Thursday, August 27, 2009

Missy Talks About Sex part 3

Wrapping up my discussion on sex and making it work for our marriage.


Let's Talk About Sex Part 3

Starting out small

Wives-Your husband wants more sex. Chances are you want to be having more sex with your husband. What are you going to do about it? Try to take note of the things that are getting in the way of it. If you feel a headache coming after dinner, do something to ward it off. Take an aspirin, take a shower. Whatever it is that helps you.

If your children have stressed you out by dinner time, set up the hour before dinner as quiet reading time. Put your foot down, and don't take no for an answer.

Is there something your husband could do to help your mood? Tell him about it.

Truly just not feeling arousable as though nothing could get you in the mood. Figure out what will, and partake in it. Do romantic movies leave you feeling like you want to make love to your husband? Maybe some erotic stories will help. They sell them at all the book stores.

Figure out what is standing in the way of your sex life and move it!

Husbands-Your wife loves you and wants to make you happy. Take a step back and try to observe her life. Don't bring up the subject of sex in words. Take note of what is going on in your house when your wife Does want to have sex.

Did you cook on the grill and use paper plates, so that there is no mess in the kitchen? Did your kids go to bed without a fight? Are all the bills paid? Maybe it was something as simple as bringing her her favorite candy bar, telling her she is beautiful. Did she overhear you tell your buddy how great of a mother she is? Did you spend time together doing something fun?

Maybe she doesn't even realize what "puts her in the mood". Are you going to be her knight in shining armor and figure it out for yourself?

I am no expert in the subject, aside from being a wife to a husband who wants more sex. I realized that I wanted more sex with my husband, but by the time we got around to it, I didn't want it anymore. Then I decided to figure out why. Fixing the problem(s) was easy, once I knew what they were.

Some of the problems holding us back were easier to fix than others.

Getting him to stop bugging me, about the sex.

Remodeling our house so that it feels more like a home. (Still working on that, but the closer we get, the more sex I want!)

When I realized the mess in my kids room was stressing me out, I moved them around. I put their bunks back together in 1 room. Put all the toys in the other, call it a playroom and shut the door when I don't want to look at it.

The baby turned 5 this year, and will go into kindergarten in the fall. I am not nearly as stressed out and tired as I was when my kids were younger. That helps.

Doing things that I love; sewing, writing a book. I can't explain how, I just know that it helps.

Taking back control of my household from my kids. They know if they continue to fight, they might just get put to bed early.

Then there are the problems that took honest hard work.

Fighting used to be a weekly (if not more) event for us. It took me a long time to realize the problems weren't what we were fighting about. I also realized his anger wasn't mine to fix. We were separated for a while. And while faced with loosing his wife and 2 little girls he decided to seek counseling.

We are in a much better place now. I am sorry it took so long to get here. We still fight. But I can count on 1 hand the number of fights we have in a year.

My husband and I have a great sex life. We have more sex than most couples, though he doesn't always agree. We are not the same people we were when we first got married. We have evolved into grown-ups, as scary as that sounds, and we appreciate each other.


Life in Left Field


ZenMom said...

I'm glad you've come to a better place in your relationship. I can honestly say that our love life has improved over the years to the point that I think it's the best it's ever been. But that doesn't mean it doesn't take work.

And I'm also glad to know I'm the only one who's turned on by completed honey-do lists

Seriously, the way to this woman's heart is to re-shingle the roof, baby! (Or tile the kitchen floor, or paint the den or replace the screen door or ... well, you get the idea.) ;)

Youngblood4ever said...

For me, I am now the one that wants it more. Crazy as that sounds. When I was told women hit their peaks in their 30's I thought it was a joke. Ummm, no joke here. I am scientific proof.

Having said that, I have not always been that way. There were many nights is did "it" because I knew FiM wanted sex. That is what a wife does, right?

My tune changed when I realized that even though I may not be in the mood at first there are things we can do during foreplay to help me so that when we are fully engaged, locked and loaded, I am VERY into it.

I think if you aren't really feeling it, let your husband/significant other know that. Tell them what you need in order to be in the place where you both will be working to please each other. FiM loves it when I feel good, so he is willing to do what it takes. Good chance that your other is willing too, also.

pan x 8 said...

After 11 years of marriage...I'm thankful most for one thing. OPEN communication. It wasn't always like this but now... my husband knows that when he is washing the dinner dishes or bathing the babies before bedtime that I'll be happy when it's time to go to bed.. ;p

A lot of times putting his needs before mine have helped me help him ease his stress level and him putting my needs before his has eased my stress level. We make it hurt and when someone's feelings get hurt, we just say it..

Southern Sage said...

I understand what you are saying here and many women say it (and maybe men too) but would he bug you for it if he was getting it regularly? See he can't help but bug you.
Men are like women, animals. But like a dog a man will hump your leg. He will stay with it until he gets his by any means. If you give it to him then he will be sated for a time. If he is sated he won't bug you for it during that time.

I do get that outside things affect your desire to have sex though and that makes sense.

The question I have always wondered is how can being to tired or having a head ache (not a blinding migraine) or being a little sick or whatever keep you from having sex? You would go to work in those situations. You would tend your kids needs. You will and do clean the house, wash the clothes cook dinner or whatever it is you do at home. The thing that suffers is your guys want for sex.

Now I hear there are guys out there that have turned it down or not been in the mood (it makes me lol everytime I say that) if he does that then by all means you should do that too, but if he can give up the goods anytime why would someone hold back the same goodies from him?

He will stop bugging you if you give it when he requests it, and he should give it to you whenever you want. That is fair right?

Southern Sage said...

I thought of something else. Look at this in reverse. See you listed the things that get you in the mood, outside of the bedroom.

It works in reverse. HE will do the things outside the bedroom you desire him to do IF you are doing in the bedroom what he desires you do.

Same principle!!

Missy said...

Let us not forget the original topic was finding ways to have more sex with your hubby. M'k