Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I was like Ali on the Bachelorette; I gave up everything for love

Shelle Edit: Megs is new to me, but she seems like someone anyone could have fun with.  Her blog definitely says originality.  She knows all the celeb gossip and Media stuff... it cracks me up. I was so happy when she asked to do a post over here.  I hope she writes for us again, thanks Megs.  Check out her blog HERE.

I believe there is a human need to move away from home at some point. A great example of this is the family on Raising Sextuplets. Have you seen this show? This season the couple has decided to move their family of 8 (No they are not Jon and Kate they just have sextuplets) across the country away from both of their families. I watch this show wanting to pull my hair out. I completely agree with their parents that they are making a huge mistake!

When Hubby graduated from college in December 2oo6, the economy was still good. He had a few job offers to chose from and we had no idea the economy was going to crash. He had never really lived in a big city or away from his family. So he accepted a job 595 miles away from home (when I emailed Shelle about this topic I said, 800 miles, guess it just feels like it). It was going to be an adventure and after a year or two he would move where the company needed him. Three and a half years later we are still 595 miles from our families due to the economy slowing down.

I was like Ali on the Bachelorette; I gave up everything for love. We moved to one of the most beautiful places in the world and then the economy crashed. I struggled for two years trying to get a teaching job. You guys all know how hard teaching jobs are to get in California right now, right? So now I am at a job that isn't fulfilling and live far from my family. You know what they say, happy wife equals happy life. Neither of us planned this or signed up for this.

If we had chosen a different job and stayed near our families we might have bought a house by now. Again, the economy is to blame for us still being renters. Since we rent we don't have a dog like we one day dream of having. We have missed holidays, Sunday night dinners, and lots of fun times with people we love.

I know playing "the what if" game is dangerous because you never really know. I do believe everything happens for a reason but my faith has been put through the ringer. I try to look at the positives. Some of you are probably annoyed that I am complaining when we both have jobs. I know we are lucky. Obviously we both completely appreciate our families and now cherish every minute we get to spend with them. Probably the most positive thing is another what if, what if we hadn’t moved and our relationship didn't progress the same way. That is why I gave it all up for love and took this adventure because I knew nothing else mattered except becoming this man's wife.

How has the economy affected your relationship? Have you ever moved away from your family? Did you move back?

If you want to read about this crazy life we are living and see pretty wedding pictures check out my blog!


Anonymous said...

Great post.

To answer the question at the bottom; I moved an hour away from all of my family and all of my friends. I know it's only an hour but when you've NEVER lived anywhere but with your parents, it was a big deal for me at 21yrs of age.

I moved because this is where hubby's career is. He's a VP. I was a waitress. Made more sense for me to move than for him to move lol.

I HATE where we live. I have since I moved here. We now have our house up for sale and we're moving to where I moved from. I need to be closer to my family and my friends.

PorkStar said...

When I was married, we were at that point in the economy where it was about to crash. As soon as it did, we thought we were spared, but we started feeling the economic distress which slowly started affecting our marriage and within a year everything was gone. Marriage and all. So i applaud to all of you who stand by your spouses regardless of the situation and not like my case where I was left to my own devices.

Anonymous said...

We have had times where we have lived close to family, and have been living 400+ miles from the bulk of our families for 7+ years now. There are definitely benefits & drawbacks to the situation.

The hardest part was not having family support to help with emergencies, or basic day to day stuff with our kids. My husband is gone from home a lot, so it took a while to build a support network of friends.

We do miss family dinners, game nights, etc. But we don't miss some of the family drama. We're close enough to visit throughout the year, but far enough to do our own thing.

We will likely be here for a long time due to my husband's job with the city fire department (I hope). We were elated when my brother moved an hour away from us, and my MIL just bought a home 5 minutes from us!

We have had a mix of easy and difficult periods over 20 years of marriage (Yeesh, we're getting old!). Getting through the rough times together has given us strength and confidence in each other. We have decided that where we live doesn't matter as long as we are together.

Good luck in your adventure and enjoy the positives of your situation!


wendy said...

Well, lucky for me and my hubby right now, we are retired. Not living the high life...but living a good life of DEBT FREE. But worked for 36 years to get there.

anyway, being away from family is one of the hardest things EVER.
I left home at 17....never lived by any of MY family for 40 years.

Had my own family....5 kids and now 10 grandkids.
They all live in Utah where I was.....but I remarried and am now back in Canada......more then 800 miles away.
but I'll tell ya, being away from MY family is incredibly hard sometimes.
I am lucky I get to talk to them every day and we see each other 3 times a year.
Not enough---------I want to be their for the school programs, the soccer games.
and, on the upside, I now live closer to my mom and dad and sister, brother.....who I haven't lived by for 40 years.

Life is always give and take.
and we grow as people along the way.

hope things get better for the both of you soon with this dang economy

Welcome to the Garden of Egan said...

This would be so hard. You do get a ton of support from family relationships.

There was an article in the RD several months ago that talked about families living apart due to the economy. Awful.

California would be tough to live anyway just cuz it is so dang expensive there.

Hope things fall into place for you soon.
Vent all you want.

Gucci Mama said...

Hey, where in California are you? Let's be BFFs.

We just moved here not quite a year ago; I'm about a million miles away from my mom and sister now, which quite sucks.

We don't have money issues, but there's a whole host of other shit in our baggage, and being isolated in a new place without the support system I'm used to having is excessively difficult. I feel you there.

Be thankful, at least, that you have your husband to lean on. Trust me, it's even harder to realize what you've given up when you're a ghost in your own house.

Anyway. Let's be "I hate California BFFs". ;)

CityMom2 said...

Hey Shelle and Megs,
Shelle, REALLY likin this real world thing. You are TOO cool.
Megs, things do get better with time. I'm actually headed to Burbank tomorrow night to see my babies.

SO - to answer the question. I moved out as soon as I was legal. I live in the middle of the state. 1.5 hours from my folks. 2 hours from hub's folks. It's just about the right distance.

BUT, my 15 year old son is an actor. My 24 year old son graduated from college, hated his job and volunteered to become Thing 2's guardian in CA. SO - being away from by babies - I try not to think about it (I do, however, blog/wail occasionally on my site. By car is't 23 hours non-stop.
The nearest hub airport is 2 hours from here plus flight/waiting time. The fastest I've ever made it out there is 16 hours (having to book a same day flight).

The econ out there is BAD. But, it gets better. Life is cyclical. With my first son, Thing 1, we NEVER ate out. I was finishing undergrad and hubs spent the next 20 years bouncing from one job to the next. Oy Vey! I've had my "less than fulfilling, but good health insurance job" for 21 less than inspiring years. We robbed Peter to pay Paul every month.

By the time Thing 2 came along we could afford to put the kids up in their own apartment in CA. So, it just takes time. Dave Ramsey has great financial plans...if you're not churchy you can skip the scripture. His advice is sound.

Good luck, try to get out of bed each day and think of one thing you have in life that most folks don't. Trust me on that one.
Best to both, Citymom

Jessica said...

This post hits close to home for me. Married with one kiddo. Just moved away from family. We are now about 400 miles away. Taking the good with the bad. It has forced my husband and I to lean on each other more, which in our case has brought us closer together. But I must say overall the move has been great for us. My husband was fired from his job 2 years ago which forced us to move in with his parents for 2 years trying to find new employment and catching up on bills that piled up after being fired. Being in the close space with the inlaws for 2 years was rough! Being 400 miles away is like a breath of fresh air!

binks said...

In my early 20's, I moved to Louisiana from South Florida.
Right into the middle of the sticks.
It was a HUGE culture shock and I couldn't find a job.
Love was enough for me back then, and living in a crappy single wide seemed a fair price to pay.
We did move back to Florida because both our families were here.
Unfortunately, my ex was never inspired to move up in the world and I moved on.
Our relationship suffered, not necessarily because of the economy, but for his desire to be a lazy, no good, cheating, jackass.

binks said...

Luckily for me, much later in life, after many years of single motherhood, I married a wonderful hardworking man.
Don't worry Shelle, Salty is not the cheater, its the baby daddy that is the cheater.
Believe it or not, its 20 years later and he is STILL a loser.

Neely said...

Megs great post! Economy sucks right now and in a year ill be looking for a teaching job...scared!

Meagan said...

@Alex- sounds great that you are moving home! we plan to do the same in a year or so.

@porkstar- that is truley tragic. my heart breaks for you.

@jt aka anonymous- i love advice from people who have been married for 20 years! i love the part you said about where we live doesn't matter as long as we are together!

Meagan said...

@wendy- where you are at in your life is amazing and one of our goals!

@garden of egan- it is so dang expensive here! we pay $1300 a month for a one bedroom apartment!

@gucci mama- we currently live in the san diego area and i'm always looking for bffs!

@citymom2- is dave ramsey an author? i am a big suze orman fan. i definitely always remind myself how lucky we are.

@jessica- hearing that this post hit home for you is so great! i definitely loved the time away from family at first but we are ready to be back with them smothering us again.

@binks- well i hope i don't find myself in that situation!

@neely- love you for stopping by and commenting! i think you'll have much better luck in texas!

Meagan said...

Most importantly- Shelle! Thank you so much for this opportunity! Reading the words I typed in google reader today was surreal! This was one of the first blogs I followed and it is amazing! I look forward to another guest post some day although this one was hard work!

Gucci Mama said...

Well, damn. I'm about a hundred miles outside of L.A. in a little tiny town no one's ever heard of. Whine.

Unknown said...

My parents were the ones that had to move away due to the economy - and I am now literally ALL by myself. I hate it. I have no body here and being in a long distance relationship this leaves me really alone.

Now that being said, S is ALL the way across the country - 3000 miles - and I would be like Ali if it meant that I could be with him. I would pack me and the kids up and head across country.

It wish that for your sake though, that you were closer to your family! I know how hard it all is!!

UP said...

OK, this has become my favorite blog to read each day, please do not tell TUC or MomminitUP!

I left my "hometown" 32 years ago. I don't think I could live there for many - I feel a post coming on - reasons.

I regret that my children do not know their grandparents as well as they should nor do they know their cousins.

But as my family has had some "issues" there have been times that being 500 miles away has come in very handy!

I love them, I just can't live with them.


Meagan said...

@Ams- Thanks for stopping by! I know how tough things are for you right now but I know you and S will be together one day!

@Up- I definitely can relate. I think every family has their issues. I am an only child and Hubby is the oldest of 2. I don't know if that has anything to do with it but I think it makes our pull to family stronger.