Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Total Package...

What makes someone the total package? The stereotypical trio of tall, dark and handsome? The curvy blonde with legs that go on for days?

Perhaps, but I need more than just eye candy.  Despite my obsession with vampire fiction, even Kellan Lutz isn't my ideal guy. He's still my celebrity freebie though.  (You know, in that fantasy world where we would actually meet and he'd choose me over all the other women throwing themselves at him).

No. My ideal guy likes video games. He smokes. He's living paycheck to paycheck. And he's a Mets fan.  
Despite those faults (being a mets fan is by FAR his largest offense), he's been the one all others are measured against and found wanting...

I suppose this is where I should introduce a bit of history... We met in college after my world had been turned upside down by my ex turned stalker. At the time, I wouldn't let myself trust or care about anyone. After being hurt that badly, I went kind of numb, thinking that would be the way to ensure I wouldn't get hurt again.

I wasn't looking for him.  In fact, I think I convinced myself that someone like him didn't exist. But there he was...

Yes, I found him so attractive I couldn't look away when he entered the room. It wasn't just that I could lose myself in his eyes. Or that his confidence and cocky swagger were sexy as hell.

He was a great drinking buddy. A frat boy who could actually carry on a conversation about something other than sports and beer. A fiercely loyal friend. An amazing lover.

But he was so much more than all those things.

Even though I wanted to be invisible, he saw me. In a lot of ways, he knew me better than I knew myself.  At a time where I couldn't trust anyone, I trusted him completely.  With him, wrapped in his arms, it was the one place I felt completely safe, where I could be myself, wanting him to see the real me.  He deserved nothing less.

Sounds perfect, right? How could there not be a happy ending to this fairy tale?
The two of us shared so much - from stolen moments to our darkest secrets - except what was in our hearts.  By the time we realized what we had together, we were separated by about 10 states and were each attached to other people.  It was the most defining relationship of my life...
And yet he was never mine.

What about you?  Do you have a defining relationship?  Maybe with someone who isn't yours?  Or what about the one who is yours?  How have they defined what you have now?


Anonymous said...

wow. this is a sad story. i hate hearing of missed relationships. i believe that i have two soul mates, one being my husband and one being 'rocker guy'. but, the sad part, i wasn't his.

UP said...

Well, um, I don't have an "ideal" guy!


Anonymous said...

This is so sad. Maybe one day it will work out, the way it is supposed to. I hope so.

I haven't had a defining relationship yet, but I think it's because I'm still figuring out what I want. Once that becomes clear, I think I can know who I have that spark with and who I don't.

We'll see. And best of luck to you!

Jaime said...

that girl: he's my "what if." I'm his. I'm not sure whether that makes things better or worse...

up: no? what about a celebrity fantasy then? those are almost as fun.

Lilly: thanks. i don't know... maybe things did work out the way they were supposed to. time will tell.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I'm sorry I'm only getting to this now but my only defining relationship is the one I'm in.

Most people I "dated" I told them and acted as if we were just friends... and sometimes friends with benefits. I didn't want to get hurt or embarrassed so I shied away from every telling or calling anyone a boyfriend.

So I may have had crushes, but nothing of real solid value until my husband. I guess I'm really lucky.

But I loved how you wrote this... I love the twist of him not being yours, how very tragic yet relate able.

April said...

I thought I had my "what if" man. It always seemed to be bad timing for the 2 of us. We both cheated on whoever we were with, with each other. That was until I met my fiance. Our relationship is so solid and our love is so strong, that I don't feel the need to ever think about the "what if" scenario. I know that probably sounds corny, but it's how I feel.

I had always felt like he and I were meant to be together. One day the stars and planets would align and it would happen. But I was wrong. Now? Now I would pass up the opportunity to be with him had it presented itself. I'm happier now than I've ever been. And I wouldn't trade that for any "what if" man in the world.

But yeah, I know exactly how you feel.