So today we had drama visit our house.
My little sister texted me this morning with, "Can I move in with you in August?"
Mmmmm....what?????????
Little background, my sister is Drama Queen in all sense of the words. She has lost 5 jobs in two years because of drama that she starts between co-workers. She has had a gazillion boyfriends because she makes drama with them too.
I love her with all my heart, as sisters do, but she is DRAMA!
Now of course, who is the first person I call???
My hubby.
"Hello Hubby. Have I got some news for you!!! Your sister-in-law wants to come live with us. Can you just imagine the stuff she would start?? I mean, ........."
I talked for a good ten minutes about what she would do. And about how it would affect our little family. And the DRAMA!!!
Hubby's response," Well tell her no."
Are you serious? That is all you have to say??? Tell her NO!!
My response,"Did you hear anything I just said? I just told you all the stuff she would do."
Hubby, "Yes. And I said, 'Tell her no.' I got to go. Is there anything else?"
Can you see the difference in our responses??
I know that men and women's brains are different. It's what makes everything work.
I've read the books. Heard the talks.
But sometimes it just slaps me in the face, like this situation! :)
Teens to Adults - Talk and listen
5 years ago
14 comments:
lol... isn't that the truth!
I have a family just like that... I tell PC what they've done (10+ minute explaination) and his response is simply "They're jerks"... Well yeah... I knew that, but that's all you have to say on the matter? UUUGGHH!!
And as far as sisters go... lil' sis just turned 21 and I don't think she's had a day in her life that didn't involve DRAMA! Thankfully, she doesn't ask to come live with us because I'd SOOO have to straighten her butt out :)
I don't know why, but I've always been short and to the point kind of like your hubby. I definitely have my moments where I analyze something for a long time or rehash it with my husband, but almost all the time I just cut to the chase. I guess I'm a hardball in that sense, and my sisters aren't like that at all. I'm not sure, but I think it makes me come across to some people as less emotional, less sensitive, but really I am very in tune with my feelings. I think what it is that helps me give simple short responses to matters that are gray is my background as a scientist. I just loook for the simplest, best solution for the truth of the matter and go with it. Sometimes it is my hubby who may talk more or at least probe me for more of a response!
hahahahaha! K.. that is TOTALLY my husband and I... we are ALWAYS working on our communication because we do that similar scenario almost DAILY!!!
LOL! I'm totally feeling you. Experienced something with my husband last night. I think it's them.....NOT US!! We as wives are always perfect and never expect them to read our minds at all, never ever. ha ha!!
Good luck with DRAMA!
wouldn't it be nice to see things so simply - and to not have to stay up day and night to worry about repercussions and who will be offended and whether or not you can just hide her in a closet when he's home to keep the world happy...
So often people tend to weigh out the decision and come to a conclusion and relay that decision in their explanation of things. It appears that your husband probably knew that you were leaning towards not having her and just reiterated your conclusion. You, on the other hand wanted to discuss the matter and was frustrated because he did not discuss.
I always fall into that trap because it is my job to do troubleshoot things at work. So I tend to make decisions and not discuss— which is what my wife really wants.
When it is something Hubby is into- he can talk for hours. No joke. It is was something like this, his response totally would have been the same. Short, sweet and to the point. No fluff. I, on the other hand, add fluff, lots of it. I take detours when talking. Tangents and I are best friends. Sometimes I wonder if Hubby's responses are so short because he really loses track of what I was originally trying to tell him.
Thanks guys for your comments!
It just makes me laugh now. I was pretty frustrated at the time.
Kim-I wish I was straight to the point. Although I don't think there would be much talk between my hubby and I that way.
I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one with a Short winded hubby! (Except when it's fishing, hunting or engines, he can talk my ear off! But I guess I deserve every second of it....as payback for all my talking!)
Kritta- there is no payback! Let me tell you why. We should be able to talk all we want because we are the ones that pick up their dirty socks that they just can't seem to get into the hamper. We make them food. We encourage them in their jobs when they feel like they aren't doing enough for the family. And on and on and on. Go ahead...talk your hubby's ear off. He needs to just sit back and nod. (maybe with a few affirmation noises strategically placed so you know he is listening)
This is so me and my husband! I have to talk about everything, and retalk about it 5 more times! lol He can answer anything and all things in 5 words or less! lol
So, is it a no go with your sister? lol
Men can handle about 7,000 communications in a day, that is verbal and nonverbal. Women have 21,000 communications in a day. Once we men hit 7,000 we are on overload. Men have an efficiency issue with words. Women tend to want to give more details then men want to hear. And vice versa, men do not give enough details that women want.
As you may already be familar with, men want to fix things. If you come to a man with a problem, he wants to fix it. And he will fix it in the most efficient way he can. In your case, it was simply to tell you, to tell your sister "No!". The problem with us men, since we are always in fix it mode is that sometimes women don't want us to fix their problems they just want understanding, they just want us to listen. A solution that the Mrs and myself use is, if she wants me to fix a problem she is having, she comes to me and tells me she wants a solution. Other times when she is not looking for a solution, she comes to me and says she just wants understanding and then proceeds to tell me the issue.
Sometimes she doesn't tell me what she wants, so I simply say to her that I am not sure what she wants. Then I ask do you want a solution or just understanding, then I accomodate to what she wants. It has worked well for us.
I am just saying,
Mr Anonymous
As I was reading this I was thinking, "Say no." Then I got to your husband's response.
Why are guys able to be so simplistic about things --- I love it really. I wish I could just say it, ah no thanks, not a good time, won't work, NO---------and then just say goodbye, and not even think twice about it ----like a guy
Mr A - Interesting thoughts. I think you are right a guy wants to fix it a woman simply wants you to listen. Sometimes we want you to fix it too though ;)
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