who are fast lane people, being on time is crucial (generally speaking, of course). For some reason, my hubby and I seem to have reverse this role. If any of you have never been to an island get-together, let me just tell you that if an islander tells you that the set time is at a certain time, you can almost always bet that whatever the event is, it isn't going to start exactly on time, in fact, if you get there half an hour late, you're actually on time. So I think this might be just perfect for my hubby.

I don't like to be late for anything. I'd rather be early than being late and I try to make sure I get to where I'm going at least ten minutes early. I guess this was something I grew up doing, all those teachers giving me and my fellow classmates such a hard time for being late that it had become a part of life for me. As I get older, I don't like being late mainly because I don't like to draw attention to myself. Believe me, it's very difficult to be on time with seven kids. But I've learned over the years how to make it work for me to get to my appointments, church, meetings on time even with seven kids in tow. And because of the number of kids I have, I know there's always going to be some mishap that happens right as we're walking out the door which I always anticipate so I prepare myself for it. If I am not running late, I can actually take care of the problem and still make to my appointment on time.

My hubby, on the other hand, doesn't seem to care about being late. If we're late for church or a doctor's appointment, it's usually because we were waiting for him. Our kids know now that if they are in a hurry to get somewhere, to school, work, or even to a party, if they want to be on time, mom would be the person to get them there ON TIME. Forget about asking dad unless they want to be late getting there. This used to be such a big problem, a huge irritation for me, I would get so frustrated that I would literally give him the silent treatment or sometimes just nagged the living daylights out of him. Of course that wasn't the way to go because we would end up fighting and that made him want to be late even more on purpose just to tick me off.

So I came up with a solution: instead of nagging about it, I set the clock ten minutes early. Not only that but if let's say I have a doctor's appointment and I want him to come with me and the appointment is at ten in the morning, I tell him the apoinment is at nine. That way if he takes time in the shower, which he likes to do or take forever to get ready and add in his driving, we would actually get to my appointment on time (thirty minutes after nine which is perfect because we are half an hour early). I know this may sound like I tricked him but it worked to both of our advantage, I'm not late for my appointment and he was able to do everything he wanted to do before we leave and he didn't have a wife who was cranky at him for making her late.

He is actually fortunate that where he works now, the boss is pretty mellow, being late is not that important to him, as long as everyone gets their job done at the end of the day, he's ok with it. The question asked was: should it matter if we're late? Well, I would say yes and no. There are some things that being late for is not an issue and then there are some things we should never be late for. Just depend on the individual. I don't like to be late for church mainly because I don't like people looking at me when I walked in trailed by my kids, such a distraction. I don't like being late for a meeting or school and a doctor's appointment. And if I was working outside the home, it's a must that I am not late for that. And getting my kids to school on time is another absolute must. Going to parties or some other functions that are mainly for entertainment, I'm totally flexible on the time.

What about you...does it matter if you're late? Are you or spouse never on time? Should it matter?

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

I have a wonderful time reading all these Compatibility posts. I especially love Daddy Geek Boy's post because it sounded like something I could have written about me and my hub, he was like my hubby in someways and I was like his wife in someways...

Today I thought I'd share a couple of my favorites about the difference between men and women. After reading this post that Shelle wrote a while back, I've decided to do this post I'm doing today. There have already been several very interesting compatibility posts that are extremely wonderful and I would like to add a little something of mine to it. The two points I listed below are a couple of my favorite on the difference between men and women.

Here goes.....

Men have a certain amount of words that they have to use a day, way way less than the women. (I've test this out so I actually believe this one.) So when they use up said amount, no amount of coaxing or bribery would get them to talk..lol. Since majority of men work outside the home, they've spent most of that time either talking to their co-workers, clients, bosses or whoever and by the time they get home, they're all talked out and the women, who's home all day, talking to kids all day is dying to have some adult conversation {and even if you're a woman who works outside the home, talking all day at work is probably just scratching the surface of your word limit}.

Here's an example:
Hubby comes home from work...wife greets him at the door for her usual welcome kiss.

Wife: Hi hon.
Hub: Hi
Wife: How was your day?
Hub: Fine..
Wife: I had a great(or aweful) day today and you would never guess what (insert kid name) did today. She/he did the most amazing thing (or you can point out a negative thing the kid did) today.......
{Wife then proceeds to list the million amazing (awful) things kid did.
Wife: You hungry? I made _______ for dinner and it's a new recipe, I hope you're gonna love it.

Hubby's walking toward the bedroom while the wife is relating about her day, (who she saw that day that the hubby would never guess), to change out of work clothes and so forth. He then comes back to the dinner table and dinner was served and wife is still going hundred mph on her day, what bargain she found at the store, what the teacher said about the kid. And the whole time, hubby is not saying anything.

And whenever wife pause to ask a question to the hubby, his answers are usually a one syllable word and then wife takes over again, this time catch hubby up on the latest neighborhood gossip.
I'm sure sometimes this can be a really good conversation if the woman just want to get things off her chest but if it is the kind of conversation where the wife wants feedback, it can be a very messy one cuz the wife will definitely walk away that night huffing and feeling hurt and sure enough the hubby will be denied his ambrosia, so to speak.

So ladies, if you ever get caught in this situation, catch them in the morning. They will definitely talk your ears off...lol, and of course now would be the perfect time to join a woman's group.

Another example that I find interesting is that women have the ability to multi-task whereas men, they can only focus on one task at a time. Check out this post. There's a diagram on there so focus on that diagram for a little while reading this. On that diagram, if a man was sent to the store (mall) to buy something, he goes straight to the store, buys the item which takes him about 6 to 10 minutes and comes straight home and which will probably take him no more than an hour(or more) depending on the distance.

If a woman were to run the same errand, that could actually take up the whole day..why? Because along the way, she remembers she needs to drop off or pick something up from so and so's house and of course it's very rude to just pop in and out so she does a little chit chat to catch up on things, then on the way, she might see something that catches her attention on the side of the road and gets out to admire it and I'm not even going to cover the time she gets to the store...if it's a mall, why of course she needs to check out her favorite shops so she can check out their deals and while she's at a certain store, she remembers there's a b-day coming up for one of the kids' friends so she has to go to a gift shop and so on. By the time she's done with her shopping errand, she's probably covered at least three different errands along the way.

I find these two little tidbit to be very fascinating for me because even though I'd like to think that I'm the exception to this norm, I find it's not so, I fit in there perfectly. And you know something, I actually like it, I like that my hubby is so much different than I am, because these are minor things and to me, it actually adds something to the marriage. As long as we are striving for the same goals about our family, I'm perfectly ok with a little incompatibility.

Let's see how many of you guys can contradict me on these and how many of you gals can back me up or vice versa. I dare ya!! LOL

Question for today is: How often would you like to have sexual relations? Answer for yourself and how it is compatible or not compatible with your spouse.

"It's easier to REPENT of the deed than to ask for PERMISSION"

Huh, what was that?

This is actually a saying that my friend came up with when we both found out that our hubbies seem to have the same annoying condescending authoritative habit of telling us what we need or DO NOT need.

For example, when my hubby and I are at a store shopping and we'll be pushing our cart along and I saw something that I know either I NEEDED or the kids NEEDED....I picked up said item and asked hubby if we can buy it or if he wasn't with me when I picked out the item, his automatic reflex would usually be he grabbed the item and put it back on the shelf or took out of the cart with the response,
"sorry, WE don't need this stuff".

Me, usually thinking, "hmmmp hello, of course WE don't need it but I need it...I wouldn't have put it in there in the first place if I don't need it. Just because you don't need it doesn't mean that I don't".

Most of the time I just kept quiet about it because I sooo did not want to cause a scene so what did I do? We go home, unload our car, the next day when he goes to work, I go back to the same store and buy the item.

So then the hubby finds out later that I'd gone back and bought the item he rejected, he usually go into some ranting and raving but there's not much he could do about it since I've bought it already and there was no way I am returning said item.

Interesting thing is I found out a few of my friends have the same problem...hubbies constantly shooting down the wives' suggested needed items at the store and they ended up retaliating the same way I do.

Because this happened so many times, I've reduced to just buying whatever it is I feel I needed that I know hubby would turn down and then let him know about it later. I was talking to my friend about this one day and she started laughing because that was the same thing she is dealing with too.

That's where title of this post come in place. I know some of you may think this is underhanded of me to do this but seriously..think about it. If that was you and every time you ask your hubby or tell him that you wanted to buy something and his answers are always ALWAYS, "no, we don't need it", what would you do? I'm sorry but I don't usually shop on a whim...I know perfectly well what our finance situation is and I am very careful when it comes to spending money. So when I said I need a certain item....I MOST CERTAINLY do need that item...notice I did not say WANT but NEED. His response of WE usually means that HE doesn't need it so if he doesn't need it, I do not need it, according to his logic.

So tell me ladies...your hubbies ever done this to you or have you ever done this to your hubbies? And if your answer is yes, what do you do about it? Do you find any truth to my post TITLE or you think that's a load of crap (lol)?