Thursday, December 23, 2010

Dear You: Papa K Verbally Assults His Old Boss To The Blogosphere

Shelle Edit: I did internet bleep out the curse words in his letter for those people with sensitive eyes or are wearing the proverbial "ear muffs" :)  PapaK is doing an awesome thing on his blog where if you leave a comment he will donate a dollar to the Make-a-Wish Foundation.  So hop on over to his blog and leave a comment on THIS post.   

Hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Dear You:

I first met Vicki during my job interview for a sales position at a staffing company.

I had struggled after graduating college to find my place in the work-a-day world. I had stumbled through several lines of work (retail, restaurant, insurance, etc.) and this interview with her was my opportunity to get a “real” job! Something with substance! Something with incentives! Something with a base salary! Something with benefits! Something with career potential!

She was a tall, middle-aged looking woman with a nose that more resembling a beak than a human breathing apparatus. Her fingers were long and boney and reminded me of something that might belong to a vampire from a silent, black-and-white movie. She fiddled with her hair during the interview like most high school cheerleaders do when they’re talking to the Varsity quarterback.

I could tell she liked me and I freakin’ killed that interview.

She hired me.

Then I killed that d*** job.

Despite having a penchant for not really wanting to talk to people, I was a newly married dude with something to prove to my newly minted trophy wife. I won all the “Top Rookie Salesperson” awards you could win and was responsible for raising the branch I worked for to new heights previously unmatched by past sales people.

I proved myself beyond a shadow of a doubt to everyone… except to that beak-nosed, vampire fingered, cheerleader wannabe b**** of a boss that hired me.

As it turned out Vicki was a power hungry, man-hating divorcee with an unconscious need to belittle her worker bees and conveniently make her marriage to her job THE ONE AND ONLY priority to everyone.

She also:

-Stole sales from me and reaped the benefits of commissions on how well the branch was doing
while depleting me from extra money that should have been mine.

-Remained an active “selling branch manager” which enabled her to extract both a salesperson’s
commission check and a branch managers commission check from the company

-Falsely accused me of going “behind her back” when in reality I couldn’t wipe my butt without her
knowing about it

-Made me keep a journal of what I was doing every 15 minutes for a month only to file it away never
to be seen again

-Made me draft every email and let her read it before I sent it because she didn’t think I “wrote good

-Wouldn’t allow me to leave AT 5 O’CLOCK ONE DAY A WEEK in order for me to attend a bible study

-Accused me of taking credit for her ideas

-Gave credit to others on employees I found, screened and placed at jobsites

-After I left, she denied me my last commission check valued at around $2,000.

-Did not allow me to contact my customers to let them know I was leaving when I handed in my

The list goes on but at the risk of sounding too much like a whiny little b****… I’ll stop right there. I’d never met, and hope I’ll never meet again, a boss like Vicki.

After enduring nearly two years of her never-ending stream of crap… I found a way out by getting
another job.

After getting into a normal workplace setting, I was able to start the healing process and realize how
much sooner I should have just walked up to her and barfed this random stream of thoughts:

Hey Vicki… You constantly bemoan the fact you’re divorced and how much of an a** your ex-husband is but I’m here to tell you that if I was married to you I would have left your a** too because you’re bat-s*** crazy! He was probably sick and tired of your narcissistic personality and false accusations! Do you know that everyone who works for you quits? Look around you! Everyone who has worked here since I got hired or after I got hired is gone! That’s not a problem with them… that clearly points to a problem WITH YOU!! Do you know your nose looks like a beak? Instead of getting that boob job you were hoping none of us noticed then perhaps you should have gotten some rhinoplasty to change that beak into some sort of tangible nose! If you were a dude… I’d go ahead and help get the process started by breaking your nose with a tire iron! I helped make this branch over a MILLION DOLLARS! If you want to b**** at me for not placing a period where a comma should have been in an email then I’m just going to take a huge s*** on your desk because everything else in this world is secondary to your pathetic managing skills. You just lost the best employee you’ll ever have… I quit.

Well… I feel better now.

Anyone else had a boss they wanted to eviscerate?

Papa K


Papa K said...

Gosh... I didn't realize I cussed so much in that post! My bad!

Merry Christmas Shelle!

Jessica said...

My husband had a female boss just like this...makes me wonder if you two worked for the same crazy lady! Only, before he could quit, she fired him for taking a day off to help plan things for his grandmother's funeral.

Nice post! Venting is a good...

UP said...

First of all, I'm glad to see that Papa K is alive! He makes me smile. Secondly, I've had a couple of bosses like that. I'm sure if I wrote about them, there would be more !@#$!@#$!@#$!@#$ than ABCDEFGs!!

Loved it as always.

And Merry Christmas everyone!


Patty said...

Oh yah, I had an ass of a boss. My previous boss died suddenly and the replacement just didn't like me. He ended up cutting my hours and taking away my insurance benefits so I would be forced to quit. I couldn't afford to work parttime with no benefits. Best part of all of this...He is a Catholic priest and did this to me in November of this year. I had worked there for 17 years. What an ass he is.