Captured in a Relationship: It makes me happy...

"The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living." Marcus Tullius Cicero

Photo sent in by: NO BOTOX ALLOWED

This is a photo of me and Matthew, my son who died.

IT IS SPECIAL to me, cause it is the last photo I have of us together before he died.  It makes me happy.....it makes me sad.
He was a goof ball and I miss him terribly.

***If you would like to send in a picture for our Captured in a Relationship series... read HERE for info!

To our Friend Wendy...

"The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is in every individual something which is inexpressible, peculiar to him alone, and is, therefore, absolutely and irretrievably lost." ~Arthur Schopenhauer

"While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil." ~John Taylor


A writer here on Real World, a commenter who has always lit up the comment box, and someone I consider a dear friend through blogging has just had her world turned upside down. She is going through something NO parent should ever have to endure, the death of a child.

Please go and visit her blog and give her your kind words if you feel so moved...

NO BOTOX AllOWED


Wendy, we love you and our prayers, thoughts, and good feelings are directed your way for you and your family, in a time where comforted is needed, I want you to know we are thinking of you guys.

Love Shelle

Mom and Dad Like You Best!

How many of you have grown up thinking that.  Or, are YOU a parent and do YOU have a favorite?
I have raised five children.  People ask me all the time, "who is your favorite"?  "What" I reply,  "parents don't have favorites.  A parents love is all encompassing and equal."

After I had my first child and found myself pregnant with my second, I'd ask myself, how is it possible to love another child as much as this one.  We all find out love isn't like a piece of pie where you cut it up into slices, where each child gets a part.

Love is like an Ice Cream Sundae.  You just keep adding wonderful toppings till it (your family) becomes a masterpiece.

My children tell me - part teasing, and part reality in THEIR minds- that I have a favorite.  Oh, he's your favorite they say to me. I stand with my fist in the air proclaiming, I have NO favorites.  You are all loved equally.

I, myself, believe that.  However, I will admit each child has brought to my life a DIFFERENT topping for my sundae.

One, an amazing sense of humor.
One, a sense of adventure.
One, (my only daughter) .....a female bond, a strength,  daughters are different.
One a sense of peace.
One, a sense of spirituality.
(that's five right?)

See, different toppings. NOT BETTER.  The love is not different, it has been enriched with THEIR own individuality.

The oldest child accuses the last child of getting it all. He says the youngest has been provided with a silver spoon in his mouth and a gold brick up his butt.  Well sadly he might be accurate to a certain degree.  When a parent has their first child, you are still getting established in life, with your job/career.  You are still learning how this parenting thing works.  By the time a fifth comes along, you generally DO have more money, more resources, and the last is generally the reciprient of that.  The last is LUCKY is all, not loved more.

I am the oldest in my family. One brother and one sister.  I went through a period of feeling a little less loved and appreciated.   I have been a more challenging child than my siblings.  Their list of accomplishments are long. Mine less noteworthy.  But I know, by dang, I am loved.  I may not be the cherry on top of that sundae.  Doesn't matter. I was the nut and some people love nuts. They didn't love me less just because I'd give them an adverse reaction to the nut sometimes.

It's all about building that sundae.  Enjoying each dimension of it, savoring every flavor and texture.

So here's the questioning.  Do you have a favorite..really?  Did you think your parents played favorites?


Wendy

The Many Faces of Facebook

This week has been devoted to facebook and I hope to not be redundant with this post.  As it is with all things in this world, everything can be used for good or evil.  I am going to break down my thoughts into a few catagories.  However, as a woman of my age,(59) WE are not as involved with facebook as you younger set are.  We use it, but I don't think in the same volume as you do.

My sensitive area of facebook has been my reuniting with my current husband. I don't want to go into those details as I posted about that on Real World already, and if you REALLY want to know, go back and read the post from August 26.  There have been past comments about infidelity on facebook.  It is an issue for sure, but as one person said on a comment, facebook is merely another conduit for such a thing.  A really happy, secure marriage needs to be protected and not be "toyed" with.  You don't need to even invite past boyfriends, girlfriends back into your life, not really.

However, there are some relationships that have been restored through facebook.  Sometimes the cost can be high.  Be prepared for that.  Not all re-connections are a bad thing.  Good Morning America did a piece on that saying that in some past relationships, an imprinting of a sort happened, that when that person was reunited it is pretty powerful. Be careful how you judge those.  Most I think, is frivolous flirting that can also lead to danger.

Ok........Next.  Have any of you been embarassed through facebook. Have people made a comment about you or "tagged" you in a photo you wish had not been put out there.  They didn't ask you....they just put it on their facebook.  Should you ask first?

I saw on a facebook page a young lady who was apologizing all over the place for a comment she made about her  in-laws that was NOT received well.  They were, well Pissed Off at her.

 Back in the day....my day....we used to write letters to our family and friends.  Letters take a few days or even a week before being received and then more time before you get an answer back.  Facebook and this media we have now certainly cures that, we get instant information. But....do I really need to know you have diarrhea.  I guess facebook is good for that, because if you put it in a letter what would be the point...you'd be over it by then.

Can facebook be a source for bullying.  People can be pretty hurtful.  I have a friend who is a coach and he and his staff are berated over and over through comments on facebook.  When we get angry, we can instantly facebook about it. Not always a good thing to have that access in the "heat of the moment" when maybe a little time to digest the situation is in order.

So there  you have it.  Has facebook helped you more then hurt you?  Is it taking to much of your time and energy...to respond to someones diarrhea.

Facebook is here to stay.  It is a fire we can't put out............my thought is to be careful with how we fuel it.

We can use it for GOOD or EVIL.



Wendy

P.S.--Purple Cow mentioned a GREAT topic. Anybody UP for it for the HE said SHE said... Your Kids on Facebook-- FOR or AGAINST.

Let me know. Email me or leave a comment here on this post below!

IS there a ONE and ONLY?

IS THERE A ONE AND ONLY

Image taken from HERE

I am a 59 year old woman, married ------three times.

It was never my intention to be married three times. I was always a believer in Happy Ever After. I was an optomistic Pollyanna. Marriage turned out to be a journey for me. I have come full circle.

At present, I am married to my First Love. The one I met 41 years ago, lost my virginity to. I was 17 and he was almost 21. He wanted to marry me, proposed when I was 18, but because of religious differences my parents strongly objected. STRONGLY. I was not particularily the rebellious type, couldn't fight that battle, so we ended up seperating.

I went away to school, found someone who I thought "fit the bill" of what my parents wanted for me and I tried to convince myself that it was right. We were engaged 2 months after having met and married 2 months after that. I really didn't even KNOW the guy. On our wedding day, just before those vulnerable moments before saying "I Do", I was sick inside. I knew I was not in love.

I was in love with WANTING to BE in love again.

During the first 4 years of our marriage, I contacted my First Love (who for the rest of this post I will refer to as F.L.). He wanted me back, but I still wasn't ready for THAT challenge. I already had a child, was still trying to hang on to the possibility of Happy Ever After. I was afraid. So, we said goodbye....again.

I stayed married to #1 for 22 years and had 5 children who I wouldn't trade for the world. It wasn't that he was particularily a bad husband. I just could not for the life of me, find a way to Fall In Love with him. I prayed: "Please Lord, help me fall in love with my husband."

I knew as the children got older that I was becoming more miserable. I did not want to be alone with him. Felt empty. To wind things up a little here, I asked for a divorce. It was painful. It was ugly. It was a collapse of my Happy Ever After.

I had met someone else. I felt connected. I felt again that rush of being in love. I really wanted him. This man was 15 years younger then me. (there are pressures to being married to someone that much younger,.....another post perhaps)

We dated for two years before getting married. He had never been married before and it was only about a year into the marriage he had reservations if it would work, and considered leaving me. He was a little overwhelmed by my Big Family. But we made it through 13 years together. I was happy.

Then out of the blue, from nowhere, my F.L. found me, contacted me. He was able to do that because after my first divorce, I kept my maiden name. I remember thinking, What is going on here. After all this time, Is it possible NOW we are actually able to be together, or is this just some sick joke God is playing on me. Now I know God doesn't play sick jokes on people folks, but that is kinda what I was thinking. It was that traumatic.

All those feelings, loss and wanting of 41 years ago came flooding back. When he first emailed me, my body went literally numb. The next few months were hell. I still loved #2, but was consumed with the possibility that I could be back with F.L.

I went to see a therapist. I needed a clear head.

Now I have to tell you that F.L.'s journey had been much the same as mine. He married a girl older then him......she already had children. They had none together. It ended badly. He had several other relationships over the years and swore he'd never marry again. He said he was never able to find what he and I had all those years ago. He tried, but couldn't find it.

I ended up telling #2 about all of this. He told me to go and meet F.L. and see how we felt about each other. He didn't want to live in someone elses shadow and have me think over the years "I wonder, what if, I should have".

He quoted to me that old saying "If you love someone set them free, if they come back to you, it was meant to be."

But I didn't....come back. A year ago June I flew up to Canada to meet F.L. We both still felt strongly towards each other. We cried. We felt like maybe NOW, fate was in our corner. We could be together.

I went home and told #2 my decision. We cried.

So here I am, in the last stages of my life, back with the man where it all began. A destiny fulfilled??

It has not been easy. There is still pain. In fact, I will always love #2, but there was something so deep within me I was compelled to make that hard decision.

So here is my question for you. IS THERE A ONE AND ONLY?

I saw on a tv show awhile ago where they were talking about re-connections, first loves, that sort of thing. They referred to it as a type of Imprinting having taken place.

It raises the question, do we have a soul mate? F.L. told me he felt within himself he could only love once, and that love had been me. He was never able to really duplicate it.

If God or some Mythical Marriage Magi were to give me another chance.....another opportunity for a choice. You may pick either #1, #2 or #3......you get one more chance.

I would pick #3......F.L. I am still going through stages of emotionally releasing myself from #2.

I believe there are different depths of love.

Is everything perfect. No. But we are blissfully in love. I think I did have a ONE AND ONLY.

What do you think? Do you believe there is just a one and only for everyone? Tell us your opinion.


Wendy