Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Group Therapy: Question on Race and Religion

Welcome To Group Therapy:

I had just a question come in anonymously for Group Therapy.  So answer in comments.

"Would you seriously date, or marry someone from a different race?  What about a different religion?"

That's it! Discuss amongst yourselves.

***If you have any questions or problems that you would like to have addressed in Group Therapy please email me at blokthoughts@gmail dot com orrealworldvenusmars @ gmail dot com.

Leave your advice in the comments, comment on other comments, and feel free to comment Anonymously.


heelsnstocking said...

I have had dinner and attention from Arabs as I work in the middle east sometimes and I must say I would never be tempted to go any further as I detest how they deal with females. The are 3rd class citizens and that is as a society not just as men in general.

I do also dislike when people play the race or religion card. We are who we are and either we click and work at the other stuff or we don't.

TisforTonya said...

Marriage is hard work. Choosing to add difficulties INTO that already hard work is a hard choice.

That said - I don't necessarily see different races as a difficulty... different Cultures (religion, where you're raised, etc...) is a much larger hurdle for me.

In my own marriage we have the same religion, but were raised (obviously) by different parents and thus there are some differences in how we view things even within the religion. We have dealt with these as they come up and have tried to present a unified front for our children so that someday they will be able to argue with their spouse too.

I have a good friend who met, dated, and married a boy from another country. You know what they argue about most? Not the color of his skin! It's the cultural differences - the different ways they "value" extended family, etc... Even my BIL whose wife is from Russia and who has a wonderful marriage - cultural issues can be difficult

That being said - Yeah - I wouldn't have too much difficulty dating outside my race (if I were available)... outside my religion? That might be more difficult - I actually DID date outside my religion... and frankly, dating within my religion presented more problems...

Even a guy (or girl) who goes to the same church may not have the same values - THIS is what I'm trying to teach my children...

okay, okay - something is wrong when my comments are longer than the post :)

DCHY said...

I'm with HnS on that...I wouldn't date those who participate in the religion that dictates mistreatment of women, advocates violent means against others, or practices false concept about others (like KKK). Other than that, I'm good.

Anonymous said...

I would marry someone outside my race before I married someone outside of my beliefs, be those beliefs religious or political (which anymore are one and the same it seems, or at least go hand and hand).

I don't think I would marry outside of my more specific beliefs. I don't think I'd marry a Catholic, Mormon, Seventh Day Adventist etc etc etc.

I do not think I would marry someone outside of my race. I would and have however rolled around naked with people in both categories and have friends all over the map as far as race is concerned.

I think it would add stress to an already stressful situation if you didn't see basic beliefs the same way be they religious or political.

I also think I would feel the same if I was a different race or my beliefs were different. I think the more my race was in the minority the more I would want to marry and breed within it. Say I was and Apache Indian. I'd do my damndest to marry inside that, or an Eskimo or something.

There ya go.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Apparently Sage and I can't get married. Big let down, not sure I can move on or answer coherently through my tears and sobs since he specifically said he couldn't marry a Mormon. Sigh.

Give me a minute everyone while I compose myself.

Heh... :)

I would date outside of my race and religion and have done both. But probably not seriously when it comes to religion.

That is the basis of who I am. Marriage, for me, involves sharing all of me, it would be difficult if I didn't have someone to share my beliefs with or if they didn't believe the same as I; and then children being involved? I would definitely fight to raise them in what I believe. So it would be harder for me as far as beliefs go to marry someone with different beliefs.

Race is not as big of a deal actually. Cultural differences yes, but actual race... nah. I dated a polynesian and absolutely thought he could be the one. Loved him to pieces and he was super hot. But our cultural differences soon separated us-his parents were traditional and they were highly involved in the traditions of their cultural. I got that and respected it and decided it wasn't for me. We did, however, have the same religious background. But if they weren't so strict with their cultural traditions and willing to meet me half way with things, for example, what we would have done if we would have gotten married, Luau or reception... I wouldn't have had a problem. :) But it was their way or no way... that's just how they were. I actually saw him not long ago. He married a girl who is smokin hot (and caucasian) and has the most adorable twin girls... that sucks ;) I kid. Was so happy to see him.

Anyway. Yes to dating as long as it wasn't serious and no to marriage as far as beliefs but yes to race as long as we could meet half way with cultural differences. :)

Jessica Stier said...

I don't think marriage outside of my race would be an issue unless there were cultural differences that couldn't be combined with mine. Like Shelle said, if he wouldn't be able to at least meet halfway, there would be issues. That can apply to someone in the same race.

Religion is a completely different matter, to me. I would not be willing to marry someone who wasn't of my religion. There are too many things that I believe that span past the scope of this lifetime and that are core believes for me. If we didn't connect on those issues I wouldn't take it to the alter.

Anonymous said...

I dated outside my race, my culture and my religion. However, when it came to marriage and raising children, the religion issue was a big deal to me. I have seen people make it work, but those that have been successful at it are cases where religion was not all that important to one or both of the parties. (At least as it pertains to their children)

Race didn't matter to me. Culturally speaking though, I dated guys from a few different cultures while living in different regions of the world. Some cultures did not pose much of a problem for me. Others were more difficult for me in terms of relationships, largely because of the role of women in that culture was not something that I felt comfortable with. And let's face it, in the long run the guy may not have been comfortable with an independent, headstrong woman either. ; )

Anjeny said...

I think I'm going to join Shelle and cry my eyeballs out since Sage is completely out of the picture for me...LOL.

Shelle, at least you only have one thing against you as far as he's concerned...I have both of those things he mentioned against me...I'm a Mormon AND of different race..ouch, the pain oh the pain, I will never recover...ahahah.

Aight, I'm gonna get serious. I married outside my race, I've actually had my mind set up since I was a little girl to marry outside of my race and I did just that despite my grandma's misgivings. Good thing for both of us is that he's had some exposures to my culture and I his so there are some things from both cultures that we both agree and disagree on, so we pretty much discard some of the things we both don't see as beneficial to either one of us. I'm fine with that and so does my hub.

Yes, we do have struggles in our marriage but it's never about the difference in our race. Being of the same religion has been a great benefit for us both also. So to answer the question, I would totally marry outside my race(as you can see I did) but I wouldn't marry someone from a different religion.

Playfully Yours said...

I ONLY date outside my race. I agree there are some issues that do come up. Those sometimes seem so trivial considering all of the other things going on in the world today.
I respect peoples thoughts and their opinions on mixed races but I guess the hard part I have is WHY punish me for it (Or my kids)??!! There are times that you fall in love despite all of your objections...your heart says different.
I would think long and hard when it came to religion but that would be a big deal prior to making the marriage deal, if you know what I mean.
Love this post. (Want to post more but don't have time)

April said...

I have dated outside my race and religion. Dating outside my race was no big deal for me, but dating outside of my religion was very difficult. Not being able to agree on some basic core beliefs was at best VERY trying. In one relationship we agreed not to talk about either of our religions. He was Catholic and I being Mormon. That relationship helped to point out to me what I valued in a long-term relationship.