Thursday, September 3, 2009

Male and Female ways to solve problems...

"To feel better Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone."

"To feel better Venusians get together and openly talk about their problems." --pg.31 of Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.

How true is this in YOUR relationship? I'm curious.

With MINE? We are text book.

I LOVE to talk out my problems with a bunch of girlfriends. REALLY! Are you shocked?

Didn't think so.

But I do. Really ladies, isn't it funny how we can solve all the worlds problems and ours in the matter of a few hours while eating lunch?

I find that talking out my problems helps me dissect it so that I can better understand it and solve it.

So I'm a talker. sue me.

My guy, however, has to solve his problems on his own! He doesn't WANT advice, when I try to give it to him he gets defensive... or ignores it, same diff to me.

He doesn't want to sit down and share with me. He bottles it up, and either it eats at him or he solves it.

So when we got married, you can imagine his JOY when after the Honeymoon phase receded and we had our first late night chat where I was frustrated with something and wanted to talk it out, yell, throw tantrums, talk, listen, and talk it out until I, and when I say I, I mean WE, had come to a conclusion.

Yea... didn't work so much.

You can imagine MY joy when I notice that something is wrong and when I ask him, "Hey baby? Is something wrong?" he just tells me "No." and figures that's all he needs to say!!!

So there you go. We fall into the average male/female role when it comes to this, my GUY and I.

What about you guys? Where do you fall? How do YOU solve problems in general and with your relationship?



SciFi Dad said...

Outside of our relationship, I solve problems on my own. In fact, at work when asked "How can we help you?" my response is, "Stay out of my way." (That is a 100% true story; it happened in a huge meeting and everything.)

Inside our relationship, I talk it out, or at least I try to. The problem is I can think quickly on my feet while my wife likes to compose her thoughts, so it doesn't always work out quite as we would hope. However, we try our best, and that's what counts.

Danielle said...

I throw things and he ignors me. I am guessing that it not such a good thing. :)

ZenMom said...

We are pretty textbook. I'm the talk-it-out Venusian and he's the man-case Martian. It actually works pretty well for us.

Anonymous said...

No that is wrong. When women talk to men they say my problem is X. The man says oh ok then do A-B-C.
Less than one minute, problem solved.
The woman doesn't do that and wants to discuss why for 87 hours and cry and puke and on and on. Then after she doesnt do ABC she wants to "talk it out" again.

The man when confronted with a problem does not want to "talk it out" because that takes 87 hours and he will have it solved in 3 minutes if everyone would leave him the hell alone.

There ya go!

Thats textbook!

Missty said...

We usually don't have many problems to talk about, stuff is usually pretty cut and dried around here. But if I do need to talk, he will let me... and do the "uhhuh, and oh" stuff. lol and then tell me how to solve my issue.

And I decided when we were first married NEVER to talk bad about my husband to any of my girlfriends. (Which works out, as there is nothing bad about the guy!) lol

I love to gab, but I hate the marriage complaining and man bashing that goes along with so many lunches with friends.

lauralquinton said...

There are 4 simple words that strike fear into my husband {his face is priceless} "We need to talk." He goes into panic mode and pretty much shuts down on me. LOL. And it doesn't matter if we're talking something heavy or if I'm asking his opinion about our son playing basketball or informing him of my next GNO. If I say the dreaded 4 words he shuts right down and I get the face. The "You think that I'm listening to you, but really I'm thinking about tax audits because that's more interesting that whatever is coming out of your mouth" look. LOL.

The Blonde Duck said...

I don't have any I talk to my husband! LOL

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

SciFi Dad--lol... I love that you can think quickly on your feet. I just wonder if sometimes the best solution needs a tad more time? lol... that work story sounds interesting!

Danielle--LOL @ throw things. What? That doesn't work?

ZenMom--we sound like twinners!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Southern Sage--See that is the thing with guys, is they think quick let me give her a solution and all is well! What I have found out is that I can take some of his solution, but after I have mulled it around in my mind and talked some more about it with a friend then I go back to talk to him about it... he has a different solution. I like to get all sides before I try and make a decision on most things! ;)

Missty--talking bad about your husband and then talking about your husband to try and understand him... two completely different things in my book. I'm like you, I hate when people drone on about this and that about their relationship, but don't want any advice... and plus it's draining.

Good for you that everything is mostly cut and dry with you guys, someday I hope to make it there with my guy :)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

laurel--that is exactly what I've been through. Those words are BAD BAD BAD to him! lol. He shuts down also... how do you talk to a wall???

Blonde duck--HAHAHAHAHAHA! Well then good for you! So THAT is the solution! :)

ZenMom said...

Sage: Sometimes we don't want you to fix the problem. We just want you to listen. :)

pan x 8 said...

So my Guy and I started like most. Him - oblivious to my need to talk. Me - oblivious to his need to just be left alone. First few years, crazy.

I started to change to accomodate that "no talking problems out" deal those men seem to have and started to deal with mine on my own.

A few years later.. just didn't work.

So then I tried the talking to my friends (who happen to be my sisters) about situations not details to help me through my probs (not intimate)... well, this must've done the trick...

In the last 3-4 years, my Guy knows if he wants my attention, than pay attention and it's so funny how jealous he could get my sisters knowing so much about what's really going on inside of my mind.

Now when there is a problem, he will even pull me aside and try to help me in the moment.. (I know, glorious, right!!)

Don't get me wrong.. it wasn't easy and even now it's not, but our life is not perfect but at least there is some talking going on in there somewhere!! You know what I mean???

Bloggin Betty said...

We are pretty textbook, except when he doesn't feel good physically. Then all he wants to talk about is how sick he is and how no one has ever been as sick as him.

April said...

I'm a fixer and my hubby is a fixer. But when it comes to a problem between us, I clam up until I can't stand it any more and then I blow. I am getting better though and my blow ups aren't as often. We usually talk a lot and like to bounce ideas off of each other. So it works out well. He is my best friend.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Late to the post party but I'm the guilty one of keeping it in. I hate bothering my husband with stuff (especially since we aren't currently living in the same country). He likes to talk everything out when we argue and I'm the "I'm so mad I don't even want to be in the same room with you!" type. I do true to my heritage have a Scottish temper :)

Now a girlfriend to talk to about everything would be nice.

Shelle, you busy Friday about ten?? ;)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

ZenMom--lol so true! so true!

pan X 8--So you are saying I can change this??? ;) lol!

Bloggin Betty-- I thought that that was just MY guy! lol... wow, so that is inbred then?

April--I couldn't even TRY to box it in or keep it in...I just couldn't do it. Ditto on my guy is my best friend also! :)

Andrea--I've always got a listening ear! So anytime I'm available... I'm connected to my blackberry like it's my life! ;)

Missy said...

Me and Sexy Papa are right there with ya. I am a talker/solver, he is a stewer. Is that even a word? We are so typical, it's almost dorky.

I will usually blog when something is bothering me. Which really helps, plus lets him off the hook.

I ask him "Is something wrong?" He says "No why would you think that?" Has nothing to do with the scowl on his face, or the occasional slammed door, I swear.

Anonymous said...

ZM I don't mind listening, as long as I can watch TV while I do it!

pan x 8 said...

Shelle-Blok Thoughts, I don't so much if YOU can change this as much as IT can change. LOL

It was more of HIM change, if anything.

April said...

We always talk to each other about our problems. Most of the problems we encounter are not related to our relationship, which is good. And when we do have a problem that's related to us (which is rare), we still talk it out. Don't get me wrong, I still talk to my girlfriends about the situation after the fact. But by then we've already worked it out together. So, I guess we're not so text book.