On the times when I just need to wash away the grime... I worry that I'm sending a "signal" to the man... sometimes I don't worry so much...
So does everyone have their signals in the bedroom? You know what they are, and I'm sure they're not the same for every couple... So, what signals say "night of fun" to you? Fun smelling lotions being applied after a night shower? Wearing of a particular nightie? Mints on your pillow? A trail of rose petals leading from the kitchen to the bedroom? (and NO I haven't experienced all of these)
But, If you want the down and dirty... err... clean... if the sheets have been freshly washed - they must be put to good use... Don't get me STARTED on the vicious cycle this creates. Now, there are times when I just want clean sheets - so I have to be pretty obvious about the OTHER signals...
You know - the big fat octagonal red stop sign signals... headaches, yawning, pulling out a big fat book that you just can't be distracted from... and the all time can't be talked out of that one - complaining about cramps...
Or are you all just more blunt than me?
Post by T
15 comments:
She "is gonna take a shower" or she isn't. This is proclaimed around 10 pm. No shower, no hokie pokie.
I guess I'm kind of blunt most of the time, I either give him the look, or tell him I'm taking the night off. Sometimes he'll try and talk me into a night "in" but he's usually cool with whatever.
a temporary tattoo applied to a semi-hidden spot almost always works too :) But who's kidding, ANY signal works about 99% of the time :)
Well the ONE obviously green lights is if he gets into bed and I'm wearing the RIGHT night wear... or nothing at all.
But pretty much if I breathe... he takes that has a GO! HONESTLY!
I don't mind it though... I tease him and roll my eyes... but REALLY I would be worried if he WASN'T that way.
But if I'm in the mood... all I have to do is straddle him and kiss him passionately while he's watching TV! hehehe! Right Cameron???
haha - pulling the man away from a television show he really wants to see (extreme mountain climbing...) is always a challenge to be enjoyed.
As a divorced dad who doesn't have nearly enough bedroom company, the night of fun signal is pretty darn clear - if there's a woman in my bed, we're having fun, dammit!
Signals, me closing the bedroom door is a big one in everyone's favor :)
If I immediately roll onto my side away from him that would be a non-preferable signal to him.
Interesting topic. Being the one-track mind that my hubby is, just me in the bedroom when he's ready for bed is signal enough. Saying "no" bluntly is not enough, he still talks me into it so I usually head tail outta the room when he enters..lol.
A "go ahead" sign or "let's do it" sign would be me taking a shower and walking stark naked into the bedroom and ripped his clothes off. Thankfully with the way he is, I don't have to verbal about my bedroom needs all the time.
Oh yeah T...like your man, for some reason my hubby seemed to be wired that if the sheets are freshly washed and the bed made is signal for some action..totally boggles my mind. His saying is.."let's check out the sheet, the bed looks so comfy"... LOL
DadsHouse--hahahahaha!!! Yea, that would be pretty pathetic if you didn't get THAT hint!!! lol!
Andrea--how come when I turn the other way that's a GO for him also!!! What am I doing wrong? :)
If I shut and lock the bedroom door that always the "go-ahead." Likewise, if he is pretty much not going to take no for an answer he shuts and locks the bedroom door. When that happens I usually try to accomodate. Hubby is actually getting good at reading most of my signals. I have posted about this a little already. I have learned that if he isn't getting it, I just have to grab the bull and get going.
Can I just say that I am jealous of y'all who still have the desire to "do it"? My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and we have a 28 month old and a 11 month. I have no desire anymore, but my husband on the other hand, has more desire than half the men in this world put together! Shelle and Anjeny-my husband is the same way! All I have to do is be in the room or if he is breathing for him to think he is going to get some action. But, I do give in at least once a week and be the good little wifey. So, if anyone has any tips on getting the desire back, I am all for it!
You know what's really sad...? I have no idea if she has little signals and if so, what they are.
Jodie - you have two young kids... a little more sleep might help! Give yourself time... you're not the only one who has been "dutiful" for a man's sake (and yes, desire returned!)
That said - bring it up at your next OBGYN appt. if it's not getting better by then...
Or read Twilight - that works wonders I hear :)
Jodie, the exhaustion and lack of interest you are experiencing is typical of a young mom, like T said. Nevertheless, your husband still has physical needs, even if you don't. What worked for us was to do it more often than I wanted (at least twice a week), but do it just for him on those times when I was too tired to enjoy it. "Quickies" like that don't take much time, and without the pressure to climax, I found I didn't mind so much. Your husband will worship you, and you get to enjoy doing something just for him that no one else can do. I found it a much better choice than putting him in a situation where he was tempted to take care of himself in that way.
You may wish to talk to your hubby about your fatigue, and ask if he would be willing to help you out around the house in the evenings so you would have more energy for "fun". If he will do that for you, you may find that in itself is a turn on. Be sure to make it clear that you are not trading sex for his help, however. Hopefully if he understands that it's hard for you to get in the mood with so much on your plate, he'll want to do that for you out of love.
You can also try to think about sex more (yes, it's ok to do that!), remembering good times you've had together, reading old love letters you exchanged, etc. to try to reignite that spark. It does come back eventually, but if you work at it it may happen sooner.
OK, let's face it, signals are pretty easy to read.
The problem is, when one party doesn't want to translate the signals. After a few years, the novelty has worn off, the discrepancy of desires gets bigger.
She loses her urges after a kid or 2, then he gets frustrated and starts running around, she gets the urges back but doesn't know how to make him want it with her.
The possible variations on this them are infinite, but it also comes down to how much each of us are willing to be open even when we don't feel like it... otherwise the rift threatens to become permanent.
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