Group Therapy: Love him enough to let him go

Group Therapy: We have another group therapy this week. This just came in, please give your advice and help or whatever you have to say in comments.

"I am such an idiot. I set myself up; there's no one but myself to blame. It's my fault I fell headlong into impossible love with another woman's husband. I didn't ask for it. I didn't want to. I certainly didn't plan to. He didn't either. People don't plan these things, or even seek them out.


People seek out affairs, they seek out quick fucks and meaningless momentary escapes from their lives, but I am convinced they do not set out to fall in love with someone else's spouse. This road can lead to nowhere but pain.


At first, with the newness of falling in love, the attention he lavished on me, and the myriad ways he was so different from the monster I married I convinced myself the flight would be worth the fall. I thought I could handle the pain, even welcomed it because even though I'd have to face it eventually, it would mean I'd lived. It would mean I'd rolled the dice and won, just for awhile. I embraced the pain I knew would come because I convinced myself that I could handle it. I could control how much loved him.


Oh, how very wrong I was.


I am in the pain now. I am in a world of hurt I didn't realize existed. I have never been loved by a man before. I was never loved by my husband or any of the men I dated before him. They loved my body, my looks, or my money, but never me. This man, this other woman's husband saw me. And he loved me. He loved me in spite of my flaws and my impossible situation. He loved me before he knew I was rich. He loved me before he knew of my connections or what I could offer him. He loved me.


I know what you're thinking. I know that everyone looks at adultery and shakes their heads. When the adulteress says, "it's different" eyes roll and tongues cluck in disbelief and even some disgust. That's okay. I understand that; I've done that. But this was different, ridiculous as I know it sounds.


I knew from the onset that he would not leave his wife. I don't think I loved myself enough to allow that to be a deal breaker but I know I loved him enough to understand his reason - his children - and to support his decision because I love him enough to want what's best for him. And his babies are his whole world. He is as addicted to his children as I am to mine and I don't know if he could stand the thought of being apart from them if he left his wife. He's not a part time kind of daddy.


And, naively, a small part of me I didn't even acknowledge existed thought that maybe someday, when they were grown or at least older, things would be different. Regardless, I loved him even though I wasn't enough. I loved him (at least in part) because I wasn't enough, I think. I would have thought less of him if he'd have put me before his children. I would never want him to do that and so I accepted the situation as it was.


His wife found out today. Honestly, at this point I don't know how much she knows. The phone call was brief, to the point, and so very very devastating. "It's me, baby. Things are very bad here. She knows. I'll call you when I can. I love you. I'm so sorry."


And my world has crumbled. There is an iron fist wrapped around my heart and who can I even tell? It's such a shameful, dirty secret I cannot even have the luxury of hurting over it.


There is one person in my life who knows my secret. I told this person today that his wife found out and the response I got was, "Well you should be glad! He'll get divorced now for sure!" I am many, many things, but glad is not one of them. I love him enough that I want him spared of all pain, even if sparing him means taking it on myself. No, I'm not happy he may be getting a divorce. I'm devastated for him because I know that if it happens and he is separated from his children, an essential part of him will be changed forever. I would rather never see him again than see him destroyed.


I learned a very hard lesson today. Love does not conquer all. Just because we're in love does not mean we can be together. I do not embrace this pain anymore. I'm not so sure anymore that it's worth it. My heart is broken, partly for what I am sure is the loss of this man who, despite his flaws and despite what you must think about his character considering he claims to love me but stays married to another woman, truly did love me very well, but mostly for him and what he now faces.. And I have to love him enough, now, to let him go."

Anonymous

Group Therapy: How important are blogger's in your life?

Just received this in an email... thought I'd pass it along:

"I have a question I need help with.  I know you talk about relationships usually concerning marriage or dating couples.  But my question is about relationships with other bloggers.  How much does a blogger's relationship with those they get to know online blogging affect their real life?  Should it?  How much relevance do most blogger's put on a relationship with people they formed through reading their blogs, emails, chats? 

I'm not really a blogger myself but I've become curious about this question as I continue to figure out what this blogging thing is all about. In fact, this will be my very first contribution to ANY blog."

Okay post in comments your advice or opinion on what this person has to say.  Twitter or Facebook this post if you know someone who can help this person out with their questions!

***We would love to hear from you guys! If you have something you want discussed in Group Therapy email me at blokthoughts @ gmail dot com-- Subject: Group Therapy.

Comment, follow comments, come back and discuss others comments, and feel free to comment anonymously!

Group Therapy: Frustrated

Welcome To Group Therapy:

"My wife and I are great friends.  We get along really well in all aspects of our life, but one, sex.  She just doesn't enjoy it and I want it all of the time.  I always feel like I'm begging her and she always feels like I'm nagging her for it.  This is the one thing in our marriage that we can't seem to come to a compromise on and I'm all out of ideas. It's a big enough deal to me that I'm starting to be bitter about it.  Lotion, my hand, and alone time is getting old.


I was wondering if there were people out there in my same situation.  If there is, or if anyone has any ideas, I am all ears.


I love my wife.  


What should be our first step in helping this part of our lives.


Frustrated"

Okay you guys know the drill.  Please leave your advice in comments, and feel free to comment on other peoples comments.

So what I need from you guys... Group Therapy.

Image from HERE

Today is suppose to be Group Therapy.

I need therapy.

I'm out of topics.  Got nothin.

So what I need from you guys today and the next few days is either to THROW out topics either in the comment box or my email address blokthoughts@gmail.com SUBJECT line: RWTOPICS, OR tell me what you are going to write about in comments (with an attached email address) or email me what you want to write about and send me it and I'll publish it if it goes along with the blog.

If you didn't know yet, the person that helped me out with this blog is no longer around--so I'm trying to decide what I want to do next.  If I want to go about it alone, find another helper, or let the blog have a break for a while.

I still have a few things I need to post, a meet the blogger tomorrow and another one.  Elaina's getting to know her post for winning our little contest, and a few things people have sent in.  But then I'm done.

So I'm asking for your help.

If I don't get any... that's okay, I'll just take a break so that I can study up on how I want to continue with this blog.

I sure hope it's doing some good.

Love ya,

Shelle

Group Therapy: Divorce-Leave or Forgive-Second Chances

If you were to walk in on your significant other cheating on you, how would you react?

Would Divorce/leaving be a definite? No matter what they said or did?  Or would you consider forgiving them and giving them another chance?

I'll give my answer in comments, but my friends and I discuss this a lot and I'm truly surprised at their responses.

What about you guys?

Let us know in comments.

Group Therapy: What's better for my kids?

Welcome To Group Therapy:

Here is a write in question for you guys.  Please let her know what you think and/or give her your advice.

"My husband and I have been married for 12 years and I've been home with our two kids for 10 of those years.  After months of marriage counseling, we've decided to live apart for awhile and see if that's really what would be best for our family.  I've come to realize that I don't  enjoying being a full time parent.  I'm thinking that the kids might be better off spending the majority of their time with their dad.  I find myself getting frustrated very easily with my oldest (10) and we definitely push each others buttons.  Lately I've resorted to a lot of yelling which isn't good for anybody.  I am afraid that my family and my husbands (not to mention our friends) will villify me if I don't fight for primary custody.  Do your readers have any advice for me? Am I a bad mother because I don't think being the primary caregiver right now is the best thing for my kids?"

Sincerely,


MailItToMe


***We would love to hear from you guys! If you have something you want discussed in Group Therapy email me at blokthoughts @ gmail dot com-- Subject: Group Therapy.

Comment, follow comments, come back and discuss others comments, and feel free to comment anonymously!

Group Therapy: Which is better - to be brutally honest or to keep the status quo?

Welcome to Group Therapy--Where we help each other through advice and comments.

Here is the question I got in email:  Can you help?  Do you have any suggestions?

Which is better - to be brutally honest or to keep the status quo?

After x number of years together and several kids, I'm to the point where I want to say 'let's just be friends.' Is it better to risk hurting someone you care about in order to find happiness in your own life again? Or would you stay and bite back what you want just to make someone else happy?


Anonymous.

***We would love to hear from you guys! If you have something you want discussed in Group Therapy email me at blokthoughts @ gmail dot com-- Subject: Group Therapy.

Comment, follow comments, come back and discuss others comments, and feel free to comment anonymously!

Group Therapy: Question on Race and Religion

Welcome To Group Therapy:

I had just a question come in anonymously for Group Therapy.  So answer in comments.

"Would you seriously date, or marry someone from a different race?  What about a different religion?"

That's it! Discuss amongst yourselves.

***If you have any questions or problems that you would like to have addressed in Group Therapy please email me at blokthoughts@gmail dot com orrealworldvenusmars @ gmail dot com.

Leave your advice in the comments, comment on other comments, and feel free to comment Anonymously.

Group Therapy: In-Laws

Welcome To Group Therapy:Where we help each other through advice and comments.

"Hey Shelle please keep me anonymous. I've been married for 12 years. My in-laws have made my marriage a living Hell for all 12 of those years. They hate me and have from the very beginning. They are constantly intrusive. I may be part of the problem by not allowing them to boss my wife around and I've encouraged her to be her own person, to tell them no when they try to tell her what to do with ANYTHING from cooking to parenting to dating and marrying me. It has effected our relationship because I never want to do anything that involves them. My wife argues that our children deserve to know their grandparents, and I agree, but I don't have to be there. I'm respectful, because they are her parents, to a point, but I won't allow them to make our decisions. It causes a lot of controversy and we've stayed up many nights 'discussing' them. In fact, on our way to visit them it is guaranteed one of us won't be happy when we get there.


I am wondering what your readers do about their in-laws? Should I bite the bullet and just be respectful of my elders, or should I let it continue to eat at me and our relationship? And how would they suggest going about that?"

***If you have any questions or problems that you would like to have addressed in Group Therapy please email me at blokthoughts@gmail dot com orrealworldvenusmars @ gmail dot com.

Leave your advice in the comments, comment on other comments, and feel free to comment Anonymously.

Group Therapy: STD

Welcome To Group Therapy:

We had someone write in a question! Please Please everyone, DO THIS--We WANT you to write in your questions and concerns to bring to Group Therapy! And do it Anonymously...or not.

Here you go:

"Question--anonymous please

The decision to have sex/relationship with someone with an STD.

I have known a girlfriend of mine for many years and she has an STD, herpes.
I am fully aware of her sexual indiscretions as she is of mine. She pulls in more sexual encounters than myself without an STD.

How does one make the decision to have sex with someone risking exposure to themselves?

I know there have been plenty of suitors who didn't even care and didn't want to even use protection with her. I can't even comprehend that. NO CONDOM NO SEX!!!!! I would NEVER have sex with anyone knowing they had any kind of STD, would you? (Maybe I am a bit critical)

So when is it appropriate to present this information to a mate when starting a courtship, in the immediate beginning or after things get more serious?

If you tell someone at the beginning and they can't deal with it then there was no chance to see where things could have went and if you wait you still run the chance that they walk after feelings are involved.

Once you have decided to accept ALL of this person and things go sour, then what? Assuming at some point you stop using condoms.

She was always open about it but also lost good people because of it. My heart always went out to her because it would go both ways and I could see her hurting.

Signed,

I hope this never happens to me!"

***Well there you go guys. What is your opinion? Let them know. Feel free to comment anonymously if you feel more comfortable doing so. Comment and then follow or feel free to come back and comment on other peoples comments.

Group Therapy: Did I over react?

WELCOME TO GROUP THERAPY

This is where people write in and ask for advice. So read and please comment.

Saturdays are all about the kids dance classes, I'm a taxi and I love it. It’s my day to be proud I don’t see it as a chore.

The last of the classes ended and we headed home, it was about 6pm. The son was playing out and the husband enjoying a beer watching footy. At 6.30pm I asked what time the son had to be back, (he is only 6 years old and whilst you got to let them have some freedom it comes with boundaries and controls. The ones I set are no further than the park and if he goes in a friends house we have to know which one and agree times to come home).

"He is due back soon" hubby says, I continue to prepare tea. At 7pm I ask "who is he with?", “I dunno” was the reply “a little guy on a bike” . What time did you say he should be back “he couldn’t find his watch so I didn’t say when”.

I grab my bike and get the girls to get their’s and do a lap of the estate and he is no where to be seen.

I go into mild panic but control and strategy are also present. I go back to ask the husband "is he on his bike his scooter or what?" “why you all mad at me” he says “I’m not the one who’s late”.

Using carefully chosen language that I shall not repeat “it's about finding him right now not your ability to act as a responsible parent” he said “more like you are being neurotic, he will be fine, he will come home soon”.

Really would you sit at home waiting to find out or would you knock on every friends door until you found him?

I did, he was in the 6th house colouring in Ben 10 posters.

When we got home and I had a calm chat with the son about being specific about where he was and who he was with he said, "I told Daddy I was in Lewis’s house and he said ok". The husbands memory instantly returned and he said, "yeah the little guy was called Lewis!"

All he had to do was take some responsibility and remember some basic info and none of that would of happened. Instead he told me I was being unreasonable and dramatising something that didn’t need to be.

Or was I over reacting?

Sincerely,

Heels X

Group Therapy: Commitment

Welcome to Group Therapy:

I didn't have a write in (please feel free to send in your questions or concerns on marriage or relationships for our Wednesday Group Therapy Sessions) so I thought I'd use this time to bring up something I have been thinking about lately.

What does it take to have a Long Lasting Relationship?

What is the secret?

I read articles that friendship was the key...but I think that is to simple. That is why you begin a relationship, but not fully why it lasts.

Love? Definitely...but that doesn't always get you through the rough times, some people love each other and STILL get divorced.

So as I browsed and read and wasted several hours minutes one word kept popping up that for me seems to be the key to our marriage. Sure we have only been married for 10 years, but by some standards that's a really LONG time!

That word is commitment.

I don't think enough couples take that seriously or respectfully. I think commitment weathers you through the storms or those times that you question WHY you love your partner or HOW you are friends with them. Commitment is telling that other person, "hey, I'm in it for the long haul, so even if I want to really walk out and leave you and this situation, I'm not going to because I said 'til death do us part' or 'forever' or 'I'll change your diapers when you no longer can'", whatever it is you said. You made a promise and I think believing and knowing there is no other option than the two of you for as long as you made that commitment, I think it changes the way you go about handling certain situations.

Knowing that if you walk out on something unresolved that it will just be waiting for you when you get back to resolve it, may help you to just turn around and face it, get the situation resolved, and move on with life.

Commitment: the secret to a long lasting relationship?

You tell me? If you had to choose ONE thing that was the key to a relationship lasting what word pops in your mind?

Shelle

Group Therapy: Am I asking to much?

WELCOME TO GROUP THERAPY-Where we give each other advice through comments!

Before we start I did want to say: "Happy St. Patrick's Day" from Real World Venus vs. Mars- remember to pinch those not wearing green!!!

"I'm writing in just for advice. I'm at my wit's end really and since divorce for me isn't an option nor is it what I want I guess I'm just wanting opinions. Before we were married I knew my husband liked to drink, alcohol. I do not drink. As we dated he gave it up, I think partially for me because it was really hard for me to get intimate with him when I could barely stand the smell of alcohol on his breath.

After a few years of marriage he started taking up drinking on the weekends again. He's definitely a different person when he drinks and it's not that I hate that person, I just don't enjoy him. It's like he endures the week just to get drunk on the weekends. He's so into "relaxing/drinking" on the weekends with buddies and co-workers that I feel neglected. I don't go out with him because I have no interest in drinking. Sure it's usually one night a Friday or a Saturday but it seems selfish to me. He works all week and I see him maybe an hour or so at night as we sit and relax before I drift off to sleep.

We just found out we are pregnant and I'm at a quandary. I want him to stop drinking for good, I don't want to have to worry about him getting "wasted" on the weekends or having that as an example for our children. But is that asking to much? He doesn't drink during the week nor does he have alcohol around the house he only drinks when he goes out with his friends AND he sleeps in the guest bedroom when he comes home after one to many drinks because he knows I can't stand the smell of it. I can live with it if I absolutely have to, but I don't want to.

So readers of Real World Venus vs. Mars am I asking to much? Am I over worried? Should I approach him about it or will that bring unnecessary drama in our relationship?"

***If you have any questions or problems that you would like to have addressed in Group Therapy please email me at blokthoughts@gmail dot com orrealworldvenusmars @ gmail dot com.

Leave your advice in the comments, comment on other comments, and feel free to comment Anonymously.

Group Therapy: Women have the power.

WELCOME TO GROUP THERAPY:

We don't have a write in today but I found an interesting article HERE that says Women have the POWER in the relationship, kind of. Here is an exert from the article. Do you agree with it?

"The study at least suggests that the marriage is a place where women can exert some power," said Vogel. "Whether or not it's because of changing societal roles, we don't know. But they are, at least, taking responsibility and power in these relationships. So at least for relatively satisfied couples, women are able to take some responsibility and are able to exert some power -- but it's hard for us to say why that's so."

"Women are responsible for overseeing the relationship -- making sure the relationship runs, that everything gets done, and that everybody's happy," said Murphy, "And so, maybe some of that came out in our findings in terms of women domineering and dominating -- that they were taking more responsibility for the relationship, regardless of whose topic was being discussed.

Vogel said that wives weren't simply talking more than their husbands in discussions, but actually were drawing favorable responses from their husbands to what they said.

"That's what I think was particularly interesting," he said. "It wasn't just that the women were bringing up issues that weren't being responded to, but that the men were actually going along with what they said. They (women) were communicating more powerful messages and men were responding to those messages by agreeing or giving in."

"There's been research that suggests that's a marker of a healthy marriage -- that men accept influence from their wives," said Murphy."

What about your guys' marriages or relationships? Does this apply to you? Women do you see yourself as the one exhibiting your man to "give in" and MEN what do you think about that? Does this ring true?

***We would love to hear from you guys! If you have something you want discussed in Group Therapy email me at blokthoughts @ gmail dot com-- Subject: Group Therapy.

Comment, follow comments, come back and discuss others comments, and feel free to comment anonymously!

Group Therapy-Spouse or Friends?

WELCOME TO GROUP THERAPY!!!


Email:
Someone wrote a post similar to my concern, but my husband when he is around his friends or OUR friends is a different person than when he's just with me. That isn't to say he's horrible with me, but let's say we are in an arguement and he decides to play the silent treatment with me, he would go on for days if I allowed it! But as soon as we see a friend or someone he knows he's all chipper and talking about life and even how proud he is of me. Or let's say one of his buddies get's on his nerves, they argue a bit, he doesn't play silent treatment to them? He forgives them so much more easily than he forgives me. Does this makes sense? Why am I the one that has to deal with that? Is this selfish of me? Is it just part of marriage? I just feel like I should be given more leniency and easier forgiveness then he gives his friends or acquaintenances. What do you guys think? I want your opinion? Am I the only one that feels this way?



Thank you.

***Okay you know what to do guys. Leave your comments and comment Anonymously if you would like!

If you have an issue you would like to post for Group Therapy email me at blokthoughts at gmail dot com.

Group Therapy: Trust and pornography

WELCOME TO GROUP THERAPY:

I emailed Shelle about writing a post for the blog. When I told her what it was about she thought it would be better to do it in this kind of forum.

I have to give SOME background to help with the bulk of the questions.

I feel I'm like any normal male, or most males. I'm average. I say this when I'm talking about pornography. I don't need it and I don't have to watch or look at it, but every now and then when I need a quick pick me up and especially before I was married, it was a fast way to reach the "goal". No harm no foul. If it was there I'd look but nothing obsessive, never ruled my life.

Fast forward to marriage. My wife has never looked at porn. She thought of it as vile and disrespectful to women, even though those women fully engage of their own accord. It was something we talked about before getting married and she said that if I wanted to look at something or watch something that we do it together as a couple, see in her mind, it was worse if I was getting off behind her back or being sneaky about it, so her compromise was together or nothing at all. I agreed to it because like I said before I didn't need it and hell if she wanted to watch and look at it with me I could roll with that.

Not going into a lot of detail because it would suck to listen to, she tried the compromise thing and long story short we looked at porn, really really soft porn.

Fast forward a bit and one day I get sent an email from a friend which sent me to a website with porn. Being a weak human I looked at it. For longer than was probably necessary, I admit, I was guilty and looked at it.

In walks wifey on me. And she flipped. I mean she turned into a whole other person. Screaming, ranting, crying! You would have thought the end of the world was upon us. To say the least, she was not happy about it. I begged to be forgiven. Told her I'd never again look at it unless she was right by my side. Claimed I'd block any friend that sent me that kind of material again. I did whatever I could to try and make it better.

She said she needed time. Time to think about it. Time to let it go.

It's been 2 years. If you were an outsider just walking in on an argument of ours you would think I was caught last week. She still holds it over my head. She still thinks she cannot trust me, even though I haven't looked at porn without her there or knowing about it. She throws out divorce when we argue and blames any problem on the fact that I was the one who caused it by looking at porn.

I love her. I don't want to divorce her. We have a beautiful little boy together. I want my family to stay together.

My questions are: If your spouse or partner did something that made you lose your trust in them and you were able to get past that, how did you do it? Is there anything I can do to make it better, to help her trust me again? Or is there nothing I can do? Is there no hope? Will it only get worse?

***If you have any questions or problems that you would like to have addressed in Group Therapy please email me at blokthoughts@gmail dot com orrealworldvenusmars @ gmail dot com.

Leave your advice in the comments, comment on other comments, and feel free to comment Anonymously.

Group Therapy: Should he have to pay? Is it right?

Welcome to Group Therapy:

Alex commented and wrote a question for everyone to discuss. We decided it needed its own post! So here you go: Please give any advice you feel is helpful for Alex's question.

Hello everyone!

I had squished this post into a comment during one of the last Group Therapy topic. I was actually wondering when I'd get a chance to write a post for this blog. So here it is;

With all the discussions about Child Support a couple of weeks ago, I brought about a question I had in regards to my brother's situation. First, I'd like to tell you about his situation.

My brother met this girl about two years ago ( he was 20 years old at the time, he's now 22 years old). I honestly don't remember the date. They hooked up and started dating. Ok, more like fooling around. He had no idea this girl had children. To be fair, she didn't HAVE her children. Child A was taken from her at the hospital by CAS. Child B was given up for adoption and was taken at the hospital by CAS. Child C was delivered IN JAIL (she was in there for dealing cocaine) and taken from her by CAS. When my brother entered the picture, the girl was fighting to regain custody of Child C. Child C was almost a year old by the time she got him back. She, in the end, won. My brother fell head over heals for this little boy. He's a darling and even I care deeply for him. His one mistake was sticking around in the relationship because of the little boy. He didn't love this girl. He never has. The biological father, btw, is in jail for numerous things (including drug dealing, assault, etc) and has never seen his son.

I'm now going to skip to present time because the middle of the story really has nothing to do with what I'm about to write.

In early October, my niece was born. So now my brother is a father and a proud father at that. He truly loves this little girl and has done everything in his power to support her and provide for her. In December, my brother and his girlfriend broke up. They both agreed on figuring out a visitation schedule without going to the courts. They were being mature about it ( despite both not really being mature adults). They agreed upon the following; My brother would take both kids every second weekend (Friday at 6pm until Sunday at 7pm) and would take them on Thursday evenings. He would purchase all diapers (for both kids) and formula for his daughter and would help out as much as he could financially as long as his ex provided him with copies of receipts. Things have been going well in that sense but utterly horrible between the two of them (fights, threats to go to court for custody, etc).

So that's the situation. Now for the problem;

CAS has now stepped in ( remember, this girl has a running record with CAS and when they caught wind that my brother was no longer in the picture, they became involved). They decided that my brother needs to go to court and have a legal Child Support agreement drawn up. Not only does he need to do this (according to CAS), but he also "legally" has to pay child support to Child C, as well as for his daughter. Their reasoning behind this is because my brother has been part of Child C's life for well over a year (living with him, taking care of him, etc), that he has become financially responsible for Child C.

My opinion;

This is incredibly unfair. Yes, my brother loves this little boy. Yes, he wants to help out by supporting this little boy because he truly feels a bond with him and the little boy thinks of him as " Daddy". I think it's wonderful that they share this bond and even more wonderful that my brother wants to help out by paying extra money each month in order to help support the little boy. I'm very proud of him and have told him numerous times (I have a son who is not biologically my husbands, and so I've been on the other end of this "bond" because my husband feels the same way for my son). However! I do not feel that he should LEGALLY be held responsible. My brother have not adopted this child, nor has he signed any sort of paperwork stating that he would financially support him. Also, from my understanding (and I could be wrong here), the biological father has NOT signed over his biological rights to this child. I have told him that if he fights nothing else in court, that he needs to fight this one. Continue being the good guy and pay a little extra if that's what he wants, but make it so that he doesn't legally have to.

My questions;

I s this actually fair of CAS to ask this of my brother?
Will the Court actually make him pay child support for a child that is not biologically his or legally his? (We're in Canada btw. I know that our legal system is different than that of the USA but some things are generally the same).

Thank you for reading my post and for offering any suggestions, comments, tips and answeres that you may have.

~ Alex
My Blog: My Life, My Glory

Group Therapy-Is his sex drive normal???

Welcome to Group Therapy: where we help each other through advice and comments!

"My husband and I have been married for just over a year. And I'm throwing this out there to see if this is normal.

My husband wants sex all.of.the.time! I mean, morning, and night, and sometimes in the afternoons at our lunch breaks. I can barely keep up with him! When we first got married I just thought it was the over excitement of finally being able to have sex (we waited until we were married to be sexually active), but now I'm just plain worn out! It hasn't gotten better or lightened up, if anything, it has gotten worse!

I understand sex is important in a marriage, but I'm getting to the point where I get up really early in the morning, quietly, so as not to wake him up so that I can get a break. Night time is unavoidable, he will wake me up no matter if I pretend I'm asleep or not, it's just easier if I give in and get it over with!

A few afternoons a week I sneak lunches in my bag for work so that I can work through lunch so I don't feel guilty for not going home. Only because I need a REST. I need a break! I'm was not born with such an extreme sexual drive!!!

I tried talking to him once and he asked if I felt like I needed to see a doctor to get a pill so that my sex drive would match his!?

He says he's normal and that I'm abnormal. And why wouldn't I want sex since it feels so good?I don't want to be a prude, but I think there should be some sort of balance right? Much more of this and I'm afraid it could be a really serious problem for us or me!

Please any advice or validation would help! I'd actually laugh at this if it wasn't ME going through it!--Frustrated beyond measure!"

***If you have any questions or problems that you would like to have addressed in Group Therapy please email me at blokthoughts@gmail dot com orrealworldvenusmars @ gmail dot com.

Leave your advice in the comments, comment on other comments, and feel free to comment Anonymously.

Group Therapy: Sex everyday for 30 days!

Welcome to Group Therapy

Could you have sex with your partner everyday for 30 days?!?

I came upon THIS article and suprisingly it isn't the first time I have heard of this, in fact, some marriage therapist suggest it for those couples who are having sex or intimacy as their primary problem in marriage.

This article even suggests that it helps ones health and can help in getting over an addiction. I kid you not they have proof!

So... could you do it? Could you have Sex EVERYDAY for 30 days with the same life and stresses you have now? Is it practical? What do you think?

***Have any questions or topics you want addressed in Group Therapy? Email us at realworldvenusmars @ gmail dot com or blokthoughts @ gmail dot com.

Please comment and comment on others comments! Have fun and thanks for your opinions!

Group Therapy - SAHPs unite!

I have been a slacker. I have been a worker bee. I have followed. I have led. I have done what I was told to do. I have ordered people to do things against their will. I have done nothing. I have done everything. In between of all that...is me, a man who has worked and lost his job.

I have had extremely stressful jobs and I have had jobs that seemed like I was in paradise. All of that in which I experienced with previous jobs pales in comparison to my current...profession...that I am in, but I can say that what I have learned is not, and never can be, applicable to what I do now.

I am primarily responsible for just one other person for a good portion of the day - from 8 am until about 3 pm and then I am responsible an additional person...sometimes 2. That is when I pick up my older daughter from school, and sometimes I will pick up my wife's best friend's son. The person I spoke of earlier is my younger daughter.

My daughters are literally night and day in terms of personality and how they handle stress/situations. The older one is laid-back but studious and voracious with reading and TV. The younger one is strong-willed and extremely resourceful. Where my older fears to tread, my younger will jump in without any hesitation.

Why am I talking about all of this? How does all this factor into this post? Here's the salient point - what I have learned in all of the jobs I've worked, on all of the committees I've served, and with all the politics of clubs' board of directors is totally useless in the domestic management world.

I can talk about the gender switching ramifications but I'll leave that to others. I can talk about the difficult transition as a man but I'll leave that to others. I can talk about emotional conflicts but I'll leave that to others. What I want to focus on instead is the dynamics of a family with a male SAHP (Stay At Home Parent)...right down to the youngest member.

My younger has learned what "Just a minute" means and when it doesn't...and she is not even 3 years old. When she has ascertained which one I meant, she will harass me until I do what she wants. No, I am not wrapped around her finger. LOL My older has understood what has happened and she has not felt weird or uncomfortable with the change.

However, my wife has chafed at her current role as the breadwinner because she would rather be home and do occasional job assignments when needed. She had that before I lost my job. She made the transition to a full time job and I've never felt threatened or emasculated by her salary.

The dynamics has changed. I used to come home from work and unload. I used to have few hobbies/addictions. I used to do some chores around the house after coming home from work and not complain...much. I used to rely on my wife for additional data whenever my girls talked to me about their day. Not the case anymore.

How else has the dynamics changed? Now, I am happy when my wife comes home so I can shift the burden of domestic management back on her...just like she used to do to me. Naturally, this has created some tension between the two of us because she has forgotten what it was like when she was the SAHP and she just wants to see her girls. I have reminded her on numerous occasions that I used to look forward to seeing my girls when I had a full time as well so I fully understood how she feels.

I have this saying when a tough hand is dealt to someone (or even me) - "Life is a bitch...and she has sisters." ;) Well, there is another saying that fits well here - "Life is how well you play your hand as dealt to you."

I have illustrated how the dynamics has changed when people have to reverse their roles...I would like to hear from you what you think about the dynamics.

Also after reading this I wanted to ask you guys. How do you feel about NV unloading the "domestic management" back onto his wife? Fair or Unfair?--SHELLE

NV