Well I think the underlying purpose of this blog when Shelle and Blogging Mama Andrea came up with it was to be a fair and real look at relationships from differing points of view and it also should make people reassess their relationships and what they put into them and how they look at them. Well I thought that Math Guy's (Jules husband) comment warranted another post. Often times people (myself included and Jules by her own admission in her post) take things for granted and it takes something else to
It is my belief that when folks think about things most of the DO appreciate what the other does for them and for the betterment of the team, even if they never ever say/show it. I also think that folks often feel bad about the things they DON'T do or don't get to do. They also know they should be doing this that or the other to help. The reason I wanted to write this post is because I think Math Guy summed up many peoples thoughts/actions in his stellar comment (pun intended/Math Guy.. Summed, get it Shelle?)
Jules and I decided for many reason to have her stay at home while the kids are young instead of her pursuing a career. I do work hard outside the home but will be the first to tell you my wife does more than I do. I don't know how she does it and could never do it myself or replace her in any way. Very often I think as I am driving to my place of employment at 7am or driving home from the business work at 9pm how I am not doing a lot of the "man" things around the house (lawn mowing, yard cleaning, car washing, helping with meals, cleaning, etc.)I don't tell Jules enough how much I appreciate her, her abilities and daily accomplishments. As a matter of fact, when the stress on my end reaches a breaking point, I do more of the opposite. I want her to do more. It isn't fair but that's what happens when deadlines get involved.
If I need a break and my husband has left his main job and is now waist high in a lake freezing to death and miserable working for our business why should I hire a sitter to get out of the house? go to a movie etc.
yes, I need the break and it would be good for everyone (cuz a happy mama....) but it doesn't seem right.
I think this is so true with most folks. I think when one person feels overwhelmed they project that on the other. They see it as they are overwhelmed because the other person is slacking, even when the overwhelming thing is unrelated to the other persons responsibilities. I also think that both people feel somewhat envious of the other persons position, like Math Dood saying he wishes he could spend more time with the kids, see Jules spends nearly all her time with them, and in reverse Jules says she desires alone time (away from the responsibilities of the kids) and Math Dood gets huge amounts of that.
he goes on to say...
The only thing that really bothers me about it is the time I don't spend with my kids. You made the comment of the best way to raise kids is to "spend absolutely as much time with them as possible." I feel that, if possible, a mom and a dad needs to do just that. Often I feel I am not holding up my end of the platform because of my working responsibilities.
and Jules said....
I think the problem for myself is that I feel like since I am not working outside of the house - bringing in an actual paycheck (the one you can bring to the bank) I don't feel like I should be spending money on myself. *oh back off - it is how I feel.
See each of them feels bad about the part of their relationship that the other gets to do. She feels bad about not earning a "check" and him about not spending enough time.
This could go on and on. I just thought that their comments and her post and my post ended up perfectly describing what most couples go through no matter what their roles in the relationship are.
Jules in one of her comments said......
Anyway - it is usually greener on the other side, but like Sage said we have our roles for a reason. & honestly once you cross that fence the side you came from is "the other side of the fence" you know where the grass is greener.
I'd say that right there is perfectly stated. See the other side, the good and bad as best you can without being over there.
So what did we learn? Well I'd say everyone should focus on doing what they do and doing it well. Then secondly we should work on appreciating what the other does. Then we should do our best to compliment the good things our mate does more often than they criticize their mates shortcomings in accomplishing their responsibilities. Myself included, for sure.
So are we in agreement.
***I thought maybe y'all would like to participate in a caption contest here too so here ya go, give it your best shot!!!
click to big if you can't see it good.
tell me in the comments what the caption of this pic should be!